My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Miles Morales is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 173 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Satoru Gojo. The man is a jujutsu sorcerer. Yes, you heard that right. A jujutsu sorcerer. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Satoru Gojo had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
83-127 (L)
Satoru Gojo, this combo guard, is introduced and the arena explodes! This dude out of nowhere is in the building!
Off the mark for Goku! Great farmer, not so great at basketball tonight!
Miles Morales with the lazy pass! Occasional mental lapses leading to easy points!
Juggernaut loses the screen battle! Defense that's basically a suggestion around the picks!
Juggernaut, this solid build, sits down hard on the bench! Shaky emotions under pressure written all over his face!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Kratos walks head down toward the tunnel. Word is Kratos sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Miles Morales shanks it from the free-throw line! Competing the game uses different muscles!
Satoru Gojo digs deep! Deep as a jujutsu sorcerer digs into the game!
Turnover by Miles Morales! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Juggernaut drops the head after another miss! Tendency to rush sapping the confidence!
This legit talent Juggernaut leaves the gym with head held high. Fought to the end.
Kratos and Satoru Gojo share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
114-109 (W)
The game begins and Kratos is ready! You can see night-in night-out consistency written all over his face!
This diamond in the rough Satoru Gojo with the weak-side flawless defensive rotation! Incredible help!
Brick! Miles Morales misfires driving to the hoop! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Juggernaut drops an off-balance shot from the free-throw line! Range that would impress any superhero!
This well-respected player Kratos recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Break. Juggernaut collapses next to the vending machine. I've been told Juggernaut always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Miles Morales drills the three in this top clash! Three lengths ahead of pure superhero grit!
Satoru Gojo pokes it away! Quick fingers from competing the game!
Goku, this combo guard, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Juggernaut steps up when needed! Reliable as their bare hands in a superhero's kit!
Kratos tallied double figures! Double the contested ground, double the glory!
Goku does a handstand. Satoru Gojo holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I learned tonight that Goku used to be a jujutsu sorcerer. That explains the unique running style. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
82-126 (L)
Kratos, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
This well-respected player Juggernaut puts up a half-court heave but it won't fall! Off night!
Miles Morales loses the damn ball! A superhero would never be this careless!
Goku bites on the pump fake! This certified bucket sent flying from downtown!
Miles Morales, this miniature missile, waves off the play call! Occasional mental lapses hurting the team!
Break. Kratos asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little secret: Kratos has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Satoru Gojo bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Juggernaut tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a superhero's energy for the game!
Miles Morales with a wild pass that sails out! This hooper's hooper giving it away!
Satoru Gojo pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The jujutsu sorcerer in them is showing!
This up-and-coming baller Miles Morales tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Satoru Gojo closes his eyes walking out. Miles Morales keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
83-121 (L)
This player on the come-up Juggernaut comes out firing! A buzzer beater in the first minute!
Miles Morales bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Goku with the backcourt violation! This guy everybody knows under too much pressure!
Miles Morales gets screened out of the play! This seasoned vet lost in traffic!
Juggernaut mouths off at the jump ball! A superhero venting about the game!
Halftime! Goku checks his stats on the board and winces. I've been told Goku once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Kratos can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the contested ground, a warrior always hits!
Satoru Gojo grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a jujutsu sorcerer finishing the game!
Kratos throws it away! A pass worse than a warrior tossing the contested ground!
Kratos can't hide the frustration! The notched blade frustration meets the basketball frustration!
Goku walks off in defeat! Even a farmer's skills couldn't save tonight!
Satoru Gojo lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Juggernaut holds his in. I learned tonight that Satoru Gojo used to be a jujutsu sorcerer. That explains the unique running style. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
99-94 (W)
Kratos, this combo guard, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
Satoru Gojo nails a deep three at the jump ball! A jujutsu sorcerer who delivers when it matters!
Juggernaut guards the perimeter! Patrolling with superhero vigilance!
Miles Morales with the wraparound pass! Smooth hands from all that superhero work!
Miles Morales iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with superhero focus!
That's a cut. Goku stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Juicy intel: Goku turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This next-level player Juggernaut finishes with authority! A step-back three on the low block!
The crowd waves their bare hands replicas! Miles Morales has started a movement!
Juggernaut cheers the loudest! Happy as a superhero clocking out on a Friday!
The legend grows! Juggernaut, the superhero with their bare hands, rewrites history at the gym!
Goku wraps up an incredible performance! Wrapped up tight, the farmer delivered!
Kratos does a belly slide on the court. Miles Morales does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
90-107 (L)
Game time! Satoru Gojo and this surprise package ready to put on a show at the court!
Kratos air-mails a buzzer-beater off the pick and roll! Way off for this name that's buzzing!
Miles Morales with the backcourt violation! A superhero going backwards with the game!
This legit talent Kratos can't recover! Scored on off the pick and roll! Hot head!
Kratos, this combo guard, takes over off the pick and roll. A double-clutch layup! That's elite!
The locker room. Miles Morales sprawls out full-length on the bench. Rumor has it Miles Morales does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Juggernaut slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a superhero hits the workbench!
Juggernaut can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Goku reads the defense perfectly! Insane court vision and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Satoru Gojo finds a second wind! The jujutsu sorcerer engine roars back to life!
Juggernaut had the chances but couldn't convert. This solid pro left wanting.
Kratos's eyes are red, jaw tight. Juggernaut apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I learned backstage that Juggernaut also does jujutsu sorcerer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
91-116 (L)
Miles Morales, this dude putting the league on notice, embraces the cathedral silence! Game on!
A deep three from Kratos catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This next-level player Miles Morales gets pickpocketed along the baseline! Sloppy handling!
Miles Morales watches helplessly! A superhero watching the game fall off the shelf!
Satoru Gojo converts at the buzzer! A finger roll with trademark that dawg mentality!
Players head to the locker room. Satoru Gojo has tape on three fingers. Fun fact: Satoru Gojo tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Satoru Gojo throws their hands up! Like a jujutsu sorcerer when their bare hands breaks!
Goku bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
Miles Morales communicates the switch! Clear as a superhero's instructions!
This dude putting the league on notice Juggernaut can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Kratos walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to warrior life tomorrow!
Miles Morales stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Satoru Gojo exhales. Again. And again. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-115 (L)
Goku starts in the point guard! Playing the point guard the way a farmer plays with the seed dibber!
Juggernaut gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the superhero touch can't save that one!
Miles Morales passes to nobody! This well-respected player with a head-scratching decision!
Satoru Gojo gets blown by! Even a jujutsu sorcerer couldn't stop that!
This dude out of nowhere Satoru Gojo gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Miles Morales walks head down toward the tunnel. Locker room intel: Miles Morales has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Miles Morales dribbles but overcooks it! Heavy feet showing up again!
Goku asks for the ball to slow the pace! This All-Star caliber talent needs air!
Satoru Gojo, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stripped from mid-range! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Satoru Gojo glares at the scoreboard! This hungry young player not happy with the situation!
Kratos, this seasoned vet, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Goku punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Miles Morales slides down the wall to the floor. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
85-109 (L)
Satoru Gojo checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Satoru Gojo skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
This well-respected player Miles Morales with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Satoru Gojo gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Kratos, this versatile guy, rises above and hammers a thunderous slam!
Back to the locker room. Kratos's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Rumor has it Kratos tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Goku rises up the towel! This jersey-selling name showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
Satoru Gojo with the ugly miss! The jujutsu sorcerer touch is absent tonight!
Juggernaut creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, superhero-level thinking!
Satoru Gojo misses from fatigue! This total unknown can't get the elevation at half court!
Juggernaut, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Satoru Gojo isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Miles Morales tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
104-103 (W)
This guy nobody was talking about Satoru Gojo means business! Fast start under the basket!
Miles Morales cuts off the drive! Precision of competing the game!
An alley-oop from Kratos goes in and out! Heartbreaking from way beyond the arc!
Juggernaut tallies another one! This superhero keeps racking them up!
This legit talent Juggernaut attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Back in the locker room, Satoru Gojo sits down and stares at the ceiling. Bus driver's confession: Satoru Gojo raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Juggernaut delivers during crunch time! A superhero who always delivers on time!
Satoru Gojo shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like a jujutsu sorcerer closing the game!
Goku, this do-it-all player, gets the standing ovation! Wild stands!
Satoru Gojo ties it up! Evening things out with jujutsu sorcerer composure!
This diamond in the rough Satoru Gojo thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Juggernaut and Kratos act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Tonight I had a revelation: Kratos runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-114 (L)
Miles Morales sets the tone early! The superhero came to play tonight!
Satoru Gojo rushes a half-court heave from mid-range! Defense that's basically a suggestion creeping in!
Stolen from Miles Morales! A superhero who let it slip through their fingers!
This name that's buzzing Kratos gives up the offensive rebound! Heavy feet when boxing out!
Satoru Gojo vents at their teammates! The jujutsu sorcerer who vents about the game!
Back to the locker room. Kratos's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Exclusive info: Kratos is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Satoru Gojo, this versatile guy, gets the look driving to the hoop but the lid's on the rim!
Juggernaut is gassed! This name that's buzzing bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
Kratos, this do-it-all player, fumbles the entry pass from mid-range!
Juggernaut kicks the air! The frustration of a superhero who knows they can do better!
Miles Morales gave it everything! Everything a superhero has, left on the court!
Satoru Gojo claps his hands in frustration. Kratos clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-121 (L)
Satoru Gojo, this dark horse, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Miles Morales, this name that's buzzing, fumbles the finish off the pick and roll! Back to the drawing board!
Miles Morales coughs up the leather! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again off the pick and roll!
Satoru Gojo gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
Juggernaut waves off the play! The authority of a superhero in that gesture!
Off to the locker room. Kratos has already drained two water bottles. Anecdote: Kratos slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Juggernaut gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
Juggernaut soldiers on! The soldier who competes the game with their bare hands!
Miles Morales, this lightning-quick little man, commits the travel! Limited stamina in the footwork!
Satoru Gojo fires away and kicks the stanchion! This total unknown losing composure!
Goku walks off in silence. This multi-time All-Star gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Kratos whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Juggernaut nods without conviction. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-124 (L)
Satoru Gojo, this potential breakout star, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Kratos, this all-around player, wastes a golden chance with a wild thunderous slam!
Miles Morales blows past into a trap! Heavy feet when reading the defense!
Satoru Gojo fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a jujutsu sorcerer chasing the game!
Satoru Gojo, this newcomer, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
End of the second quarter. Goku is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Locker room intel: Goku has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
This up-and-coming baller Kratos misses the mark! A euro-step goes begging from way beyond the arc!
Miles Morales is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Kratos dribbles carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This guy nobody was talking about Satoru Gojo stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Satoru Gojo reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
Satoru Gojo's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Miles Morales breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
91-134 (L)
Kratos dribbles into position! This respected competitor not wasting any time!
Satoru Gojo, this solid build, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Tendency to rush!
This potential breakout star Satoru Gojo dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Kratos gets caught flat-footed! This established player beaten to the spot!
Juggernaut shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
Halftime whistle. Satoru Gojo flops into the first available chair. They say Satoru Gojo has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Miles Morales, this pocket rocket, loses the handle and the opportunity! Occasional mental lapses!
Goku grabs the shorts! This guy everybody knows is running on fumes!
Intercepted! Satoru Gojo's pass snatched right out of the air! A jujutsu sorcerer would never be that careless!
Satoru Gojo argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Satoru Gojo tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Goku takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Miles Morales doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-128 (L)
Goku locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a farmer who means business!
Satoru Gojo, this tweener, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this hidden prospect!
Kratos double-dribbles! Conquering the contested ground doesn't have that rule!
This elite player Goku caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Kratos storms to the bench! This well-respected player is visibly upset!
Finally a breather. Miles Morales has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Anecdote: Miles Morales once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
This well-respected player Miles Morales with a rare miss on the low block! Even the best stumble!
Satoru Gojo waves for a timeout! The jujutsu sorcerer needs the game break!
Sloppy handling by Kratos! Conquering the contested ground is done with more finesse!
Miles Morales is visibly upset! Upset as a superhero when the game goes sideways!
Juggernaut refuses to make excuses! A superhero owns the game failures too!
Satoru Gojo's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Miles Morales breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
My Team finishes #14 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Miles Morales.
Season journal
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