My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | My Team | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got LeBron James on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 206 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Batman is on this team. Batman, who is a superhero and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
97-101 (L)
This certified bucket Nikola Jokić opens the scoring! A devastating dunk! Early advantage!
Batman hooks it in! The arc of a superhero swinging their bare hands!
This potential GOAT LeBron James picks up the cheap foul! Hot head showing!
Nikola Jokić forces a bad layup! This top-tier talent needs to trust teammates!
Magic Johnson, this mountain of a man, refuses to die! A buzzer-beater keeps the dream alive!
Finally a breather. Nikola Jokić has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Exclusive: Nikola Jokić was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Aquaman takes off but can't score in the second quarter! Opportunity lost!
Magic Johnson fires away and kicks the stanchion! This franchise cornerstone losing composure!
Batman, this solid build, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Batman, this solid build, gets blocked in the clutch! A surgical steal denies this certified GOAT candidate!
LeBron James, this absolute unit, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Magic Johnson presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Batman walks right past without noticing. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
108-84 (W)
LeBron James launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise cornerstone!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, operates from the left corner with a layup! Clinic!
Aquaman deflects the pass! Redirecting with superhero instincts!
Aquaman with the skip pass! Skipping over the defense, pure superhero vision!
LeBron James sets the screen at the perfect angle! This potential GOAT cerebral play!
Break. Batman collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Exclusive info: Batman is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Batman converts with authority! Same energy they bring to competing the game!
Batman soaks in an electric crowd! A superhero savoring life beyond their bare hands!
Nikola Jokić, this beanpole, holds the team together with silky smooth technique! Captain!
This guy with rings on every finger Magic Johnson channels the inner champion! Insane court vision at its peak!
Magic Johnson, this beanpole, acknowledges the fans! A Playoff atmosphere! A hug with the coach!
Magic Johnson and LeBron James slap each other's butts. Batman declines the invitation. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
122-96 (W)
Batman fires up the crowd to open the game! This household name starting strong!
The technical flair of Batman recalls their superhero days. An off-balance shot! Sublime!
This franchise guy Nikola Jokić with the weak-side drawn charge! Incredible help!
Aquaman dishes through traffic! Threading the needle like a pro!
Aquaman adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a superhero with the game!
Both teams head to the locker room. LeBron James wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know? LeBron James has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Aquaman pours it in! A superhero who never wastes anything never wastes a shot!
The crowd is on its feet! Immense pressure as Magic Johnson takes the court!
This world-class player Nikola Jokić claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this world-class player!
From their bare hands to a deep three, Batman's range is unmatched!
Magic Johnson, this mountain of a man, celebrates the win! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! What a game!
Aquaman and Batman do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
129-92 (W)
This household name Magic Johnson means business! Fast start in transition!
LeBron James rises up and it's a reverse layup! This basketball god proving the doubters wrong!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James finds the open man! Assist and a pull-up jumper!
Aquaman, this guy with a proven track record, drills another two-handed slam along the baseline! Automatic!
Nikola Jokić strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
End of the first act. Nikola Jokić is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Small detail: Nikola Jokić wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
LeBron James, this titan, carves up the defense for an alley-oop! Beautiful!
Batman, this all-around player, has the opposition calling for mercy off the pick and roll!
LeBron James celebrates with the wrong bench! This first-ballot legend red-faced!
Aquaman silences the away crowd! Ice-cold a chest bump! Love it!
Final buzzer! Aquaman is the hero! This established player with a game for the ages!
Aquaman and LeBron James attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Batman films the whole thing. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
108-87 (W)
LeBron James opens with a catch-and-shoot triple! This certified GOAT candidate making an early statement!
This certified bucket Nikola Jokić with a cold-blooded finger roll! No conscience!
Nikola Jokić forces the shot-clock violation! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Nikola Jokić with the touch pass! This jersey-selling name barely had the pill and found the man!
Batman dishes to the right spot! A gym-rat work ethic off-ball movement!
End of the second quarter. Aquaman is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little secret: Aquaman watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
A euro-step from LeBron James! That's insane court vision at the highest level!
Batman throws the tall socks to the crowd! Better than throwing the game!
Aquaman, this tweener, anchors the second unit! This player on the come-up versatile contributor!
A narrative for the ages: Aquaman, the superhero who mastered their bare hands and the damn ball!
Batman has the last say! Final word from a superhero about the game!
Magic Johnson and Batman leap onto each other like kids. LeBron James comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
126-89 (W)
Batman steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
LeBron James with the highlight-reel two-handed slam! This household name owning the moment!
LeBron James whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This tree of a man seeing everything!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, unleashes an off-balance shot in the paint! Bang!
Batman takes the charge! Tough as nails, that's a superhero who doesn't back down!
Coach calls everyone back. LeBron James drags his feet toward the tunnel. Physio's confession: LeBron James purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Batman pulls off a deep three out of nowhere! Was that basketball or superhero magic? Unbelievable!
Nikola Jokić penetrates and it's too easy! The lead is ballooning! Mercy rule!
This potential GOAT LeBron James argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
Aquaman points to the sky after a reverse layup! This seasoned vet in the zone!
Batman celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!
Magic Johnson mimes popping a champagne bottle. Batman mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
126-91 (W)
Nikola Jokić, this oversized freak, takes the court! The wild stands is electric!
Magic Johnson with the decisive and-one! An unmatched feel for the game when it matters most!
Aquaman with the bounce pass! The basketball bouncing with precision worthy of their bare hands!
This hall-of-fame lock Magic Johnson punishes the defense with a tear drop from way beyond the arc!
Batman plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this undisputed superstar!
Halftime! Nikola Jokić looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Little scoop: Nikola Jokić collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Aquaman, this combo guard, with a silky double-clutch layup off the pick and roll! Smooth operator!
Aquaman piles it on! Stacking buckets like it's nothing! The superhero is dominant!
LeBron James shoots a full-court shot and almost makes it! This basketball god so close!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James stares down the bench! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench after the big play!
LeBron James tosses the damn ball in the air! A victory dance! This certified GOAT candidate mission accomplished!
Nikola Jokić dumps his Gatorade on Aquaman who screams because it was cold. LeBron James piles on. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
129-87 (W)
This multi-time All-Star Nikola Jokić in the starting lineup! Let's see what this multi-time All-Star brings!
Batman nails a buzzer-beater from deep! Range like their bare hands reaching across the workshop!
Magic Johnson, this towering presence, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Batman finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a superhero who's running late!
Nikola Jokić, this big fella, locks down the attacker! A killer instinct on the defensive end!
The players disappear. LeBron James has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Confession: LeBron James tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Magic Johnson, this absolute unit, uses strength and skill for a pull-up jumper! Complete player!
Aquaman with the dagger in the blowout! Overkill! The superhero showed no mercy!
Magic Johnson shoots the free throw on the wrong basket! Somebody say something!
Batman lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A slide across the hardwood!
Aquaman can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Aquaman slides across the court in his socks while Batman splashes water on everyone. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-101 (L)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
Batman finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
Magic Johnson lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this franchise cornerstone fooled!
Nikola Jokić, this max-contract guy, comes up empty! A scoop layup off target off the pick and roll!
Magic Johnson converts the and-one! A devastating dunk! This living legend won't go quietly!
Coach calls everyone back. LeBron James drags his feet toward the tunnel. Fun fact: LeBron James failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Magic Johnson can't hit the go-ahead! Injury-prone body when the lights are brightest!
Magic Johnson storms to the bench! This absolute legend is visibly upset!
Magic Johnson is writing the story tonight! This hall-of-fame lock with a fadeaway jumper at half court!
This basketball god LeBron James gets the look but can't convert! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Magic Johnson sits alone on the bench. This hall-of-fame lock processing the defeat.
Aquaman mutters while walking out. Magic Johnson watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
113-81 (W)
Aquaman stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Magic Johnson lets fly through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Aquaman with the behind-the-back pass! Flashier than their bare hands at work!
Batman with an incredible off-balance shot on the low block! Standing ovation!
LeBron James, this all-time great, shuts down the play from the left corner! Lockdown defender!
Break. Aquaman's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Exclusive: Aquaman was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Nikola Jokić knocks down a bank shot from way beyond the arc! Ice in the veins!
This global icon Magic Johnson puts the exclamation point! An and-one in the paint!
Batman just compared this heated rivalry to a day of competing the game! Accurate?
Magic Johnson with the emphatic fist pump toward the bench! This generational talent letting everyone know!
Magic Johnson, this undisputed superstar, soaks in the moment! Victory on the low block! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Nikola Jokić launches his shoe into the air. LeBron James catches it. Standing ovation. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-94 (W)
Batman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Aquaman, this tweener, rises above and hammers an and-one!
Aquaman times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A commanding rebound from mid-range!
This player on the come-up Aquaman zips the pass through! Another dime from this combo guard!
Magic Johnson spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Rest. Magic Johnson buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Rumor has it Magic Johnson talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Batman just treated the damn ball the way they treat the game. A free throw, bang!
The halftime tribute to Batman's superhero journey! The game to a bank shot!
LeBron James, this giant, boxes out for the teammate! This household name doing the dirty work!
Magic Johnson fades away with elegance and power! This household name is the complete package!
Magic Johnson hugs the coach! This once-in-a-lifetime player with a complete performance!
Aquaman mimes popping a champagne bottle. LeBron James mimes chugging straight from it. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
121-95 (W)
Aquaman starts in the rim protector! Playing the rim protector the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
Magic Johnson scores with nerves of steel. A step-back three on the low block! Too smooth!
LeBron James, this global icon, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Batman dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this superhero!
Batman sets the screen with precision worthy of their bare hands! Tactical genius!
Both teams head in. LeBron James has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Little secret: LeBron James listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
LeBron James with the tough double-clutch layup through contact! This franchise cornerstone won't be denied!
The crowd waves their bare hands replicas! Aquaman has started a movement!
This guy with rings on every finger Batman celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
This game belongs to Magic Johnson! This living legend stamping authority off the pick and roll!
That's the game! Nikola Jokić finishes with a monster performance! This world-class player victorious!
LeBron James grabs Aquaman and hoists him onto his shoulders. Batman tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
113-102 (W)
This basketball god Batman gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Nikola Jokić shoots the leather beautifully for a step-back three! What touch!
This max-contract guy Nikola Jokić forces the bad pass! An off-the-charts basketball IQ creating turnovers!
This generational talent Magic Johnson with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
LeBron James, this first-ballot legend, manages the clock beautifully in crunch time!
The players disappear. Magic Johnson has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. True story: Magic Johnson walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Boston Ring-Chasers. Awkward. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
LeBron James buries a hook shot driving to the hoop! This franchise cornerstone is on fire tonight!
Nikola Jokić launches and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Batman finds the open teammate! This certified GOAT candidate making everyone better!
Nikola Jokić, this tree of a man, makes a statement! This top-tier talent is here to stay!
Aquaman shakes hands! The handshake of a superhero who respects the game!
Magic Johnson and Nikola Jokić run circles around Aquaman who doesn't move. Zen. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
106-104 (W)
LeBron James, this tree of a man, sets the tone immediately! An unmatched feel for the game from the jump!
Nikola Jokić a perfect contest and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
LeBron James with a wild attempt! This franchise cornerstone not finding the range tonight!
Magic Johnson with another buzzer beater! You can't stop this man!
Batman exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
End of the first act. LeBron James is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Intel: LeBron James refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This absolute legend Magic Johnson with the heroic perfect contest! Preserves the lead!
Nikola Jokić with the huge monster swat at the top of the key! This franchise guy says no!
Magic Johnson, this long boy, commands a boiling cauldron! The arena belongs to this global icon!
Batman, this first-ballot legend, with the clutch flawless defensive rotation! During crunch time stop!
Aquaman penetrates in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Nikola Jokić and Aquaman play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Nikola Jokić loses. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-118 (L)
Nikola Jokić, this mountain of a man, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
Nikola Jokić, this multi-time All-Star, with a contested off-balance shot that misses on the low block!
Turnover by Aquaman! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Batman watches helplessly! A superhero watching the game fall off the shelf!
This guy with a proven track record Aquaman does it again! A scoop layup with effortless precision!
Halftime whistle. Batman has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Fun fact: Batman blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're back! The players look fired up.
Batman, this tweener, waves off the play call! Ego the size of Texas hurting the team!
Nikola Jokić, this absolute unit, can't get a double-clutch layup to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
This headliner Nikola Jokić stumbles! The fatigue is real after this ball game!
Magic Johnson walks off in silence. This all-time great gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Aquaman isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Magic Johnson tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
My Team finishes #3, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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