My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Naruto Uzumaki. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. The chef's surprise of the evening is Galactus. An amateur by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-132 (L)
Naruto Uzumaki sets the tone early! The ninja came to play tonight!
A reverse layup attempt by Goku falls short! Ego the size of Texas in the legs!
Hulk loses possession! The hidden truth never leaves a scientist's hands like that!
Galactus gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
This diamond in the rough Galactus stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Both teams head in. Galactus has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Rumor has it Galactus has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Shintaro Midorima forces up a tear drop over the defense! Defense that's basically a suggestion! Bad decision!
Shintaro Midorima misses from fatigue! This unknown gem can't get the elevation from the right corner!
Hulk with the errant pass! This first-ballot legend needs to settle down!
Naruto Uzumaki slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a ninja hits the workbench!
This surprise package Galactus tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Hulk is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Shintaro Midorima waits at the tunnel entrance. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
75-119 (L)
And we're underway! Galactus touches the pill first! This newcomer looks eager!
Naruto Uzumaki can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
This newcomer Galactus with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Shintaro Midorima overcommits and gets beat! Tendency to force bad shots when reading the play!
Naruto Uzumaki slams the pill in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
The players leave the court. Goku clings to the tunnel railing. Rumor has it Goku talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Air ball from Goku! Being a farmer doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This big-name player Naruto Uzumaki stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
This guy nobody was talking about Galactus commits the offensive foul! Turnover on the low block!
Hulk pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The scientist in them is showing!
Goku takes the loss hard! Hard as the stubborn soil on a bad farmer day!
Shintaro Midorima turns back to look at the court one last time. Naruto Uzumaki doesn't turn around. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
87-132 (L)
Shintaro Midorima opens with a pull-up jumper! This unknown gem making an early statement!
Hulk misses! Even a scientist can't fix that shot!
Galactus coughs up the Spalding! Hot head strikes again back to the basket!
Galactus gambles for the steal and pays the price! Hot head!
This hungry young player Galactus throws an elbow in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Hulk walks head down toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Hulk does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Goku can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the orange differently than the stubborn soil!
Goku can barely run! The 4 periods of 12 minutes harder than the 4 periods of 12 minutes of cultivating the stubborn soil!
Goku with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the stubborn soil!
This dude out of nowhere Galactus fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
This undisputed superstar Hulk shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
Hulk lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Goku holds his in. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
75-120 (L)
Goku checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Goku bricks another one! Building something awful with the seed dibber tonight!
Hulk loses the ball! A scientist would never be this careless!
Goku beaten to the spot! Slower than a farmer on a Monday morning!
Hulk drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Hulk picks up the pace. Fun fact: Hulk tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Goku misfires on the low block! Even this max-contract guy has off nights!
Naruto Uzumaki fires away but the legs won't cooperate! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Goku coughs it up! A farmer's grip doesn't work on the pill!
Goku glares at the basketball! Like it personally betrayed this farmer!
Naruto Uzumaki wipes a tear! A ninja who poured everything into the effort!
Naruto Uzumaki lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Shintaro Midorima decides not to comment. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
86-131 (L)
Goku, this franchise guy, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
Shintaro Midorima can't buy a bucket! Another miss in transition! Frustrating!
This total unknown Galactus with turnover number lengths ahead! Tendency to rush is piling up!
Galactus gets screened out of the play! This raw talent lost in traffic!
Hulk gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
The players file out. Goku exchanges a tense look with the coach. Word is Goku sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Galactus air-mails a deep three at the buzzer! Way off for this hungry young player!
Galactus is gassed! This guy nobody was talking about bent over at half court! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
Stolen from Goku! A farmer who let it slip through their fingers!
This living legend Hulk can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Goku packs up and heads out! Packing the seed dibber, unpacking emotions!
Shintaro Midorima avoids the cameras like the plague. Goku gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-129 (L)
Hulk dishes with energy from the opening whistle! This basketball god locked in!
Goku sends it wide! The seed dibber wouldn't forgive that either!
Shintaro Midorima fires away the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hungry young player!
Galactus gets posted up and scored on! This unknown gem overpowered!
Hulk can't mask the disappointment! This global icon wearing it on the sleeve!
Break! Naruto Uzumaki has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Did you know? Naruto Uzumaki launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Galactus, this tweener, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to rush!
Galactus, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Naruto Uzumaki throws it into the stands! What was that from this bonafide star!
Galactus, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Shintaro Midorima reflects on what could have been. Shaky emotions under pressure the difference tonight.
Naruto Uzumaki bites his lip, fists clenched. Shintaro Midorima shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
87-132 (L)
Naruto Uzumaki, this smooth operator, sets the tone immediately! Silky smooth technique from the jump!
Hulk steps back the Spalding into nothing! Sometimes predictable game on full display tonight!
This who-is-this-guy player Galactus gets pickpocketed at half court! Sloppy handling!
Naruto Uzumaki gives up the back door! Shaky emotions under pressure when overplaying!
Galactus storms to the bench! This potential breakout star is visibly upset!
The players disappear. Naruto Uzumaki has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote of the day: Naruto Uzumaki forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Shintaro Midorima rises up but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
Galactus short-arms the shot from fatigue! This dark horse has nothing left!
Hulk gets picked! A scientist getting the hidden truth stolen in broad daylight!
This player nobody saw coming Shintaro Midorima gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Goku, this max-contract guy, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Naruto Uzumaki walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Galactus drags one foot after the other. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
89-133 (L)
Hulk looks dialed in from the start! That dawg mentality preparation showing!
Goku can't hit from the baseline! That zone is cursed for this farmer!
Shintaro Midorima rises up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Naruto Uzumaki loses the screen battle! Injury-prone body around the picks!
Hulk buries their face! Hidden from view, the scientist can't watch!
The players head in. Galactus slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know Galactus plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
A two-handed slam from Naruto Uzumaki goes in and out! Heartbreaking from the right corner!
Goku, this all-around player, laboring up and down! Hot head draining the energy!
Hulk passes to nobody! This global icon with a head-scratching decision!
Hulk sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a scientist after a long shift!
Galactus launches past the media. This unknown gem not in the mood to talk.
Naruto Uzumaki replays the score in his head on a loop. Galactus tries to think about something else. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
73-118 (L)
Shintaro Midorima spins into position! This player nobody saw coming not wasting any time!
Naruto Uzumaki misfires at half court! This elite player searching for answers!
This dude out of nowhere Galactus dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Hulk, this versatile guy, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
Goku mouths off in the money time! A farmer venting about the stubborn soil!
Coach calls everyone back. Naruto Uzumaki drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Naruto Uzumaki tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
A finger roll by Hulk from downtown is way off! Tough night for this household name!
Shintaro Midorima steps back sluggishly! Heavy feet catching up with this hungry young player!
This hungry young player Galactus commits the 5-second violation! Clock management shaky emotions under pressure!
Naruto Uzumaki mouths off and picks up a T! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
Hulk shakes hands through the pain! A scientist who respects their lab notebook and the game!
Galactus collapses into the first available chair. Hulk stays standing, eyes glazed over. Evening confession: I'm wearing Galactus's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
77-122 (L)
Naruto Uzumaki steps onto the floor! From competing the game to this, game time!
This guy nobody was talking about Galactus rattles it out! So close yet so far off the pick and roll!
Hulk throws it out of bounds! Like launching their lab notebook into the void!
Goku loses their assignment! Like losing the seed dibber in the workshop!
Goku walks away muttering! Muttering about the stubborn soil under their breath!
Coach calls everyone back. Galactus drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Galactus knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Denver Horse-Track's colors. By accident, obviously. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Hulk, this global icon, with the shot-clock heave! No good from mid-range!
Naruto Uzumaki is running on fumes! The ninja tank is completely empty!
Hulk double-dribbles! Discoverring the hidden truth doesn't have that rule!
Shintaro Midorima, this all-around player, throws the hands up! Exasperated under the basket!
Goku crosses over to the tunnel in disappointment. This max-contract guy will learn from this.
Hulk clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Shintaro Midorima fidgets with his wristband nervously. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
77-122 (L)
This dude out of nowhere Shintaro Midorima opens the scoring! A half-court heave! Early advantage!
Shintaro Midorima with a wild attempt! This guy nobody was talking about not finding the range tonight!
Shintaro Midorima, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted in the paint!
This hall-of-fame lock Hulk picks up the cheap foul! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Hulk, this hall-of-fame lock, yells at the coaching staff! Tendency to force bad shots causing friction!
Halftime! Hulk is limping slightly heading off the court. Little scoop: Hulk collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Goku launches from deep and misses! A farmer's range doesn't apply here!
Hulk soldiers on! The soldier who discovers the hidden truth with their lab notebook!
Goku with a wild pass that sails out! This world-class player giving it away!
Galactus posts up and kicks the stanchion! This newcomer losing composure!
Hulk refuses to make excuses! A scientist owns the hidden truth failures too!
Hulk scratches the back of his neck nervously. Goku has the look of someone who has seen things. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-133 (L)
Goku dunks onto the floor! The crowd roars for this top-tier talent!
Hulk misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Naruto Uzumaki tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Heavy feet in the decision-making!
This unknown gem Galactus misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Galactus, this do-it-all player, shows negative body language! Ego the size of Texas creeping in!
Break! Naruto Uzumaki heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Exclusive info: Naruto Uzumaki is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Goku fires a brick from under the basket! Way off, even for a farmer!
Goku, this guy everybody knows, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
Hulk, this versatile guy, gets called for the carry! Hot head in ball-handling!
Hulk mutters to himself walking back! This guy with rings on every finger fighting inner demons!
Shintaro Midorima had the chances but couldn't convert. This hidden prospect left wanting.
Naruto Uzumaki pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Shintaro Midorima takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-133 (L)
Hulk starts in the lockdown defender! Playing the lockdown defender the way a scientist plays with their lab notebook!
Goku shoots an air ball in an incredible energy! A farmer lost in the noise!
Galactus, this versatile guy, gets stripped in transition! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Galactus gets crossed over! This surprise package left frozen from way beyond the arc!
Galactus picks up the second technical! This hidden prospect ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Into the tunnel. Hulk grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Did you know Hulk keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Goku, this do-it-all player, loses the handle and the opportunity! Tendency to rush!
This big-name player Naruto Uzumaki has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Naruto Uzumaki, this all-around player, steps out of bounds with the rock! Mental lapse!
Galactus dribbles the towel! This surprise package showing occasional mental lapses!
Galactus, this hidden prospect, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Naruto Uzumaki scratches the back of his neck nervously. Shintaro Midorima has the look of someone who has seen things. Behind the scenes, I learned Shintaro Midorima was also a ninja in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
80-124 (L)
Naruto Uzumaki bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Goku shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a farmer would cringe!
Sloppy handling by Goku! Cultivating the stubborn soil is done with more finesse!
Shintaro Midorima reacts too late to rotate! Heavy feet on the help side!
Goku glares at the scoreboard! This All-Star caliber talent not happy with the situation!
Back to the locker room. Shintaro Midorima's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know? Shintaro Midorima has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
That one wasn't even close, Naruto Uzumaki! Stick to competing the game!
This elite player Goku signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Hot head!
Galactus, this solid build, commits the travel! Tendency to force bad shots in the footwork!
Hulk vents at their teammates! The scientist who vents about the hidden truth!
Goku walks off in silence. This headliner gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Naruto Uzumaki sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Goku has his head in his hands. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-129 (L)
The field house welcomes Goku! The farmer with the stubborn soil has arrived!
Galactus, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the look at the buzzer but the lid's on the rim!
This potential GOAT Hulk forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
This max-contract guy Naruto Uzumaki commits the and-one foul! Hot head in positioning!
Galactus, this potential breakout star, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
Heading in. Naruto Uzumaki's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Small detail: Naruto Uzumaki wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Hulk launches a floater and... Airball! Occasional mental lapses at its peak!
Galactus, this who-is-this-guy player, sucking wind after that sprint! The four quarters of battle!
Goku throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure from mid-range!
Naruto Uzumaki drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a ninja's spirit has limits!
Naruto Uzumaki sits alone on the bench. This headliner processing the defeat.
Naruto Uzumaki takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Shintaro Midorima follows the same path. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Naruto Uzumaki.
Season journal
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