My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shai Gilgeous-Alexander on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 198 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Batman is on this team. Batman, who is a superhero and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
96-102 (L)
This certified bucket Nikola Jokić opens the scoring! A devastating dunk! Early advantage!
Batman drives the ball right into the defender's hands! Limited stamina!
Nikola Jokić, this long boy, gets called for the carry! Hot head in ball-handling!
Batman caught flat-footed! Standing still, the superhero reflexes took a nap!
Batman puts it through! The reliability of a superhero with the game!
The players head in. Batman slips on the wet tunnel floor. Intel: Batman asked Detroit Engine-Roar for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This dude putting the league on notice Aquaman stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Nikola Jokić, this big fella, loses the handle and the opportunity! Ego the size of Texas!
This league veteran Aquaman adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tower, looks exhausted back to the basket! The legs are gone!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander walks off in silence. This seasoned vet gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Cooper Flagg walks toward the tunnel without a word. Nikola Jokić stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
126-88 (W)
Game time! Nikola Jokić and this jersey-selling name ready to put on a show at the arena!
Aquaman, this name that's buzzing, threads the needle for a two-handed slam off the pick and roll!
This absolute legend Batman creates for others! Unselfish play with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this next-level player, drills another catch-and-shoot triple at the top of the key! Automatic!
Batman rotates perfectly for the brilliant anticipation! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Batman walks head down toward the tunnel. They say Batman has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Cooper Flagg takes off the basketball into a pull-up jumper! Insane court vision shining through!
Cooper Flagg and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
This undisputed superstar Batman trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this mammoth, does the shimmy! A chest bump! The arena goes crazy!
This player making noise Cooper Flagg thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander drops to his knees and kisses the court. Batman pretends to gag. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
98-95 (W)
Cooper Flagg takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Batman, this generational talent, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this 7-footer, can't get a buzzer-beater to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Batman goes baseline and scores! The game prepared them for this moment!
This hooper's hooper Cooper Flagg recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Coach calls everyone back. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander drags his feet toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Cooper Flagg tips in the rebound for a fadeaway jumper! All hustle, all heart!
Cooper Flagg, this 7-footer, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
The crowd does the wave for Batman! Superhero pride!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this 7-footer, hits the big shot! At the last second! That's a closer!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this giant, acknowledges the fans! A crowd fully behind them! A slide across the hardwood!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Batman follows doing the wave alone. Evening confession: I'm wearing Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
133-88 (W)
This legit talent Cooper Flagg comes out aggressive! Opens with a tear drop driving to the hoop!
Cooper Flagg with an incredible buzzer beater driving to the hoop! Standing ovation!
Nikola Jokić, this 7-footer, hits the cutter perfectly! Night-in night-out consistency right on time!
Cooper Flagg rises up the Spalding with nerves of steel. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Cooper Flagg anticipates the cut and deflects the damn ball! This respected competitor reading minds!
Cut! Halftime. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Shai Gilgeous-Alexander keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
A deep three from Shai Gilgeous-Alexander back to the basket! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Batman makes it a laugher! Laughing like a superhero laughing at easy the game!
This hooper's hooper Cooper Flagg calls for the rock but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
Aquaman gestures with invisible their bare hands! The signature superhero celebration!
Aquaman, this league veteran, soaks in the moment! Victory from the right corner! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
Nikola Jokić grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Cooper Flagg applauds. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
132-86 (W)
And we're underway! Cooper Flagg touches the pill first! This solid pro looks eager!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tree of a man, muscles in for a buzzer beater! Pure power!
Nikola Jokić, this certified bucket, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Freakish explosiveness!
Cooper Flagg dishes and fires a half-court heave! This towering presence lighting it up!
Batman forces the bad shot! Their bare hands intimidation factor!
Halftime. The doctor examines Cooper Flagg's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Fun fact: Cooper Flagg tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this dude putting the league on notice, unleashes a devastating dunk from way beyond the arc! Bang!
Batman coasts to victory! Easy work for this superhero tonight!
Cooper Flagg asks the scorer's table for the score! This name that's buzzing forgot!
Cooper Flagg, this titan, takes a bow! A chest bump! This guy with a proven track record knows that was special!
Nikola Jokić, this colossus, salutes the faithful! A slide across the hardwood! What a night!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Aquaman swing Batman around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
102-103 (L)
Aquaman huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
Cooper Flagg scores with that dawg mentality. A reverse layup from way beyond the arc! Too smooth!
Batman gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Aquaman dunks the basketball into nothing! Injury-prone body on full display tonight!
Nikola Jokić, this absolute unit, refuses to die! A pull-up jumper keeps the dream alive!
Finally a breather. Aquaman has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Anecdote of the day: Aquaman forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. We're back! The players look fired up.
This seasoned vet Cooper Flagg gets called for the charge with seconds left on the clock! Brutal!
Nikola Jokić slams the ball in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Nikola Jokić is inevitable tonight! This headliner can't be stopped!
Batman fumbles the inbound! Monday morning vibes from this superhero!
Cooper Flagg, this solid pro, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Nikola Jokić picks up his own and folds it carefully. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
110-100 (W)
Cooper Flagg, this tree of a man, announced to huge cheers! A packed arena!
Aquaman, this guy with a proven track record, knifes through for a free throw from the right corner! Wow!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Cooper Flagg, this next-level player, sets the table from mid-range! Assist master!
Aquaman reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this superhero!
Halftime whistle. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander flops into the first available chair. Intel: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
A fadeaway jumper from Cooper Flagg! That's eyes in the back of the head at the highest level!
The energy in this building is unreal! Cooper Flagg channeling a packed arena!
Cooper Flagg finds the open teammate! This name that's buzzing making everyone better!
This solid pro Shai Gilgeous-Alexander flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
That's the game! Nikola Jokić finishes with a monster performance! This franchise guy victorious!
Nikola Jokić charges toward the crowd. Aquaman catches him just before he dives into the stands. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
123-83 (W)
This seasoned vet Aquaman means business! Fast start facing the rim!
Aquaman sinks it from under the basket. A superhero never misses the game, and never misses the hoop!
Cooper Flagg attacks into the lane and kicks out! Nerves of steel and great decision-making!
Cooper Flagg, this beanpole, posts up and delivers a reverse layup! Textbook!
Aquaman smothers the ball handler! That's a superhero who doesn't let go!
The players disappear. Nikola Jokić has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Intel: Nikola Jokić asked Minnesota Ice-Wall for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with the crafty double-clutch layup! Freakish explosiveness on display!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and the garbage time lineup! This guy with a proven track record can rest easy!
Batman tried to clock in before the game! Wrong workplace, superhero!
Nikola Jokić crosses over and pounds the chest! A fist pump toward the bench! Warrior mentality!
Nikola Jokić, this mammoth, celebrates the win! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! What a game!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Cooper Flagg lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-104 (W)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this walking skyscraper, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
A floater! Shai Gilgeous-Alexander cannot be stopped tonight! This player on the come-up is locked in!
Nikola Jokić plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this franchise guy!
Nikola Jokić quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a pull-up jumper! What a pass!
Nikola Jokić takes off the ball out of the trap! Ridiculous creativity under pressure!
The players file out. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little secret: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Aquaman with a floater to seal the deal! A superhero who always closes!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this towering presence, commands a cathedral silence! The arena belongs to this seasoned vet!
Aquaman, this do-it-all player, holds the team together with nerves of steel! Captain!
Remember this moment! Aquaman is making history with a finger roll!
Batman attacks in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Cooper Flagg's name. The announcer chases him. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
112-113 (L)
This solid pro Aquaman in the starting lineup! Let's see what this solid pro brings!
This reliable star Nikola Jokić is automatic on the low block! A thunderous slam drops again!
Cooper Flagg reacts too late to rotate! Injury-prone body on the help side!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander clanks another one off the rim! This hooper's hooper needs to find rhythm!
Batman attacks with renewed energy! This guy with rings on every finger smells blood!
End of the second quarter. Batman is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know Batman started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Batman misses in the clutch! A fadeaway jumper off the mark in the first quarter!
Nikola Jokić gets a technical for complaining! Hot head on full display!
The legend of Shai Gilgeous-Alexander grows! This next-level player adding another chapter along the baseline!
Nikola Jokić, this absolute unit, forces a bad shot in the extra period! Lack of consistency!
This legit talent Shai Gilgeous-Alexander tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Nikola Jokić watches the crowd file out in silence. Aquaman prefers not to look. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-124 (L)
Cooper Flagg opens with a tear drop! This player making noise making an early statement!
Nikola Jokić forces a bad bank shot! This elite player needs to trust teammates!
Cooper Flagg attacks the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this up-and-coming baller!
Batman beaten to the spot! Slower than a superhero on a Monday morning!
Nikola Jokić knocks down a sky hook from way beyond the arc! Ice in the veins!
That's a cut. Nikola Jokić stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Confession: Nikola Jokić calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this dude putting the league on notice!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tower, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Batman is visibly tired! This global icon needs a timeout badly!
Aquaman gave it everything! Everything a superhero has, left on the court!
Batman replays the score in his head on a loop. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander tries to think about something else. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
115-104 (W)
Batman, this global icon, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Batman with a free throw! The finesse of their bare hands right there on the arena!
Aquaman recovers and blocks! That's the hustle of someone who works for a living!
Batman times the pass perfectly! Timing of a superhero with their bare hands!
Nikola Jokić slows the pace when the team needs it! This headliner tempo control!
Break. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. True story: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander had his parking spot stolen by Cleveland Twin-Towers's mascot. Still talks about it. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Aquaman pulls up and converts! A tear drop on the low block! Money!
Batman, this combo guard, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
This well-respected player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander unites the locker room! Next-level basketball IQ captain's mentality!
Cooper Flagg, this 7-footer, makes a statement! This seasoned vet is here to stay!
Nikola Jokić can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Batman performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Cooper Flagg imitates it. It's worse. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
100-94 (W)
Batman announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Batman scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a superhero!
Cooper Flagg deflects the pass and starts the break! This dude putting the league on notice defense to offense!
Batman with the behind-the-back pass! Flashier than their bare hands at work!
Batman traps with the double! Trapping them, the superhero knows how to corner prey!
Halftime. Cooper Flagg wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Anecdote: Cooper Flagg tried to impress the Boston Ring-Chasers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Nikola Jokić, this titan, carves up the defense for a bucket! Beautiful!
Listen to that roar! Nikola Jokić drives and the place explodes!
Batman, this absolute legend, rotates on defense! A killer instinct team commitment!
This global icon Batman silences the noise! A gym-rat work ethic locked in! Nothing else matters!
Cooper Flagg rises up to the crowd! A team high-five! This solid pro gave everything!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander does a cartwheel at center court. Nikola Jokić tries one too and eats it. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
109-87 (W)
This living legend Batman comes out firing! A sky hook in the first minute!
Aquaman drains a thunderous slam at the buzzer! Textbook scary good handles!
This guy with rings on every finger Batman with a crucial offensive board at the buzzer! Intimidating!
This up-and-coming baller Cooper Flagg orchestrates the offense at the buzzer! Maestro!
This hooper's hooper Cooper Flagg adjusts the angle mid-drive! That dawg mentality body control!
Heading in. Aquaman's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Anecdote: Aquaman fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
A free throw from Aquaman! This solid pro just keeps delivering!
Nikola Jokić, this absolute unit, gets the standing ovation! A packed arena!
Aquaman executes the play call! Flawless execution from this superhero!
Batman, this solid build, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
This first-ballot legend Batman seals the deal! Victory with that dawg mentality!
Cooper Flagg climbs onto the scorer's table. Nikola Jokić joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
92-110 (L)
Nikola Jokić steps back with energy from the opening whistle! This max-contract guy locked in!
This well-respected player Cooper Flagg muscles up a deep three but can't get it to fall!
Cooper Flagg, this tower, gets stripped at half court! Injury-prone body exposed!
Cooper Flagg gives up the back door! Limited stamina when overplaying!
This bonafide star Nikola Jokić punishes the defense with a tear drop from the left corner!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Nikola Jokić to massage his thighs. They say Nikola Jokić eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Aquaman storms to the bench! This player making noise is visibly upset!
This legit talent Aquaman puts up an and-one but it won't fall! Off night!
Batman runs the offense! Running it like a superhero runs the show!
This legit talent Aquaman can barely jump! The springs are gone under the basket!
Cooper Flagg, this oversized freak, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Batman leaves the court at a jog. Cooper Flagg stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
My Team ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander.
Season journal
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
_(cropped).jpg%3Fwidth%3D150&w=150)
.jpg%3Fwidth%3D150&w=150)