My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

86-131 (L)

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar times the leap perfectly, taps it back to the wing, and the first possession of the night belongs to us.

Jaren Jackson Jr. reads it two passes early, steps into the gap and takes away the entire lane before anybody gets there.

Rajon Rondo comes off the screen and the big man drops WAY back. Gordon Hayward just fades to the arc for the cleanest look of the night. Down, up, and gone for Gordon Hayward. The rim is just toying with him now.

More second chance points for Detroit Engine-Roar, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

A timeout is coming, it has to be, but Ray Allen has already turned this into a personal shooting drill with an audience. From WAY downtown! Ray Allen launched that one from the parking lot!

End of the second quarter. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And now, our halftime TV game show Family Feud But Nobody Is Related! To win a gently used trampoline with no springs and one very stern warning label, text HOOPS to 555-0231 and answer this question: 'How long does it take a hot dog to cool down in the upper deck in February?' Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.

Cold blooded from Detroit Engine-Roar, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Bodies everywhere in the paint and it does not matter one bit to Ray Allen, one spin and the ball never leaves the string. Twenty-four seconds of standing around, and Ray Allen has to eat the last two of them. Possession wasted long before the shot went up.

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

This is the counter: Rajon Rondo punished a defense that kept going under, and now they have to rip up the game plan. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Two points in every gym in America except this one, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is walking back with both hands on his head.

Detroit Engine-Roar again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Gordon Hayward never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! Rim out for Gordon Hayward, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

SKIP PASS! Ray Allen fires it cross court to Rajon Rondo and the defense is dead in the water! Watch Gordon Hayward plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Rajon Rondo out of that corner in a blink. Getting to his spot and elevating, Rajon Rondo puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Turnover, layup, Detroit Engine-Roar straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

This is the stretch of the night where you just feed him and get out of the way. Gordon Hayward has found that place where the rim looks the size of a hula hoop. Isolation on the wing, shot clock draining, and Gordon Hayward rocks the defender to sleep before dropping it through.

Whistles. Monitor. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar standing frozen at midcourt. OHHHH the cruelty! Two tenths, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets absolutely nothing.

Gordon Hayward stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Ray Allen comes back to get him. And here is the answer to our game show Family Feud But Nobody Is Related! Delbert Cranfill of Bitter Creek Junction, Wyoming, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How long does it take a hot dog to cool down in the upper deck in February?' The answer was of course eleven minutes, unless somebody nearby is breathing on it. Delbert therefore wins a gently used trampoline with no springs and one very stern warning label! Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

123-95 (W)

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar controls the tip, and the offense gets to run its first set on schedule. Little edges like that stack up over forty-eight minutes.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Miami Heart-Attack in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Textbook two three with Ray Allen manning the back line, and they have not seen a clean look in three trips. Winning basketball right there: Ray Allen knocks the swing pass off course and that offense has to run it back from the top.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Rajon Rondo just did it by hitting Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the back side with acres of room. That is vision. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sees the pocket open for a tenth of a second and puts the ball in it. Runner in the lane by Ray Allen, high off the fingertips, straight down through the net. Splash!

Right hand to the mouthguard, out, pointed at the rafters, back in. Ray Allen does not break stride once. Two rows of fans are hugging total strangers. Complete loss of composure in the entire lower bowl, and the game is nowhere near over.

Fingertips! Rajon Rondo gets just enough on it and the ball squirts loose. OUTLET! Jaren Jackson Jr. rips the board and fires it ahead to Gordon Hayward before anybody gets back! The help defender had position, leverage, everything but a chance. Gordon Hayward rose straight over the top of him, and one.

Gordon Hayward deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Ray Allen arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

Halftime. Jaren Jackson Jr. Is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Did you know? Jaren Jackson Jr. Launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. And now, our halftime TV game show Foul Line Confessions! To win a hood ornament from a truck that was never built, text HOOPS to 555-1098 and answer this question: 'Why does every gym in the country smell exactly the same?' Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

Here comes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sprinting off the elbow. Rajon Rondo slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar probes to the right, pulls the string, and rises over a helpless closeout from twenty six feet. Splash.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Gordon Hayward drives, draws two bodies, and swings it one more time to the corner. That is the pass nobody is required to make. Catching it right at the cup with nobody within eight feet, Jaren Jackson Jr. goes up too strong and the ball rides high off the backboard.

The offense stalls, Ray Allen gets stuck on the wing with no exit and nobody flashing open, and the shot clock eats him alive.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Miami Heart-Attack, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Rajon Rondo guesses left, the ball handler goes right, and suddenly this is a two-on-one before anybody can rotate.

Gordon Hayward gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Ray Allen saw it a beat early. The defender crowded the middle, and Gordon Hayward punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Gordon Hayward launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

From WAY downtown off the pop! Rajon Rondo with the extra pass and CASH. Heat check for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and it is GOOD. He is COOKING, and this building knows exactly what it is watching.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Gordon Hayward slap each other's butts. Jaren Jackson Jr. Declines the invitation. And here is the answer to our game show Foul Line Confessions! Wendell Crabtree of Lost Mitten, Colorado, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why does every gym in the country smell exactly the same?' The answer was of course floor wax, popcorn, and forty years of accumulated nervousness. Wendell therefore wins a hood ornament from a truck that was never built! During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

133-88 (W)

Small thing, a jump ball, but Jaren Jackson Jr. winning that tip means we set the tone. Coaches script that first play for a reason.

Clean feed from Gordon Hayward, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Watch the sell from Jaren Jackson Jr. here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. No good. Jaren Jackson Jr. rushed that one.

Ball into Gordon Hayward at the elbow, Ray Allen plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. That is another catch and shoot triple for Ray Allen, and you can see the closeouts getting more desperate every single trip.

Ray Allen rocks an imaginary baby down the sideline, cradling nothing at all and completely serious about it. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar plays along, tiptoeing beside him and shushing the front row. Half the arena is doing it too. The other half is filming the half that is doing it.

Bucket for Orlando Magic-Beans. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Hand check on Rajon Rondo. That is a foul in this league every single time.

Halftime! Ray Allen checks his stats on the board and winces. Rumor has it Ray Allen tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show High Rollers Low Ceilings! To win a beach towel printed with a map of a landlocked county, text HOOPS to 555-1024 and answer this question: 'How many timeouts can a coach call before the crowd revolts?' On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.

Baseline wide open. Ray Allen said thank you. Baby hook by Ray Allen, right over that outstretched hand, high off the board, count it.

Backing all the way to half court with three fingers held over each eye, Ray Allen keeps the goggles on for the entire trip. The bench mob copies it in unison. The broadcast cuts to twelve grown men wearing invisible glasses. Peak television, honestly.

Set called, Ray Allen waved out to the corner, and Rajon Rondo watches the spacing open up like a front door. That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Ray Allen does. Soft touch from Ray Allen, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Gordon Hayward launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Screened, toasted, done. Rajon Rondo is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. OHHHH what a FINISH from Rajon Rondo! Hanging, hanging, and laying it high off the glass on the way down!

Rajon Rondo points at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar first, then at the pass that made it possible, then at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar again, making sure the building knows who did the real work. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar waves it off, embarrassed. The chant that starts up is not for the scorer.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar flies at a jump shooter thirty feet from the rim and lands on his hip. Three shots coming. Brutal timing on that whistle. This team loses its rim protection the moment Kareem Abdul-Jabbar takes a seat, and the paint is wide open now.

BAAAANG! Rajon Rondo sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. This building is SHAKING. Gordon Hayward just stepped into a logo three like it was a warmup rep.

Jaren Jackson Jr. just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Ray Allen half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. Ray Allen rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Jaren Jackson Jr. And Rajon Rondo freestyle a victory rap. Ray Allen does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. And here is the answer to our game show High Rollers Low Ceilings! Marlene Trickett of Cornsilk Junction, South Dakota, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many timeouts can a coach call before the crowd revolts?' The answer was of course three, and the fourth one starts a conversation nobody enjoys. Marlene therefore wins a beach towel printed with a map of a landlocked county! As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

125-89 (W)

Rajon Rondo holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Gordon Hayward flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. Textbook footwork, textbook release from Gordon Hayward, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Rajon Rondo makes it every single trip down the floor. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar attacks the baseline and the ENTIRE defense has to rotate behind him! Two points left on the floor by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and those are exactly the ones that come back to bite you in the fourth.

Push the pace! Rajon Rondo grabs it and hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in stride before the defense can even match up. Dribble alive, patient, patient, and then Kareem Abdul-Jabbar slips it to Gordon Hayward right in the pocket. Surgical. Contested, off balance, fading away from the wrong shoulder, that is a shot Gordon Hayward should never take with three teammates standing wide open.

One little shoulder dip from Ray Allen and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Ray Allen backs his man down, feels the contact, spins middle and drops it in over both hands. Fundamentals!

Right hand to the mouthguard, out, pointed at the rafters, back in. Ray Allen does not break stride once. Two rows of fans are hugging total strangers. Complete loss of composure in the entire lower bowl, and the game is nowhere near over.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Philadelphia Injury-Report with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Players head to the locker room. Gordon Hayward has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Gordon Hayward tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. And now, our halftime TV game show The Price is Wrong, Bob! To win a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo, text HOOPS to 555-0187 and answer this question: 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

Rajon Rondo stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. HAMMER! Rajon Rondo goes right through the trees and throws it DOWN with the foul!

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when Rajon Rondo lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. Gordon Hayward drags Rajon Rondo away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Rajon Rondo controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. OHHHH the cut from Jaren Jackson Jr.! Two hard steps, one wide open rim, and the defense is still standing out at the arc. A timeout is coming, because no defense recovers from watching Jaren Jackson Jr. do that to one of their own.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Mimes putting a whole section to sleep, hands folded against his cheek, eyes shut. He is facing the Philadelphia Injury-Report fans who paid for the good seats. They boo. He nods along with the boos, which somehow makes the home crowd louder.

Arm across the body, whistle, dead ball. Reach on Rajon Rondo.

Gordon Hayward kicks it over to Jaren Jackson Jr., no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Give and go! Jaren Jackson Jr. gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! Deep. Deeper. GONE. Jaren Jackson Jr. drops it in from a spot the scouting report never even listed.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Throws both arms up and holds them there, letting the arena pull the sound out of him. Twenty thousand people on their feet at once. Ray Allen grabs his shoulders from behind and shakes him like a snow globe. The floor is genuinely vibrating.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Rajon Rondo already has the defense a full step behind. Oldest play in the book, and Jaren Jackson Jr. runs it in his sleep. That drop coverage never had a prayer. Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Ray Allen makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Rajon Rondo scooped that in from underneath the rim!

Slow walk, no expression. Rajon Rondo backpedals past the Philadelphia Injury-Report huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

Hold everything, they are going to the replay on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this building has stopped breathing. The building went up, the building came right back down, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is staring at a scoreboard that never moved.

Rajon Rondo dumps his Gatorade on Ray Allen who screams because it was cold. Gordon Hayward piles on. And here is the answer to our game The Price is Wrong, Bob! Wendell Frobisher of Gravy Fork, West Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' The answer was of course Delbert, and the man himself never once sat down. Wendell takes home a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo! Tonight I had a revelation: Ray Allen runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

103-89 (W)

Both guys crouch, both guys go, and it is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar who wins the little argument at center court.

The beauty of it is that Rajon Rondo never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Gift wrapped by Rajon Rondo, and Ray Allen cannot finish the two footer. That one is going to sting. Muscled away at the second jump by Gordon Hayward, and this offense resets with a fresh shot clock. Gordon Hayward crashes the glass, snatches that miss out of the air and hammers it home. Onions!

Snatched! Ray Allen came out of NOWHERE for that one. Off the glass and out of the gym, Ray Allen launches it and the break is ON! There is no finesse in that, and there does not need to be. Gordon Hayward simply decided the paint belonged to him.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Phoenix No-Defense with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Ray Allen the moment he crosses half court. Stuck out on the perimeter with no outlet, Ray Allen panics, re-dribbles, and hands the possession over on a silver platter.

The players head in. Gordon Hayward slips on the wet tunnel floor. Rumor has it Gordon Hayward has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. And now, our halftime TV game show The Chase to the Dollar Store! To win a boxed set of instructional VHS tapes about gutter care, text HOOPS to 555-0225 and answer this question: 'How long is a minute on a stopwatch held by somebody in a hurry?' Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Phoenix No-Defense with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! Rajon Rondo did all the dirty work on that one. That is the kind of finish that changes a defense's body language, and Gordon Hayward has already done it twice this quarter.

Dribble handoff from Rajon Rondo, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! Zero hesitation, zero conscience. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar made that closeout look completely pointless.

Pointing up at the family section, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar taps his chest twice and holds up a fist. A kid in a replica jersey is crying, and so is his mother. A camera crew finds them in nine seconds flat. Sixty seconds of pure decency on national television.

Gordon Hayward comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Gordon Hayward!

Watch the spacing there, Rajon Rondo hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Here comes the slip from Rajon Rondo, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar reads it a half second before anybody else in the building. Pull-up from the elbow by Rajon Rondo, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out.

Gordon Hayward hands it off to Rajon Rondo, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. REJECTED! Gordon Hayward takes it in and gets it sent straight back into his own chest.

Filthy. Absolutely filthy from Rajon Rondo, and the defender knows exactly what just happened to him. Ohhh no. Rajon Rondo just walked. In front of everybody.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hits a dab in 2026. Jaren Jackson Jr. Does an ironic dab. Gordon Hayward has no idea what that is. And here is the answer to our game The Chase to the Dollar Store! Lurlene Dobbins of Rusty Spoon, New Mexico, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How long is a minute on a stopwatch held by somebody in a hurry?' The answer was of course fifty-one seconds, give or take a conscience. Lurlene takes home a boxed set of instructional VHS tapes about gutter care! My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

110-85 (W)

The referee tosses it high and Jaren Jackson Jr. rises late, which is exactly how you win one of these. Timing over height, every single time.

Verticality, timing, discipline: Jaren Jackson Jr. never bites on the pump fake and still finds a way to erase the shot.

OHHHH the hesi! Rajon Rondo froze him solid and he is already gone! Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Rajon Rondo, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Los Angeles Nursing-Home with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

The opposing coach is off his seat waving both arms before the ball is even inbounded. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar forced that.

Break. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Rumor has it Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show Supermarket Sweep the Leg! To win a fifty-five gallon drum of ranch dressing, text HOOPS to 555-0088 and answer this question: 'How many stripes are on a basketball if you also count the ones inside?' The players are back on the court. Here we go again!

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Ray Allen threw it before the help even committed. STOP AND GO! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar builds the whole thing from nothing. No screen, no help, three points.

One finger to the sky, held there, eyes closed in the middle of all that noise, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does not move. The arena figures it out and quiets for a beat. Ray Allen puts a hand on his back and says nothing, then the sound comes back like a wave.

Bucket for Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

No hero ball here: Rajon Rondo takes what the defense gives and moves it along. OHHHH that is filthy! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the handoff and the man guarding it is still fighting over the top. Nasty finish. Ray Allen hangs, adjusts in midair, and drops it through.

Ray Allen crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. Gordon Hayward mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

Laser from Gordon Hayward, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. OHHHH the separation! Ray Allen just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Buzzer on the shot clock, Ray Allen heaves it off one leg, and the ball comes up short of everything.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Rajon Rondo has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Gordon Hayward precisely where the play wanted it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Gordon Hayward spun out of a double team like it was a revolving door! Oh my. Gordon Hayward did not even draw iron.

Ball moves. Gordon Hayward to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, on time and on target. The defender planted his feet, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. Gordon Hayward whips the extra pass across the arc, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar rises without a dribble, and SPLASH.

Wiping imaginary dust off both shoulders, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar strolls back on defense at the speed of a man walking his dog. Gordon Hayward carries the bit further and mimes brushing off his shoes. The bench is on the floor. The head coach is not laughing, but only barely.

First option: Rajon Rondo. Everything else on that clipboard is decoration. Out of the timeout, Jaren Jackson Jr. hits Rajon Rondo right on schedule and it drops! Drawn up, run, done.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Rajon Rondo slap each other's butts. Jaren Jackson Jr. Declines the invitation. And here is the answer to our game Supermarket Sweep the Leg! Junior Pennywhistle of Slab Town, Kentucky, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many stripes are on a basketball if you also count the ones inside?' The answer was of course eight, and the ninth is a private matter. Junior takes home a fifty-five gallon drum of ranch dressing! Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

117-84 (W)

Tip is UP and Jaren Jackson Jr. gets there first! We are underway and it is our ball.

Two defenders collide on the handoff and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is gone, so Rajon Rondo earned that one even if the box score disagrees. Nobody touched him, nobody trapped him, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar still coughed it up. Easiest whistle these officials will blow all night.

Unselfish basketball. Gordon Hayward passes up a good shot and hands Rajon Rondo a GREAT one. Rip through, one dribble, contact. Rajon Rondo plays that little game better than anybody on this floor. Cash. Cash again. Rajon Rondo pockets the two and jogs back on defense like nothing happened.

Stone silence for one second, then Rajon Rondo lets out something that is not really a word, more a sound from the basement of a human being. Gordon Hayward answers with the same noise. The arena joins in. There is no language left in this building.

Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo just played basketball and the defense got shredded. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Ray Allen. Cruel.

Turnover, layup, Toronto Border-Patrol straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Break time. Rajon Rondo bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Intel: Rajon Rondo asked Toronto Border-Patrol for their energy drink recipe. They refused. And now, our halftime TV game show Name That Layup! To win a fondue set with three forks and no instructions, text HOOPS to 555-0347 and answer this question: 'How many folding chairs fit inside a regulation basketball hoop?' The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.

Nobody is getting a hand near that. Rajon Rondo has all the room in the world. OHHHH! Rajon Rondo went up looking for a poster and came back down as the punchline.

Swing, swing, and Gordon Hayward finds Jaren Jackson Jr. on the wing before the help can even turn its head. The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on Jaren Jackson Jr., and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. Drop step, jump hook, bucket! Jaren Jackson Jr. is doing it the old way.

Hands out, palms up, Jaren Jackson Jr. Shrugs at the officials like he cannot explain what he just did either. Dry as a bone. Rajon Rondo is doubled over at half court and the broadcast crew is howling. It goes viral before the next possession even starts.

Over the top of everybody. Ray Allen to Gordon Hayward in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Hard drive, hard stop, and Gordon Hayward retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. That is the shot Gordon Hayward wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Hesitate, GO. Ray Allen is by that hip before the man even blinks. That is body control you simply cannot coach: Ray Allen stays up a full beat longer than everybody else and finishes clean.

Ray Allen sprints to the sideline, hops onto the scorer's table and raises both fists. The stat crew grabs their laptops and security is already moving. A trainer hauls him down by the shorts before anybody gets fined. Worth it, obviously.

Not an inch to spare on the endline, but Gordon Hayward keeps both feet in bounds and the help gets there a beat too late. The defense keeps turning contested looks by Gordon Hayward into free points. STOP REACHING. Gordon Hayward steps up, same routine, same release, splash and splash. Nothing but net twice.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Rajon Rondo breaks a shell down. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar eats the contact so Jaren Jackson Jr. can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Feet already set, hands already ready. Jaren Jackson Jr. takes the feed from Ray Allen and cashes it.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Plants himself in front of the Toronto Border-Patrol bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Rajon Rondo and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. And here is the answer to our game show Name That Layup! Vernon Dinkins of Cold Supper, Missouri, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many folding chairs fit inside a regulation basketball hoop?' The answer was of course none, and the fact that somebody tried is the real story here. Vernon therefore wins a fondue set with three forks and no instructions! During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

93-112 (L)

Cold blooded from Minnesota Ice-Wall, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Ten to nothing. Rajon Rondo is COOKING and there is not one answer on that other bench.

Clean feed from Gordon Hayward, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. The big rolls, the defense collapses, and Rajon Rondo punishes it with a read most guys never even see. Fifth possession this half where Gordon Hayward has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

OHHHH the pin-down! Gordon Hayward pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Brutal. Gordon Hayward had that one all the way, perfect release, perfect arc, and the rim simply refuses to let it drop.

The extra pass! Ray Allen had the look, gave it up anyway, and Gordon Hayward buries it. BANG! Watch the feet on Gordon Hayward there, still drifting sideways at the release, and that is exactly why the floater sails wide left of everything.

Both teams head in. Jaren Jackson Jr. Has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Staff confession: Jaren Jackson Jr. Is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. And now, our halftime TV game show Three in a Row Probably! To win a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot, text HOOPS to 555-0607 and answer this question: 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Minnesota Ice-Wall with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Gordon Hayward has known that all night long. A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Jaren Jackson Jr. pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. They do not teach that footwork anymore, and yet here is Jaren Jackson Jr. running a full masterclass on the low block.

Wiping imaginary dust off both shoulders, Jaren Jackson Jr. Strolls back on defense at the speed of a man walking his dog. Rajon Rondo carries the bit further and mimes brushing off his shoes. The bench is on the floor. The head coach is not laughing, but only barely.

Gordon Hayward gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Ray Allen saw it a beat early. This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Gordon Hayward gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. So close. Gordon Hayward can only stare at the iron.

You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Gordon Hayward gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Minnesota Ice-Wall with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Second pass beats the rotation, Rajon Rondo to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. That is a shot selection problem, plain and simple. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar drove into three bodies and the help defender was waiting the whole way.

Down screen, and Gordon Hayward curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. The crowd has found its chant, and Gordon Hayward is going to be hearing it all night. OFFENSIVE GLASS! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar beats three men to the spot! Up over the box out, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar catches it clean and finishes strong through the contact. Somebody just got posterized.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Dagger from Minnesota Ice-Wall. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Telegraphed. Ray Allen announced that pass three days in advance and the defense RSVP'd.

Gordon Hayward bites the inside of his cheek. Jaren Jackson Jr. Pinches the bridge of his nose. And here is the answer to our game show Three in a Row Probably! Colleen Hackenberg of Rusty Nail, Pennsylvania, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' The answer was of course it becomes a slightly smaller basketball, and everybody in the gym agrees to say nothing about it. Colleen therefore wins a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot! Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

105-112 (L)

Ohhh no. Corner three, Houston Blast-Off in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Ball moves. Gordon Hayward to Ray Allen, on time and on target. Two guys on the exact same page, Ray Allen and Jaren Jackson Jr., and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. Shot clock at one, and Ray Allen just has to throw something at the rim. Nothing doing.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Rajon Rondo drops it off to Ray Allen on time and on target. Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Ray Allen. OHHHHH POSTERIZED! Ray Allen just ENDED that defender at the rim!

Ray Allen steps over the defender who ended up on the floor and keeps walking, never looks down. Cold as a meat locker. The building erupts twice, once for the bucket and once for the disrespect. The replay gets its own dedicated camera angle.

Dagger from Houston Blast-Off. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Total control. Rajon Rondo has this thing on a string. Gordon Hayward feels the contact, spins off that shoulder, and the defender is left hugging a whole lot of nothing. That is what heavy minutes do, Gordon Hayward has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper.

Rest time. Rajon Rondo isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Quick anecdote about Rajon Rondo: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. And now, our halftime TV game show Minute to Win It Back! To win a lawn ornament goose with exactly one seasonal outfit, text HOOPS to 555-0319 and answer this question: 'What is the halftime score of a game that nobody is watching?' Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Gordon Hayward threw it before the help even committed. Watch the change of pace from Rajon Rondo, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. OHHHH the POWER! Rajon Rondo took the hit and finished it anyway!

Bow to the crowd, a full waist bend with one arm across the stomach, the whole theatrical thing. Rajon Rondo holds it three seconds. Ray Allen applauds behind him like a valet. Somebody in row two throws a bouquet of obviously fake roses onto the floor, and Rajon Rondo collects every last one.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Houston Blast-Off with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

One hard step and Ray Allen owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. Wide open at the top of the key and Ray Allen cannot make it count, the defense secures the board and takes off in transition.

Bucket for Houston Blast-Off. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Rajon Rondo walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Screened, toasted, done. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. That is the shot Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Set called, Jaren Jackson Jr. waved out to the corner, and Rajon Rondo watches the spacing open up like a front door. Watch Rajon Rondo plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Jaren Jackson Jr. out of that corner in a blink. Up goes the shot from Jaren Jackson Jr. and that is nothing but AIR, and every soul in this building saw it happen.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Rajon Rondo controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. No roll this time. Jaren Jackson Jr. swings it right back to Gordon Hayward above the break, and it is PURE. Rises, releases, and Gordon Hayward sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Bench energy is real currency over a long season, and Rajon Rondo just handed his teammates a full bank account. NOT A CHANCE! Gordon Hayward came flying at that pull-up and DELETED it!

Right through the window. Gordon Hayward to Rajon Rondo on the roll, and the help was a half step late. Every highlight show in the country runs that clip tonight, and unfortunately for Rajon Rondo he is on the wrong end of it.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Turns back to look at the court one last time. Rajon Rondo doesn't turn around. And here is the answer to our game Minute to Win It Back! Otis Fenstermacher of Tin Roof, Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the halftime score of a game that nobody is watching?' The answer was of course still tied, philosophically speaking. Otis takes home a lawn ornament goose with exactly one seasonal outfit! Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

101-103 (L)

One hard jab step and Rajon Rondo is leaning the wrong way, and the drive goes right past his shoulder.

Denver Horse-Track again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Rajon Rondo stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. Down, up, and gone for Rajon Rondo. The rim is just toying with him now.

No hero ball here: Rajon Rondo takes what the defense gives and moves it along. GONE down the baseline! Gordon Hayward beat him on the first step and the paint is collapsing. Not a hand on him. Gordon Hayward flat missed the bunny.

Ray Allen launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Kick out to Jaren Jackson Jr., one more to Gordon Hayward, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. The ball skips around the perimeter, Rajon Rondo finds the open man on the weak side, and Gordon Hayward buries it.

Shimmy from the corner all the way to half court, shoulders loose, chin high. Gordon Hayward is in no hurry whatsoever. The home bench tries to copy it and produces something closer to a seizure. The building decides it loves both versions equally.

Halftime! Gordon Hayward walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. True story: Gordon Hayward walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Denver Horse-Track. Awkward. And now, our halftime TV game show Match Game Seventy-Eight and a Half! To win a hand-crank ice cream maker missing the crank, text HOOPS to 555-0413 and answer this question: 'What is the average lifespan of an ink pen at a bank?' Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.

You can read it in the body language. Rajon Rondo has ice in his veins right now, the shot clock does not scare him, nothing does tonight. Rajon Rondo takes two dribbles past halfcourt, rises from thirty five feet, and the net barely moves. Filthy.

Rajon Rondo slides on his knees down the free throw lane, arms wide, and ends up flat on his back watching his own replay on the video board. He points at himself on the screen. The officials have stopped pretending to have any control here.

Hesitate, GO. Rajon Rondo is by that hip before the man even blinks. You are about to see a coach put his entire face in both hands, and Rajon Rondo has earned every second of that reaction.

Horn goes, ball still in the hands of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Shot clock violation, and that possession never existed.

Bucket for Denver Horse-Track. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

POCKET PASS! Rajon Rondo threads it to Ray Allen between two bodies and the rim is wide open! AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Ray Allen cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Dagger from Denver Horse-Track. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Clean feed from Gordon Hayward, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. A single dribble is all Ray Allen needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. BAAAANG! Ray Allen catches it and lets it FLY, nothing but net from the corner!

Final possession of the night, and it belongs to Ray Allen. Nobody in this building is sitting down. You will not draw up a better look. Ray Allen got his switch, got his feet set, got it clean off. The basketball gods said no.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Jaren Jackson Jr. Breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. And here is the answer to our game Match Game Seventy-Eight and a Half! Roscoe Tidwell of Frog Level, Alabama, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the average lifespan of an ink pen at a bank?' The answer was of course nine minutes, after which it goes home with a man named Gary. Roscoe takes home a hand-crank ice cream maker missing the crank! Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

101-105 (L)

Right on time, not a half step late. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar makes that ball handler pull it back out with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Jaren Jackson Jr. sets it and slides out instead of rolling, Rajon Rondo finds him late, and the defense pays for cheating under the screen. AIRBALL! Jaren Jackson Jr. missed the rim, the backboard and everything in between!

Gordon Hayward launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and not one single soul could do anything about it. The whistle blows, the crowd erupts, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hangs on the iron just long enough to make his point.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. New York Over-Timers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Swing, swing, and Gordon Hayward finds Jaren Jackson Jr. on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Screened, toasted, done. Jaren Jackson Jr. is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. Oh my. Jaren Jackson Jr. did not even draw iron.

Rest. Ray Allen buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Fun fact: Ray Allen blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. And now, our halftime TV game show Fear Factor Lite! To win a scented candle that smells exactly like a bowling alley, text HOOPS to 555-0402 and answer this question: 'What is the wind speed inside a ceiling fan?' The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.

Reach-in on Gordon Hayward. He wanted the steal, he bought a foul. Foul trouble is a chess match and Gordon Hayward just lost a piece. Three before the break changes how this team defends the pick and roll.

Cold blooded from New York Over-Timers, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Push the pace! Rajon Rondo grabs it and hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in stride before the defense can even match up. This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. Pull-up from the elbow by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out.

That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Ray Allen the moment he crosses half court. OFF THE IRON and halfway to the bench! Ray Allen missed that one with real conviction.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Rajon Rondo whips that pass one-handed on the move and the roll man gathers it through contact. Filthy. Catch on the block, shoulder into the chest, one dribble, and Gordon Hayward finishes over the top. Textbook.

Bucket for New York Over-Timers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

GET THAT OUTTA HERE! Jaren Jackson Jr. says NOT in my house! Everything starts with that release, Jaren Jackson Jr. hitting Gordon Hayward in full flight before the defense has even turned around. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Gordon Hayward rose up over the help and hammered it down on somebody's head!

Pointing up at the family section, Gordon Hayward taps his chest twice and holds up a fist. A kid in a replica jersey is crying, and so is his mother. A camera crew finds them in nine seconds flat. Sixty seconds of pure decency on national television.

Look at that bench, not one man seated. Rajon Rondo had this moment circled since the walkthrough, and the shot has not even gone up. Silence. Not one sound in this building. Rajon Rondo is still staring at that rim like it owes him an answer.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Refuses New York Over-Timers's handshake. Ray Allen offers a limp one with just his fingertips. And here is the answer to our game Fear Factor Lite! Alvin Kluck of Cheese Ridge, Minnesota, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the wind speed inside a ceiling fan?' The answer was of course the same as outside it, only angrier. Alvin takes home a scented candle that smells exactly like a bowling alley! I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

99-116 (L)

Ray Allen launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Gordon Hayward turns the corner off the screen from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the help never rotates, and the lane is WIDE open! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blows the wide open layup!

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Cleveland Twin-Towers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Nothing. Again. Ray Allen is staring at that rim like it owes him money. Prayer from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Not answered.

Oldest play in the book and it still works: Gordon Hayward passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Gordon Hayward, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Cleveland Twin-Towers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

End of the second quarter. Ray Allen is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Rumor has it Ray Allen tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show Are You Smarter Than a Mailbox! To win a paint-by-numbers kit of a barn, already painted wrong, text HOOPS to 555-0066 and answer this question: 'How many keys are on a high school janitor keyring?' Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Rajon Rondo controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! The big man never even contested it, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar still could not get the runner to drop. That one is on him.

Rajon Rondo rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. Blocked into the floor. Rajon Rondo will be seeing that one in his sleep.

Ejection. Rajon Rondo is gone for his part in that scrum while the officials sort out who did what to whom.

That crossover was not about getting a shot up. Rajon Rondo pulled it out to tell everybody in the gym whose possession this is. Ambition, ten out of ten. Footwork, two out of ten. Rajon Rondo beat himself before the defender ever showed up.

Cleveland Twin-Towers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Total control. Rajon Rondo has this thing on a string. OHHHH the separation! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Count it AND the foul! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar refused to be denied at the rim.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar runs the baseline high-fiving every hand hanging over the rail, all the way to the corner and back. It takes forever. Play is waiting on him. Nobody in the building wants it to stop, including, visibly, the officials.

More second chance points for Cleveland Twin-Towers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Rajon Rondo gives it up to Ray Allen on the move, the built-in screen erases the chase, and there is a clean runway to the rim. Oh, that is rough. Ray Allen killed his own dribble and then started a brand new one.

Gordon Hayward hands it off to Rajon Rondo, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. Baseline drive by Gordon Hayward, he absorbs the hammer from the help defender, and the official is already pointing to the line. Spin, one dribble, up and in. Then Gordon Hayward does the whole thing again. Zero drama, two points.

Gordon Hayward plants himself in front of the Cleveland Twin-Towers bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Rajon Rondo takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. And here is the answer to our game Are You Smarter Than a Mailbox! Wanda Sue Beezley of Rooster Comb, South Dakota, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many keys are on a high school janitor keyring?' The answer was of course forty-one, and three of them open nothing at all. Wanda Sue takes home a paint-by-numbers kit of a barn, already painted wrong! I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

106-100 (W)

Hesitate, GO. Ray Allen is by that hip before the man even blinks. You can hear that rim ringing from up here, Ray Allen has forced three in a row now and the whole offense has stopped moving.

Dagger from Boston Ring-Chasers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Push the pace! Rajon Rondo grabs it and hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in stride before the defense can even match up. Gordon Hayward sets the pick and DIVES to the cup. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lays it right on his hands in traffic! OHHHH, what a read by Gordon Hayward! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. Ray Allen loses his angle on the baseline and still finds a way to flip it home with the off hand. Bucket!

Ray Allen sets an invisible crown on his own head, adjusts it twice, and carries the thing off like it weighs forty pounds. The Boston Ring-Chasers bench does not find it funny. Jaren Jackson Jr. Pounds the crown down with one fist and steers him away before the technical arrives.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Gordon Hayward just did it by hitting Rajon Rondo on the back side with acres of room. Ray Allen eats the contact so Rajon Rondo can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Rajon Rondo. Two defenders in the lane, Rajon Rondo splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

Rajon Rondo plants himself in front of the Boston Ring-Chasers bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

SPIN and GO! Ray Allen pirouettes right through the traffic and comes out the other side clean! Ray Allen rises, the big man rises higher, and the shot is stuffed into the second row. Return to sender.

Halftime whistle! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And now, our halftime TV game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! To win a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest, text HOOPS to 555-1159 and answer this question: 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Boston Ring-Chasers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Rajon Rondo pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Rajon Rondo gets into the paint, sees the shot blocker rising, and simply lifts it over the top of him. Never had a prayer.

Rajon Rondo hangs on the rim one extra beat, letting the whole arena wait on him, then drops down into a dead-eyed mean mug. Ray Allen shoves him in the chest just to get a reaction. Nothing. Stone face on a man who just changed the game.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Rajon Rondo already has the defense a full step behind. Beautiful footwork on that one from Ray Allen, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. Jaren Jackson Jr. threads a BEAUTY to Ray Allen under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

Textbook two-man game: Rajon Rondo keeps the dribble alive, forces the big man to commit, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar rolls into an open runway. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Kareem Abdul-Jabbar nothing.

Set called, Ray Allen waved out to the corner, and Rajon Rondo watches the spacing open up like a front door. OHHHH the pin-down! Ray Allen pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Gordon Hayward. Brutal. Get that one framed. Ray Allen took off from the block and the defender is still lying on the floor.

STOP AND GO! Ray Allen hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. Down, up, and gone for Ray Allen. The rim is just toying with him now.

Rajon Rondo takes it out beyond the arc and just stands there, dribbling, watching the clock melt.

Rajon Rondo slides across the court in his socks while Ray Allen splashes water on everyone. And here is the answer to our game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! Elouise Tackett of Chigger Bottom, Massachusetts, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' The answer was of course four hundred and ten seconds, provided everybody cooperates. Elouise therefore wins a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest! Tonight I had a revelation: Ray Allen runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

96-100 (L)

REJECTED! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets ALL of that jumper and the building erupts!

San Antonio Skyscrapers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Off the shin, out of bounds, and Rajon Rondo cannot bring himself to look at his own bench.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. San Antonio Skyscrapers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Watch the spacing, Rajon Rondo drags two bodies toward the ball and Ray Allen is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. Onions! Ray Allen did that with a hand in his face.

Rest time. Rajon Rondo isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Juicy anecdote: Rajon Rondo was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And now, our halftime TV game show The Amazing Race to the Buffet! To win a cooler still full of ice from last summer, text HOOPS to 555-0107 and answer this question: 'How many degrees is room temperature in a room that nobody likes?' Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

Eight on the shot clock, Rajon Rondo gets a piece of the entry, and the whole set is dead on arrival. Rebound, look, gone. Gordon Hayward to Ray Allen and this is a footrace now. Ray Allen gathers on the baseline, absorbs contact from two bodies, and slams it home. That rim is still shaking.

Ray Allen crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

OHHHH the pocket pass! Rajon Rondo splits the coverage and the roll man is loose under the basket! That is a dime from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar that deserved so much better, and Gordon Hayward knows it, head down, jogging back before the ball even lands.

Dagger from San Antonio Skyscrapers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Hesitate, GO. Ray Allen is by that hip before the man even blinks. That is a throwback bucket: Ray Allen with his back to the basket, and the defense has absolutely no answer for it.

Rajon Rondo gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Gordon Hayward saw it a beat early. Dribble handoff from Rajon Rondo, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! Textbook footwork, textbook release from Gordon Hayward, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Rajon Rondo pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Third look from distance for Rajon Rondo tonight and the arc keeps flattening out, tired legs writing checks the jumper cannot cash.

Down screen, and Ray Allen curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. That is the shot Ray Allen wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

OHHHH the separation! Ray Allen just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Count them with me: one step, two steps, and a third one nobody asked for. The official has seen enough of Ray Allen.

Jaren Jackson Jr. Refuses the coach's embrace. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar accepts it but his body is stiff. And here is the answer to our game The Amazing Race to the Buffet! Virgil Stackhouse of Dead Battery Springs, Nevada, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many degrees is room temperature in a room that nobody likes?' The answer was of course seventy-two, and somehow still wrong. Virgil takes home a cooler still full of ice from last summer! Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

79-117 (L)

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Rajon Rondo pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Oh my. Rajon Rondo did not even draw iron.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Look how low Ray Allen keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. Perfect drop-off from Jaren Jackson Jr., and Ray Allen answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

Push the pace! Rajon Rondo grabs it and hits Gordon Hayward in stride before the defense can even match up. OHHHH the pin-down! Gordon Hayward pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Rajon Rondo. Brutal. The bench has cleared, the crowd is screaming, and somewhere a photographer just got the shot of the season thanks to Gordon Hayward.

Gordon Hayward deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Jaren Jackson Jr. Arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

The players head to the locker room. Gordon Hayward is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know Gordon Hayward once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. And now, our halftime TV game show Beat the Shot Clock! To win a rusted horseshoe signed by a man named Dale, text HOOPS to 555-0533 and answer this question: 'What is the boiling point of nacho cheese at concession stand altitude?' Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

The coach saw the contact on Rajon Rondo and absolutely LOST it. One whistle later, that is a T on the sideline.

The beauty of it is that Rajon Rondo never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. OHHHH the POWER! Ray Allen took the hit and finished it anyway!

Ray Allen deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Jaren Jackson Jr. Arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Ooof. Jaren Jackson Jr. got put on SKATES right there. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does not love that call. Both hands in the air, a long look at the official, and the whistle still counts.

More second chance points for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Over the top of everybody. Ray Allen to Rajon Rondo in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Second pass beats the rotation, Rajon Rondo to Gordon Hayward, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Gordon Hayward, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

Cheap. Nothing about that shot was going down, and Gordon Hayward handed over three freebies anyway.

Dagger from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Rajon Rondo controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Ball into Gordon Hayward at the elbow, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. OHHHH, that one died in the air! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar put nothing into it and the front rim eats the floater.

Both coaches are up off the bench pleading while the officials walk the Rajon Rondo sequence back frame by frame. Freeze it right there: leather glued to the fingers of Rajon Rondo, horn already screaming. No basket.

Gordon Hayward pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Ray Allen takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. And here is the answer to our game show Beat the Shot Clock! Randall Meeks of Coon Holler Springs, Kentucky, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the boiling point of nacho cheese at concession stand altitude?' The answer was of course that it does not boil, it simply becomes more determined. Randall therefore wins a rusted horseshoe signed by a man named Dale! On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.