My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
4 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | New York Over-Timers | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Spider-Man! Picture this: standing at 178 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Wally West. The man is a superhero. A freaking superhero. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-124 (L)
Wally West gets the starting nod! A superhero starting with their bare hands confidence!
O. J. Simpson launches a buzzer beater and... Airball! Limited stamina at its peak!
O. J. Simpson pulls up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This max-contract guy O. J. Simpson can't recover! Scored on in transition! Lack of consistency!
O. J. Simpson storms to the bench! This jersey-selling name is visibly upset!
The players head to the locker room. Wally West is sweating like a racehorse. Word is Wally West sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Wally West misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
Wally West misses from fatigue! This hungry young player can't get the elevation along the baseline!
Superman tries to be too fancy and loses the Spalding! Heavy feet in the decision-making!
Spider-Man drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a superhero's spirit has limits!
This potential breakout star Wally West congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this potential breakout star.
Wally West mutters 'damn' under his breath. Superman says 'yeah' in the same tone. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
97-128 (L)
Wally West sets the tone early! The superhero came to play tonight!
Wally West penetrates the ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Superman loses the damn ball! A superhero would never be this careless!
O. J. Simpson gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
This unknown gem Wally West with a beautiful two-handed slam at half court! Poetry in motion!
The players file out. O. J. Simpson exchanges a tense look with the coach. Confession: O. J. Simpson tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Wally West, this solid build, shows negative body language! Lack of consistency creeping in!
Spider-Man, this little firecracker, gets the look but can't convert in transition!
Spider-Man, this basketball god, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a devastating dunk!
Wally West waves for a timeout! The superhero needs the game break!
Spider-Man shakes hands through the pain! A superhero who respects their bare hands and the game!
Spider-Man walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Wally West speeds up. Wants it to be over. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
82-126 (L)
Wally West looks dialed in from the start! Night-in night-out consistency preparation showing!
O. J. Simpson clanks another one off the rim! This world-class player needs to find rhythm!
O. J. Simpson throws it away! Injury-prone body under pressure from downtown!
O. J. Simpson falls asleep on the weak side! Heavy feet exposed!
Spider-Man mouths off at with seconds left on the clock! A superhero venting about the game!
Break! Spider-Man takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Word is Spider-Man sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
O. J. Simpson can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this bonafide star!
Spider-Man, this small but mighty player, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Spider-Man with the errant pass! This household name needs to settle down!
O. J. Simpson, this tweener, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
Wally West takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
Superman is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Wally West waits at the tunnel entrance. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-108 (L)
The game begins and O. J. Simpson is ready! You can see an unmatched feel for the game written all over his face!
O. J. Simpson with the decisive finger roll! A gym-rat work ethic when it matters most!
O. J. Simpson, this do-it-all player, gets exploited in the switch! Occasional mental lapses exposed in the mismatch!
Spider-Man just barely misses! Close as a superhero getting the game almost right!
O. J. Simpson sparks the comeback! A buzzer-beater facing the rim! This headliner leads the charge!
Halftime. O. J. Simpson is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. I've been told O. J. Simpson always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Wally West with the ill-advised pass in the second quarter! Intercepted!
O. J. Simpson slams the orange in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
This undisputed superstar Superman plays every possession like the last! Iron discipline burning bright!
Spider-Man misses the wide-open three! Their bare hands left behind on this one!
Wally West sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Spider-Man's eyes are glassy. O. J. Simpson mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
81-126 (L)
Wally West comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the superhero means business!
An off-balance shot attempt by O. J. Simpson falls short! Shaky emotions under pressure in the legs!
Wally West, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at half court!
O. J. Simpson turns the head and loses the man! This established star napping defensively!
Spider-Man argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Halftime. The physio pounces on O. J. Simpson to massage his thighs. Small detail: O. J. Simpson whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Spider-Man gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
This absolute legend Spider-Man can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Wally West, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stripped from mid-range! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
Superman picks up the second technical! This first-ballot legend ejected! Heavy feet!
Wally West hangs their head! A superhero who gave everything they had!
Wally West's eyes are red, jaw tight. O. J. Simpson apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
89-117 (L)
Superman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Superman steps back the rock right into the defender's hands! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Superman coughs it up! A superhero's grip doesn't work on the pill!
Spider-Man gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Superman banks a deep three off the glass! Geometry learned from the superhero life!
Break. O. J. Simpson collapses next to the vending machine. Did you know O. J. Simpson knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Los Angeles Nursing-Home's colors. By accident, obviously. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
This reliable star O. J. Simpson can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Wally West misses the layup! Even the game would have gone in easier!
Superman runs the offense! Running it like a superhero runs the show!
This established star O. J. Simpson calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Lack of consistency taking its toll!
Spider-Man walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
O. J. Simpson watches the crowd file out in silence. Wally West prefers not to look. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
97-119 (L)
Spider-Man, this generational talent, draws first blood! A double-clutch layup to start!
Superman, this generational talent, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
O. J. Simpson coughs up the basketball! Sometimes predictable game strikes again at the buzzer!
This top-tier talent O. J. Simpson caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Superman, this versatile guy, takes over at the top of the key. A step-back three! That's elite!
Break! Wally West grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Physio's confession: Wally West purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
O. J. Simpson, this headliner, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
Superman off the back iron! Hard miss, even a superhero cringes at that!
Spider-Man makes the hockey pass! Night-in night-out consistency finding the extra pass!
Wally West grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a superhero finishing the game!
Superman sits alone on the bench. This all-time great processing the defeat.
Superman avoids the cameras like the plague. Spider-Man gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. I learned that Superman's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
87-132 (L)
Wally West takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Superman rattles in and out! The game never teases a superhero like that!
This All-Star caliber talent O. J. Simpson with turnover number points! Occasional mental lapses is piling up!
Spider-Man overcommits! Going all-in like a superhero on the game, but wrong!
Superman pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The superhero in them is showing!
End of the second quarter. Spider-Man is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Spider-Man once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Spider-Man explodes the Wilson into nothing! Tendency to rush on full display tonight!
Wally West cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the rock double duty!
This potential breakout star Wally West dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
O. J. Simpson glares at the scoreboard! This elite player not happy with the situation!
This established star O. J. Simpson shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
O. J. Simpson avoids the cameras like the plague. Wally West gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-109 (L)
O. J. Simpson, this all-around player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This jersey-selling name is in the building!
Wally West, this total unknown, comes up empty! A reverse layup off target facing the rim!
Superman gets picked! A superhero getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Spider-Man left in the dust! Even a superhero moves faster than that!
A finger roll by Wally West! The building is rocking! This surprise package takeover!
Well-deserved break. Superman looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little secret: Superman listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
This potential GOAT Superman throws an elbow in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Spider-Man forces a reverse layup facing the rim! This first-ballot legend trying too hard!
Wally West dunks to the right spot! An off-the-charts basketball IQ off-ball movement!
O. J. Simpson blows past sluggishly! Heavy feet catching up with this max-contract guy!
O. J. Simpson, this top-tier talent, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Spider-Man slams his fist on the bench. O. J. Simpson places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Tonight I had a revelation: O. J. Simpson runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
74-118 (L)
Superman stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
This multi-time All-Star O. J. Simpson throws up a prayer from the right corner! Not answered!
This absolute legend Superman commits the offensive foul! Turnover at the buzzer!
Spider-Man watches helplessly! A superhero watching the game fall off the shelf!
This franchise guy O. J. Simpson shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Both teams head to the locker room. Spider-Man wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know Spider-Man once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Wally West sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this superhero!
Superman plays through exhaustion! The endurance of competing the game daily!
This multi-time All-Star O. J. Simpson commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
This reliable star O. J. Simpson hangs the head after the miss! Deflated driving to the hoop!
Spider-Man, this global icon, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Superman sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Wally West winces. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
80-125 (L)
And we're underway! Wally West touches the Wilson first! This hidden prospect looks eager!
O. J. Simpson blows past the Spalding awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this guy everybody knows!
Wally West with the backcourt violation! A superhero going backwards with the game!
O. J. Simpson gets burned on the drive! Hot head in lateral movement!
Wally West, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Heavy feet on full display!
Halftime whistle! Spider-Man slides down against the hallway wall. Did you know Spider-Man keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Superman, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the handle and the opportunity! Occasional mental lapses!
Spider-Man stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a superhero over the game!
Wally West dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a superhero like that!
Spider-Man, this little thunder, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
Wally West had the chances but couldn't convert. This guy nobody was talking about left wanting.
O. J. Simpson mutters while walking out. Wally West watches from the corner of his eye, worried. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
95-129 (L)
Spider-Man opens with an alley-oop! This hall-of-fame lock making an early statement!
This All-Star caliber talent O. J. Simpson misses the mark! A scoop layup goes begging from mid-range!
O. J. Simpson, this all-around player, commits the travel! Shaky emotions under pressure in the footwork!
Superman, this smooth operator, lets the shooter get free back to the basket! Costly lapse!
Spider-Man waves off the play! The authority of a superhero in that gesture!
Well-deserved break. Superman looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Small detail: Superman wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Wally West, this smooth operator, gets the look in transition but the lid's on the rim!
O. J. Simpson, this All-Star caliber talent, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Spider-Man, this small but mighty player, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
Wally West sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a superhero after a long shift!
Wally West fires away past the media. This total unknown not in the mood to talk.
Spider-Man kicks his towel across the floor. O. J. Simpson has already left for the locker room, alone. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
86-131 (L)
Wally West, this hidden prospect, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Superman fires and misses in transition. Should have stuck with the game!
Spider-Man, this elusive guard, steps out of bounds with the pill! Mental lapse!
Superman loses the screen battle! Tendency to rush around the picks!
This surprise package Wally West gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Off to the locker room. Spider-Man has already drained two water bottles. Exclusive: Spider-Man was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Superman misfires on the floater! Too much float, the superhero touch abandoned them!
This certified bucket O. J. Simpson can barely jump! The springs are gone from downtown!
O. J. Simpson posts up the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this big-name player!
O. J. Simpson gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
This rising star Wally West leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
O. J. Simpson rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Wally West picks up his own and folds it carefully. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-133 (L)
Superman bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
O. J. Simpson gets a clean look but occasional mental lapses costs the bucket!
Wally West with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Spider-Man, this undersized spark plug, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over limited stamina!
Superman shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
Finally a breather. Superman has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Juicy intel: Superman turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Wally West with a wild attempt! This hidden prospect not finding the range tonight!
Spider-Man needs oxygen! More winded than a superhero after overtime!
Turnover by Wally West! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Wally West walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
O. J. Simpson, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
Wally West kicks his towel across the floor. Superman has already left for the locker room, alone. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-129 (L)
This hall-of-fame lock Superman gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Wally West skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
Wally West charges right into the defender! Turnover! Occasional mental lapses when controlling pace!
O. J. Simpson lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this bonafide star fooled!
Spider-Man can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the ball frustration!
Halftime! Spider-Man checks his stats on the board and winces. Small detail: Spider-Man whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
That one wasn't even close, Superman! Stick to competing the game!
Spider-Man struggles in the third quarter! The superhero hitting the wall with the game!
Wally West double-dribbles! Competing the game doesn't have that rule!
Superman looks to the heavens! A superhero praying for their bare hands to work!
This certified bucket O. J. Simpson stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this certified bucket wanted.
Wally West turns back to look at the court one last time. Superman doesn't turn around. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Spider-Man.
Season journal
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