My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's LeBron James. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 206 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. The chef's surprise of the evening is Winston Churchill. A statesperson by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the political storm with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-129 (L)
Superman takes off onto the floor! The crowd roars for this once-in-a-lifetime player!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James short-arms a thunderous slam from the right corner! Not enough lift!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, gets called for the carry! Defense that's basically a suggestion in ball-handling!
Stephen Curry reacts too late to rotate! Sometimes predictable game on the help side!
Superman is visibly upset! Upset as a superhero when the game goes sideways!
Halftime. Michael Jordan throws his towel on the floor walking in. Bus driver's confession: Michael Jordan raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
LeBron James can't buy a bucket! Another miss driving to the hoop! Frustrating!
This established star Stephen Curry calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Hot head taking its toll!
LeBron James, this absolute unit, commits the travel! Lack of consistency in the footwork!
Superman looks to the heavens! A superhero praying for their bare hands to work!
Michael Jordan walks off in silence. This living legend gave it all but it wasn't enough.
LeBron James avoids the cameras like the plague. Stephen Curry gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
125-79 (W)
Superman gets the starting nod! A superhero starting with their bare hands confidence!
Superman blows past the ball with freakish explosiveness. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Michael Jordan reads the defense like a book! Assist from way beyond the arc! A gym-rat work ethic!
Winston Churchill spins with the precision of a statesperson at work. And it's a two-handed slam!
Winston Churchill with the chase-down clutch steal! What athleticism!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Stephen Curry picks up the pace. Little secret: Stephen Curry watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
LeBron James with the highlight-reel buzzer-beater! This once-in-a-lifetime player owning the moment!
LeBron James and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Stephen Curry trips over the orange! Even this franchise guy has those moments!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry waves goodbye to the opponent! A victory dance! Savage!
Winston Churchill exits to a standing ovation! The statesperson with their diplomatic pouch earns it!
Winston Churchill and Michael Jordan pretend to fish LeBron James out of the crowd. They pull hard. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
112-85 (W)
Michael Jordan opens with a hook shot! This franchise cornerstone making an early statement!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, with the exclamation-point tear drop! Game changer!
Stephen Curry with a textbook defensive stance! That's how you do it!
Winston Churchill launches and finds the trailer for a fadeaway jumper! Great awareness!
LeBron James reads the defense perfectly! Unreal swagger and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime whistle! LeBron James grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Rumor has it LeBron James does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
LeBron James rises up the orange with flair and hits a catch-and-shoot triple! Sensational!
Winston Churchill, this first-ballot legend, waves the crowd up! A cathedral silence rising!
Stephen Curry finds the open teammate! This jersey-selling name making everyone better!
Superman, this solid build, stands tall when the team needs this generational talent most!
Winston Churchill punches the air at game's end! Victory! The statesperson did it!
Stephen Curry runs the full court high-fiving everyone. LeBron James follows doing the wave alone. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
106-101 (W)
Stephen Curry fires up the crowd to open the game! This max-contract guy starting strong!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James takes the charge in the paint! Gutsy play!
Michael Jordan misfires from the right corner! This household name searching for answers!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, showcases an off-the-charts basketball IQ with a gorgeous euro-step!
Winston Churchill uses that statesperson IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
That's a wrap for now. Michael Jordan dives into the tunnel. Did you know Michael Jordan once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Winston Churchill delivers at after a timeout! A statesperson who always delivers on time!
LeBron James, this titan, contests everything along the baseline! Iron discipline on full display!
The crowd is on its feet! A cathedral silence as Stephen Curry takes the court!
This elite player Stephen Curry answers back immediately! A pull-up jumper from mid-range! Resilient!
This basketball god Michael Jordan raises the arms! The win is in the books! A hug with the coach!
Winston Churchill and Stephen Curry lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
103-113 (L)
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this potential GOAT brings!
Superman blows past but the shot rims out! Shaky emotions under pressure rears its ugly head!
Winston Churchill throws it away! A pass worse than a statesperson tossing the political storm!
Stephen Curry gives up the back door! Ego the size of Texas when overplaying!
LeBron James answers back with a hook shot! An unmatched feel for the game under pressure!
Finally a breather. Stephen Curry has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: Stephen Curry failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Stephen Curry takes off away from the huddle! This established star in a dark place mentally!
A sky hook from Michael Jordan goes in and out! Heartbreaking from the right corner!
Superman fades away the ball out of the trap! Pure God-given talent under pressure!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Winston Churchill signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Injury-prone body!
This household name Winston Churchill shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Winston Churchill and Michael Jordan walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
110-95 (W)
Game time! Stephen Curry and this big-name player ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
Winston Churchill scores a floater! Their diplomatic pouch by day, buckets by night!
LeBron James, this titan, covers ground to get the left-handed block! Wow!
Superman with the no-look pass! This undisputed superstar has eyes in the back of the head!
Superman creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, superhero-level thinking!
End of the second quarter. Michael Jordan is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Physio's confession: Michael Jordan purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Winston Churchill drills it from the low block! That statesperson precision with their diplomatic pouch pays off!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, gets the standing ovation! Immense pressure!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this guy with rings on every finger!
Superman, the superhero from the day shift, is writing their story on the arena tonight!
Winston Churchill finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a statesperson would be proud of!
Stephen Curry drops to his knees and kisses the court. Winston Churchill pretends to gag. I learned that Stephen Curry's father was a statesperson. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-107 (L)
Winston Churchill stretches center court! Loosening up, the statesperson is getting ready!
Stephen Curry attacks on the low block and finishes with an off-balance shot! Too good!
Superman gets posterized! A superhero framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Michael Jordan forces a bad tear drop! This franchise cornerstone needs to trust teammates!
Stephen Curry sparks the comeback! A euro-step from downtown! This elite player leads the charge!
Halftime whistle. Winston Churchill high-fives his teammates on the way out. Little scoop: Winston Churchill collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Stephen Curry misses in the clutch! A free throw off the mark in the third quarter!
This big-name player Stephen Curry fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
This elite player Stephen Curry digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, chokes on the big stage! On the inbound pass miss!
Michael Jordan pulls up to the tunnel in disappointment. This generational talent will learn from this.
Stephen Curry claps his hands in frustration. Winston Churchill clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-87 (W)
Superman locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superhero who means business!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, drops a catch-and-shoot triple on the low block! Pure artistry!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry with a brilliant anticipation driving to the hoop! Intimidating!
Stephen Curry with the lob pass driving to the hoop! This multi-time All-Star to the teammate! Boom!
Superman, this basketball god, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a floater!
The players disappear into the tunnel. LeBron James asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: LeBron James failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Superman nails a double-clutch layup with the ease of a superhero who competes the game. Natural!
Winston Churchill soaks in a Finals-like atmosphere! This first-ballot legend living for these moments!
Superman, this global icon, rotates on defense! Insane court vision team commitment!
This is the Michael Jordan game! This franchise cornerstone taking over in the fourth quarter!
Winston Churchill seals the win! Sealed tight, the statesperson gets it done!
Stephen Curry and LeBron James form a tunnel for Michael Jordan to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
101-120 (L)
This bonafide star Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan with a rough and-one from the left corner! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Michael Jordan coughs up the Spalding! Heavy feet strikes again from downtown!
LeBron James, this beanpole, gets blown by on the perimeter! Hot head in the legs!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Winston Churchill capitalizes from way beyond the arc! A euro-step with iron discipline!
Break! Superman heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Superman keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This certified GOAT candidate Superman stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
LeBron James can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this certified GOAT candidate!
Superman directs traffic on the court! Traffic control by a superhero with the game!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This established star Stephen Curry leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
LeBron James sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Superman has his head in his hands. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-103 (L)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
LeBron James misfires along the baseline! Even this guy with rings on every finger has off nights!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stripped at the top of the key! Hot head exposed!
Winston Churchill, this smooth operator, lets the shooter get free from mid-range! Costly lapse!
A pull-up jumper from Stephen Curry! This top-tier talent reminding everyone why they're on top!
Halftime whistle. LeBron James high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote of the day: LeBron James forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Michael Jordan air-mails a tear drop facing the rim! Way off for this guy with rings on every finger!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, manipulates the defense with the eyes! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry stumbles! The fatigue is real after the four quarters!
Stephen Curry dribbles past the media. This All-Star caliber talent not in the mood to talk.
Michael Jordan pulls his cap down over his eyes. LeBron James doesn't have a cap, and it shows. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
114-98 (W)
This established star Stephen Curry catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Stephen Curry with another buzzer beater! You can't stop this man!
Michael Jordan, this tower, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
This basketball god LeBron James zips the pass through! Another dime from this colossus!
This hall-of-fame lock Superman recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Did you know Stephen Curry once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This basketball god Superman with a picture-perfect thunderous slam! The crowd goes wild!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan gets the crowd into it! A packed arena at fever pitch!
LeBron James makes the extra pass! This global icon hockey assist for a euro-step!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry embraces the pressure! This is what greatness looks like!
Winston Churchill, this do-it-all player, celebrates the win! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! What a game!
LeBron James and Michael Jordan swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Tonight I had a revelation: Michael Jordan runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
84-118 (L)
LeBron James, this titan, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
Winston Churchill can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the political storm, a statesperson always hits!
This basketball god Michael Jordan with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, can't keep up with the speed! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Winston Churchill storms to the bench! Heated! This statesperson doesn't handle losing well!
First half is done. Superman is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Little secret: Superman listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to force bad shots!
Winston Churchill drags their feet! Heavy as their diplomatic pouch at the end of a shift!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan with turnover number points! Occasional mental lapses is piling up!
Michael Jordan goes to work the towel! This hall-of-fame lock showing occasional mental lapses!
LeBron James sits alone on the bench. This undisputed superstar processing the defeat.
Superman punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. LeBron James slides down the wall to the floor. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
95-110 (L)
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with a devastating dunk back to the basket!
LeBron James misses the open look! This hall-of-fame lock can't believe it! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Superman tries to be too fancy and loses the pill! Tendency to rush in the decision-making!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry commits the and-one foul! Injury-prone body in positioning!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan converts back to the basket! A fadeaway jumper right on cue!
Break time. Stephen Curry bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. I've been told Stephen Curry once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
LeBron James slams the leather in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Superman misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Superman spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, looks exhausted under the basket! The legs are gone!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Winston Churchill isolates in a corner, back against the wall. LeBron James tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-111 (L)
Superman, this once-in-a-lifetime player, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Michael Jordan with a wild attempt! This first-ballot legend not finding the range tonight!
LeBron James with the backcourt violation! This absolute legend under too much pressure!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over hot head!
Winston Churchill converts at the top of the key! A statesperson converting the political storm into gold!
Break. Superman's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Quick anecdote about Superman: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Winston Churchill, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
LeBron James clanks another one off the rim! This once-in-a-lifetime player needs to find rhythm!
Winston Churchill slows the pace when the team needs it! This generational talent tempo control!
LeBron James short-arms the shot from fatigue! This guy with rings on every finger has nothing left!
Superman, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite natural-born leadership effort.
LeBron James and Michael Jordan walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-129 (L)
Superman starts in the franchise player! Playing the franchise player the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
LeBron James dribbles the ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
This living legend LeBron James commits the 5-second violation! Clock management sometimes predictable game!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Superman slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a superhero hits the workbench!
Halftime whistle! Stephen Curry slides down against the hallway wall. Did you know Stephen Curry plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Superman, this global icon, pulls the trigger at half court but no luck!
Stephen Curry is gassed! This multi-time All-Star bent over at half court! Heavy feet catching up!
Winston Churchill dribbles it off their foot! Their diplomatic pouch would never betray a statesperson like that!
Superman drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
This world-class player Stephen Curry stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this world-class player wanted.
Stephen Curry is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Superman waits at the tunnel entrance. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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