My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got LeBron James on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 206 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Moment of truth, folks. You see the girl at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Joanna Weston. A netballer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their bib better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between her second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Joanna Weston has a unique playing style: she runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the winning goal and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love her. Not for her stats (she has none) but because every time she steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-126 (L)
Josh Giddey, this name that's buzzing, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Joanna Weston misses at the buzzer! A netballer who missed the deadline!
Stephen Curry loses the basketball in traffic! This jersey-selling name can't afford that!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, gets dunked on at half court! Poster material!
LeBron James glares at the scoreboard! This global icon not happy with the situation!
End of the first act. Kiera Austin is puffing like a steam engine heading back. True story: Kiera Austin walked into the wrong locker room during her first game against Detroit Engine-Roar. Awkward. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Joanna Weston bricks another one! Building something awful with their bib tonight!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, is dragging! The 48 regulation minutes minutes taking their toll!
Kiera Austin with the backcourt violation! This raw talent under too much pressure!
Kiera Austin drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a netballer's spirit has limits!
Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This jersey-selling name gave it all but it wasn't enough.
LeBron James unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Joanna Weston runs a hand down her face. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
121-92 (W)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
Joanna Weston buries a bank shot in the paint! This hungry young player is on fire tonight!
This player on the come-up Josh Giddey anchors the defense from mid-range! Nothing gets through!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a buzzer-beater!
Josh Giddey, this player making noise, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Unreal swagger!
Halftime. Stephen Curry glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. They say Stephen Curry eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
A fadeaway jumper! LeBron James cannot be stopped tonight! This guy with rings on every finger is locked in!
You can feel a boiling cauldron through the screen! LeBron James in the spotlight!
Joanna Weston syncs with the lineup! In sync like their bib and the winning goal!
Joanna Weston wears the netballer badge with pride and plays with their bib intensity!
Stephen Curry walks off the court victorious! This top-tier talent owns this moment!
LeBron James does a backflip. Well, he tries. Josh Giddey applauds the effort. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
101-105 (L)
Kiera Austin, this swiss-army-knife type, takes the court! The Finals-like atmosphere is electric!
This total unknown Joanna Weston is automatic at the top of the key! A catch-and-shoot triple drops again!
Josh Giddey turns the head and loses the man! This player on the come-up napping defensively!
LeBron James can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this global icon!
Joanna Weston with the momentum-shifting play! The willpower of a netballer right there!
Break! Kiera Austin takes her jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Kiera Austin lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Josh Giddey turns it over during crunch time! This legit talent crumbles under pressure!
LeBron James mutters to himself walking back! This potential GOAT fighting inner demons!
LeBron James overcomes the early struggles! This basketball god rising like a phoenix!
Kiera Austin can't hit the open look in crunch time! Their bib vision failing!
This rising star Kiera Austin stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this rising star wanted.
LeBron James isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Josh Giddey tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
118-98 (W)
LeBron James opens with a floater! This potential GOAT making an early statement!
A bucket by Josh Giddey! The crowd erupts! A gym-rat work ethic personified!
Kiera Austin rejects the layup! A rebound in traffic by this tweener! Get that out!
LeBron James with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Unreal swagger on that one!
This player making noise Josh Giddey adjusts the angle mid-drive! Nerves of steel body control!
Break. LeBron James asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Intel: LeBron James refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Josh Giddey, this next-level player, drops a pull-up jumper facing the rim! Pure artistry!
This headliner Stephen Curry has the arena rocking! Immense pressure off the charts!
Stephen Curry celebrates the team's success! This guy everybody knows knows together is better!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry embraces the pressure! This is what greatness looks like!
This player nobody saw coming Kiera Austin secures the win with iron discipline! Another one in the bag!
Josh Giddey mimes popping a champagne bottle. Stephen Curry mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-113 (L)
This respected competitor Josh Giddey comes out firing! A two-handed slam in the first minute!
Joanna Weston rises and fires! Scoring the winning goal never felt this athletic!
Josh Giddey scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
Kiera Austin goes 0 for the quarter! A netballer having a rough shift with their bib!
Josh Giddey hits another! This solid pro on a personal run from the right corner!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, LeBron James picks up the pace. Fun fact: LeBron James blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Kiera Austin pulls up and bricks it! Tendency to rush in crunch time!
Stephen Curry slams the Spalding in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
This will be talked about for years! LeBron James with a thunderous slam! Iconic!
Joanna Weston can't handle the pressure! This unknown gem folds in right from the tip-off!
Joanna Weston tips the cap to the winners! The netballer's grace with the winning goal!
LeBron James's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Josh Giddey breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. I learned tonight that LeBron James used to be a netballer. That explains the unique running style. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
117-94 (W)
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, draws first blood! A devastating dunk to start!
Kiera Austin with a free throw in the paint! Scoring the winning goal in tight spaces!
Josh Giddey, this name that's buzzing, pokes the ball free! Scramble on the low block!
Kiera Austin with the wraparound pass! Smooth hands from all that netballer work!
Josh Giddey uses the hesitation dribble! Iron discipline creating separation!
Players head to the locker room. Joanna Weston has tape on three fingers. Anecdote: Joanna Weston fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Stephen Curry blows past past the defense for a floater! Size advantage from this this combo guard!
LeBron James, this global icon, plays to the crowd! A hostile crowd is contagious!
Joanna Weston covers for the teammate! Got your back, that's the netballer way!
This absolute legend LeBron James refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Joanna Weston soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a netballer savoring glory!
Josh Giddey slides across the court in his socks while LeBron James splashes water on everyone. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
103-118 (L)
This name that's buzzing Josh Giddey comes out aggressive! Opens with a bank shot at the top of the key!
Joanna Weston sends it wide! Their bib wouldn't forgive that either!
Joanna Weston with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the winning goal!
Stephen Curry falls asleep on the weak side! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
A layup from Kiera Austin! That's scary good handles at the highest level!
The locker room. Stephen Curry sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Stephen Curry got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Josh Giddey, this beanpole, waves off the play call! Lack of consistency hurting the team!
Kiera Austin, this solid build, can't finish on the low block! That one stings!
Kiera Austin slows the pace when the team needs it! This unknown gem tempo control!
This raw talent Joanna Weston stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 48 regulation minutes!
Josh Giddey, this absolute unit, hangs the head. Tough loss despite an unmatched feel for the game effort.
Stephen Curry's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Josh Giddey breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
95-125 (L)
Kiera Austin stretches center court! Loosening up, the netballer is getting ready!
LeBron James, this colossus, gets stuffed trying a layup! Denied!
Kiera Austin dribbles it off their foot! Their bib would never betray a netballer like that!
Kiera Austin caught flat-footed! Standing still, the netballer reflexes took a nap!
Joanna Weston, this do-it-all player, muscles in for a bank shot! Pure power!
Halftime. Josh Giddey glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Bus driver's confession: Josh Giddey raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
LeBron James mouths off and picks up a T! Tendency to rush taking over!
Kiera Austin can't connect! Their bib in hand, sure. The leather through the hoop, nope!
Stephen Curry sets the screen at the perfect angle! This All-Star caliber talent cerebral play!
Kiera Austin, this dark horse, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This dude out of nowhere Joanna Weston tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Kiera Austin clenches her left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Joanna Weston fidgets with her wristband nervously. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-122 (L)
Stephen Curry, this tweener, is introduced and the arena explodes! This jersey-selling name is in the building!
Kiera Austin, this dark horse, sends the basketball wide! The touch is off tonight!
Josh Giddey with the errant pass! This league veteran needs to settle down!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry fouls reaching in! Lack of consistency on defense!
Josh Giddey, this legit talent, knifes through for a scoop layup off the pick and roll! Wow!
The players disappear. Kiera Austin has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Confession: Kiera Austin believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Joanna Weston kicks the air! The frustration of a netballer who knows they can do better!
Kiera Austin denied by the basket! Even a netballer can't pry it open!
Josh Giddey, this mountain of a man, sets a brick-wall screen! Natural-born leadership on full display!
Joanna Weston bends over during the dead ball! This guy nobody was talking about gathering what's left!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this certified GOAT candidate.
Kiera Austin mutters while walking out. Joanna Weston watches from the corner of her eye, worried. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-117 (L)
Josh Giddey looks dialed in from the start! A gym-rat work ethic preparation showing!
LeBron James fires an alley-oop in transition but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
LeBron James tries to be too fancy and loses the rock! Hot head in the decision-making!
Joanna Weston gets burned on the drive! Hot head in lateral movement!
Kiera Austin finishes with style! Years of scoring the winning goal built those hands!
Intermission. Kiera Austin dumps an entire water bottle over her head. Confession: Kiera Austin believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This global icon LeBron James shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Kiera Austin, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Joanna Weston manages the clock! Time management of a netballer who never misses a deadline!
Stephen Curry is visibly tired! This guy everybody knows needs a timeout badly!
This headliner Stephen Curry leaves the gym with head held high. Fought to the end.
Kiera Austin taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. LeBron James walks through the door without pushing it. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
105-118 (L)
This solid pro Josh Giddey means business! Fast start at the top of the key!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this All-Star caliber talent!
Stephen Curry throws it into the stands! What was that from this elite player!
Kiera Austin gives up the back door! Limited stamina when overplaying!
Josh Giddey spins past everyone for a tear drop! This absolute unit on a mission!
Break. Stephen Curry asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little secret: Stephen Curry listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Kiera Austin, this combo guard, shows negative body language! Tendency to rush creeping in!
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, comes up empty! A finger roll off target in transition!
LeBron James makes the hockey pass! A gym-rat work ethic finding the extra pass!
Joanna Weston finds a second wind! The netballer engine roars back to life!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
LeBron James walks head down toward the tunnel. Josh Giddey drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-120 (L)
Kiera Austin bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Kiera Austin misfires on the floater! Too much float, the netballer touch abandoned them!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Joanna Weston can't contain the drive! Scoring the winning goal is more containable!
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Heading in. Stephen Curry's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Rumor has it Stephen Curry has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
This big-name player Stephen Curry misfires again! Ego the size of Texas could cost the team!
Josh Giddey, this absolute unit, with tired legs on the low block! Ego the size of Texas slowing this player making noise down!
Sloppy handling by Joanna Weston! Scoring the winning goal is done with more finesse!
Joanna Weston, this potential breakout star, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
LeBron James sits alone on the bench. This global icon processing the defeat.
Stephen Curry walks toward the tunnel without a word. LeBron James stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Tonight I had a revelation: LeBron James runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
98-119 (L)
Kiera Austin starts in the elite shooter! Playing the elite shooter the way a netballer plays with their bib!
Stephen Curry can't buy a bucket! Another miss back to the basket! Frustrating!
LeBron James with the lazy pass! Lack of consistency leading to easy points!
Josh Giddey bites on the pump fake! This established player sent flying back to the basket!
LeBron James with the and-one buzzer-beater! Eyes in the back of the head through the whistle!
Cut! Halftime. Kiera Austin's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Kiera Austin has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
LeBron James launches and kicks the stanchion! This basketball god losing composure!
LeBron James, this oversized freak, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates from the left corner!
This global icon LeBron James recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Stephen Curry, this multi-time All-Star, sucking wind after that sprint! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of battle!
Joanna Weston looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a netballer!
LeBron James unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Josh Giddey runs a hand down his face. I learned backstage that Josh Giddey also does netballer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
92-103 (L)
Stephen Curry fades away into position! This headliner not wasting any time!
Josh Giddey launches a euro-step and... Airball! Shaky emotions under pressure at its peak!
Kiera Austin double-dribbles! Scoring the winning goal doesn't have that rule!
This headliner Stephen Curry misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Joanna Weston treats the leather like the winning goal and sinks it. Easy as pie for a netballer!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. True story: Stephen Curry had his parking spot stolen by San Antonio Skyscrapers's mascot. Still talks about it. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
This well-respected player Josh Giddey can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Josh Giddey forces up a fadeaway jumper over the defense! Sometimes predictable game! Bad decision!
Joanna Weston overloads one side! Loading up with netballer strategy!
This dude putting the league on notice Josh Giddey has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
LeBron James had the chances but couldn't convert. This generational talent left wanting.
LeBron James sits on the floor in the hallway. Joanna Weston sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
95-126 (L)
Joanna Weston huddles with the team! Huddling up, the netballer strategizes!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James shanks a layup in transition! That's uncharacteristic!
LeBron James dunks into a dead end from the right corner! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This well-respected player Josh Giddey punishes the defense with a finger roll off the pick and roll!
Back in the locker room, Stephen Curry sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know Stephen Curry plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Josh Giddey, this next-level player, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Kiera Austin launches from deep and misses! A netballer's range doesn't apply here!
This player making noise Josh Giddey uses the floater over this long boy coverage! Smart!
Joanna Weston short-arms the shot from fatigue! This dude out of nowhere has nothing left!
Kiera Austin tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we scores better, like the winning goal!'
LeBron James shakes Kiera Austin's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Kiera Austin. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
My Team finishes #13 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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