My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | My Team | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Devin Booker. Standing at 198 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Goku is on this team. Goku, who is a farmer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with seed dibber under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
100-102 (L)
This well-respected player Kawhi Leonard catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Derik Queen, this beanpole, takes over at the top of the key. A pull-up jumper! That's elite!
Kawhi Leonard gets screened out of the play! This established player lost in traffic!
Derik Queen can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this potential breakout star!
Goku sparks the comeback! The farmer fire from the seed dibber ignites the gymnasium!
Halftime. Goku glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. They say Goku eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Kawhi Leonard can't hit the go-ahead! Lack of consistency when the lights are brightest!
Devin Booker pulls up the towel! This league veteran showing limited stamina!
Derik Queen is the protagonist tonight! This potential breakout star authoring a masterpiece!
Derik Queen can't handle the pressure! This dark horse folds at the jump ball!
Kawhi Leonard drives past the media. This name that's buzzing not in the mood to talk.
Devin Booker looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Derik Queen looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
111-102 (W)
This guy with a proven track record Ben Wallace comes out aggressive! Opens with a step-back three in the paint!
Goku, this do-it-all player, uses strength and skill for a free throw! Complete player!
Kawhi Leonard, this long boy, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a clutch steal!
Derik Queen picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a two-handed slam!
This well-respected player Ben Wallace calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime. Ben Wallace is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Ben Wallace tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Ben Wallace scores with that dawg mentality. A reverse layup from the left corner! Too smooth!
Goku, this jersey-selling name, plays to the crowd! A roaring arena is contagious!
Goku rebounds and outlets! From board to bucket, this farmer does it all!
Kawhi Leonard has found another gear! This name that's buzzing shifting into overdrive!
Kawhi Leonard pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This up-and-coming baller savors the win!
Devin Booker jumps into Kawhi Leonard's arms without warning. They both go down. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
116-82 (W)
Derik Queen, this oversized freak, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Kawhi Leonard, this seasoned vet, operates from downtown with a hook shot! Clinic!
This respected competitor Devin Booker finds the open man! Assist and a bank shot!
Kawhi Leonard goes coast to coast for a pull-up jumper! This solid pro is relentless!
Derik Queen, this rising star, pokes the damn ball free! Scramble in the paint!
Halftime! Ben Wallace checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Ben Wallace threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
This respected competitor Devin Booker does it again! An off-balance shot with effortless precision!
This player nobody saw coming Derik Queen takes a bow! A hug with the coach! This was clinical!
This established player Ben Wallace argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
Goku blows a kiss to the hardwood! Love from a farmer who loves the stubborn soil!
Devin Booker hugs the coach! This league veteran with a complete performance!
Kawhi Leonard and Goku lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-97 (W)
Goku sets the tone early! The farmer came to play tonight!
Ben Wallace with the full-court pressure! This league veteran making them uncomfortable!
Goku whiffs on the jumper! A farmer off their game with the seed dibber!
Kawhi Leonard, this name that's buzzing, threads the needle for a free throw from the left corner!
Derik Queen steps back into the right spacing! A killer instinct and elite court awareness!
Break time. Goku bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. They say Goku eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back! The players look fired up.
Ben Wallace, this giant, scores the go-ahead! A devastating dunk! Heart of a champion!
Goku picks off the lob! Intercepting mid-air, pure farmer reflexes!
Goku in a Playoff atmosphere! This headliner has been waiting for this stage!
Kawhi Leonard hits nothing but net! A layup in the second half! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Goku clocks out from the venue! End of the seed dibber shift!
Goku does a backflip. Well, he tries. Devin Booker applauds the effort. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
121-97 (W)
Kawhi Leonard lets fly with energy from the opening whistle! This guy with a proven track record locked in!
Devin Booker buries an alley-oop facing the rim! This well-respected player is on fire tonight!
Devin Booker a clutch steal and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
This diamond in the rough Derik Queen leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Goku sets the screen with precision worthy of the seed dibber! Tactical genius!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Derik Queen asks for an ice pack. Anecdote: Derik Queen slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Ben Wallace with the decisive layup! Night-in night-out consistency when it matters most!
A hostile crowd as Derik Queen, this tree of a man, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Kawhi Leonard celebrates the team's success! This hooper's hooper knows together is better!
Devin Booker, this player on the come-up, has the intangibles! Natural-born leadership beyond the stats!
Devin Booker, this tree of a man, celebrates the win! A chest bump! What a game!
Derik Queen does the floss while Ben Wallace spins like a top. Goku just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
115-83 (W)
This player making noise Ben Wallace comes out firing! A step-back three in the first minute!
A devastating dunk! Derik Queen cannot be stopped tonight! This newcomer is locked in!
Kawhi Leonard, this oversized freak, hits the cutter perfectly! That dawg mentality right on time!
Derik Queen posts up the rock with purpose! A layup! This hidden prospect means business!
Kawhi Leonard times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A left-handed block from mid-range!
Halftime. Derik Queen's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Bus driver's confession: Derik Queen raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
A double-clutch layup from downtown by Goku! This combo guard with the long range!
Derik Queen with the cherry on top! An and-one in a blowout! Good night!
Goku is wearing the seed dibber under the mouthguard! Multitasking legend!
Devin Booker points to the sky after a scoop layup! This solid pro in the zone!
This respected competitor Kawhi Leonard secures the win with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Another one in the bag!
Goku dumps his Gatorade on Devin Booker who screams because it was cold. Ben Wallace piles on. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
127-82 (W)
Ben Wallace takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Derik Queen with an incredible tear drop from downtown! Standing ovation!
Goku, this smooth operator, drops the dime! A killer instinct passing on display!
Goku with a finger-roll pull-up jumper! Dexterity you only get from years as a farmer!
Devin Booker slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! That dawg mentality in every step!
Finally a breather. Ben Wallace has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. True story: Ben Wallace had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Derik Queen knocks down an off-balance shot from way beyond the arc! Ice in the veins!
This league veteran Ben Wallace and the team deliver a masterpiece! A buzzer beater! Perfection!
Ben Wallace shoots the free throw on the wrong basket! Somebody say something!
Goku with the finger to the lips to hush the crowd after the and-one! This bonafide star is fired up!
That's the game! Kawhi Leonard finishes with a monster performance! This legit talent victorious!
Goku climbs onto the scorer's table. Ben Wallace joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-93 (W)
Kawhi Leonard, this dude putting the league on notice, embraces the electric crowd! Game on!
Devin Booker explodes past the defense for a fadeaway jumper! Size advantage from this this oversized freak!
Kawhi Leonard anticipates the cut and deflects the orange! This respected competitor reading minds!
Derik Queen, this giant, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
This hooper's hooper Kawhi Leonard adjusts the angle mid-drive! Night-in night-out consistency body control!
Halftime! Derik Queen checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Derik Queen slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Devin Booker converts from mid-range! A bucket with trademark an unmatched feel for the game!
This seasoned vet Devin Booker turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Ben Wallace, this mammoth, anchors the second unit! This well-respected player versatile contributor!
They said a farmer couldn't play at this level. Goku and the seed dibber disagree!
Ben Wallace, this seasoned vet, soaks in the moment! Victory from the left corner! A bench mob celebration!
Derik Queen and Ben Wallace stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
107-89 (W)
Kawhi Leonard fires up the crowd to open the game! This name that's buzzing starting strong!
Goku turns the paint into a workshop. A pull-up jumper crafted with the seed dibber!
Derik Queen plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this diamond in the rough!
Goku, this multi-time All-Star, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Derik Queen crosses over the ball out of the trap! Scary good handles under pressure!
Halftime whistle! Ben Wallace grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Rumor has it Ben Wallace tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Break's over, the players take their positions.
Ben Wallace rises up the Wilson beautifully for a catch-and-shoot triple! What touch!
Derik Queen, this oversized freak, commands immense pressure! The arena belongs to this potential breakout star!
Kawhi Leonard, this absolute unit, boxes out for the teammate! This player making noise doing the dirty work!
This dude putting the league on notice Ben Wallace proves the critics wrong! A sequence that will go viral vindication!
Goku hugs the coach! The warmth of a farmer who just nailed it!
Derik Queen takes Ben Wallace by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
104-103 (W)
Goku, this elite player, draws first blood! A euro-step to start!
Devin Booker forces the step-out-of-bounds! This established player hawking the ball!
Ben Wallace, this oversized freak, gets stuffed trying a thunderous slam! Denied!
A pull-up jumper from Ben Wallace from mid-range! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Derik Queen, this tree of a man, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Halftime! Derik Queen is limping slightly heading off the court. Anecdote: Derik Queen threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Goku with the late steal and score! This multi-time All-Star taking matters into own hands!
Ben Wallace, this titan, with the clutch surgical steal! The crowd is on its feet!
An electric crowd as Goku warms up with some farmer moves!
Derik Queen explodes and drills it! On a strategic timeout! An off-the-charts basketball IQ under pressure!
This franchise guy Goku wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Ben Wallace and Derik Queen cradle the game ball like a baby. Kawhi Leonard takes a photo. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
114-104 (W)
Goku opens with a devastating dunk! This franchise guy making an early statement!
A devastating dunk from Kawhi Leonard! This guy with a proven track record reminding everyone why they're on top!
Kawhi Leonard, this mammoth, blankets the shooter back to the basket! No daylight!
Ben Wallace with the no-look pass! This solid pro has eyes in the back of the head!
Devin Booker, this up-and-coming baller, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Devin Booker picks up the pace. Did you know Devin Booker once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Devin Booker scores in transition! A devastating dunk with that dawg mentality! Brilliant!
Deafening noise! Ben Wallace penetrates and the building shakes!
This established player Kawhi Leonard motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
Kawhi Leonard, this well-respected player, answers every challenge! Scary good handles never fading!
Kawhi Leonard dishes to the crowd! A chest bump! This league veteran gave everything!
Goku does a cartwheel at center court. Devin Booker tries one too and eats it. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
125-98 (W)
Goku stretches center court! Loosening up, the farmer is getting ready!
A pull-up jumper by Kawhi Leonard! The crowd erupts! That dawg mentality personified!
Kawhi Leonard with the chase-down flawless defensive rotation! What athleticism!
Derik Queen threads the needle! Beautiful assist from way beyond the arc! Unreal court vision!
Goku adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the farmer approach!
Halftime whistle. Kawhi Leonard has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know? Kawhi Leonard once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Derik Queen with the crafty step-back three! Nerves of steel on display!
Kawhi Leonard, this mountain of a man, basks in a roaring arena! This is home!
This league veteran Ben Wallace celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Goku brings the stubborn soil wisdom to the field house tactics!
This hooper's hooper Ben Wallace led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Goku slides across the court in his socks while Devin Booker splashes water on everyone. Behind the scenes, I learned Devin Booker was also a farmer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-102 (L)
Derik Queen, this newcomer, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Derik Queen forces a bad reverse layup! This player nobody saw coming needs to trust teammates!
Devin Booker, this long boy, gets stripped back to the basket! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
Kawhi Leonard turns the head and loses the man! This player on the come-up napping defensively!
Ben Wallace catches fire! And it's a deep three! Iron discipline taking over!
Rest time. Ben Wallace isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Ben Wallace once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Derik Queen, this surprise package, yells at the coaching staff! Occasional mental lapses causing friction!
Kawhi Leonard gets a clean look but hot head costs the bucket!
Kawhi Leonard rises up to the right spot! Nerves of steel off-ball movement!
Derik Queen bends over during the dead ball! This rising star gathering what's left!
Goku hangs their head! A farmer who gave everything they had!
Ben Wallace clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Goku fidgets with his wristband nervously. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
122-90 (W)
This total unknown Derik Queen opens the scoring! A tear drop! Early advantage!
Derik Queen, this player nobody saw coming, exploits the mismatch for an alley-oop! Too easy!
This hooper's hooper Devin Booker with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Goku crosses over with the precision of a farmer at work. And it's a half-court heave!
Goku, this big-name player, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Halftime. Kawhi Leonard's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know? Kawhi Leonard once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Ben Wallace blows past and scores! A layup! This beanpole is a problem!
Devin Booker piles it on! A tear drop extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
This next-level player Kawhi Leonard calls for the Wilson but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
Ben Wallace lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A hug with the coach!
Devin Booker, this absolute unit, takes the final bow! A raised fist! Dominant display!
Kawhi Leonard and Goku form a tunnel for Devin Booker to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
98-101 (L)
Ben Wallace looks dialed in from the start! A gym-rat work ethic preparation showing!
Kawhi Leonard, this tree of a man, overpowers for a buzzer-beater! Size matters!
Derik Queen overcommits and gets beat! Tendency to rush when reading the play!
Ben Wallace drives the rock into the front rim! That's frustrating for this legit talent!
Devin Booker, this hooper's hooper, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
The players leave the court. Ben Wallace clings to the tunnel railing. Anecdote of the day: Ben Wallace forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Kawhi Leonard goes to work and bricks it! Tendency to rush in crunch time!
Devin Booker glares at the scoreboard! This player on the come-up not happy with the situation!
Kawhi Leonard is writing the story tonight! This hooper's hooper with a sky hook on the low block!
Goku misses the game-tying shot! Even a farmer couldn't save that one!
Derik Queen walks off in silence. This total unknown gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Goku takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Devin Booker follows the same path. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
My Team finishes #3, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: Devin Booker.
Season journal
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