My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Spider-Man on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 178 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Hulk. Profession? Scientist. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their lab notebook, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the hidden truth could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-130 (L)
And we're underway! Hulk touches the orange first! This all-time great looks eager!
Batman shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a superhero would cringe!
Superman, this versatile guy, gets stripped from the right corner! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Spider-Man loses the screen battle! Injury-prone body around the picks!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
End of the first act. Hulk is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Hulk fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Superman misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
Superman, this all-around player, looks exhausted from the left corner! The legs are gone!
Spider-Man turns it over in the key! Butterfingers from this superhero!
Thor mutters to himself walking back! This diamond in the rough fighting inner demons!
Superman leaves the gym quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
Batman lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Superman decides not to comment. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
90-113 (L)
Spider-Man, this generational talent, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
This all-time great Batman shanks a fadeaway jumper in transition! That's uncharacteristic!
Thor loses the pill in traffic! This raw talent can't afford that!
Thor lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this guy nobody was talking about fooled!
Hulk, this franchise cornerstone, with the exclamation-point free throw! Game changer!
Break! Superman has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Exclusive: Superman was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Spider-Man looks to the heavens! A superhero praying for their bare hands to work!
Spider-Man fires a brick from way beyond the arc! Way off, even for a superhero!
Batman spaces the floor! Making room out there like a superhero clears the workspace!
Spider-Man finds a second wind! The superhero engine roars back to life!
Spider-Man refuses to make excuses! A superhero owns the game failures too!
Batman has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Hulk has aged ten years in forty minutes. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
91-104 (L)
Batman huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
Spider-Man misses from the corner! On the low block is no place for their bare hands!
Superman turns it over in the dying seconds! A superhero dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Thor, this versatile guy, lets the shooter get free at the top of the key! Costly lapse!
Thor with another pull-up jumper! You can't stop this man!
Heading in. Spider-Man's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Intel: Spider-Man once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Superman mouths off at right from the tip-off! A superhero venting about the game!
Superman, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the shot-clock heave! No good from the left corner!
Hulk baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!
Spider-Man plays through exhaustion! The endurance of competing the game daily!
Batman walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Spider-Man refuses the coach's embrace. Thor accepts it but his body is stiff. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
102-111 (L)
Thor fires up the crowd to open the game! This raw talent starting strong!
Superman air-mails a bank shot at half court! Way off for this potential GOAT!
Hulk pulls up the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hall-of-fame lock!
Superman bites on the fake! Fooled like a superhero by counterfeit the game!
Thor penetrates and converts! A floater from downtown! Money!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Superman walks head down toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Superman got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Superman lets fly angrily after the turnover! This guy with rings on every finger spiraling!
Superman, this household name, pulls the trigger from downtown but no luck!
Hulk, this versatile guy, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Iron discipline!
Spider-Man powers through! The superhero in them won't quit on the game!
Thor sits alone on the bench. This who-is-this-guy player processing the defeat.
Superman stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Batman comes back to get him. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
92-99 (L)
This dark horse Thor opens the scoring! A tear drop! Early advantage!
Thor, this solid build, can't finish from downtown! That one stings!
This dude out of nowhere Thor dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This first-ballot legend Spider-Man fouls reaching in! Injury-prone body on defense!
Superman with an and-one on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Halftime. Superman's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know Superman entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're back! The players look fired up.
Thor gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
A devastating dunk from Hulk goes in and out! Heartbreaking from way beyond the arc!
This guy nobody was talking about Thor attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Spider-Man grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their bare hands in the workshop!
Thor, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a gym-rat work ethic effort.
Batman's eyes are red, jaw tight. Hulk apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
94-115 (L)
Spider-Man penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this undisputed superstar!
Hulk can't buy a bucket! Maybe the hidden truth would be easier to aim!
Superman loses the basketball! A superhero would never be this careless!
Spider-Man turns the head and loses the man! This potential GOAT napping defensively!
Hulk finishes with flair! Showmanship of a scientist presenting the hidden truth!
Halftime! Spider-Man checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Spider-Man tried to impress the Los Angeles Nursing-Home players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Superman penetrates away from the huddle! This undisputed superstar in a dark place mentally!
Spider-Man skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
Batman identifies the soft spot in the zone! This all-time great surgical precision!
Thor, this combo guard, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Despite the loss, Hulk held their own with the hidden truth! The scientist fought!
Batman stares at the floor while Superman mutters something inaudible under his breath. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
80-124 (L)
Thor looks dialed in from the start! Pure God-given talent preparation showing!
Batman goes 0 for the quarter! A superhero having a rough shift with their bare hands!
Spider-Man, this pint-sized baller, steps out of bounds with the pill! Mental lapse!
Thor gets screened out of the play! This diamond in the rough lost in traffic!
Thor, this versatile guy, shows negative body language! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
The players head in. Batman slips on the wet tunnel floor. Intel: Batman once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Superman clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
Hulk grabs the shorts! This generational talent is running on fumes!
Intercepted! Batman's pass snatched right out of the air! A superhero would never be that careless!
Hulk vents at their teammates! The scientist who vents about the hidden truth!
Spider-Man drives to the tunnel in disappointment. This hall-of-fame lock will learn from this.
Spider-Man stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Thor comes back to get him. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
86-130 (L)
Batman, this versatile guy, announced to huge cheers! A Finals-like atmosphere!
Hulk launches and misses! The pill isn't the hidden truth, and it shows!
Superman with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Superman fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a superhero chasing the game!
Batman, this once-in-a-lifetime player, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Into the tunnel. Spider-Man grabs a banana on the way and devours it. I've been told Spider-Man once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
This potential breakout star Thor puts up a free throw but it won't fall! Off night!
Spider-Man leans on their knees! Gassed, but the superhero keeps going!
Hulk throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the scientist got too confident!
Spider-Man slams the leather in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Spider-Man sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a superhero after their bare hands broke!
Batman's eyes are glassy. Hulk mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. I learned tonight that Batman used to be a superhero. That explains the unique running style. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
90-119 (L)
Hulk checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This hungry young player Thor short-arms a layup in the paint! Not enough lift!
Spider-Man with the backcourt violation! This generational talent under too much pressure!
Hulk, this versatile guy, gets dunked on at the buzzer! Poster material!
Superman dunks the basketball with freakish explosiveness. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Break! Thor heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Anecdote: Thor threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Batman throws their hands up! Like a superhero when their bare hands breaks!
Superman, this living legend, comes up empty! A bank shot off target on the low block!
Spider-Man manages the clock! Time management of a superhero who never misses a deadline!
Batman drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
This newcomer Thor leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Spider-Man replays the score in his head on a loop. Hulk tries to think about something else. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
79-121 (L)
Spider-Man fades away into position! This household name not wasting any time!
Hulk launches a pull-up jumper and... Airball! Occasional mental lapses at its peak!
Thor coughs up the rock! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again facing the rim!
Thor gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
Spider-Man pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The superhero in them is showing!
Halftime! Superman checks his stats on the board and winces. They say Superman eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
A euro-step from Batman catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Superman asks for the ball to slow the pace! This all-time great needs air!
Spider-Man loses possession! The game never leaves a superhero's hands like that!
Spider-Man, this basketball god, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
Batman had the chances but couldn't convert. This all-time great left wanting.
Spider-Man slams his fist on the bench. Thor places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-126 (L)
Spider-Man announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Hulk lets fly but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
Spider-Man with the backcourt violation! A superhero going backwards with the game!
Spider-Man gets posterized! A superhero framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
This hall-of-fame lock Spider-Man shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Both teams head in. Hulk has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Did you know Hulk knits to unwind? Made a scarf in New York Over-Timers's colors. By accident, obviously. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Spider-Man whiffs on the jumper! A superhero off their game with their bare hands!
Hulk, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Batman launches carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Superman storms to the bench! Heated! This superhero doesn't handle losing well!
Superman walks off in silence. This living legend gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Superman's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Batman hides his eyes under a towel. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-120 (L)
Hulk wins the opening tip! Tipping off with scientist energy!
Batman misfires! The superhero's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
This raw talent Thor commits the offensive foul! Turnover from downtown!
Superman left in the dust! Even a superhero moves faster than that!
Superman buries their face! Hidden from view, the superhero can't watch!
Halftime whistle. Hulk has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Anecdote: Hulk tried to impress the Cleveland Twin-Towers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Spider-Man can't finish! The superhero who finishes the game can't finish the play!
Batman soldiers on! The soldier who competes the game with their bare hands!
Thor launches into a dead end back to the basket! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots!
Thor shoots the towel! This potential breakout star showing limited stamina!
Superman fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the superhero gave everything!
Superman bites the inside of his cheek. Batman pinches the bridge of his nose. Evening confession: I'm wearing Superman's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-132 (L)
Batman steps onto the palace of hoops! From competing the game to this, game time!
A two-handed slam from Thor sails wide! This player nobody saw coming needs to regroup!
Superman, this versatile guy, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
Batman reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to rush on the help side!
Hulk slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a scientist hits the workbench!
Halftime. Superman glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Juicy anecdote: Superman was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Thor attacks the ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Superman takes the rest play! Even a superhero needs a breather!
Hulk with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost scientist!
Superman picks up the second technical! This absolute legend ejected! Heavy feet!
This hungry young player Thor tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Superman sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Thor winces. Tonight I had a revelation: Thor runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
82-126 (L)
Tip-off! Superman gets us started! Let's go!
Superman bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
This global icon Batman with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Thor gets crossed over! This raw talent left frozen at half court!
Spider-Man drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a superhero's spirit has limits!
Break! Superman heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Superman keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Batman steps back but overcooks it! Occasional mental lapses showing up again!
Hulk is spent! Used up like the hidden truth after a scientist's long day!
Turnover by Spider-Man! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
This generational talent Hulk gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Spider-Man tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Thor whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Superman nods without conviction. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
73-117 (L)
This global icon Batman in the starting lineup! Let's see what this global icon brings!
Superman misfires from mid-range! Even this guy with rings on every finger has off nights!
Batman with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Superman scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
This living legend Spider-Man fouls hard out of frustration! Injury-prone body showing!
Time to breathe. Thor has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Fun fact: Thor failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
The rim rejects Batman! The rim says no! Even a superhero gets rejected sometimes!
Spider-Man bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a superhero after their bare hands overtime!
Sloppy handling by Batman! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Superman, this tweener, sits down hard on the bench! Shaky emotions under pressure written all over his face!
Thor, this all-around player, trudges off the den. Lessons to take from this one.
Hulk walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Batman drags one foot after the other. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Spider-Man.
Season journal
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