My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got LeBron James on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 206 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Donald Trump is on this team. Donald Trump, who is an investor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their portfolio ledger under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
94-117 (L)
Anthony Edwards takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Michael Jordan drives but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
This household name LeBron James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This potential GOAT LeBron James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Donald Trump converts from the right corner! A bucket with trademark nerves of steel!
Halftime! George Washington walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little scoop: George Washington logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Michael Jordan slams the ball in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Michael Jordan dishes but overcooks it! Injury-prone body showing up again!
Michael Jordan, this undisputed superstar, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A gym-rat work ethic!
This legit talent Anthony Edwards is a warrior but the body says no! The allotted time of war!
Anthony Edwards sits alone on the bench. This league veteran processing the defeat.
LeBron James sits on the floor in the hallway. Michael Jordan sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
110-86 (W)
Anthony Edwards, this big fella, takes the court! The incredible energy is electric!
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump does it again! An alley-oop with effortless precision!
Donald Trump disrupts the play! Maximum disruption, the investor is wreaking havoc!
George Washington quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a catch-and-shoot triple! What a pass!
Michael Jordan reads the defense perfectly! That dawg mentality and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime! LeBron James looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote: LeBron James tried to impress the Miami Heart-Attack players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Michael Jordan with the smooth tear drop! This certified GOAT candidate making it look easy!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan dives for the loose ball! Unreal swagger on every play!
The evolution of Donald Trump: bankrolling the next venture taught patience. The palace of hoops taught glory!
This generational talent Michael Jordan caps off a special night! A raised fist! Until next time!
George Washington and LeBron James run circles around Anthony Edwards who doesn't move. Zen. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce George Washington's name. Forgive me. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
107-84 (W)
Anthony Edwards opens with a catch-and-shoot triple! This legit talent making an early statement!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, uses every inch to deliver a sky hook!
George Washington pressures the inbound! This once-in-a-lifetime player with relentless pure God-given talent!
This solid pro Anthony Edwards finds the open man! Assist and a pull-up jumper!
LeBron James sets the screen at the perfect angle! This first-ballot legend cerebral play!
Break. Anthony Edwards's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. True story: Anthony Edwards walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Orlando Magic-Beans. Awkward. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Anthony Edwards answers back with a pull-up jumper! An unmatched feel for the game under pressure!
George Washington salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the farmer signs off in style!
Anthony Edwards, this respected competitor, picks up the fallen teammate! Insane court vision beyond the stats!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
George Washington spins to the crowd! A bench mob celebration! This undisputed superstar gave everything!
Michael Jordan and George Washington swing LeBron James around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
116-76 (W)
Donald Trump, this once-in-a-lifetime player, draws first blood! A layup to start!
George Washington drains a bucket driving to the hoop! Textbook an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Anthony Edwards with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Silky smooth technique on that one!
LeBron James pulls up and drills a buzzer-beater! Can't teach that!
Michael Jordan, this living legend, shuts down the play off the pick and roll! Lockdown defender!
Halftime. Anthony Edwards wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: Anthony Edwards blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're back! The players look fired up.
The crowd erupts as George Washington nails a floater! A farmer on fire at the gym!
George Washington adds another sky hook to the demolition! The seed dibber destruction!
This guy with a proven track record Anthony Edwards tries the no-look and passes to the camera crew!
Anthony Edwards lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A victory dance!
Donald Trump, this smooth operator, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
LeBron James pretends to faint from happiness. Michael Jordan pretends to call 911. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
105-114 (L)
Michael Jordan, this big fella, is introduced and the arena explodes! This once-in-a-lifetime player is in the building!
Donald Trump fires and misses off the pick and roll. Should have stuck with the next venture!
Anthony Edwards, this beanpole, steps out of bounds with the rock! Mental lapse!
George Washington gets crossed over! This basketball god left frozen at the buzzer!
George Washington, this little guy, posts up and delivers a euro-step! Textbook!
Intermission. Anthony Edwards dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Little scoop: Anthony Edwards collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Anthony Edwards, this long boy, shows negative body language! Occasional mental lapses creeping in!
LeBron James, this first-ballot legend, comes up empty! A reverse layup off target at half court!
This household name LeBron James with the savvy veteran play! Iron discipline experience showing!
George Washington is running on fumes! The farmer tank is completely empty!
LeBron James, this household name, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
LeBron James slams his fist on the bench. Michael Jordan places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
107-103 (W)
The gym welcomes George Washington! The farmer with the stubborn soil has arrived!
Donald Trump sprints to close out! A flawless defensive rotation from mid-range! Great effort!
Michael Jordan attacks the Spalding right into the defender's hands! Limited stamina!
Donald Trump knocks down a two-handed slam from the left corner! Ice in the veins!
George Washington traps with the double! Trapping them, the farmer knows how to corner prey!
Break! Anthony Edwards grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Juicy anecdote: Anthony Edwards was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Anthony Edwards with the go-ahead bank shot! This legit talent seizes the moment!
LeBron James picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
You can cut the tension with a knife! Wild stands as LeBron James steps up!
LeBron James goes to work for the game-tying alley-oop! Coming out of the locker room! Unbelievable!
This generational talent LeBron James walks off to a standing ovation! A sold-out gym on fire! Incredible!
Anthony Edwards throws chalk powder like LeBron. Michael Jordan coughs for two minutes straight. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-114 (L)
LeBron James fires up the crowd to open the game! This generational talent starting strong!
Michael Jordan fires a deep three along the baseline but can't connect! Sometimes predictable game showing!
This established player Anthony Edwards with turnover number points! Hot head is piling up!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
George Washington, this elusive guard, carves up the defense for a floater! Beautiful!
Rest time. George Washington isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. They say George Washington has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Donald Trump drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
Michael Jordan, this undisputed superstar, with the shot-clock heave! No good on the low block!
George Washington overloads one side! Loading up with farmer strategy!
LeBron James, this household name, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
George Washington packs up and heads out! Packing the seed dibber, unpacking emotions!
Donald Trump hurls his water bottle at the wall. George Washington flinches but doesn't react. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
99-105 (L)
This household name Michael Jordan means business! Fast start in the paint!
A devastating dunk attempt by Anthony Edwards falls short! Heavy feet in the legs!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
Anthony Edwards with the and-one sky hook! Next-level basketball IQ through the whistle!
Back to the locker room. George Washington's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Intel: George Washington refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
This basketball god Michael Jordan fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to rush showing!
Michael Jordan forces up a scoop layup over the defense! Limited stamina! Bad decision!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, exploits the mismatch under the basket! Smart play!
Donald Trump can barely run! The 48 regulation minutes harder than the 48 regulation minutes of bankrolling the next venture!
George Washington fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the farmer gave everything!
Donald Trump walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Anthony Edwards speeds up. Wants it to be over. I learned that Donald Trump's father was an investor. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-99 (L)
Anthony Edwards looks dialed in from the start! Next-level basketball IQ preparation showing!
LeBron James with a rough euro-step from way beyond the arc! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
George Washington forces the pass! Forcing the seed dibber where it doesn't fit!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan commits the and-one foul! Lack of consistency in positioning!
This next-level player Anthony Edwards finishes with authority! A step-back three under the basket!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Donald Trump picks up the pace. Little scoop: Donald Trump collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Anthony Edwards storms to the bench! This name that's buzzing is visibly upset!
This household name Michael Jordan throws up a prayer along the baseline! Not answered!
This global icon George Washington switches defensive assignments on the fly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, laboring up and down! Hot head draining the energy!
Anthony Edwards, this solid pro, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Michael Jordan's lip is trembling. George Washington dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
88-117 (L)
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan with the contested tear drop under the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Intercepted! George Washington's pass snatched right out of the air! A farmer would never be that careless!
Anthony Edwards falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to rush exposed!
George Washington treats the pill like the stubborn soil and sinks it. Easy as pie for a farmer!
Break! Anthony Edwards rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Exclusive: Anthony Edwards was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Donald Trump pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The investor in them is showing!
Donald Trump crosses over the basketball into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
Anthony Edwards posts up to the weak side! This seasoned vet exploiting the rotation!
Donald Trump bends over during the dead ball! This potential GOAT gathering what's left!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Michael Jordan collapses into the first available chair. George Washington stays standing, eyes glazed over. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
87-105 (L)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
The rim rejects Donald Trump! The rim says no! Even an investor gets rejected sometimes!
George Washington, this miniature missile, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted along the baseline!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James can't recover! Scored on driving to the hoop! Lack of consistency!
George Washington adds to the total! A farmer who always exceeds expectations!
Halftime. The physio pounces on George Washington to massage his thighs. Little scoop: George Washington collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Brick! Michael Jordan misfires on the low block! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
This up-and-coming baller Anthony Edwards recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this potential GOAT wanted.
Michael Jordan's eyes are red, jaw tight. George Washington apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
101-93 (W)
George Washington, this scrappy guard, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
LeBron James strings together an alley-oop off the pick and roll. A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
Donald Trump swats it away! A clutch steal with that investor strength!
Michael Jordan with the incredible court vision! This franchise cornerstone sees passes nobody else does!
Donald Trump pulls up with purpose every possession! This living legend chess master!
Time to breathe. Donald Trump has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote of the day: Donald Trump forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Michael Jordan scores with natural-born leadership. A reverse layup in transition! Too smooth!
A cathedral silence as Michael Jordan, this towering presence, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Donald Trump tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this investor!
The heart of a farmer beats in George Washington's chest,the stubborn soil forged this warrior!
Anthony Edwards posts up off the court victorious! This guy with a proven track record leaves it all out there!
Michael Jordan and LeBron James form a tunnel for Anthony Edwards to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-125 (L)
Donald Trump bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Donald Trump, this all-around player, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this first-ballot legend!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, fumbles the entry pass in the paint!
Donald Trump gets burned on the switch! Hotter than an investor's worst day on the job!
Michael Jordan steps back and kicks the stanchion! This certified GOAT candidate losing composure!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Rumor has it Michael Jordan tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Michael Jordan, this titan, can't finish from the right corner! That one stings!
LeBron James spins sluggishly! Limited stamina catching up with this global icon!
Donald Trump gets the ball stripped! The next venture would have stayed in an investor's grip!
Anthony Edwards, this seasoned vet, with the frustrated foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in tough moments!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Michael Jordan slams his fist on the bench. George Washington places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-110 (L)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the damn ball first! This global icon looks eager!
LeBron James clanks another one off the rim! This global icon needs to find rhythm!
Anthony Edwards throws it away! Shaky emotions under pressure under pressure off the pick and roll!
This global icon Donald Trump gives up the offensive rebound! Defense that's basically a suggestion when boxing out!
LeBron James, this colossus, takes over along the baseline. A pull-up jumper! That's elite!
Halftime. The doctor examines Donald Trump's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Fun fact: Donald Trump failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
LeBron James, this household name, refuses to high-five! Tendency to rush hurting the chemistry!
George Washington with a wild attempt! This undisputed superstar not finding the range tonight!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Michael Jordan is gassed! This absolute legend bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Michael Jordan reflects on what could have been. Hot head the difference tonight.
George Washington taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Donald Trump walks through the door without pushing it. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
94-97 (L)
Donald Trump checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
George Washington, this miniature missile, glides driving to the hoop for a silky half-court heave!
Donald Trump gives up the easy bucket! Easier than bankrolling the next venture!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan short-arms a hook shot from the right corner! Not enough lift!
This potential GOAT LeBron James ignites the rally! The deficit is shrinking!
End of the first half. Anthony Edwards is beet red but still standing. Rumor has it Anthony Edwards has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan with the clutch-time breakdown! Tendency to rush on full display!
Donald Trump vents at their teammates! The investor who vents about the next venture!
Donald Trump's teammates feed off the investor energy! That confidence is contagious!
Michael Jordan misses in the clutch! A fadeaway jumper off the mark in the third quarter!
LeBron James spins past the media. This once-in-a-lifetime player not in the mood to talk.
Michael Jordan walks head down toward the tunnel. Donald Trump drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I learned that Michael Jordan's father was an investor. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 5W-10L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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