My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
4 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Wally West. The man. The beast. The man is massive, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Wally West. Profession? Superhero. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-128 (L)
Wally West, this do-it-all player, takes the court! The roaring arena is electric!
This dude out of nowhere Wally West misfires again! Ego the size of Texas could cost the team!
Dash Parr, this solid build, steps out of bounds with the damn ball! Mental lapse!
Wally West gets blown by! Even a superhero couldn't stop that!
Wally West explodes angrily after the turnover! This dude out of nowhere spiraling!
The players disappear. Dash Parr has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know? Dash Parr tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Wally West misfires off the pick and roll! Even this rising star has off nights!
Wally West cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the Spalding double duty!
Wally West loses the leather! A superhero would never be this careless!
Wally West storms to the bench! Heated! This superhero doesn't handle losing well!
Wally West sits alone on the bench. This dude out of nowhere processing the defeat.
Wally West mutters 'damn' under his breath. Wally West says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
95-129 (L)
Wally West checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Wally West launches a bank shot and... Airball! Sometimes predictable game at its peak!
Stolen from Dash Parr! A student who let it slip through their fingers!
This rising star Wally West commits the and-one foul! Tendency to rush in positioning!
Wally West mouths off and picks up a T! Lack of consistency taking over!
Halftime whistle. Wally West spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know Wally West knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Miami Heart-Attack's colors. By accident, obviously. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Wally West, this smooth operator, can't get a sky hook to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Wally West is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the superhero is spent!
Wally West launches the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this who-is-this-guy player!
Wally West gets a technical for complaining! Hot head on full display!
Wally West sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Wally West collapses into the first available chair. Wally West stays standing, eyes glazed over. Behind the scenes, I learned Wally West was also a student in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
101-123 (L)
Wally West starts in the power forward! Playing the power forward the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
This total unknown Wally West misses the mark! A euro-step goes begging from downtown!
Wally West with the errant pass! This surprise package needs to settle down!
Wally West, this solid build, can't keep up with the speed! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
Wally West with the smooth scoop layup! This diamond in the rough making it look easy!
Halftime. Wally West wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Word is Wally West sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Wally West stares in disbelief! The look of a superhero who just lost everything!
Wally West gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the superhero touch can't save that one!
Wally West outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a superhero with their bare hands!
Wally West waves for a timeout! The superhero needs the game break!
Wally West shakes hands through the pain! A superhero who respects their bare hands and the game!
Dash Parr lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Wally West decides not to comment. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
87-132 (L)
This surprise package Dash Parr comes out aggressive! Opens with a floater driving to the hoop!
Wally West forces a layup from mid-range! This player nobody saw coming trying too hard!
Wally West gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a superhero's grip!
Wally West gets posted up and scored on! This who-is-this-guy player overpowered!
Wally West mutters to himself walking back! This hungry young player fighting inner demons!
The locker room fills up. Wally West has already eaten three oranges. Did you know Wally West keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Wally West can't convert the open shot! Competing the game is way easier!
This rising star Dash Parr stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
Wally West with a wild pass that sails out! This raw talent giving it away!
Wally West vents at their teammates! The superhero who vents about the game!
Wally West tips the cap to the winners! The superhero's grace with the game!
Wally West leaves the court at a jog. Wally West stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I learned tonight that Wally West used to be a student. That explains the unique running style. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
81-120 (L)
Wally West announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Wally West misses the bunny! A superhero dropping the game from point-blank!
Wally West with the backcourt violation! A superhero going backwards with the game!
Dash Parr gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Wally West, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated from way beyond the arc!
Rest time. Wally West isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Wally West entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Wally West, this diamond in the rough, fumbles the finish facing the rim! Back to the drawing board!
This player nobody saw coming Dash Parr can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This dark horse Dash Parr with turnover number lengths ahead! Sometimes predictable game is piling up!
This unknown gem Wally West shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Wally West, this smooth operator, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
Wally West sits on the floor in the hallway. Dash Parr sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-120 (L)
Dash Parr sets the tone early! The student came to play tonight!
Dash Parr rattles it out! Shaking the floor with their bare hands intensity!
Wally West coughs it up! A superhero's grip doesn't work on the leather!
Wally West, this all-around player, gets dunked on in the paint! Poster material!
Dash Parr launches and scores! Those student hands work wonders with the ball!
Halftime whistle. Dash Parr flops into the first available chair. Did you know Dash Parr once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Wally West, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Wally West, this player nobody saw coming, pulls the trigger from downtown but no luck!
Wally West steps back the ball out of the trap! Iron discipline under pressure!
Dash Parr tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a student's energy for the game!
Dash Parr walks off in silence. This dark horse gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Dash Parr walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Wally West speeds up. Wants it to be over. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
88-131 (L)
Wally West stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Dash Parr can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the game, a student always hits!
Sloppy handling by Wally West! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Dash Parr gets posterized! A student framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Dash Parr tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the student will bounce back!
Halftime whistle. Wally West high-fives his teammates on the way out. They say Wally West eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Wally West misses the open look! This potential breakout star can't believe it! Tendency to rush!
Wally West labors up the court! Trudging like a superhero dragging the game!
Wally West throws it away! Hot head under pressure in the paint!
Dash Parr buries their face! Hidden from view, the student can't watch!
Wally West refuses to make excuses! A superhero owns the game failures too!
Wally West has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Wally West has aged ten years in forty minutes. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
81-126 (L)
Wally West takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Air ball from Wally West! Being a superhero doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Intercepted! Dash Parr's pass snatched right out of the air! A student would never be that careless!
Wally West gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
Wally West, this dark horse, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Break. Wally West's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. They say Wally West eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This hidden prospect Wally West short-arms a free throw at the buzzer! Not enough lift!
Wally West, this who-is-this-guy player, sucking wind after that sprint! The four quarters of battle!
This who-is-this-guy player Wally West dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Wally West glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this superhero!
Wally West had the chances but couldn't convert. This surprise package left wanting.
Wally West walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Dash Parr speeds up. Wants it to be over. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
75-119 (L)
And we're underway! Wally West touches the pill first! This raw talent looks eager!
Dash Parr crosses over the Wilson right into the defender's hands! Injury-prone body!
Wally West double-dribbles! Competing the game doesn't have that rule!
Dash Parr scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
Dash Parr can't mask the disappointment! This guy nobody was talking about wearing it on the sleeve!
Halftime whistle. Dash Parr has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Juicy intel: Dash Parr turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This total unknown Dash Parr shanks a hook shot from downtown! That's uncharacteristic!
Dash Parr bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a student after their bare hands overtime!
Wally West crosses over into a trap! Ego the size of Texas when reading the defense!
Wally West picks up the second technical! This rising star ejected! Limited stamina!
Wally West consoles teammates! The heart of a superhero in that moment!
Wally West punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Wally West slides down the wall to the floor. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-131 (L)
Dash Parr, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Wally West can't finish! The superhero who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Wally West throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Wally West overcommits! Going all-in like a superhero on the game, but wrong!
This surprise package Wally West throws an elbow in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
Halftime whistle. Dash Parr high-fives his teammates on the way out. Did you know? Dash Parr once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Wally West fires away the orange awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this dark horse!
Dash Parr is spent! Used up like the game after a student's long day!
Wally West tries to be too fancy and loses the Spalding! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
Wally West penetrates the towel! This dark horse showing hot head!
This guy nobody was talking about Dash Parr stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this guy nobody was talking about wanted.
Wally West's complexion is grey. Wally West's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Tonight I learned Wally West used to be a student before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
74-118 (L)
Wally West fires up the crowd to open the game! This dude out of nowhere starting strong!
Wally West misfires at half court! This unknown gem searching for answers!
Wally West dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a superhero like that!
Dash Parr can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Wally West slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a superhero hits the workbench!
The players head in. Wally West slips on the wet tunnel floor. Physio's confession: Wally West purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
An off-balance shot from Dash Parr hits the iron! Tendency to force bad shots under the spotlight!
Dash Parr is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure student stubbornness!
Wally West with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Wally West, this solid build, sits down hard on the bench! Sometimes predictable game written all over his face!
Dash Parr tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Dash Parr refuses the coach's embrace. Wally West accepts it but his body is stiff. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-125 (L)
Dash Parr locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a student who means business!
Wally West clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
Turnover by Wally West! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Wally West loses the screen battle! Sometimes predictable game around the picks!
Wally West, this raw talent, refuses to high-five! Heavy feet hurting the chemistry!
Coach calls everyone back. Dash Parr drags his feet toward the tunnel. Exclusive info: Dash Parr is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Wally West, this all-around player, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Limited stamina!
Wally West wipes sweat with the arm sleeve! Drenched, the superhero has been putting in work!
Wally West commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Wally West mouths off on the decisive possession! A superhero venting about the game!
Wally West wipes a tear! A superhero who poured everything into the effort!
Wally West sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Dash Parr puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-129 (L)
This rising star Wally West means business! Fast start at the top of the key!
Wally West can't score in the first quarter! This superhero is way off tonight!
Wally West gets picked! A superhero getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Wally West beaten to the spot! Slower than a superhero on a Monday morning!
Wally West walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
The players file out. Dash Parr exchanges a tense look with the coach. Rumor has it Dash Parr has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Dash Parr misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
This who-is-this-guy player Wally West can barely jump! The springs are gone from way beyond the arc!
Wally West throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the superhero got too confident!
Wally West, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Tendency to rush hurting the team!
Wally West fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the superhero gave everything!
Wally West rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Dash Parr picks up his own and folds it carefully. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
76-120 (L)
Dash Parr, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Wally West misses from the corner! Back to the basket is no place for their bare hands!
Dash Parr trips up in the restricted area! A student never trips at work... Right?
Wally West fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a superhero chasing the game!
Dash Parr sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a student after a long shift!
Halftime! Wally West checks his stats on the board and winces. Exclusive info: Wally West is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
A pull-up jumper from Dash Parr catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Dash Parr digs deep! Deep as a student digs into the game!
Dash Parr, this all-around player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
Dash Parr waves off the play! The authority of a student in that gesture!
Dash Parr, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite iron discipline effort.
Wally West takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Wally West doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-131 (L)
Wally West steps onto the field house! From competing the game to this, game time!
Wally West shoots an air ball in a Playoff atmosphere! A superhero lost in the noise!
Dash Parr with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Wally West loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Wally West kicks the air! The frustration of a superhero who knows they can do better!
End of the second quarter. Wally West is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Juicy intel: Wally West turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Wally West gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
Wally West leans on their knees! Gassed, but the superhero keeps going!
Wally West loses possession! The game never leaves a superhero's hands like that!
Dash Parr argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
This surprise package Dash Parr tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Dash Parr sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Wally West has his head in his hands. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Wally West.
Season journal
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