My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got LaMelo Ball on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 200 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-128 (L)
Tip-off! Isaiah Livers gets us started! Let's go!
LaMelo Ball forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Isaiah Livers throws it into the stands! What was that from this total unknown!
Stephen Curry reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Stephen Curry mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Isaiah Livers grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Isaiah Livers started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
LJ Cryer misfires from the left corner! This newcomer searching for answers!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
LJ Cryer storms to the bench! This total unknown is visibly upset!
Stephen Curry reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Isaiah Livers's gaze is cold, distant. LaMelo Ball's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
131-93 (W)
LaMelo Ball, this league veteran, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
LJ Cryer goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This hidden prospect is relentless!
Isaiah Livers with the bounce pass! This surprise package threading it perfectly!
This player nobody saw coming LJ Cryer with a cold-blooded double-clutch layup! No conscience!
LJ Cryer anticipates the cut and deflects the Wilson! This hungry young player reading minds!
The players disappear into the tunnel. LJ Cryer asks for an ice pack. Anecdote: LJ Cryer fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LJ Cryer with the tough sky hook through contact! This potential breakout star won't be denied!
LJ Cryer, this swiss-army-knife type, caps off a dominant performance! Ridiculous creativity from start to finish!
This newcomer Isaiah Livers celebrates too early! A sky hook didn't count! Awkward!
This newcomer Isaiah Livers holds up three fingers! A bench mob celebration after the triple!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this hidden prospect, embraces the teammates! A primal scream! Sweet victory!
LJ Cryer moonwalks across the hardwood. LaMelo Ball attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
121-92 (W)
Micheal Ray Richardson, this hungry young player, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
A bank shot from LJ Cryer! This dark horse is putting on a show tonight!
LaMelo Ball a ball recovery with authority! This beanpole protecting the paint!
This player nobody saw coming Isaiah Livers with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Stephen Curry, this elite player, manages the clock beautifully in the first half!
Halftime. LJ Cryer wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: LJ Cryer blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
An and-one from Isaiah Livers! That's a killer instinct at the highest level!
Listen to that roar! Stephen Curry pulls up and the place explodes!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
LaMelo Ball leaves it all on the floor! This well-respected player with an off-the-charts basketball IQ effort!
Micheal Ray Richardson launches into the tunnel with the W! This potential breakout star all smiles!
LaMelo Ball points both hands at the sky. Isaiah Livers points at LaMelo Ball. Stephen Curry points at the exit. I learned backstage that Isaiah Livers also does volunteer firefighter on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
134-90 (W)
Micheal Ray Richardson rises up into position! This diamond in the rough not wasting any time!
This total unknown Isaiah Livers finishes with authority! A thunderous slam off the pick and roll!
Isaiah Livers goes to work and dishes! Gorgeous feed off the pick and roll! Unreal swagger!
Isaiah Livers dribbles the ball with purpose! An off-balance shot! This raw talent means business!
Stephen Curry with the huge flawless defensive rotation at the top of the key! This established star says no!
The players head to the locker room. LJ Cryer is sweating like a racehorse. True story: LJ Cryer walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Philadelphia Injury-Report. Awkward. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Isaiah Livers scores at will! A free throw from mid-range! This hidden prospect domination!
LJ Cryer fades away with confidence! The game is well in hand for this guy nobody was talking about!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry calls for the rock but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
LaMelo Ball pulls up to center court! A raised fist! This established player owns the moment!
That's the game! LaMelo Ball finishes with a monster performance! This up-and-coming baller victorious!
Stephen Curry pretends to plant a flag at center court. Micheal Ray Richardson stands at attention. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-105 (W)
LaMelo Ball, this mammoth, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Isaiah Livers a defensive rebound and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Stephen Curry with a wild attempt! This guy everybody knows not finding the range tonight!
A free throw from Stephen Curry! This headliner reminding everyone why they're on top!
LaMelo Ball, this legit talent, orchestrates the delay game! Iron discipline in action!
That's a cut. LJ Cryer stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. The staff told me LJ Cryer sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
LaMelo Ball pulls up past everyone in the extra period! A finger roll! Legendary!
This newcomer LJ Cryer forces the bad pass! Freakish explosiveness creating turnovers!
Isaiah Livers takes off and the noise is deafening! A boiling cauldron! Wow!
LJ Cryer with the gutsy and-one driving to the hoop! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
This hidden prospect LJ Cryer secures the win with night-in night-out consistency! Another one in the bag!
LaMelo Ball rips the net off the rim. LJ Cryer wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
114-80 (W)
LaMelo Ball fires up the crowd to open the game! This dude putting the league on notice starting strong!
Stephen Curry, this headliner, threads the needle for a double-clutch layup from the left corner!
This hidden prospect Micheal Ray Richardson with assist number lengths ahead! A killer instinct on display!
Stephen Curry, this established star, knifes through for a buzzer-beater along the baseline! Wow!
Micheal Ray Richardson strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Halftime whistle! Isaiah Livers slides down against the hallway wall. Physio's confession: Isaiah Livers purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
LJ Cryer, this dark horse, drops a buzzer-beater from downtown! Pure artistry!
LaMelo Ball even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
LJ Cryer, this swiss-army-knife type, tries the spin move and gets dizzy! This total unknown wobbling!
Micheal Ray Richardson with the chest bump after the and-one! This dark horse is fired up!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this guy nobody was talking about, soaks in the moment! Victory off the pick and roll! A fist pump toward the bench!
Micheal Ray Richardson performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Stephen Curry imitates it. It's worse. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
96-101 (L)
LJ Cryer fades away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this newcomer!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, can't finish from way beyond the arc! That one stings!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this absolute unit, gets stripped at the top of the key! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
This surprise package Micheal Ray Richardson caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
LJ Cryer buries a pull-up jumper facing the rim! This diamond in the rough is on fire tonight!
That's a wrap for now. Stephen Curry dives into the tunnel. True story: Stephen Curry walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Toronto Border-Patrol. Awkward. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Micheal Ray Richardson, this who-is-this-guy player, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
This dude out of nowhere LJ Cryer misfires again! Shaky emotions under pressure could cost the team!
Isaiah Livers spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
LaMelo Ball dunks but can't sustain the effort! Lack of consistency emptying the tank!
Isaiah Livers pulls up past the media. This raw talent not in the mood to talk.
Stephen Curry stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. LJ Cryer comes back to get him. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
121-101 (W)
This surprise package Isaiah Livers means business! Fast start from downtown!
LJ Cryer explodes and fires a thunderous slam! This smooth operator lighting it up!
Isaiah Livers, this tower, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
LJ Cryer, this combo guard, finds the trailer! A buzzer beater off the assist, easy money!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
The players leave the court. Stephen Curry clings to the tunnel railing. Rumor has it Stephen Curry does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Isaiah Livers with another finger roll! You can't stop this man!
This hungry young player LJ Cryer brings palpable tension to a new level! Incredible scene!
Isaiah Livers fires away the outlet to the young player! This hidden prospect building the future!
This solid pro LaMelo Ball plays every possession like the last! Night-in night-out consistency burning bright!
Isaiah Livers can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
LaMelo Ball and Stephen Curry stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-83 (W)
And we're underway! Isaiah Livers touches the ball first! This newcomer looks eager!
LaMelo Ball with the decisive scoop layup! Night-in night-out consistency when it matters most!
LJ Cryer, this versatile guy, alters the shot! Next-level basketball IQ at the rim!
Isaiah Livers picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a step-back three!
LaMelo Ball uses the hesitation dribble! Nerves of steel creating separation!
Halftime. Isaiah Livers throws his towel on the floor walking in. Locker room intel: Isaiah Livers has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, elevates for a monster pull-up jumper!
This total unknown Micheal Ray Richardson acknowledges the fans! A Playoff atmosphere of mutual respect!
Micheal Ray Richardson puts ego aside! The team comes first for this dark horse!
The stadium knows it! Stephen Curry is special! This world-class player writing legacy!
LaMelo Ball blows past the trophy! This legit talent adds to the collection! A victory dance!
Isaiah Livers grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Micheal Ray Richardson applauds. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
117-84 (W)
This surprise package Micheal Ray Richardson gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
LJ Cryer attacks from way beyond the arc and finishes with an alley-oop! Too good!
This hidden prospect Micheal Ray Richardson orchestrates the offense from mid-range! Maestro!
Isaiah Livers, this walking skyscraper, dominates driving to the hoop and puts up a reverse layup! Unstoppable!
Micheal Ray Richardson with the full-court pressure! This player nobody saw coming making them uncomfortable!
Halftime whistle. LJ Cryer spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Intel: LJ Cryer refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
This rising star Micheal Ray Richardson does it again! A two-handed slam with effortless precision!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, has the opposition calling for mercy from downtown!
This hungry young player Micheal Ray Richardson catches the leather between the legs! Not intentionally!
Isaiah Livers, this 7-footer, flexes on the crowd! A salute to the fans after a reverse layup!
LJ Cryer, this do-it-all player, celebrates the win! A fist pump toward the bench! What a game!
LaMelo Ball mimes popping a champagne bottle. Stephen Curry mimes chugging straight from it. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
100-107 (L)
The game begins and Stephen Curry is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Stephen Curry blows past but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Micheal Ray Richardson crosses over into a dead end along the baseline! Turnover! Hot head!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, lets the shooter get free from the right corner! Costly lapse!
This name that's buzzing LaMelo Ball with a picture-perfect double-clutch layup! The crowd goes wild!
Cut! Halftime. Micheal Ray Richardson's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Quick anecdote about Micheal Ray Richardson: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This headliner Stephen Curry slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this mammoth, gets the look but can't convert back to the basket!
LJ Cryer, this player nobody saw coming, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a pull-up jumper!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Limited stamina!
Micheal Ray Richardson walks off in silence. This who-is-this-guy player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Isaiah Livers sits on the floor in the hallway. Micheal Ray Richardson sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
104-115 (L)
This certified bucket Stephen Curry catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Micheal Ray Richardson misses the open look! This newcomer can't believe it! Sometimes predictable game!
Micheal Ray Richardson with the backcourt violation! This diamond in the rough under too much pressure!
LJ Cryer, this do-it-all player, gets dunked on at half court! Poster material!
An off-balance shot by LaMelo Ball! The crowd erupts! A killer instinct personified!
Break time. Isaiah Livers bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Rumor has it Isaiah Livers tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
LJ Cryer, this smooth operator, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
Stephen Curry gets a clean look but limited stamina costs the bucket!
This diamond in the rough Micheal Ray Richardson adjusts the angle mid-drive! Nerves of steel body control!
Stephen Curry, this established star, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
This big-name player Stephen Curry leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Stephen Curry hurls his water bottle at the wall. Isaiah Livers flinches but doesn't react. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
109-114 (L)
This dude out of nowhere Micheal Ray Richardson comes out firing! A pull-up jumper in the first minute!
LJ Cryer, this versatile guy, with a silky floater from mid-range! Smooth operator!
LJ Cryer gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
Stephen Curry misfires in transition! Even this certified bucket has off nights!
Stephen Curry hits from the right corner! The crowd is back in it! Game on!
Halftime. LJ Cryer glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Rumor has it LJ Cryer does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Micheal Ray Richardson, this tree of a man, chokes on the big stage! On the decisive possession miss!
Isaiah Livers glares at the scoreboard! This unknown gem not happy with the situation!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, stands tall when the team needs this reliable star most!
Stephen Curry launches and bricks it! Occasional mental lapses in the third quarter!
This diamond in the rough LJ Cryer stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this diamond in the rough wanted.
LaMelo Ball's eyes are glassy. Isaiah Livers mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
121-100 (W)
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A floater by LaMelo Ball from downtown! Freakish explosiveness in every fiber!
LJ Cryer picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
LJ Cryer with the lob pass under the basket! This newcomer to the teammate! Boom!
Isaiah Livers, this oversized freak, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Break! LaMelo Ball takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know LaMelo Ball knits to unwind? Made a scarf in San Antonio Skyscrapers's colors. By accident, obviously. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Micheal Ray Richardson converts on the low block! A buzzer-beater with trademark insane court vision!
LJ Cryer, this solid build, commands an electric crowd! The arena belongs to this dark horse!
This dude out of nowhere LJ Cryer unites the locker room! Insane court vision captain's mentality!
What a journey for LJ Cryer! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
This hungry young player Micheal Ray Richardson is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Micheal Ray Richardson does the floss while Stephen Curry spins like a top. Isaiah Livers just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-113 (L)
This total unknown LJ Cryer comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper in the paint!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this rising star, fumbles the finish facing the rim! Back to the drawing board!
LaMelo Ball with the errant pass! This well-respected player needs to settle down!
Isaiah Livers bites on the pump fake! This player nobody saw coming sent flying along the baseline!
Stephen Curry with ridiculous creativity finds the angle for a step-back three!
Halftime! Isaiah Livers checks his stats on the board and winces. Intel: Isaiah Livers once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This established player LaMelo Ball fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, sends the orange wide! The touch is off tonight!
This established player LaMelo Ball recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
LJ Cryer is gassed! This hidden prospect bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
This player on the come-up LaMelo Ball tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Isaiah Livers's lip is trembling. LJ Cryer dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: LaMelo Ball.
Season journal
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