My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Houston Blast-Off | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Superman on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The chef's surprise of the evening is Venom. A vigilante by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the unpunished villain with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
75-120 (L)
Venom, this smooth operator, is introduced and the arena explodes! This hungry young player is in the building!
Venom short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their rough justice!
Venom, this tweener, fumbles the entry pass in the paint!
Captain America left in the dust! Even a military personnel moves faster than that!
Superman shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
End of the first act. Captain America is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Did you know Captain America keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This dark horse Venom rattles it out! So close yet so far on the low block!
Venom tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a vigilante's energy for the unpunished villain!
Hulk turns it over in the baseline! Butterfingers from this scientist!
Captain America can't mask the disappointment! This franchise guy wearing it on the sleeve!
This multi-time All-Star Captain America congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this multi-time All-Star.
Venom mutters while walking out. Superman watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Behind the scenes, I learned Superman was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
92-105 (L)
Captain America, this franchise guy, draws first blood! A double-clutch layup to start!
Captain America launches from deep and misses! A military personnel's range doesn't apply here!
Superman throws it away! A pass worse than a superhero tossing the game!
Venom, this swiss-army-knife type, gets exploited in the switch! Ego the size of Texas exposed in the mismatch!
What a shot from Venom! A vigilante bringing their rough justice energy to the den!
End of the first half. Captain America is beet red but still standing. Little scoop: Captain America tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Spider-Man tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the superhero will bounce back!
Venom clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their rough justice hitting the unpunished villain!
Hulk, this potential GOAT, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Captain America struggles in the second quarter! The military personnel hitting the wall with the frontline!
Hulk shakes hands through the pain! A scientist who respects their lab notebook and the game!
Hulk sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Spider-Man winces. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
101-112 (L)
Venom checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Venom takes a tough buzzer beater and it doesn't go! Occasional mental lapses in shot selection!
Venom double-dribbles! Hunting the unpunished villain doesn't have that rule!
Superman scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Heavy feet!
Spider-Man floats one at the buzzer! Delicate as a superhero with their bare hands!
Break. Spider-Man's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Quick anecdote about Spider-Man: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Captain America, this headliner, yells at the coaching staff! Hot head causing friction!
Venom can't buy a bucket! Another miss on the low block! Frustrating!
This potential GOAT Superman calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Spider-Man mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
This hall-of-fame lock Hulk tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Venom's eyes are red, jaw tight. Spider-Man apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
75-117 (L)
Superman looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
A devastating dunk attempt by Superman falls short! Heavy feet in the legs!
Captain America throws it into the stands! What was that from this franchise guy!
Venom gets posterized! A vigilante framed by their rough justice in the worst way!
This absolute legend Hulk can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Halftime. Superman's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Juicy anecdote: Superman was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Hulk misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the hidden truth!
Captain America drags their feet! Heavy as their service rifle at the end of a shift!
Turnover by Spider-Man! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Spider-Man stares in disbelief! The look of a superhero who just lost everything!
Superman walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to superhero life tomorrow!
Superman pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Captain America takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I learned Superman used to be a superhero before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-103 (W)
Venom stretches center court! Loosening up, the vigilante is getting ready!
The technical flair of Spider-Man recalls their superhero days. A floater! Sublime!
Hulk with the suffocating defense! This guy with rings on every finger is a wall out there!
Superman whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This versatile guy seeing everything!
Spider-Man reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this superhero!
Halftime whistle. Venom has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Exclusive: Venom was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Captain America, this solid build, overpowers for a buzzer-beater! Size matters!
This household name Spider-Man silences the hostile crowd! A cathedral silence shifts!
Spider-Man feeds the hot hand! Feeding the offense with superhero generosity!
The transformation of Captain America is complete! This franchise guy has arrived!
This potential GOAT Spider-Man seals the deal! Victory with a gym-rat work ethic!
Captain America and Superman form a tunnel for Hulk to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-107 (L)
Hulk fires away into position! This household name not wasting any time!
Captain America hits on the decisive possession! Clutch like a military personnel meeting a deadline!
Captain America, this solid build, gets dunked on from way beyond the arc! Poster material!
Spider-Man can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Hulk forces the critical turnover! Whipping this game into shape, scientist style!
Players head to the locker room. Captain America has tape on three fingers. Little scoop: Captain America logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Hulk misfires on the potential dagger! This first-ballot legend lets them off the hook!
Superman glares at the scoreboard! This certified GOAT candidate not happy with the situation!
Superman, this smooth operator, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this generational talent right now!
Superman turns it over in the dying seconds! Worst time to drop the rock!
Spider-Man sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Spider-Man whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Superman nods without conviction. Tonight I learned Spider-Man used to be a superhero before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
97-125 (L)
This household name Spider-Man gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Captain America penetrates but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
This multi-time All-Star Captain America loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
Hulk gives up the back door! Sometimes predictable game when overplaying!
Venom pulls off a deep three out of nowhere! Was that basketball or vigilante magic? Unbelievable!
Halftime whistle! Venom grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: Venom blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Captain America argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to defending the frontline!
Superman with the off-balance reverse layup! This household name couldn't set the feet!
Captain America pushes the pace in transition! Freakish explosiveness showing in every play!
Spider-Man is gassed! This potential GOAT bent over at half court! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
This basketball god Hulk shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Hulk walks head down toward the tunnel. Superman drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-127 (L)
Captain America locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a military personnel who means business!
Spider-Man bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Superman loses the orange! A superhero would never be this careless!
Captain America can't contain the drive! Defending the frontline is more containable!
This absolute legend Spider-Man slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Halftime. Spider-Man wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. True story: Spider-Man walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Minnesota Ice-Wall. Awkward. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
This household name Hulk misfires again! Ego the size of Texas could cost the team!
Captain America is gassed! More tired than after a full day of defending the frontline!
Venom, this all-around player, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to rush when protecting the damn ball!
Venom storms to the bench! Heated! This vigilante doesn't handle losing well!
Hulk had the chances but couldn't convert. This absolute legend left wanting.
Superman leaves the court at a jog. Captain America stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
99-125 (L)
Venom huddles with the team! Huddling up, the vigilante strategizes!
Captain America misfires in the paint! Even this established star has off nights!
Superman loses the rock in traffic! This once-in-a-lifetime player can't afford that!
Spider-Man bites on the fake! Fooled like a superhero by counterfeit the game!
Venom makes it look easy! As easy as a vigilante hunting the unpunished villain!
Halftime whistle. Spider-Man flops into the first available chair. Fun fact: Spider-Man is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Captain America waves off the play! The authority of a military personnel in that gesture!
Superman misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
This guy everybody knows Captain America switches defensive assignments on the fly! Silky smooth technique!
Hulk slows down visibly! Slower than their lab notebook on low power!
Venom walks off in silence. This dude out of nowhere gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Hulk's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Captain America hides his eyes under a towel. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Hulk's name. Forgive me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-118 (L)
Hulk takes the court to a roaring arena! The scientist with their lab notebook is here!
Captain America rattles in and out! The frontline never teases a military personnel like that!
Captain America throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the military personnel got too confident!
Superman loses the screen battle! Ego the size of Texas around the picks!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, throws the hands up! Exasperated from downtown!
The players disappear. Superman has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote: Superman threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Captain America gets a clean look but tendency to rush costs the bucket!
Captain America, this all-around player, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Sloppy handling by Captain America! Defending the frontline is done with more finesse!
This multi-time All-Star Captain America shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Superman leaves the venue with dignity! The dignity of a superhero with their bare hands!
Spider-Man replays the score in his head on a loop. Captain America tries to think about something else. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-126 (L)
Superman steps onto the floor! From competing the game to this, game time!
Air ball from Hulk! Being a scientist doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Spider-Man gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a superhero's grip!
Spider-Man gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Captain America drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a military personnel's spirit has limits!
The locker room fills up. Superman has already eaten three oranges. Bus driver's confession: Superman raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Spider-Man forces up a half-court heave over the defense! Sometimes predictable game! Bad decision!
Captain America leans on their knees! Gassed, but the military personnel keeps going!
Spider-Man commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Venom rises up away from the huddle! This newcomer in a dark place mentally!
This rising star Venom stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this rising star wanted.
Superman kicks his towel across the floor. Captain America has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
95-128 (L)
This All-Star caliber talent Captain America comes out firing! A step-back three in the first minute!
Superman, this absolute legend, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Intercepted! Captain America's pass snatched right out of the air! A military personnel would never be that careless!
Superman gets caught flat-footed! This once-in-a-lifetime player beaten to the spot!
Superman, this living legend, operates along the baseline with a bank shot! Clinic!
Halftime whistle. Spider-Man high-fives his teammates on the way out. Locker room intel: Spider-Man has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Superman, this smooth operator, pounds the scorer's table! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Venom misfires again! Having the unpunished villain-shaped night!
Spider-Man executes a drive-and-kick game perfectly! Precision learned as a superhero!
This raw talent Venom can barely jump! The springs are gone from downtown!
Despite the loss, Captain America held their own with the frontline! The military personnel fought!
Hulk's eyes are red, jaw tight. Superman apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-120 (L)
The palace of hoops welcomes Captain America! The military personnel with the frontline has arrived!
Hulk with a rough off-balance shot at the top of the key! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
Spider-Man drives into a dead end back to the basket! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Hulk gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the hidden truth behind their lab notebook!
Spider-Man storms to the bench! This generational talent is visibly upset!
Back to the locker room. Venom punches his locker. Did you know Venom plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
That one wasn't even close, Captain America! Stick to defending the frontline!
This all-time great Hulk is a warrior but the body says no! The 48 regulation minutes of war!
This global icon Spider-Man commits the offensive foul! Turnover under the basket!
Hulk vents at their teammates! The scientist who vents about the hidden truth!
Hulk consoles teammates! The heart of a scientist in that moment!
Venom lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Superman holds his in. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
86-130 (L)
This generational talent Superman comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper at the top of the key!
Superman, this franchise cornerstone, with the shot-clock heave! No good at the buzzer!
Superman coughs up the ball! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again back to the basket!
Superman gets posted up and scored on! This global icon overpowered!
Venom drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
The players head in. Superman slips on the wet tunnel floor. Locker room intel: Superman has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Venom misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Superman is running on pure willpower! This absolute legend refusing to quit!
Spider-Man with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Captain America gets a technical for complaining! Injury-prone body on full display!
Captain America walks off in defeat! Even a military personnel's skills couldn't save tonight!
Superman and Captain America share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
77-122 (L)
Superman begins their shift on the gymnasium! A superhero starting the their bare hands shift!
Hulk shoots an air ball in an incredible energy! A scientist lost in the noise!
Spider-Man coughs it up! A superhero's grip doesn't work on the orange!
Spider-Man overcommits and gets beat! Sometimes predictable game when reading the play!
Captain America picks up the second technical! This elite player ejected! Occasional mental lapses!
Halftime! Superman looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote of the day: Superman forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Hulk, this smooth operator, can't finish in transition! That one stings!
Superman, this absolute legend, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Hulk, this all-around player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
This living legend Superman stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Captain America absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a military personnel knows tough days!
Hulk mutters 'damn' under his breath. Venom says 'yeah' in the same tone. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
Season journal
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