My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | My Team | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Jesus Christ. The man is a messiah. A freaking messiah. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-119 (L)
Darth Vader takes the court to a sold-out gym on fire! The jedi with their bare hands is here!
Darth Vader lets fly but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander loses the screen battle! Heavy feet around the picks!
This name that's buzzing Shai Gilgeous-Alexander converts under the basket! An and-one right on cue!
Halftime whistle. Superman spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. The staff told me Superman sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander slams the Wilson in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Victor Wembanyama fires a half-court heave driving to the hoop but can't connect! Occasional mental lapses showing!
Darth Vader uses a pick-and-roll system brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Darth Vader can barely run! The four quarters harder than the four quarters of competing the game!
Superman leaves the venue quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
Darth Vader takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Victor Wembanyama doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
98-96 (W)
Superman, this tweener, announced to huge cheers! A crowd fully behind them!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Victor Wembanyama clanks another one off the rim! This league veteran needs to find rhythm!
Darth Vader scoops it up and in! The touch of a jedi with the game!
Superman explodes with purpose every possession! This undisputed superstar chess master!
Halftime! Shai Gilgeous-Alexander has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Quick anecdote about Shai Gilgeous-Alexander: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Victor Wembanyama hits nothing but net! A half-court heave in the fourth quarter! That dawg mentality!
Darth Vader drops into help defense! Always there when you need a jedi!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama has the arena rocking! A boiling cauldron off the charts!
Superman converts at the line in an electric crowd! Focus of a superhero with their bare hands!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Darth Vader seals the deal! Victory with iron discipline!
Jesus Christ and Superman run circles around Darth Vader who doesn't move. Zen. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
120-104 (W)
Jesus Christ launches with energy from the opening whistle! This all-time great locked in!
Superman answers back with a pull-up jumper! An unmatched feel for the game under pressure!
Superman, this swiss-army-knife type, blankets the shooter from way beyond the arc! No daylight!
Victor Wembanyama, this oversized freak, finds the rolling big man! A pull-up jumper off the assist!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Back to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama punches his locker. Did you know Victor Wembanyama knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Orlando Magic-Beans's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Superman carves through and scores! That's what a superhero does best!
Chills at the den as Superman gets introduced! The superhero with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ takes the blame for the mistake! This once-in-a-lifetime player protecting teammates!
Jesus Christ bridges two worlds: the game and a buzzer-beater, bound by passion!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander posts up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Superman charges toward the crowd. Darth Vader catches him just before he dives into the stands. Evening confession: I'm wearing Superman's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
123-88 (W)
Superman, this first-ballot legend, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Superman, this household name, with the exclamation-point buzzer-beater! Game changer!
Darth Vader dribbles and finds the trailer for a fadeaway jumper! Great awareness!
Jesus Christ converts in the paint! An alley-oop with trademark unreal swagger!
Darth Vader steals the ball! Quick hands from competing the game all day!
Both teams head in. Superman has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Small detail: Superman wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Darth Vader, this certified GOAT candidate, threads the needle for a scoop layup at the top of the key!
This well-respected player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander puts the exclamation point! A floater from the left corner!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander slides across the floor! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench along the baseline! Entertainment!
This player making noise Shai Gilgeous-Alexander led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Victor Wembanyama pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Tonight I learned Shai Gilgeous-Alexander used to be a superhero before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
97-99 (L)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this league veteran!
What a shot from Darth Vader! A jedi bringing their bare hands energy to the gymnasium!
Darth Vader gets blown by! Even a jedi couldn't stop that!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama shanks a layup in the paint! That's uncharacteristic!
Jesus Christ brings the crowd to their feet! Rising like a messiah from the game!
Into the tunnel. Superman grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Small detail: Superman wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This basketball god Superman picks up the foul on a clutch free throw! Terrible timing!
Jesus Christ mouths off at the jump ball! A messiah venting about the game!
Jesus Christ becomes the symbol of this clash of styles, a messiah defying all the odds!
Victor Wembanyama can't handle the pressure! This established player folds during crunch time!
Superman consoles teammates! The heart of a superhero in that moment!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Jesus Christ slides down the wall to the floor. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
109-96 (W)
Superman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
The technical flair of Darth Vader recalls their jedi days. A free throw! Sublime!
Darth Vader disrupts the play! Maximum disruption, the jedi is wreaking havoc!
Darth Vader with the skip pass! Skipping over the defense, pure jedi vision!
Superman plays the chess match! Outsmarted them like a superhero on their best day!
Halftime! Darth Vader checks his stats on the board and winces. Did you know Darth Vader entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander knocks down a catch-and-shoot triple on the low block! Ice in the veins!
The crowd waves their bare hands replicas! Superman has started a movement!
Victor Wembanyama fades away the ball with patience! This seasoned vet trusting the system!
Superman, this tweener, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this basketball god right now!
Darth Vader finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a jedi would be proud of!
Jesus Christ grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander applauds. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
108-101 (W)
This absolute legend Superman in the starting lineup! Let's see what this absolute legend brings!
Superman muscles through for a step-back three! The strength of a superhero moving the game!
Victor Wembanyama rotates perfectly for the flawless defensive rotation! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
This seasoned vet Shai Gilgeous-Alexander finds the open man! Assist and a pull-up jumper!
Darth Vader executes the delay! Patient as a jedi waiting for their bare hands results!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Locker room intel: Victor Wembanyama has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Darth Vader nails a free throw at after a timeout! A jedi who delivers when it matters!
Jesus Christ bows to the fans! A messiah bowing after the game masterpiece!
Jesus Christ, this once-in-a-lifetime player, picks up the fallen teammate! Silky smooth technique beyond the stats!
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, evolves before our eyes! A sequence that will go viral!
Darth Vader has the last say! Final word from a jedi about the game!
Darth Vader and Superman swing Jesus Christ around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-91 (W)
Superman huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
Jesus Christ banks it in off the pick and roll! A messiah's steady hand at work!
Darth Vader with a brilliant anticipation! The reflexes of a jedi catching the game!
This league veteran Victor Wembanyama with assist number lengths ahead! Pure God-given talent on display!
Victor Wembanyama spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Break! Superman heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. The staff told me Superman sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
An off-balance shot by Victor Wembanyama! The building is rocking! This dude putting the league on notice takeover!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this respected competitor, feeds off every decibel! A roaring arena is fuel!
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama unites the locker room! Freakish explosiveness captain's mentality!
The commentators can't stop talking about Jesus Christ's messiah background and their bare hands!
Darth Vader seals the win! Sealed tight, the jedi gets it done!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander drops to his knees and kisses the court. Superman pretends to gag. I got a text from Shai Gilgeous-Alexander after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
133-88 (W)
Jesus Christ opens with a step-back three! This absolute legend making an early statement!
Darth Vader penetrates with the precision of a jedi at work. And it's a catch-and-shoot triple!
Jesus Christ with the touch pass! Feathery as the game in a messiah's hands!
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama with a vintage finger roll! The old magic is still there!
Victor Wembanyama a clutch steal with authority! This beanpole protecting the paint!
Off to the locker room. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander has already drained two water bottles. Intel: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
This generational talent Darth Vader does it again! An and-one with effortless precision!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dunks without breaking a sweat! This hooper's hooper cruise control!
Victor Wembanyama does the victory dance at halftime! This legit talent getting ahead of themselves!
This legit talent Shai Gilgeous-Alexander holds the follow-through! A raised fist after a pull-up jumper!
Darth Vader gets the post-game interview! 'It's like competing the game,' they say!
Darth Vader makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander makes a bigger heart. Victor Wembanyama makes a massive heart. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Darth Vader's name. Forgive me. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
94-123 (L)
The game begins and Superman is ready! You can see natural-born leadership written all over his face!
Darth Vader can't buy a bucket! Maybe the game would be easier to aim!
Superman tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Tendency to rush in the decision-making!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gets posted up and scored on! This name that's buzzing overpowered!
Darth Vader with a finger-roll fadeaway jumper! Dexterity you only get from years as a jedi!
Well-deserved break. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander looks like someone who just ran a marathon. True story: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Denver Horse-Track. Awkward. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Darth Vader stares in disbelief! The look of a jedi who just lost everything!
Victor Wembanyama, this big fella, can't finish off the pick and roll! That one stings!
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Jesus Christ gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from competing the game and hooping!
This player on the come-up Victor Wembanyama stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this player on the come-up wanted.
Superman replays the score in his head on a loop. Jesus Christ tries to think about something else. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
111-100 (W)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
Superman, this generational talent, drills another layup from downtown! Automatic!
Darth Vader with the denial defense! This guy with rings on every finger not giving an inch!
This all-time great Darth Vader with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Superman runs the offense! Running it like a superhero runs the show!
Cut! Halftime. Victor Wembanyama's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. They say Victor Wembanyama eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Superman with the decisive alley-oop! Ridiculous creativity when it matters most!
Darth Vader, this towering presence, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Darth Vader glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure jedi instinct!
From their bare hands shifts to the allotted time on the venue,Superman does it all!
Darth Vader pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This absolute legend savors the win!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Superman gives his shoes. Darth Vader gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
123-101 (W)
Jesus Christ steps onto the hardwood! From competing the game to this, game time!
Superman scores a sky hook in a Playoff atmosphere! Their bare hands vibes radiating across the den!
This living legend Superman with the volleyball spike a left-handed block! Emphatic!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this player on the come-up, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! Nerves of steel!
This well-respected player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime whistle! Shai Gilgeous-Alexander grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Did you know? Shai Gilgeous-Alexander once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
A bank shot! Victor Wembanyama cannot be stopped tonight! This well-respected player is locked in!
Victor Wembanyama soaks in an electric crowd! This established player living for these moments!
Darth Vader puts ego aside! The team comes first for this living legend!
The duality of Superman: superhero precision meets the basketball artistry!
Victor Wembanyama posts up the trophy! This player on the come-up adds to the collection! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Superman and Victor Wembanyama share a 30-second hug. Darth Vader wants in. Gets pushed away. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-106 (L)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
Superman launches and misses! The rock isn't the game, and it shows!
Jesus Christ throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this oversized freak, lets the shooter get free along the baseline! Costly lapse!
A fadeaway jumper from Superman! This first-ballot legend reminding everyone why they're on top!
That's a cut. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Darth Vader mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!
Jesus Christ goes 0 for the quarter! A messiah having a rough shift with their bare hands!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tower, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander misses from fatigue! This dude putting the league on notice can't get the elevation from downtown!
Jesus Christ goes to work past the media. This global icon not in the mood to talk.
Superman isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Darth Vader tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
103-99 (W)
This all-time great Jesus Christ catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander sprints to close out! A surgical steal at the buzzer! Great effort!
Darth Vader misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
Superman scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the superhero knows geometry!
Superman uses a drive-and-kick game to get open! Open space created with their bare hands smarts!
Halftime! Superman has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Rumor has it Superman does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Darth Vader won't let them lose! Determination of a jedi protecting the game!
This global icon Darth Vader with a critical stop! A brilliant anticipation when it counts!
Standing room only! An electric crowd as Jesus Christ takes over along the baseline!
This certified GOAT candidate Jesus Christ drains the pressure shot! In the money time! That's a superstar!
Victor Wembanyama can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Superman and Victor Wembanyama form a tunnel for Darth Vader to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
106-93 (W)
Tip-off! Victor Wembanyama gets us started! Let's go!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander penetrates and fires a double-clutch layup! This mountain of a man lighting it up!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this hooper's hooper, sets the table under the basket! Assist master!
Darth Vader executes a fast-break offense perfectly! Precision learned as a jedi!
Break! Darth Vader grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Fun fact: Darth Vader blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Darth Vader, this generational talent, unleashes a pull-up jumper at half court! Bang!
Post-game fireworks for Jesus Christ! Brighter than their bare hands on a perfect day!
Superman adjusts on the fly! Quick thinking from this superhero!
Darth Vader, this big fella, makes a statement! This absolute legend is here to stay!
Victor Wembanyama daps up the opponent! Respect from this hooper's hooper after the battle!
Superman and Jesus Christ swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Superman's name. Forgive me. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
My Team ends the season #4 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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