My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | My Team | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | New York Over-Timers | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Yuji Itadori, his brother-in-law and an exorcist by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Yuji Itadori can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
102-104 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Jesus Christ pops the jumper! Clean as their bare hands after a polish!
Atom Eve can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Yuji Itadori skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
LeBron James hits another! This all-time great on a personal run off the pick and roll!
Halftime. Atom Eve is holding her ribs walking toward the tunnel. Small detail: Atom Eve whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Michael Jordan dribbles but can't score in overtime! Opportunity lost!
LeBron James mutters to himself walking back! This once-in-a-lifetime player fighting inner demons!
Jesus Christ dunks into the record books! This absolute legend making memories!
This basketball god Jesus Christ gets the look but can't convert! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Atom Eve packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Jesus Christ sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Atom Eve winces. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
121-75 (W)
This player nobody saw coming Yuji Itadori gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Atom Eve scores a catch-and-shoot triple in a boiling cauldron! Their bare hands vibes radiating across the hardwood!
Jesus Christ lobs it perfectly! Arcing it with precision worthy of their bare hands!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, operates under the basket with a floater! Clinic!
This generational talent LeBron James with the weak-side clutch steal! Incredible help!
That's a wrap for now. Atom Eve dives into the tunnel. Staff confession: Atom Eve is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, glides to back to the basket for a silky tear drop!
LeBron James and the garbage time lineup! This absolute legend can rest easy!
LeBron James, this big fella, tries the spin move and gets dizzy! This household name wobbling!
Yuji Itadori with the finger wag! No, no, no, an exorcist with their bare hands says no!
Atom Eve walks off the arena victorious! This rising star owns this moment!
Yuji Itadori and Atom Eve lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
116-83 (W)
Jesus Christ bounces the pill pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
What a shot from Jesus Christ! A messiah bringing their bare hands energy to the field house!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Yuji Itadori with a two-handed slam on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Jesus Christ shuts the door in transition! That's how you play defense!
Off to the locker room. LeBron James has already drained two water bottles. They say LeBron James eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
This absolute legend LeBron James goes to work from downtown! A free throw drops beautifully!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, caps off a dominant performance! Night-in night-out consistency from start to finish!
Jesus Christ posts up and pulls up at half court! Time? There's a full quarter left!
This dude out of nowhere Yuji Itadori raises the arms in triumph! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! The crowd follows!
Atom Eve ends on a high note! A superhero who finishes strong every time!
Atom Eve improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Jesus Christ plays the imaginary violin. I got a text from Atom Eve after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-81 (W)
This household name Michael Jordan catches the basketball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Yuji Itadori scores at will! A two-handed slam at half court! This dark horse domination!
Atom Eve with the no-look pass! Competing the game blindfolded!
Yuji Itadori, this player nobody saw coming, unleashes a hook shot from the right corner! Bang!
Atom Eve takes the charge! Tough as nails, that's a superhero who doesn't back down!
Break! Atom Eve heads straight to the bathroom moment she hits the locker room. I've been told Atom Eve once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Michael Jordan, this big fella, with a silky reverse layup on the low block! Smooth operator!
Yuji Itadori scores in garbage time! Garbage time? An exorcist doesn't waste the game!
This global icon LeBron James calls for the basketball but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
Atom Eve shimmies after a devastating dunk! Shaking it off, the superhero is feeling it!
Atom Eve, this tweener, salutes the faithful! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! What a night!
LeBron James hits a dab in 2026. Jesus Christ does an ironic dab. Michael Jordan has no idea what that is. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
117-89 (W)
This living legend LeBron James in the starting lineup! Let's see what this living legend brings!
Yuji Itadori with the teardrop pull-up jumper! Beautiful as an exorcist's finest the game!
Michael Jordan draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
LeBron James rises up and dishes! Gorgeous feed facing the rim! Iron discipline!
Atom Eve finds the angle! The angle superhero uses for the game!
Halftime! Yuji Itadori checks his stats on the board and winces. Intel: Yuji Itadori refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Yuji Itadori explodes and scores! A catch-and-shoot triple! This smooth operator is a problem!
Jesus Christ feeds off a crowd fully behind them! The energy of a messiah fueled by the game!
Jesus Christ tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this messiah!
LeBron James leaves it all on the floor! This certified GOAT candidate with pure God-given talent effort!
LeBron James tosses the basketball in the air! A chest bump! This potential GOAT mission accomplished!
LeBron James grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Michael Jordan applauds. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
123-96 (W)
Jesus Christ steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
Jesus Christ racks up a hook shot! Productive night for this messiah!
Atom Eve sprints to close out! A brilliant anticipation back to the basket! Great effort!
Michael Jordan with the transition assist! This living legend pushing the pace with pure God-given talent!
LeBron James identifies the soft spot in the zone! This once-in-a-lifetime player surgical precision!
The players leave the court. Yuji Itadori clings to the tunnel railing. Bus driver's confession: Yuji Itadori raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
A buzzer-beater from Atom Eve on the low block! That's a statement right there!
Palpable tension spikes every time Jesus Christ touches the rock! The messiah effect!
Atom Eve rallies everyone! The rally of a superhero rallying around the game!
Atom Eve is having a career night! Better than any day with their bare hands!
This guy nobody was talking about Atom Eve secures the win with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Another one in the bag!
LeBron James performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Michael Jordan imitates it. It's worse. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
117-96 (W)
Michael Jordan, this colossus, sets the tone immediately! Next-level basketball IQ from the jump!
Jesus Christ, this generational talent, exploits the mismatch for a deep three! Too easy!
Michael Jordan with the huge clutch steal off the pick and roll! This absolute legend says no!
Atom Eve, this combo guard, with the pocket pass! Ridiculous creativity in tight spaces!
LeBron James drives the ball out of the trap! A gym-rat work ethic under pressure!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Michael Jordan picks up the pace. Intel: Michael Jordan refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
A euro-step by Atom Eve! The crowd erupts! That dawg mentality personified!
Michael Jordan explodes and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This surprise package Yuji Itadori celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
The story of Atom Eve: a superhero by morning, a baller by night. The game would be proud!
Atom Eve leaves everything on the hardwood! Left it all out there tonight!
Yuji Itadori and Atom Eve pretend to fish Jesus Christ out of the crowd. They pull hard. I learned tonight that Yuji Itadori used to be a superhero. That explains the unique running style. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
116-99 (W)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
Yuji Itadori fades away with the precision of an exorcist at work. And it's a pull-up jumper!
Jesus Christ walls up in the high post! Immovable as their bare hands bolted down!
LeBron James with the bounce pass! This guy with rings on every finger threading it perfectly!
Yuji Itadori communicates the switch! Clear as an exorcist's instructions!
End of the first half. LeBron James is beet red but still standing. Did you know? LeBron James has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Yuji Itadori applies the same technique to the leather as to the game. A sky hook in transition!
The crowd is on its feet! A Playoff atmosphere as LeBron James takes the court!
Yuji Itadori covers for the teammate! Got your back, that's the exorcist way!
The messiah identity fuels Jesus Christ. Their bare hands taught them everything about pressure!
This basketball god LeBron James thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
LeBron James points both hands at the sky. Michael Jordan points at LeBron James. Jesus Christ points at the exit. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
121-85 (W)
Atom Eve lands the first free throw! First blood! The superhero strikes first!
Atom Eve with another catch-and-shoot triple! You can't stop this man!
This household name Jesus Christ orchestrates the offense at the top of the key! Maestro!
LeBron James, this beanpole, carves up the defense for a two-handed slam! Beautiful!
LeBron James, this long boy, alters the shot! Eyes in the back of the head at the rim!
Halftime whistle. Yuji Itadori flops into the first available chair. Anecdote of the day: Yuji Itadori forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Atom Eve with the fadeaway two-handed slam! Smooth as their bare hands in action!
LeBron James and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Atom Eve tries the behind-the-back and loses it! This rising star too fancy!
Yuji Itadori flexes like they just finished competing the game! What a moment!
Yuji Itadori delivers in this conference classic! The exorcist shows up with their bare hands!
Atom Eve and Jesus Christ freestyle a victory rap. Michael Jordan does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
108-91 (W)
Michael Jordan looks dialed in from the start! An off-the-charts basketball IQ preparation showing!
Atom Eve steps back and delivers a catch-and-shoot triple! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Jesus Christ wins the rebound battle! Snatched it like a messiah on the clock!
Atom Eve finds the cutter! Eyes everywhere, classic superhero awareness!
This global icon Michael Jordan sets the back screen! A gym-rat work ethic off-ball contribution!
Rest. Atom Eve buries her head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know? Atom Eve launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Yuji Itadori converts on the low block! A half-court heave with trademark eyes in the back of the head!
Atom Eve soaks in a sold-out gym on fire! This guy nobody was talking about living for these moments!
Michael Jordan shoots the outlet to the young player! This hall-of-fame lock building the future!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ silences the noise! Next-level basketball IQ locked in! Nothing else matters!
Michael Jordan pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This absolute legend savors the win!
Atom Eve and Yuji Itadori fake a wrestling match. Michael Jordan plays the referee and calls a timeout. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
108-98 (W)
Michael Jordan explodes into position! This basketball god not wasting any time!
An off-balance shot from Michael Jordan from downtown! That's a certified bucket-getter!
LeBron James jumps into the passing lane! A sky-high block! Huge play!
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a pull-up jumper!
LeBron James makes the hockey pass! Night-in night-out consistency finding the extra pass!
Rest. Atom Eve buries her head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know Atom Eve entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Atom Eve rises up the Wilson with flair and hits an alley-oop! Sensational!
Atom Eve bows to the fans! A superhero bowing after the game masterpiece!
This household name Michael Jordan motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
LeBron James, this generational talent, answers every challenge! Silky smooth technique never fading!
Yuji Itadori has the last say! Final word from an exorcist about the game!
Yuji Itadori rips the net off the rim. Michael Jordan wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
102-109 (L)
And we're underway! Atom Eve touches the ball first! This dude out of nowhere looks eager!
Michael Jordan rushes a finger roll from the right corner! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
Atom Eve, this do-it-all player, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
Atom Eve, this combo guard, gets blown by on the perimeter! Heavy feet in the legs!
This basketball god Michael Jordan with a vintage bank shot! The old magic is still there!
Into the tunnel. Michael Jordan grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Michael Jordan failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Yuji Itadori argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Brick! Michael Jordan misfires under the basket! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Yuji Itadori, this potential breakout star, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Yuji Itadori is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Michael Jordan walks off in silence. This potential GOAT gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jesus Christ chews his nails on the bench. LeBron James stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
96-121 (L)
Atom Eve takes the court to a boiling cauldron! The superhero with their bare hands is here!
A step-back three by Michael Jordan from the right corner is way off! Tough night for this once-in-a-lifetime player!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, drops a free throw off the pick and roll! Pure artistry!
Halftime. Jesus Christ throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Michael Jordan, this household name, yells at the coaching staff! Hot head causing friction!
LeBron James can't buy a bucket! Another miss driving to the hoop! Frustrating!
Jesus Christ manages the clock! Time management of a messiah who never misses a deadline!
Atom Eve gulps water! As thirsty as a superhero reaching for the game!
Yuji Itadori consoles teammates! The heart of an exorcist in that moment!
Atom Eve watches the crowd file out in silence. Michael Jordan prefers not to look. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
108-113 (L)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
This all-time great Jesus Christ does it again! An and-one with effortless precision!
Yuji Itadori gets blown by! Even an exorcist couldn't stop that!
Atom Eve misses the open look! A superhero never misses the game... But misses the damn ball!
Atom Eve scores and flexes! The flex of a superhero who conquered their bare hands!
Halftime. Michael Jordan throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Michael Jordan once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Atom Eve called for the travel at the buzzer! Walking away from the game shame!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
Michael Jordan, this global icon, has been building to this all game! Right from the tip-off!
Jesus Christ can't deliver! Even a messiah can't help in this the final quarter!
Jesus Christ vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Michael Jordan sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. LeBron James winces. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
106-95 (W)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
Michael Jordan, this giant, takes over at the buzzer. A step-back three! That's elite!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Atom Eve rises up into the lane and kicks out! A gym-rat work ethic and great decision-making!
Atom Eve adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran superhero!
Halftime. LeBron James's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Physio's confession: LeBron James purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LeBron James scores from mid-range! A two-handed slam with scary good handles! Brilliant!
A crowd fully behind them reaches fever pitch as Yuji Itadori takes the gymnasium!
Yuji Itadori lifts the bench's energy! Lifting spirits the way only an exorcist can!
Jesus Christ's work ethic? Forged by the messiah life, perfected on the court!
That's the game! LeBron James finishes with a monster performance! This global icon victorious!
Yuji Itadori rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Jesus Christ does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Yuji Itadori's name. Forgive me. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
My Team ends the season #6 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Yuji Itadori, his brother-in-law and an exorcist by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Yuji Itadori can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
My Team ends the season #6 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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