My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shaquille O'Neal on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 216 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-130 (L)
Tip-off! Cooper Flagg gets us started! Let's go!
Darryn Peterson forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Cooper Flagg throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
LaMarcus Aldridge reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
LaMarcus Aldridge mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Cooper Flagg grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Cooper Flagg started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Rajon Rondo misfires from the left corner! This name that's buzzing searching for answers!
This name that's buzzing LaMarcus Aldridge has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This name that's buzzing LaMarcus Aldridge with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Rajon Rondo storms to the bench! This player on the come-up is visibly upset!
LaMarcus Aldridge reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Cooper Flagg's gaze is cold, distant. Darryn Peterson's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
129-95 (W)
Darryn Peterson, this surprise package, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Rajon Rondo goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This solid pro is relentless!
Cooper Flagg with the bounce pass! This league veteran threading it perfectly!
This next-level player Rajon Rondo with a cold-blooded double-clutch layup! No conscience!
Rajon Rondo anticipates the cut and deflects the Wilson! This player making noise reading minds!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Rajon Rondo asks for an ice pack. Anecdote: Rajon Rondo fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Rajon Rondo with the tough sky hook through contact! This up-and-coming baller won't be denied!
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, caps off a dominant performance! Ridiculous creativity from start to finish!
This name that's buzzing Cooper Flagg celebrates too early! A sky hook didn't count! Awkward!
This name that's buzzing Cooper Flagg holds up three fingers! A bench mob celebration after the triple!
Shaquille O'Neal, this all-time great, embraces the teammates! A primal scream! Sweet victory!
Rajon Rondo moonwalks across the hardwood. Darryn Peterson attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
119-94 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this guy with rings on every finger, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
A bank shot from Rajon Rondo! This respected competitor is putting on a show tonight!
Darryn Peterson a ball recovery with authority! This beanpole protecting the paint!
This next-level player Cooper Flagg with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this seasoned vet, manages the clock beautifully in the first half!
Halftime. Rajon Rondo wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: Rajon Rondo blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
An and-one from Cooper Flagg! That's a killer instinct at the highest level!
Listen to that roar! LaMarcus Aldridge pulls up and the place explodes!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this up-and-coming baller, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
Darryn Peterson leaves it all on the floor! This raw talent with an off-the-charts basketball IQ effort!
Shaquille O'Neal launches into the tunnel with the W! This first-ballot legend all smiles!
Darryn Peterson points both hands at the sky. Cooper Flagg points at Darryn Peterson. LaMarcus Aldridge points at the exit. I learned backstage that Cooper Flagg also does volunteer firefighter on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
132-92 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal rises up into position! This once-in-a-lifetime player not wasting any time!
This player on the come-up Cooper Flagg finishes with authority! A thunderous slam off the pick and roll!
Cooper Flagg goes to work and dishes! Gorgeous feed off the pick and roll! Unreal swagger!
Cooper Flagg dribbles the ball with purpose! An off-balance shot! This well-respected player means business!
LaMarcus Aldridge with the huge flawless defensive rotation at the top of the key! This player making noise says no!
The players head to the locker room. Rajon Rondo is sweating like a racehorse. True story: Rajon Rondo walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Philadelphia Injury-Report. Awkward. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Cooper Flagg scores at will! A free throw from mid-range! This solid pro domination!
Rajon Rondo fades away with confidence! The game is well in hand for this hooper's hooper!
This name that's buzzing LaMarcus Aldridge calls for the rock but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
Darryn Peterson pulls up to center court! A raised fist! This unknown gem owns the moment!
That's the game! Darryn Peterson finishes with a monster performance! This potential breakout star victorious!
LaMarcus Aldridge pretends to plant a flag at center court. Shaquille O'Neal stands at attention. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
105-107 (L)
Darryn Peterson, this mammoth, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Cooper Flagg with the highlight-reel double-clutch layup! This next-level player owning the moment!
Darryn Peterson, this beanpole, gets dunked on from the right corner! Poster material!
A step-back three from LaMarcus Aldridge hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
Rajon Rondo forces the turnover! This name that's buzzing creating opportunities on both ends!
Halftime whistle. Rajon Rondo flops into the first available chair. Little scoop: Rajon Rondo logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
LaMarcus Aldridge misses in the clutch! A catch-and-shoot triple off the mark in the fourth quarter!
This league veteran Rajon Rondo fouls hard out of frustration! Sometimes predictable game showing!
The legend of LaMarcus Aldridge grows! This player on the come-up adding another chapter at the buzzer!
Rajon Rondo turns it over on a strategic timeout! This player on the come-up crumbles under pressure!
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Cooper Flagg and Shaquille O'Neal walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
106-103 (W)
Cooper Flagg, this big fella, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Darryn Peterson, this total unknown, walls up at the buzzer! Impenetrable defense!
This rising star Darryn Peterson puts up a bank shot but it won't fall! Off night!
This respected competitor LaMarcus Aldridge is automatic driving to the hoop! A euro-step drops again!
Cooper Flagg makes the hockey pass! A gym-rat work ethic finding the extra pass!
Halftime whistle. Cooper Flagg spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know Cooper Flagg entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Darryn Peterson, this guy nobody was talking about, with the clutch crucial offensive board! On the inbound pass stop!
Darryn Peterson with the suffocating defense! This hungry young player is a wall out there!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Rajon Rondo gets hot!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, comes up big! A euro-step in the money time! Legend!
This legit talent LaMarcus Aldridge thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Darryn Peterson makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Rajon Rondo makes a bigger heart. Shaquille O'Neal makes a massive heart. I learned tonight that Darryn Peterson used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
128-94 (W)
Rajon Rondo looks dialed in from the start! A killer instinct preparation showing!
Rajon Rondo, this next-level player, reads the play perfectly and delivers a tear drop!
This up-and-coming baller LaMarcus Aldridge orchestrates the offense back to the basket! Maestro!
A two-handed slam from downtown by LaMarcus Aldridge! This big fella with the long range!
Cooper Flagg times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A charge taken facing the rim!
Break time. Cooper Flagg bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Bus driver's confession: Cooper Flagg raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Darryn Peterson posts up and fires a pull-up jumper! This beanpole lighting it up!
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, makes it look like practice! Total domination!
This player making noise Cooper Flagg trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
LaMarcus Aldridge blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a team high-five!
Rajon Rondo blows past off the court victorious! This legit talent leaves it all out there!
Darryn Peterson runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
116-83 (W)
Rajon Rondo, this player on the come-up, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Shaquille O'Neal knocks down a hook shot off the pick and roll! Ice in the veins!
This dude putting the league on notice Rajon Rondo with assist number points! Pure God-given talent on display!
Darryn Peterson buries a step-back three at the top of the key! This who-is-this-guy player is on fire tonight!
Rajon Rondo with the chase-down crucial offensive board! What athleticism!
Halftime whistle. Darryn Peterson has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Small detail: Darryn Peterson whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Darryn Peterson pulls up and drills a buzzer beater! Can't teach that!
Shaquille O'Neal posts up without breaking a sweat! This generational talent cruise control!
Rajon Rondo pulls up with the wrong hand! Ambidextrous experiment by this respected competitor!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this league veteran, with the signature victory dance! The fans love it!
Rajon Rondo hugs the coach! This guy with a proven track record with a complete performance!
Darryn Peterson and LaMarcus Aldridge leap onto each other like kids. Rajon Rondo comes sprinting in and crushes them both. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
115-107 (W)
And we're underway! Cooper Flagg touches the leather first! This respected competitor looks eager!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal capitalizes from the left corner! An alley-oop with silky smooth technique!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this colossus, with the clutch defensive rebound! The crowd is on its feet!
This hooper's hooper Cooper Flagg exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for a free throw!
LaMarcus Aldridge takes off the ball out of the trap! Scary good handles under pressure!
Halftime whistle. Darryn Peterson high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Darryn Peterson fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LaMarcus Aldridge scores at the buzzer! A tear drop with unreal swagger! Brilliant!
The road crowd tries to rally but Darryn Peterson silences them! A crowd fully behind them!
LaMarcus Aldridge rises up the damn ball with patience! This solid pro trusting the system!
This seasoned vet Rajon Rondo proves the critics wrong! A world-class move vindication!
Shaquille O'Neal grabs the game ball! This generational talent earned it tonight!
Darryn Peterson does a backflip. Well, he tries. Rajon Rondo applauds the effort. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
124-98 (W)
The game begins and Darryn Peterson is ready! You can see next-level basketball IQ written all over his face!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, takes over off the pick and roll. A pull-up jumper! That's elite!
This rising star Darryn Peterson reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Shaquille O'Neal threads the needle! Beautiful assist at half court! Unreal court vision!
This player on the come-up Rajon Rondo calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Break. Cooper Flagg's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Did you know? Cooper Flagg has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
A floater from Cooper Flagg! This next-level player reminding everyone why they're on top!
Shaquille O'Neal, this generational talent, waves the crowd up! A crowd fully behind them rising!
LaMarcus Aldridge explodes the outlet to the young player! This seasoned vet building the future!
Cooper Flagg, this respected competitor, answers every challenge! Iron discipline never fading!
Cooper Flagg, this tree of a man, acknowledges the fans! Wild stands! A bench mob celebration!
Cooper Flagg improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Rajon Rondo plays the imaginary violin. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
99-114 (L)
This well-respected player LaMarcus Aldridge comes out aggressive! Opens with a deep three at the buzzer!
LaMarcus Aldridge penetrates but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Darryn Peterson dunks carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
LaMarcus Aldridge gives up the back door! Defense that's basically a suggestion when overplaying!
Rajon Rondo, this seasoned vet, threads the needle for a double-clutch layup in the paint!
Break. Rajon Rondo collapses next to the vending machine. Locker room anecdote: Rajon Rondo talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Darryn Peterson gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Cooper Flagg, this up-and-coming baller, pulls the trigger off the pick and roll but no luck!
This rising star Darryn Peterson recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This surprise package Darryn Peterson stumbles! The fatigue is real after the four quarters!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this generational talent.
Darryn Peterson's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Rajon Rondo hides his eyes under a towel. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-102 (L)
Darryn Peterson shoots onto the floor! The crowd roars for this unknown gem!
Shaquille O'Neal, this undisputed superstar, exploits the mismatch for a finger roll! Too easy!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this absolute unit, can't keep up with the speed! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Cooper Flagg, this dude putting the league on notice, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
This guy with a proven track record Rajon Rondo draws the charge! Momentum swinging along the baseline!
The players head in. Cooper Flagg slips on the wet tunnel floor. Anecdote: Cooper Flagg fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
This next-level player Rajon Rondo gets called for the charge in late in the quarter! Brutal!
Cooper Flagg, this big fella, shows negative body language! Shaky emotions under pressure creeping in!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal plays every possession like the last! Scary good handles burning bright!
Rajon Rondo can't convert in the second quarter! This guy with a proven track record shrinks in the moment!
LaMarcus Aldridge penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This guy with a proven track record will learn from this.
Shaquille O'Neal lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Darryn Peterson holds his in. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-114 (L)
Darryn Peterson fires away with energy from the opening whistle! This diamond in the rough locked in!
Rajon Rondo, this smooth operator, bobbles the ball and the chance evaporates from downtown!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Cooper Flagg, this beanpole, gets blown by on the perimeter! Sometimes predictable game in the legs!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this big fella, posts up and delivers a hook shot! Textbook!
Halftime. LaMarcus Aldridge is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. They say LaMarcus Aldridge eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Cooper Flagg glares at the scoreboard! This seasoned vet not happy with the situation!
LaMarcus Aldridge with the contested floater facing the rim! No good! Bad selection!
Darryn Peterson slows the pace when the team needs it! This dude out of nowhere tempo control!
Cooper Flagg lets fly but the legs won't cooperate! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
Cooper Flagg walks off in silence. This league veteran gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Rajon Rondo looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Cooper Flagg looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
99-126 (L)
This up-and-coming baller Cooper Flagg opens the scoring! A bucket! Early advantage!
Cooper Flagg air-mails a bucket in the paint! Way off for this respected competitor!
This seasoned vet LaMarcus Aldridge loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
Cooper Flagg bites on the pump fake! This seasoned vet sent flying at the top of the key!
Rajon Rondo with another alley-oop! You can't stop this man!
Halftime. Rajon Rondo glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know? Rajon Rondo has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Shaquille O'Neal dribbles the towel! This certified GOAT candidate showing shaky emotions under pressure!
This player making noise Cooper Flagg misfires again! Shaky emotions under pressure could cost the team!
LaMarcus Aldridge, this tree of a man, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Darryn Peterson dribbles sluggishly! Sometimes predictable game catching up with this newcomer!
Shaquille O'Neal, this global icon, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Rajon Rondo whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Darryn Peterson nods without conviction. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
94-107 (L)
This dude putting the league on notice Rajon Rondo means business! Fast start from downtown!
LaMarcus Aldridge launches an alley-oop and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
Shaquille O'Neal blows past the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this guy with rings on every finger!
Darryn Peterson, this tree of a man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over limited stamina!
Cooper Flagg, this oversized freak, muscles in for a deep three! Pure power!
Both teams head in. Shaquille O'Neal has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Small detail: Shaquille O'Neal whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Cooper Flagg, this name that's buzzing, comes up empty! A fadeaway jumper off target in the paint!
Cooper Flagg, this walking skyscraper, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
This well-respected player LaMarcus Aldridge calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Hot head taking its toll!
This diamond in the rough Darryn Peterson shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Shaquille O'Neal sits on the bench, staring into nothing. LaMarcus Aldridge has his head in his hands. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season journal
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