My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

94-100 (L)

You can teach a lot of things at this level, but not lateral quickness. Hasbulla is doing a fine traffic cone impression. Hand check on Stephen Curry. That is a foul in this league every single time.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. The internet celebrity just ran that two-man game like he has a decade of film on it. Somebody get this man a contract. The youtuber gets it handed over on a silver platter at point blank range and drops it. Somewhere in this building a coach is questioning every decision that led here.

No hero ball here: Hasbulla takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Oldest play in the book and it still works: Victor Wembanyama passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Fifth possession this half where Victor Wembanyama has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Stephen Curry sets it and slides out instead of rolling, Victor Wembanyama finds him late, and the defense pays for cheating under the screen. Ball into Victor Wembanyama at the elbow, Stephen Curry plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. OHHHH that is SILKY! Stephen Curry with the teardrop, and it kisses through.

Shoving match at the scorer's table, except it is between MrBeast and an assistant coach who both want to hug Stephen Curry first. Stephen Curry lets them sort it out. The trainer has given up on protecting anybody. Somebody's clipboard is already on the floor.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Detroit Engine-Roar with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

That's a wrap for now. Stephen Curry dives into the tunnel. Confession: Stephen Curry calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. And now, our halftime TV game show Wheel of Slightly Damp Prizes! To win a wind chime built entirely out of old belt buckles, text HOOPS to 555-0081 and answer this question: 'How long does a squeaky sneaker stay squeaky?' Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.

Watch the change of pace from Stephen Curry, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Stephen Curry had that one all the way, perfect release, perfect arc, and the rim simply refuses to let it drop.

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

They are burning a timeout on the youtuber! Somewhere in that huddle a whiteboard is getting erased in a real hurry.

Stephen Curry feels the contact, spins off that shoulder, and the defender is left hugging a whole lot of nothing. Prayer from Stephen Curry. Not answered.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Detroit Engine-Roar in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Screen, hesitation, delivery, Stephen Curry drops it off perfectly for Hasbulla diving to the rim. Every highlight show in the country runs that clip tonight, and unfortunately for Hasbulla he is on the wrong end of it.

Detroit Engine-Roar again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

This is the work that never shows up in a box score, and Victor Wembanyama just took two points off the board without a single stat.

Two decoy screens, a flare to the weak side, then Kevin Durant coming off the second one. That is the whole thing. Drawn up in the huddle, executed by the youtuber, who clocks in somewhere else on Monday morning. Perfect.

MrBeast finds the courtside camera lens, leans all the way in and says absolutely nothing. Just breathes on it. Eight seconds of national television filled by one enormous face. Kevin Durant photobombs with crossed eyes, and the clip runs on every highlight show by midnight.

Victor Wembanyama and Hasbulla walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. And here is the answer to our game Wheel of Slightly Damp Prizes! Geraldine Sump of Grimy Elbow, Washington, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How long does a squeaky sneaker stay squeaky?' The answer was of course until the exact second somebody else listens for it. Geraldine takes home a wind chime built entirely out of old belt buckles! During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

112-95 (W)

Bucket for Miami Heart-Attack. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Late rotation from Victor Wembanyama, he arrives half a beat behind the drive and the contact is obvious to everybody in the building. Victor Wembanyama pulls the towel over his head before he even sits down, and you can read the frustration from the upper deck.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Stephen Curry already has the defense a full step behind. Here comes the slip from Hasbulla, and Kevin Durant reads it a half second before anybody else in the building. The internet celebrity just made the extra pass with a clean look of his own! You do not run into that kind of selflessness at the office! Two defenders in the lane, Kevin Durant splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

Kevin Durant mimes putting a whole section to sleep, hands folded against his cheek, eyes shut. He is facing the Miami Heart-Attack fans who paid for the good seats. They boo. He nods along with the boos, which somehow makes the home crowd louder.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits MrBeast in stride before the defense can even match up. Read, screen, delivery, right on the money. A youtuber making the right pass every single time, and the league is taking notes. The extra pass! Kevin Durant had the look, gave it up anyway, and Hasbulla buries it. BANG! Count it AND the foul! Hasbulla refused to be denied at the rim.

The whole second unit is on the floor before the ball is out of the net. Hasbulla disappears underneath them. Somewhere in the pile shoe comes off. Kevin Durant is on the outside of it screaming straight up at the ceiling.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Stephen Curry has known that all night long. OHHHH the hesi! Kevin Durant froze him solid and he is already gone! Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Kevin Durant launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

Halftime. Victor Wembanyama is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. And now, our halftime TV game show The Great American Trivia Barn! To win a plastic owl that is supposed to scare pigeons but does not, text HOOPS to 555-1183 and answer this question: 'Which knee does a former player mention first at a class reunion?' Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Deflection at midcourt, out and running, Hasbulla finishes through the contact and the run keeps rolling.

One hard step and Kevin Durant owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. Way short from Kevin Durant off the bounce, the ball dies on the front of the rim and drops into traffic.

Turnover, layup, Miami Heart-Attack straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

This is the matchup they wanted all night, and Victor Wembanyama has quietly turned it into a dead end for their whole offense. One hand, full court, Victor Wembanyama hits Hasbulla in stride and the crowd is already up. The internet celebrity just put somebody on a POSTER! That defender is going to see this clip for the rest of his life!

Whistle. Timeout. Victor Wembanyama just broke them in half.

Offensive foul, MrBeast. Feet were still churning. Give it back.

The assistant points at the far corner, the head coach points at Victor Wembanyama, and the other three get told exactly where to stand. Cut, screen, relocate, and there is Victor Wembanyama wide open in the corner. Nobody on that defense read one page of it.

Stephen Curry and Hasbulla stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. And here is the answer to our game show The Great American Trivia Barn! Garland Shoemaker of Rickety Bridge, New York, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Which knee does a former player mention first at a class reunion?' The answer was of course the left one, always, in every county we surveyed. Garland therefore wins a plastic owl that is supposed to scare pigeons but does not! Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Stephen Curry's name. Forgive me. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

110-98 (W)

Both guys crouch, both guys go, and it is Victor Wembanyama who wins the little argument at center court.

More second chance points for Orlando Magic-Beans, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Filthy. Absolutely filthy from Kevin Durant, and the defender knows exactly what just happened to him. Isolation on the wing, shot clock draining, and Kevin Durant rocks the defender to sleep before dropping it through.

Kevin Durant throws both arms up and holds them there, letting the arena pull the sound out of him. Twenty thousand people on their feet at once. Stephen Curry grabs his shoulders from behind and shakes him like a snow globe. The floor is genuinely vibrating.

Victor Wembanyama eats the contact so Stephen Curry can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Catching it right at the cup with nobody within eight feet, Stephen Curry goes up too strong and the ball rides high off the backboard.

The youtuber hit the deck like a felled tree and the officials kept walking. Not every skill transfers to this floor.

Cut! Halftime. Hasbulla's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Intel: Hasbulla asked Orlando Magic-Beans for their energy drink recipe. They refused. And now, our halftime TV game show Name That Smell! To win a barbecue apron that reads KISS THE FORKLIFT OPERATOR, text HOOPS to 555-0357 and answer this question: 'Which is heavier, a pound of orange slices or a pound of team spirit?' We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Orlando Magic-Beans with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

That block was spectacular and completely illegal. Victor Wembanyama walks back to the huddle with his head down.

STOP AND GO! Stephen Curry hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. Stephen Curry drives the lane, wears a forearm across the chest, and still finishes it with the off hand. Count it AND the foul!

Bow to the crowd, a full waist bend with one arm across the stomach, the whole theatrical thing. Stephen Curry holds it three seconds. Kevin Durant applauds behind him like a valet. Somebody in row two throws a bouquet of obviously fake roses onto the floor, and Stephen Curry collects every last one.

Stephen Curry rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. Soft touch from Stephen Curry, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Shimmy from the corner all the way to half court, shoulders loose, chin high. Stephen Curry is in no hurry whatsoever. The home bench tries to copy it and produces something closer to a seizure. The building decides it loves both versions equally.

That is a charge on MrBeast, and you can hear the groan roll around every level of this building.

A cruel spin-out for the internet celebrity, and whatever that day job is, tonight it came with a brand new way to break your heart. OFFENSIVE GLASS! Stephen Curry beats three men to the spot! BAAAANG! Stephen Curry rips the offensive board and puts it right back through!

Whirl, and GONE! Stephen Curry leaves the defender grabbing at a jersey that stopped being there half a second ago. OHHHH! Stephen Curry went up looking for a poster and came back down as the punchline.

MrBeast and Stephen Curry pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. And here is the answer to our game Name That Smell! Odell Trippett of Broke Axle, Alaska, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'Which is heavier, a pound of orange slices or a pound of team spirit?' The answer was of course the orange slices, and it is not close. Odell takes home a barbecue apron that reads KISS THE FORKLIFT OPERATOR! Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

115-98 (W)

Small thing, a jump ball, but MrBeast winning that tip means we set the tone. Coaches script that first play for a reason.

Cold blooded from Philadelphia Injury-Report, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Stephen Curry makes it every single trip down the floor. SPIN and GO! Kevin Durant pirouettes right through the traffic and comes out the other side clean! OHHHH the POWER! Kevin Durant took the hit and finished it anyway!

Kevin Durant crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. MrBeast mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

Set called, MrBeast waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. This is the counter: MrBeast punished a defense that kept going under, and now they have to rip up the game plan. Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Watch the footwork from Kevin Durant: one-two into the paint, no charge, feathery touch off the glass. Filthy craft.

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when Kevin Durant lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. MrBeast drags Kevin Durant away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

That is the shot chart lying to you. Victor Wembanyama did everything right on this possession and has zero points to show for it. You want to know why this team keeps winning the possession battle? Stephen Curry treats every miss like it belongs to him. The whole possession dies right there without Stephen Curry on the offensive glass, and instead it becomes the two easiest points of the quarter.

End of the first act. Stephen Curry is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Did you know? Stephen Curry launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. And now, our halftime TV game show The Newlywed Regret Game! To win a genuine imitation leather fanny pack, text HOOPS to 555-0155 and answer this question: 'How many potato chips are in a family size bag before the air gets involved?' Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.

The internet celebrity just got T'd up for running his mouth at a referee. Somewhere his boss is watching this and slowly closing his eyes.

Here comes Hasbulla sprinting off the elbow. Stephen Curry slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. Oh, that is rough. Hasbulla killed his own dribble and then started a brand new one.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Hasbulla breaks a shell down. The youtuber just created his own space with a stepback. Somewhere a scout is spitting coffee all over his notepad. Perfect arc. MrBeast makes seven feet of rim protection completely irrelevant.

Laser from Kevin Durant, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. The internet celebrity just threaded a pocket pass through two defenders. Where exactly did that vision come from? It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Victor Wembanyama. Cruel.

Screen, pop, SPLASH! Stephen Curry kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. Victor Wembanyama went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Philadelphia Injury-Report, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Personal foul on the youtuber. Somewhere a shift is going uncovered and not one soul in this arena cares.

Hasbulla does the floss while Kevin Durant spins like a top. Stephen Curry just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. And here is the answer to our game The Newlywed Regret Game! Loretta Bagwell of Turkey Foot, Georgia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many potato chips are in a family size bag before the air gets involved?' The answer was of course eleven, and the remainder is atmosphere. Loretta takes home a genuine imitation leather fanny pack! I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

100-101 (L)

Cold blooded from Phoenix No-Defense, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Watch the spacing there, Hasbulla hits Stephen Curry right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Lazy one-hander from Stephen Curry through the middle of the floor, and the defender did not even have to leave his feet to take it.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Kevin Durant just did it by hitting Hasbulla on the back side with acres of room. The internet celebrity just ran that two-man game like he has a decade of film on it. Somebody get this man a contract. Victor Wembanyama hands it off to Kevin Durant, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. Runner in the lane by Victor Wembanyama, high off the fingertips, straight down through the net. Splash!

Victor Wembanyama points at Kevin Durant first, then at the pass that made it possible, then at Kevin Durant again, making sure the building knows who did the real work. Kevin Durant waves it off, embarrassed. The chant that starts up is not for the scorer.

Kevin Durant launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Hasbulla turns the corner off the screen from MrBeast, the help never rotates, and the lane is WIDE open! Two points left on the floor by MrBeast, and those are exactly the ones that come back to bite you in the fourth.

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. Watch the spacing, Kevin Durant drags two bodies toward the ball and Stephen Curry is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. Rising into two defenders, Stephen Curry launches a jumper that finds nothing but backboard and bad decisions.

Halftime. MrBeast is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Fun fact: MrBeast blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. And now, our halftime TV game show Three in a Row Probably! To win a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot, text HOOPS to 555-0607 and answer this question: 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Kevin Durant put that man in a blender and the third row felt it! Kevin Durant rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Victor Wembanyama on time and on target. Not an inch to spare on the endline, but Victor Wembanyama keeps both feet in bounds and the help gets there a beat too late. Watch the footwork there from Victor Wembanyama on the catch, squared up before the ball ever arrives. That is exactly why it goes down so clean.

Bent double with his hands on his knees, Victor Wembanyama takes one breath, straightens up and points at the coach who drew the play in the huddle. The coach nods once, no smile. Hasbulla pounds the man's shoulder anyway. Respect, delivered at maximum volume.

More second chance points for Phoenix No-Defense, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Eyes on the ball, brain somewhere else, and both feet parked in the paint. Victor Wembanyama has to give that one back.

The basketball simply left Stephen Curry. No steal, no pressure, just a quiet parting of ways.

Phoenix No-Defense again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Kevin Durant precisely where the play wanted it. A single dribble is all Kevin Durant needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. Jab, jab, STEPBACK. Kevin Durant snatched his ankles and let it go clean.

The internet celebrity is holding the final possession of a professional basketball game, and this morning he was clocking in like it was any other Tuesday. It caught the front rim, kissed the back iron, took a full lap and fell off. Hasbulla is on his knees at half court.

Victor Wembanyama isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Hasbulla tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. And here is the answer to our game show Three in a Row Probably! Colleen Hackenberg of Rusty Nail, Pennsylvania, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' The answer was of course it becomes a slightly smaller basketball, and everybody in the gym agrees to say nothing about it. Colleen therefore wins a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot! Did you know that Hasbulla practices internet celebrity on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

100-98 (W)

Victor Wembanyama times the leap perfectly, taps it back to the wing, and the first possession of the night belongs to us.

The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on Stephen Curry, and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. Put him on skates, then put him on a POSTER. Stephen Curry owns the highlight reel tonight.

Los Angeles Nursing-Home again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

The internet celebrity just moved an entire defense with one flick of the wrist. Somebody check that resume again. Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Stephen Curry makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. The whistle blows, the crowd erupts, and Kevin Durant hangs on the iron just long enough to make his point.

Ice in the veins: Kevin Durant taps two fingers on his wrist, slow and cold, while the horn is still fading. Courtside is standing on the chairs. The visiting bench does not move an inch. Somebody in the second row has already turned it into a T-shirt.

Kick out to Stephen Curry, one more to MrBeast, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. Perfect drop-off from Hasbulla, and MrBeast answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

Halftime whistle. MrBeast flops into the first available chair. Did you know MrBeast keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. And now, our halftime TV game show Jeopar-Dee-Dee! To win a mounted singing bass that only knows half the song, text HOOPS to 555-0305 and answer this question: 'How much does a rumor weigh at sea level?' We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.

Swing, swing, and Hasbulla finds Victor Wembanyama on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Beautiful pass by Victor Wembanyama. Wrong jersey.

Screened, toasted, done. Hasbulla is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. Nobody drew up that arc. The internet celebrity floated one halfway to the rafters, and the rim never even got a say.

Cold blooded from Los Angeles Nursing-Home, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to MrBeast on time and on target. Day job, then this: the youtuber reads a rolling big like a coach with twenty years on the bench. Awful shot by Victor Wembanyama with eleven still on the shot clock, off the front rim and out to the wing.

Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Stephen Curry. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Stephen Curry cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Clean feed from Kevin Durant, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Stephen Curry gives it up to Kevin Durant on the move, the built-in screen erases the chase, and there is a clean runway to the rim. No good. Kevin Durant rushed that one.

Nine seconds to work with, one play call, and it runs through Hasbulla. When the game shrinks like this, you go to your guy. Kevin Durant takes the inbound, one dribble left, rises over the closeout, and the horn sounds while the net is still snapping. COUNT IT!

Chest bump so violent that Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry both end up on the hardwood. They lie there laughing while play is stopped. A trainer jogs out to make sure nobody cracked a rib. The crowd is chanting before either man gets back to his feet.

Kevin Durant climbs onto the scorer's table. Hasbulla joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. And here is the answer to our game Jeopar-Dee-Dee! Ludene Crabtree of Dry Creek Junction, Oklahoma, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How much does a rumor weigh at sea level?' The answer was of course a pound and a half, considerably more in humid weather. Ludene takes home a mounted singing bass that only knows half the song! My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

111-86 (W)

Tip is UP and MrBeast gets there first! We are underway and it is our ball.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Toronto Border-Patrol with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Victor Wembanyama gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Stephen Curry saw it a beat early. The defender crowded the middle, and Victor Wembanyama punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Rim out for Victor Wembanyama, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

Baseline spin from Stephen Curry at full speed, and his man never even gets a hand into the picture. Filthy stuff. ONIONS from Stephen Curry! He saw the hit coming and went up into it anyway. Cash. Cash again. Stephen Curry pockets the two and jogs back on defense like nothing happened.

The youtuber is the engine of a 10-0 run in front of a sold out arena! Somebody go check the schedule, this is not how the day was supposed to go!

End of the first act. MrBeast is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Confession: MrBeast calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. And now, our halftime TV game show Press Your Luck, Buddy! To win a metal detector that only ever finds bottle caps, text HOOPS to 555-0451 and answer this question: 'Who was the first person in recorded history to yell defense at a wedding?' Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Kevin Durant precisely where the play wanted it. Working him at the top of the key, low dribble, low dribble, then Kevin Durant rips it across and his man lunges at a ghost. Victor Wembanyama threads a BEAUTY to Kevin Durant under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

Ball moves. Hasbulla to Kevin Durant, on time and on target. Hard drive, hard stop, and Kevin Durant retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. BAAAANG! Kevin Durant catches it and lets it FLY, nothing but net from the corner!

The noise climbs past whatever the building was engineered for, and Kevin Durant uses it to kneel down and retie a shoe that was already tied. Double knot, no hurry, eyes on the laces. MrBeast stands over him like a bodyguard while somewhere down there a coach calls a play into a hurricane and loses.

Cross court, on a rope, from the internet celebrity. In this league that pass earns a contract, and he does it on his night off. OHHHH, what a read by Victor Wembanyama! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. No touch. MrBeast left the soft hands in the locker room tonight.

Here is what makes a defense elite: Victor Wembanyama does not just block shots, he deletes the whole idea of driving on this team.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Toronto Border-Patrol with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

That is a forced shot from the youtuber that was doomed the moment it left the hand, and the bench has quietly decided to look at the floor for a moment. Second-chance points are how you steal games on the road, and Kevin Durant has now cleaned up four misses tonight. Second pass beats the rotation, Kevin Durant to Stephen Curry, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. Hasbulla whips the extra pass across the arc, Stephen Curry rises without a dribble, and SPLASH.

HERE IT COMES! Every soul in this gym knows the ball is going to Kevin Durant, and it may not matter one bit. Stephen Curry delivers on the second option, Kevin Durant buries it, and the coach is already walking back to the bench like he knew. He did know.

Nobody on the bench is sitting. Not the coaches, not the trainers, not the guy in the suit who never plays. Kevin Durant points at all of them at once with both hands. Towels come down like weather and the officials wait it out with the patience of the doomed.

Victor Wembanyama pretends to plant a flag at center court. Hasbulla stands at attention. And here is the answer to our game Press Your Luck, Buddy! Vergie Cornsilk of Hominy Bend, Arkansas, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'Who was the first person in recorded history to yell defense at a wedding?' The answer was of course an uncle, and he has not been invited back since. Vergie takes home a metal detector that only ever finds bottle caps! During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

103-104 (L)

Dagger from Minnesota Ice-Wall. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Kevin Durant kicks it over to Stephen Curry, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. From WAY downtown off the pop! Stephen Curry with the extra pass and CASH. Stuck holding it as the clock bleeds out, Hasbulla fades away from twenty-six feet, and it is not close.

That crossover was not about getting a shot up. Stephen Curry pulled it out to tell everybody in the gym whose possession this is. Stephen Curry catches on the wing, jab step, spin move, and that pivot foot comes clean off the hardwood. Traveling.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Stephen Curry chases the referee half the length of the floor and pays for it with a technical.

You want basketball IQ? Ask the internet celebrity, who just moved the rock on time without one wasted dribble. Victor Wembanyama comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Victor Wembanyama splits the coverage with a bounce pass you need slow motion to appreciate. Dimes. Stephen Curry gets into the paint, sees the shot blocker rising, and simply lifts it over the top of him. Never had a prayer.

Stephen Curry freezes in his follow-through, wrist still hanging, and holds it while the Minnesota Ice-Wall coach burns a timeout out of pure desperation. He holds it through the whistle. He holds it into the huddle. The cameras eat every single second of it.

End of the first half. MrBeast is beet red but still standing. Fun fact: MrBeast blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. And now, our halftime TV game show The Dating Game of Horseshoes! To win a cast-iron skillet seasoned by four generations of strangers, text HOOPS to 555-0313 and answer this question: 'What is the world record for longest halftime shot made by a man holding a soft drink?' Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.

Cold blooded from Minnesota Ice-Wall, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Eight on the shot clock, Kevin Durant gets a piece of the entry, and the whole set is dead on arrival. Off the glass and out of the gym, Victor Wembanyama launches it and the break is ON! The bench has cleared, the crowd is screaming, and somewhere a photographer just got the shot of the season thanks to Stephen Curry.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Kevin Durant threw it before the help even committed. Left, right, gone. MrBeast put that defender on skates and never even looked back. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Two points in every gym in America except this one, and MrBeast is walking back with both hands on his head.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Stephen Curry already has the defense a full step behind. MrBeast attacks the baseline and the ENTIRE defense has to rotate behind him! Stop on a dime, up and over those outstretched arms, and the center can only stand there and watch MrBeast walk away from it.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and MrBeast strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. Kevin Durant fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Minnesota Ice-Wall with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

The internet celebrity makes the simple read look automatic. Clock out of work, clock in for clean basketball decisions. Unselfish basketball. Victor Wembanyama passes up a good shot and hands Stephen Curry a GREAT one. Rises, releases, and Stephen Curry sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Standing in the lane like the youtuber is waiting on a bus that is never coming. Whistle blows, ball goes the other way.

HERE WE GO! Kevin Durant with the rock and everything riding on whatever happens next! IN AND... OUT! OHHHHH, Kevin Durant cannot believe what he just saw!

Kevin Durant watches the crowd file out in silence. MrBeast prefers not to look. And here is the answer to our game The Dating Game of Horseshoes! Sherman Pilkington of Chicken Bristle, Rhode Island, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the world record for longest halftime shot made by a man holding a soft drink?' The answer was of course forty-one feet, and he did not spill a drop, which is the real story. Sherman takes home a cast-iron skillet seasoned by four generations of strangers! On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

102-121 (L)

GONE down the baseline! Kevin Durant beat him on the first step and the paint is collapsing. Not a hand on him. Kevin Durant flat missed the bunny.

No hero ball here: Stephen Curry takes what the defense gives and moves it along. The internet celebrity reads the screen perfectly, comes off shoulder to shoulder, and buys himself an open look. Veteran movement, rookie resume. Pull-up from the elbow by Hasbulla, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out.

That is five guys on a string and MrBeast is the knot holding it together, because the corner gets covered behind him too.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Houston Blast-Off with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

The internet celebrity makes the simple read look automatic. Clock out of work, clock in for clean basketball decisions. OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Stephen Curry never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! Buzzer on the shot clock, Stephen Curry heaves it off one leg, and the ball comes up short of everything.

Halftime. The physio pounces on MrBeast to massage his thighs. True story: MrBeast walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Houston Blast-Off. Awkward. And now, our halftime TV game show The Price is Wrong, Bob! To win a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo, text HOOPS to 555-0187 and answer this question: 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Houston Blast-Off with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Stephen Curry comes off the screen and the big man drops WAY back. Kevin Durant just fades to the arc for the cleanest look of the night. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Kevin Durant, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Houston Blast-Off in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Over the top of everybody. Stephen Curry to Hasbulla in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Hasbulla crosses, crosses back, the defender slides half a step the wrong way and the whole arena lets out the same OHHHH. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Hasbulla nothing.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. One little shoulder dip from Kevin Durant and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Kevin Durant beat the clock by a tenth of a second and missed by about four feet. Technically legal, competitively pointless.

That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Stephen Curry does. Zero hesitation, zero conscience. Stephen Curry made that closeout look completely pointless.

Stephen Curry steps over the defender who ended up on the floor and keeps walking, never looks down. Cold as a meat locker. The building erupts twice, once for the bucket and once for the disrespect. The replay gets its own dedicated camera angle.

Bucket for Houston Blast-Off. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Kevin Durant drives, draws two bodies, and swings it one more time to the corner. That is the pass nobody is required to make. The youtuber just spun through two defenders and reversed that in. Nothing about this is a normal Tuesday!

Wiping imaginary dust off both shoulders, MrBeast strolls back on defense at the speed of a man walking his dog. Stephen Curry carries the bit further and mimes brushing off his shoes. The bench is on the floor. The head coach is not laughing, but only barely.

Back at the shop they have got this review up on every phone with the internet celebrity in the frame, and nobody is getting any work done. The building went up, the building came right back down, and Hasbulla is staring at a scoreboard that never moved.

MrBeast unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Kevin Durant runs a hand down his face. And here is the answer to our game The Price is Wrong, Bob! Wendell Frobisher of Gravy Fork, West Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' The answer was of course Delbert, and the man himself never once sat down. Wendell takes home a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo! Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

120-93 (W)

Won it clean! MrBeast got up and over him with room to spare.

Set called, Kevin Durant waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. Dribble alive, patient, patient, and then Kevin Durant slips it to Stephen Curry right in the pocket. Surgical. They do not teach that footwork anymore, and yet here is Stephen Curry running a full masterclass on the low block.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and Stephen Curry strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. MrBeast fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

Off the pin-down comes the internet celebrity with nobody inside a zip code. Somebody out there knows how to use a screen, and it is not who you would guess. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! The internet celebrity just drew a shooting foul with a veteran pump fake. Two free throws for somebody who clocks in at a real job tomorrow morning. No wasted motion at all from Hasbulla. Both free throws split the net and the scoreboard ticks over twice.

Denver Horse-Track again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Looking for a breath, Victor Wembanyama steps backward, one sneaker finds the wrong side of the stripe, and the whistle is instant.

Break! Stephen Curry grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Little scoop: Stephen Curry logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. And now, our halftime TV game show The Gong Show Kazoo Edition! To win a jug of homemade hot sauce labeled only with a warning, text HOOPS to 555-0129 and answer this question: 'What is the correct way to pronounce the name on a jersey that nobody can read?' Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.

Watch Hasbulla plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Kevin Durant out of that corner in a blink. That is what heavy minutes do, Kevin Durant has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper. The shot is short, and Stephen Curry is the only man moving. He rips it out of the crowd and the possession lives. Miss, tip, bucket. Stephen Curry makes his living in the wreckage.

One finger to the sky, held there, eyes closed in the middle of all that noise, and Stephen Curry does not move. The arena figures it out and quiets for a beat. Kevin Durant puts a hand on his back and says nothing, then the sound comes back like a wave.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. MrBeast just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Kevin Durant half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. The big man never even contested it, and Kevin Durant still could not get the runner to drop. That one is on him.

You do not put the other team in the bonus this early. Kevin Durant has to be smarter than contact that never had a chance at the ball. Fouled out. Kevin Durant gets a standing ovation on the walk off, and he earned every single decibel of it.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Denver Horse-Track with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Kevin Durant precisely where the play wanted it. OHHHH the separation! Kevin Durant just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Down, up, and gone for Kevin Durant. The rim is just toying with him now.

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. BAAAANG! Victor Wembanyama sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Hasbulla, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

Victor Wembanyama hits his man first, walks him under the rim, then goes and gets the ball. Absolutely textbook. OUTLET! Victor Wembanyama rips the board and fires it ahead to MrBeast before anybody gets back! OHHHH the speed of MrBeast! Nobody in this building was catching him.

Stephen Curry pretends to plant a flag at center court. MrBeast stands at attention. And here is the answer to our game The Gong Show Kazoo Edition! Homer Blevins of Lost Wallet, Massachusetts, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the correct way to pronounce the name on a jersey that nobody can read?' The answer was of course however the grandmother in row four says it. Homer takes home a jug of homemade hot sauce labeled only with a warning! Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

98-119 (L)

No hero ball here: Kevin Durant takes what the defense gives and moves it along. The internet celebrity reads the screen perfectly, comes off shoulder to shoulder, and buys himself an open look. Veteran movement, rookie resume. The internet celebrity misses absolutely everything, and honestly, the nerve to even attempt that shot deserves something. Not points. But something.

Watch the spacing there, Hasbulla hits Kevin Durant right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. The big rolls, the defense collapses, and Kevin Durant punishes it with a read most guys never even see. Textbook footwork, textbook release from Victor Wembanyama, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

The bench is up, the defender is begging for help, and Kevin Durant keeps walking into the same spot and cashing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Kevin Durant builds the whole thing from nothing. No screen, no help, three points.

Dagger from New York Over-Timers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Two guys on the exact same page, Kevin Durant and Hasbulla, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. The block is clean, the ball is gone, and Kevin Durant is left staring at his empty hands like a man who lost his keys.

Halftime whistle! Kevin Durant slides down against the hallway wall. Did you know Kevin Durant entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. And now, our halftime TV game show The Amazing Race to the Buffet! To win a cooler still full of ice from last summer, text HOOPS to 555-0107 and answer this question: 'How many degrees is room temperature in a room that nobody likes?' We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.

There is nothing accidental about that one. Kevin Durant hunted the contact, sold it, and bought himself a trip to the stripe. AIRBALL. On a FREE THROW. Kevin Durant just invented a brand new way to be remembered.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. New York Over-Timers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

They have to shoot over the top of this thing, and the top of it is a long way up. Filthy work from Kevin Durant.

You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Stephen Curry gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Getting to his spot and elevating, MrBeast puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Bucket for New York Over-Timers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Right idea, no zip on it, and at this level MrBeast either puts some heat on that ball or he keeps it in his hands.

Ohhh no. Corner three, New York Over-Timers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

The beauty of it is that Stephen Curry never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Gift wrapped by Hasbulla, and Victor Wembanyama cannot finish the two footer. That one is going to sting.

Kevin Durant hounds him corner to corner, forces the bad pass over the top, and you can feel the whole gym flip. OHHHH what a hustle play from Kevin Durant! He had no business getting a finger on that basketball. Turn it over against this team and Victor Wembanyama is gone the second the ball changes hands. Those transition points keep stacking up.

Victor Wembanyama sprints to the sideline, hops onto the scorer's table and raises both fists. The stat crew grabs their laptops and security is already moving. A trainer hauls him down by the shorts before anybody gets fined. Worth it, obviously.

MrBeast lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Hasbulla holds his in. And here is the answer to our game The Amazing Race to the Buffet! Virgil Stackhouse of Dead Battery Springs, Nevada, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many degrees is room temperature in a room that nobody likes?' The answer was of course seventy-two, and somehow still wrong. Virgil takes home a cooler still full of ice from last summer! I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

100-103 (L)

Bodies everywhere in the paint and it does not matter one bit to Kevin Durant, one spin and the ball never leaves the string. Baby hook by Kevin Durant, right over that outstretched hand, high off the board, count it.

Salute: sharp, military, held. Kevin Durant delivers it toward the loudest corner of the building and does not drop his hand until the noise starts to hurt. Hasbulla snaps to attention beside him and the bench follows. Twelve saluting maniacs and a coach with his head in his hands.

Backcourt violation on Kevin Durant, and that groan around the arena tells you how avoidable it was.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Cleveland Twin-Towers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Stephen Curry gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Stonewalled at the top of the square! The big man meets Victor Wembanyama up there and returns it with interest.

More second chance points for Cleveland Twin-Towers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Back to the locker room. MrBeast's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: MrBeast logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. And now, our halftime TV game show Shark Tank of Guppies! To win a hand-stitched quilt featuring nine unrecognizable presidents, text HOOPS to 555-0138 and answer this question: 'How many miles per gallon does a zamboni get?' We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.

No hero ball here: Kevin Durant takes what the defense gives and moves it along. The defender planted his feet, and Victor Wembanyama said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. So close. Victor Wembanyama can only stare at the iron.

Cleveland Twin-Towers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Give and go! Hasbulla gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Hasbulla rose up over the help and hammered it down on somebody's head!

The too-small gesture, aimed straight at the Cleveland Twin-Towers bench, both hands measuring an inch of air. Their coach is out of his chair and onto the officials. Hasbulla keeps the pose, unblinking, backpedaling all the way. The arena hits a decibel level that clips the broadcast mics.

Court vision like that on the internet celebrity is absurd. Whatever the day job pays him, the assist numbers say he is badly underpriced. Contested, off balance, fading away from the wrong shoulder, that is a shot Kevin Durant should never take with three teammates standing wide open.

The internet celebrity just moved an entire defense with one flick of the wrist. Somebody check that resume again. Kick out to MrBeast, one more to Stephen Curry, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. Up goes the shot from Stephen Curry and that is nothing but AIR, and every soul in this building saw it happen.

Clean feed from Stephen Curry, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. That is vision. Kevin Durant sees the pocket open for a tenth of a second and puts the ball in it. The youtuber launched one from the logo as the horn sounded. In fairness, nobody in that huddle gave him a better option.

Hesitate, GO. Stephen Curry is by that hip before the man even blinks. Three-point play the old-fashioned way, and Stephen Curry buries the freebie without blinking.

Look at that bench, not one man seated. Victor Wembanyama had this moment circled since the walkthrough, and the shot has not even gone up. HEARTBREAK. That is the entire margin between a legend and a footnote, and Victor Wembanyama is on the wrong side of it tonight.

Victor Wembanyama bites his lip, fists clenched. MrBeast shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. And here is the answer to our game Shark Tank of Guppies! Curtis Boggs of Hog Waller, Florida, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many miles per gallon does a zamboni get?' The answer was of course enough, and it does not care for the question. Curtis takes home a hand-stitched quilt featuring nine unrecognizable presidents! On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

89-105 (L)

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Boston Ring-Chasers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Kevin Durant. A timeout is coming, because no defense recovers from watching Kevin Durant do that to one of their own.

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when Kevin Durant lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. MrBeast drags Kevin Durant away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Victor Wembanyama in stride before the defense can even match up. OHHHHH HE SNATCHED HIS ANKLES! Victor Wembanyama left him on the hardwood and this building is SHAKING! Victor Wembanyama blows the wide open layup!

Turnover, layup, Boston Ring-Chasers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Working him at the top of the key, low dribble, low dribble, then Stephen Curry rips it across and his man lunges at a ghost. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Stephen Curry!

Finally a breather. Hasbulla has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Little secret: Hasbulla has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. And now, our halftime TV game show Are You Smarter Than a Backup Center! To win a gift certificate to a diner that only takes cash, text HOOPS to 555-0804 and answer this question: 'Why are basketball nets never quite long enough to be scarves?' The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.

More second chance points for Boston Ring-Chasers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Two defenders, one gap, and Stephen Curry finds it. Onions on that pass. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on MrBeast. Cruel.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to MrBeast on time and on target. Nobody is getting a hand near that. MrBeast has all the room in the world. There is no finesse in that, and there does not need to be. MrBeast simply decided the paint belonged to him.

Boston Ring-Chasers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Whistle! Kevin Durant gets him on the arm. Personal foul, nothing clever about it. You can watch the math happen on that sideline: Kevin Durant has four, there are big minutes left, and somebody has to hold the fort.

Kevin Durant stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. Kevin Durant rises from deep, the defender flies in a half second late, and the officials put up three fingers.

Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Stephen Curry, and not one single soul could do anything about it. Shot clock at one, and Stephen Curry just has to throw something at the rim. Nothing doing.

SKIP PASS! Stephen Curry fires it cross court to Hasbulla and the defense is dead in the water! Look how low Hasbulla keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Hasbulla nothing.

The crew chief has the headset on, three angles on the screen, everybody in here staring at MrBeast. The youtuber is finding out what this league does to people. It hands you the moment, then it rolls the tape.

Stephen Curry's lip is trembling. Kevin Durant dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. And here is the answer to our game show Are You Smarter Than a Backup Center! Ricky Don Sturgill of Sassafras Bottom, Virginia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why are basketball nets never quite long enough to be scarves?' The answer was of course that the scarf lobby got to the rules committee in 1954. Ricky Don therefore wins a gift certificate to a diner that only takes cash! I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

90-116 (L)

And there it is, a walk-in layup for San Antonio Skyscrapers with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Stephen Curry threw it before the help even committed. Two defenders collide on the handoff and Hasbulla is gone, so MrBeast earned that one even if the box score disagrees. That is the shot Hasbulla wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Cold blooded from San Antonio Skyscrapers, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Baseline wide open. Kevin Durant said thank you. DOUBLE DRIBBLE! Kevin Durant picked it up, put it back down, and the whistle went off like a smoke alarm.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Stephen Curry just did it by hitting Victor Wembanyama on the back side with acres of room. Beautiful footwork on that one from Victor Wembanyama, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. OHHHH what a FINISH from Victor Wembanyama! Hanging, hanging, and laying it high off the glass on the way down!

That's a wrap for now. Victor Wembanyama dives into the tunnel. Did you know? Victor Wembanyama launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. And now, our halftime TV game show Truth or Consequences, New Mexico! To win a set of steak knives that cannot cut steak, text HOOPS to 555-0288 and answer this question: 'How many hours can a casserole sit on a church table before it becomes a hazard?' The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, San Antonio Skyscrapers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Second rejection of the quarter for Victor Wembanyama, and you can see the shooters hesitating on that wing already.

Kevin Durant kicks it over to Hasbulla, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Stephen Curry sets the pick and DIVES to the cup. Hasbulla lays it right on his hands in traffic! Clang. Stephen Curry wants that one back.

Hasbulla gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Kevin Durant saw it a beat early. Enough room out there to set up a lawn chair, and the internet celebrity made it himself. Total professional, in a completely unrelated profession. The internet celebrity tried the teardrop and never got it to the rim. Turns out soft touch does not come standard with that day job.

Stephen Curry holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Kevin Durant flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Kevin Durant!

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. OHHHH the cut from Hasbulla! Two hard steps, one wide open rim, and the defense is still standing out at the arc. Hasbulla gathers on the baseline, absorbs contact from two bodies, and slams it home. That rim is still shaking.

Hasbulla crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. Kevin Durant mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

Set called, Hasbulla waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Hasbulla the moment he crosses half court. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Hasbulla cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Turnover, layup, San Antonio Skyscrapers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Watch the spacing there, Kevin Durant hits Stephen Curry right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. STOP AND GO! Stephen Curry hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. Stephen Curry rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Hasbulla whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Victor Wembanyama nods without conviction. And here is the answer to our game Truth or Consequences, New Mexico! Idella Prather of Lonesome Water, Mississippi, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many hours can a casserole sit on a church table before it becomes a hazard?' The answer was of course two hours, or one if somebody brought mayonnaise. Idella takes home a set of steak knives that cannot cut steak! I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

101-119 (L)

That is a clean blow-by on Kevin Durant, and the help defense was nowhere in the same area code. Stephen Curry got the ball, but he got it on the way down, and they are awarded the two anyway.

No roll this time. Stephen Curry swings it right back to Hasbulla above the break, and it is PURE. Off the dribble, a full step behind the logo, straight down. Tomorrow the internet celebrity goes back to work, tonight he owns this arena.

Hasbulla sprints to the sideline, hops onto the scorer's table and raises both fists. The stat crew grabs their laptops and security is already moving. A trainer hauls him down by the shorts before anybody gets fined. Worth it, obviously.

Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Kevin Durant does not love that call. Both hands in the air, a long look at the official, and the whistle still counts. The best defender on this floor is headed to the bench with four. Kevin Durant goes off with his hand still up, insisting he was straight up and down.

No hero ball here: Hasbulla takes what the defense gives and moves it along. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Kevin Durant spun out of a double team like it was a revolving door! Twenty-four seconds of standing around, and Kevin Durant has to eat the last two of them. Possession wasted long before the shot went up.

Halftime! MrBeast checks his stats on the board and winces. Confession: MrBeast believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. And now, our halftime TV game show Guy Reads a Manual! To win a family-size tub of margarine autographed by a stranger, text HOOPS to 555-0345 and answer this question: 'How many people can hear a vending machine at three in the morning?' The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.

Cold blooded from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Stephen Curry comes off the screen and the big man drops WAY back. Hasbulla just fades to the arc for the cleanest look of the night. That is the shot Hasbulla wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Hasbulla and MrBeast just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Two on the shot clock and the ball ends up with the internet celebrity, which is how you get a twenty-eight footer off the wrong foot.

Ball moves. Stephen Curry to Hasbulla, on time and on target. POCKET PASS! Hasbulla threads it to Stephen Curry between two bodies and the rim is wide open! Stephen Curry rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Ohhh no. Corner three, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Watch the change of pace from Stephen Curry, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Reverse layup by Stephen Curry, using the rim as a shield the whole way through. A circus act wrapped around textbook footwork.

Wiping imaginary dust off both shoulders, Stephen Curry strolls back on defense at the speed of a man walking his dog. Victor Wembanyama carries the bit further and mimes brushing off his shoes. The bench is on the floor. The head coach is not laughing, but only barely.

Down screen, and Stephen Curry curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. Textbook footwork, textbook release from Stephen Curry, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

Not pretty, but this is arithmetic now. Hasbulla trades one foul for one more possession, and down five with a minute left, that math works.

Stephen Curry stares at the floor while Kevin Durant mutters something inaudible under his breath. And here is the answer to our game Guy Reads a Manual! Doris Ann Hoke of Butter Churn, New Hampshire, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many people can hear a vending machine at three in the morning?' The answer was of course everybody in the building, including the ones pretending to sleep. Doris Ann takes home a family-size tub of margarine autographed by a stranger! Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.