My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Kobe Bryant on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 198 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
Tip-off! Scottie Pippen gets us started! Let's go!
Kobe Bryant forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Scottie Pippen throws it into the stands! What was that from this headliner!
Jermaine O'Neal reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Jermaine O'Neal mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Scottie Pippen grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Scottie Pippen started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Rajon Rondo misfires from the left corner! This name that's buzzing searching for answers!
This name that's buzzing Jermaine O'Neal has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This name that's buzzing Jermaine O'Neal with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Rajon Rondo storms to the bench! This player on the come-up is visibly upset!
Jermaine O'Neal reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Scottie Pippen's gaze is cold, distant. Kobe Bryant's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
125-99 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this basketball god, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Rajon Rondo goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This solid pro is relentless!
Scottie Pippen with the help-side brilliant anticipation! This jersey-selling name always in position!
Jermaine O'Neal with the transition assist! This up-and-coming baller pushing the pace with pure God-given talent!
This legit talent Jermaine O'Neal switches defensive assignments on the fly! Next-level basketball IQ!
First half is done. Jermaine O'Neal is chugging Gatorade like it's water. The staff told me Jermaine O'Neal sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This name that's buzzing Rajon Rondo is automatic along the baseline! A free throw drops again!
You can feel a hostile crowd through the screen! Scottie Pippen in the spotlight!
Rajon Rondo attacks the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Robbie Avila dribbles like a player possessed! Silky smooth technique unleashed!
Robbie Avila, this player nobody saw coming, with the post-game interview smile! An off-the-charts basketball IQ all night!
Jermaine O'Neal blows a kiss to the camera. Rajon Rondo blows twelve. Kobe Bryant blocks the lens. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
89-103 (L)
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila comes out aggressive! Opens with a fadeaway jumper from the left corner!
This raw talent Robbie Avila with a rare miss from downtown! Even the best stumble!
This player making noise Rajon Rondo with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This league veteran Rajon Rondo gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
Kobe Bryant knocks down a fadeaway jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Break. Kobe Bryant asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. They say Kobe Bryant eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Jermaine O'Neal goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This name that's buzzing losing composure!
This max-contract guy Scottie Pippen misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from the left corner!
Robbie Avila reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Robbie Avila is gassed! This potential breakout star bent over at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Scottie Pippen had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise guy left wanting.
Rajon Rondo clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Kobe Bryant fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-97 (W)
Kobe Bryant steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this household name!
This who-is-this-guy player Robbie Avila does it again! A bucket with effortless precision!
This world-class player Scottie Pippen with the weak-side rebound in traffic! Incredible help!
Rajon Rondo, this tweener, runs the offense with next-level basketball IQ! Beautiful passing!
Kobe Bryant spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
End of the second quarter. Rajon Rondo is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little secret: Rajon Rondo listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Robbie Avila, this surprise package, drops a half-court heave facing the rim! Pure artistry!
Robbie Avila, this smooth operator, gets the standing ovation! A crowd fully behind them!
Rajon Rondo puts ego aside! The team comes first for this well-respected player!
Jermaine O'Neal, this dude putting the league on notice, answers every challenge! That dawg mentality never fading!
Robbie Avila, this smooth operator, takes the final bow! A hug with the coach! Dominant display!
Robbie Avila cries tears of joy in Jermaine O'Neal's arms. Kobe Bryant is also crying but nobody knows why. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
119-96 (W)
Jermaine O'Neal, this giant, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
Jermaine O'Neal, this tower, uses every inch to deliver a floater!
Kobe Bryant, this giant, contests everything in the paint! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Robbie Avila with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! That dawg mentality on that one!
Kobe Bryant, this guy with rings on every finger, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime! Kobe Bryant looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know Kobe Bryant keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Scottie Pippen, this established star, knifes through for a buzzer beater from mid-range! Wow!
Deafening noise! Rajon Rondo dribbles and the building shakes!
This household name Kobe Bryant unites the locker room! Silky smooth technique captain's mentality!
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this undisputed superstar right now!
Scottie Pippen, this big-name player, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
Scottie Pippen pretends to faint from happiness. Robbie Avila pretends to call 911. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
115-101 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Scottie Pippen pulls up the ball with purpose! A deep three! This multi-time All-Star means business!
Rajon Rondo digs in defensively! Nerves of steel when the team needs stops!
This dude putting the league on notice Jermaine O'Neal creates for others! Unselfish play with a killer instinct!
Jermaine O'Neal, this 7-footer, exploits the mismatch at the buzzer! Smart play!
Halftime! Scottie Pippen walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Scottie Pippen started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Robbie Avila dribbles and fires a tear drop! This smooth operator lighting it up!
Scottie Pippen, this mountain of a man, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Robbie Avila sacrifices the body taking the charge! This player nobody saw coming ultimate teammate!
Jermaine O'Neal, this titan, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Scottie Pippen pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This established star savors the win!
Jermaine O'Neal jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
116-89 (W)
This basketball god Kobe Bryant in the starting lineup! Let's see what this basketball god brings!
Robbie Avila explodes the Spalding with flair and hits a layup! Sensational!
Jermaine O'Neal with the suffocating defense! This player making noise is a wall out there!
Robbie Avila dribbles and dishes! Gorgeous feed at the buzzer! Natural-born leadership!
Scottie Pippen, this beanpole, sets a brick-wall screen! Insane court vision on full display!
Halftime! Scottie Pippen has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Quick anecdote about Scottie Pippen: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Robbie Avila strings together a tear drop under the basket. Natural-born leadership on full display!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A Playoff atmosphere as Scottie Pippen steps up!
This certified bucket Scottie Pippen claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this certified bucket!
This solid pro Jermaine O'Neal is the heartbeat of this team! A moment of truth leadership!
This name that's buzzing Rajon Rondo wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Robbie Avila does a handstand. Jermaine O'Neal holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-105 (L)
This legit talent Rajon Rondo opens the scoring! A pull-up jumper! Early advantage!
An off-balance shot attempt by Kobe Bryant falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Kobe Bryant with a wild pass that sails out! This undisputed superstar giving it away!
This living legend Kobe Bryant misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
This guy with a proven track record Jermaine O'Neal converts facing the rim! A bank shot right on cue!
The players disappear. Scottie Pippen has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Bus driver's confession: Scottie Pippen raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Robbie Avila, this hungry young player, barks at the teammate! Heavy feet taking over!
Scottie Pippen launches but it's well off! Hot head under fatigue!
This potential breakout star Robbie Avila sets the back screen! Pure God-given talent off-ball contribution!
Kobe Bryant is cramping up! This guy with rings on every finger trying to shake it off! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This rising star Robbie Avila congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this rising star.
Rajon Rondo takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Jermaine O'Neal doesn't drink. Throat too tight. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Jermaine O'Neal. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-100 (L)
Kobe Bryant opens with a pull-up jumper! This hall-of-fame lock making an early statement!
Kobe Bryant, this household name, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
Robbie Avila throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure from the left corner!
Robbie Avila gets caught flat-footed! This unknown gem beaten to the spot!
Scottie Pippen dishes through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Halftime whistle. Robbie Avila has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Confession: Robbie Avila tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Scottie Pippen dunks the towel! This jersey-selling name showing heavy feet!
Robbie Avila penetrates and fires but misses everything! Hot head tonight!
Scottie Pippen dunks into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
Kobe Bryant, this global icon, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
Robbie Avila walks off in silence. This guy nobody was talking about gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Rajon Rondo chews his nails on the bench. Kobe Bryant stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-92 (W)
This total unknown Robbie Avila means business! Fast start in transition!
Scottie Pippen, this tree of a man, with a silky and-one driving to the hoop! Smooth operator!
Jermaine O'Neal plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this legit talent!
Rajon Rondo, this well-respected player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
The locker room. Robbie Avila sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Robbie Avila was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Jermaine O'Neal buries a catch-and-shoot triple off the pick and roll! This league veteran is on fire tonight!
Jermaine O'Neal, this respected competitor, waves the crowd up! A hostile crowd rising!
Rajon Rondo celebrates the team's success! This name that's buzzing knows together is better!
Jermaine O'Neal has found another gear! This next-level player shifting into overdrive!
Jermaine O'Neal tosses the basketball in the air! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This player on the come-up mission accomplished!
Scottie Pippen and Jermaine O'Neal share a 30-second hug. Robbie Avila wants in. Gets pushed away. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
93-117 (L)
Jermaine O'Neal takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Jermaine O'Neal fires a sky hook at the top of the key but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
This elite player Scottie Pippen dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jermaine O'Neal gives up the back door! Injury-prone body when overplaying!
Rajon Rondo, this solid pro, threads the needle for a thunderous slam from the right corner!
Finally a breather. Robbie Avila has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Rumor has it Robbie Avila has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Rajon Rondo drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Kobe Bryant, this global icon, with the shot-clock heave! No good back to the basket!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant uses the floater over this oversized freak coverage! Smart!
Kobe Bryant, this potential GOAT, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Scottie Pippen, this mammoth, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Rajon Rondo takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Jermaine O'Neal follows the same path. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
107-111 (L)
Jermaine O'Neal fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This solid pro locked in!
A buzzer beater from Rajon Rondo on the low block! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Jermaine O'Neal, this mountain of a man, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Robbie Avila can't buy a bucket! Another miss from the right corner! Frustrating!
Kobe Bryant takes the lead! A bucket! The comeback is complete! Unbelievable!
Cut! Halftime. Jermaine O'Neal's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Confession: Jermaine O'Neal tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Scottie Pippen with the ill-advised pass in the extra period! Intercepted!
Rajon Rondo, this player making noise, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
This seasoned vet Rajon Rondo proves the critics wrong! A signature move vindication!
Scottie Pippen forces the hero ball and misses! This world-class player with lack of consistency!
Rajon Rondo steps back past the media. This league veteran not in the mood to talk.
Rajon Rondo walks toward the tunnel without a word. Scottie Pippen stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Scottie Pippen. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-118 (L)
Rajon Rondo spins into position! This up-and-coming baller not wasting any time!
Kobe Bryant, this living legend, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Robbie Avila blows past the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this surprise package!
Scottie Pippen gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
A bucket by Kobe Bryant! The building is rocking! This absolute legend takeover!
Rest. Rajon Rondo buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Juicy anecdote: Rajon Rondo was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Robbie Avila gets a technical for complaining! Heavy feet on full display!
A step-back three from Kobe Bryant catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Scottie Pippen fades away to the weak side! This headliner exploiting the rotation!
This elite player Scottie Pippen can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This total unknown Robbie Avila stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this total unknown wanted.
Jermaine O'Neal pulls his cap down over his eyes. Scottie Pippen doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-119 (L)
The game begins and Rajon Rondo is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Kobe Bryant, this mountain of a man, gets stuffed trying a free throw! Denied!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted in the paint!
This big-name player Scottie Pippen picks up the cheap foul! Heavy feet showing!
Robbie Avila, this player nobody saw coming, with the exclamation-point sky hook! Game changer!
Halftime. Jermaine O'Neal wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Small detail: Jermaine O'Neal wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Scottie Pippen launches angrily after the turnover! This franchise guy spiraling!
Rajon Rondo misfires from the left corner! Even this dude putting the league on notice has off nights!
Robbie Avila, this guy nobody was talking about, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Freakish explosiveness!
Robbie Avila blows past sluggishly! Hot head catching up with this raw talent!
This guy with a proven track record Rajon Rondo shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Rajon Rondo stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Kobe Bryant exhales. Again. And again. I learned backstage that Kobe Bryant also does volunteer firefighter on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-118 (L)
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila catches the basketball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Scottie Pippen, this mountain of a man, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this established star!
Scottie Pippen coughs up the leather! Lack of consistency strikes again from the right corner!
Kobe Bryant overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
Scottie Pippen, this walking skyscraper, elevates for a monster finger roll!
End of the first act. Scottie Pippen is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Scottie Pippen once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Robbie Avila picks up the second technical! This surprise package ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Rajon Rondo clanks another one off the rim! This established player needs to find rhythm!
This raw talent Robbie Avila recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Robbie Avila, this hidden prospect, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Robbie Avila, this guy nobody was talking about, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Scottie Pippen takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Jermaine O'Neal follows the same path. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Kobe Bryant.
Season journal
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