My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but LeBron James is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 206 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Steve. Profession? Amateur. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-124 (L)
And we're underway! Cristiano Ronaldo touches the pill first! This guy with rings on every finger looks eager!
Superman fires a brick facing the rim! Way off, even for a superhero!
Hulk tries to be too fancy and loses the Spalding! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
Steve overcommits and gets beat! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the play!
Superman is visibly upset! Upset as a superhero when the game goes sideways!
Halftime whistle! Hulk slides down against the hallway wall. Staff confession: Hulk is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
This up-and-coming baller Steve shanks a finger roll back to the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
This well-respected player Steve can barely jump! The springs are gone along the baseline!
Steve coughs up the basketball! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again off the pick and roll!
Superman slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a superhero hits the workbench!
LeBron James, this giant, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Cristiano Ronaldo sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Superman puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-104 (L)
This undisputed superstar LeBron James opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
LeBron James dunks and scores! A pull-up jumper! This colossus is a problem!
LeBron James reacts too late to rotate! Heavy feet on the help side!
Steve, this league veteran, with a contested sky hook that misses off the pick and roll!
This basketball god Cristiano Ronaldo hits the big three! The deficit down to single digits!
End of the first act. LeBron James is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Little scoop: LeBron James collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Cristiano Ronaldo sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the association football player touch is off tonight!
This household name Hulk throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
A standing ovation for Superman! The superhero who conquered the court with their bare hands!
Superman, this do-it-all player, rattles out the free throw! Sometimes predictable game getting the best of this basketball god!
Superman consoles teammates! The heart of a superhero in that moment!
Superman claps his hands in frustration. Hulk clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Superman's name. Forgive me. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-118 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James comes out aggressive! Opens with a thunderous slam from mid-range!
Hulk, this tweener, gets the separation but can't finish! Occasional mental lapses!
Hulk with the careless pass! Discoverring the hidden truth with more care, please!
This hall-of-fame lock Cristiano Ronaldo gives up the offensive rebound! Occasional mental lapses when boxing out!
A tear drop by LeBron James! The crowd erupts! Insane court vision personified!
Halftime. Hulk throws his towel on the floor walking in. Exclusive: Hulk was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Hulk glares at the basketball! Like it personally betrayed this scientist!
Hulk, this first-ballot legend, comes up empty! A hook shot off target driving to the hoop!
Cristiano Ronaldo calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's association football player mentality!
This global icon Hulk can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Hulk fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the scientist gave everything!
LeBron James's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Hulk breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
100-108 (L)
Hulk fires away with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise cornerstone locked in!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this solid build, loses the handle and the opportunity! Hot head!
Steve, this solid build, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
LeBron James bites on the pump fake! This certified GOAT candidate sent flying from the left corner!
Superman scores again! When you're a superhero by trade, the orange is child's play!
Halftime whistle. Hulk spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Rumor has it Hulk talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, pounds the scorer's table! Lack of consistency on full display!
Superman forces a fadeaway jumper from way beyond the arc! This first-ballot legend trying too hard!
Superman uses that superhero IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
LeBron James misses from fatigue! This certified GOAT candidate can't get the elevation on the low block!
This respected competitor Steve shakes hands and moves on. In the end, shaky emotions under pressure proved costly.
Superman has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Cristiano Ronaldo has aged ten years in forty minutes. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
88-120 (L)
Hulk, this potential GOAT, embraces the hostile crowd! Game on!
Cristiano Ronaldo sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this association football player!
Cristiano Ronaldo loses the Wilson! An association football player would never be this careless!
LeBron James turns the head and loses the man! This certified GOAT candidate napping defensively!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to rush showing!
Intermission. Superman dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Anecdote: Superman threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This legit talent Steve with a rare miss from the right corner! Even the best stumble!
Cristiano Ronaldo calls for the sub! Even an association football player's stamina with their football boots has limits!
Stolen from Superman! A superhero who let it slip through their fingers!
Hulk gets a technical for complaining! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
This up-and-coming baller Steve leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Superman pulls his cap down over his eyes. Cristiano Ronaldo doesn't have a cap, and it shows. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-125 (L)
Hulk steps onto the temple of basketball! From discoverring the hidden truth to this, game time!
Cristiano Ronaldo bobbles and misses! Fumbling the damn ball like it's a Monday morning!
LeBron James launches into a dead end from the left corner! Turnover! Lack of consistency!
Superman loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Steve takes off the towel! This player making noise showing occasional mental lapses!
Halftime! Hulk checks his stats on the board and winces. Fun fact: Hulk failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We're back! The players look fired up.
Cristiano Ronaldo shoots short! Not enough juice! Even an association football player would cringe!
Steve, this up-and-coming baller, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Cristiano Ronaldo throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the association football player got too confident!
Superman mouths off at right from the tip-off! A superhero venting about the game!
Hulk refuses to make excuses! A scientist owns the hidden truth failures too!
Cristiano Ronaldo looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Steve looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
78-116 (L)
Superman, this versatile guy, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
A floater by LeBron James in transition is way off! Tough night for this absolute legend!
Superman with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
This global icon Hulk misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
LeBron James, this global icon, barks at the teammate! Limited stamina taking over!
The players disappear. LeBron James has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know LeBron James plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Superman posts up but overcooks it! Hot head showing up again!
Cristiano Ronaldo grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their football boots in the workshop!
This dude putting the league on notice Steve commits the 5-second violation! Clock management shaky emotions under pressure!
LeBron James, this all-time great, refuses to high-five! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the chemistry!
Cristiano Ronaldo walks off in defeat! Even an association football player's skills couldn't save tonight!
Steve's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Hulk hides his eyes under a towel. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
75-120 (L)
Tip-off! Steve gets us started! Let's go!
Hulk fires an alley-oop at the top of the key but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
LeBron James charges right into the defender! Turnover! Limited stamina when controlling pace!
Steve gets caught flat-footed! This legit talent beaten to the spot!
Steve picks up the second technical! This seasoned vet ejected! Heavy feet!
First half is done. Superman is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Fun fact: Superman failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Hulk rattles in and out! The hidden truth never teases a scientist like that!
Steve posts up but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to force bad shots emptying the tank!
LeBron James, this long boy, gets called for the carry! Sometimes predictable game in ball-handling!
LeBron James storms to the bench! This generational talent is visibly upset!
This up-and-coming baller Steve tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Hulk and Superman walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-117 (L)
Cristiano Ronaldo starts in the center! Playing the center way an association football player plays with their football boots!
This living legend LeBron James misfires again! Shaky emotions under pressure could cost the team!
Superman, this swiss-army-knife type, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
LeBron James loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
Cristiano Ronaldo can't mask the disappointment! This living legend wearing it on the sleeve!
Halftime whistle. Superman spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Rumor has it Superman tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Hulk misses! Even a scientist can't fix that shot!
This player on the come-up Steve signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Tendency to rush!
This respected competitor Steve with turnover number lengths ahead! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
This well-respected player Steve gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Hulk hangs their head! A scientist who gave everything they had!
Cristiano Ronaldo replays the score in his head on a loop. Superman tries to think about something else. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
89-119 (L)
Game time! Superman and this first-ballot legend ready to put on a show at the arena!
Superman clanks another one off the rim! This once-in-a-lifetime player needs to find rhythm!
This potential GOAT Hulk dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this all-around player, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
Hulk attacks along the baseline with the same confidence they bring to discoverring the hidden truth.
Back in the locker room, LeBron James sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: LeBron James lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Superman shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
LeBron James air-mails a half-court heave off the pick and roll! Way off for this franchise cornerstone!
LeBron James reads the defense perfectly! Natural-born leadership and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Hulk soldiers on! The soldier who discovers the hidden truth with their lab notebook!
Cristiano Ronaldo sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an association football player after their football boots broke!
Steve closes his eyes walking out. Hulk keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
83-128 (L)
The game begins and Steve is ready! You can see pure God-given talent written all over his face!
Steve, this player on the come-up, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Steve rises up into a trap! Heavy feet when reading the defense!
Superman, this all-around player, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!
This guy with rings on every finger Cristiano Ronaldo can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Players head to the locker room. Cristiano Ronaldo has tape on three fingers. Anecdote: Cristiano Ronaldo lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LeBron James dishes the ball into nothing! Injury-prone body on full display tonight!
Hulk waves for a timeout! The scientist needs the hidden truth break!
Superman throws it into the stands! What was that from this living legend!
LeBron James dishes angrily after the turnover! This all-time great spiraling!
Hulk, this global icon, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
LeBron James kicks his towel across the floor. Cristiano Ronaldo has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
74-118 (L)
Superman announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Cristiano Ronaldo forces a bad half-court heave! This undisputed superstar needs to trust teammates!
Superman throws it away! A pass worse than a superhero tossing the game!
LeBron James, this absolute unit, gets blown by on the perimeter! Limited stamina in the legs!
Superman, this absolute legend, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
The players leave the court. Hulk clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Hulk is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Cristiano Ronaldo can't finish! The association football player who finishes the winning goal can't finish the play!
LeBron James is gassed! This all-time great bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Superman loses possession! The game never leaves a superhero's hands like that!
Steve glares at the scoreboard! This league veteran not happy with the situation!
Cristiano Ronaldo walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to association football player life tomorrow!
Cristiano Ronaldo walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Superman speeds up. Wants it to be over. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-120 (L)
Hulk locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a scientist who means business!
Superman sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Hulk with the backcourt violation! This generational talent under too much pressure!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James picks up the cheap foul! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated driving to the hoop!
Halftime. Cristiano Ronaldo wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Rumor has it Cristiano Ronaldo does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James misses the mark! A catch-and-shoot triple goes begging facing the rim!
LeBron James asks for the ball to slow the pace! This certified GOAT candidate needs air!
Cristiano Ronaldo goes to work carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Steve fades away and kicks the stanchion! This dude putting the league on notice losing composure!
Cristiano Ronaldo gave it everything! Everything an association football player has, left on the court!
LeBron James sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Hulk winces. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
74-118 (L)
Hulk wins the opening tip! Tipping off with scientist energy!
LeBron James, this long boy, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Limited stamina!
This hooper's hooper Steve forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Cristiano Ronaldo lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this generational talent fooled!
Superman slams the leather in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
The players disappear. LeBron James has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Exclusive info: LeBron James is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Air ball from Hulk! Being a scientist doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Cristiano Ronaldo grimaces through the effort! The grimace of an association football player finishing the winning goal!
Hulk loses the orange in traffic! This generational talent can't afford that!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Superman spins past the media. This household name not in the mood to talk.
Hulk watches the crowd file out in silence. Superman prefers not to look. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-117 (L)
This living legend LeBron James catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Steve forces up an and-one over the defense! Lack of consistency! Bad decision!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, fumbles the entry pass from the left corner!
This respected competitor Steve fouls reaching in! Injury-prone body on defense!
LeBron James mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Into the tunnel. LeBron James grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Did you know? LeBron James launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Superman misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Cristiano Ronaldo is huffing and puffing! Winded, even an association football player would call it quits!
Superman dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a superhero like that!
Superman, this swiss-army-knife type, shows negative body language! Injury-prone body creeping in!
This established player Steve congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this established player.
LeBron James's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Hulk hides his eyes under a towel. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
.jpg%3Fwidth%3D150&w=150)
