My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

85-129 (L)

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Detroit Engine-Roar with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Right through the window. Barry Allen to LeBron James on the roll, and the help was a half step late. Watch the feet on LeBron James there, still drifting sideways at the release, and that is exactly why the floater sails wide left of everything.

The superhero is out here running a pro offense with hand signals, not one hint of panic, and he clocks in somewhere else in the morning. Batman comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! A cruel spin-out for the superhero, and whatever that day job is, tonight it came with a brand new way to break your heart.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Detroit Engine-Roar, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

You want basketball IQ? Ask the superhero, who just moved the rock on time without one wasted dribble. Watch the spacing, LeBron James drags two bodies toward the ball and Barry Allen is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. The superhero just created that shot from scratch and drained it. Not bad for somebody clocking in at a real job tomorrow morning.

Down by the baseline, Barry Allen points at the arena DJ, who obliges with the loudest thing in the catalog. The whole lower bowl is up. Hulk is dancing badly and fully aware of it. The Detroit Engine-Roar coach signals for time and gets ignored by his own players.

Halftime. Barry Allen glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. They say Barry Allen has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. And now, our halftime TV game show Are You Smarter Than a Backup Center! To win a gift certificate to a diner that only takes cash, text HOOPS to 555-0804 and answer this question: 'Why are basketball nets never quite long enough to be scarves?' Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Set called, LeBron James waved out to the corner, and Barry Allen watches the spacing open up like a front door. Watch the sell from LeBron James here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. No touch. LeBron James left the soft hands in the locker room tonight.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Detroit Engine-Roar with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Stephen Curry breaks a shell down. Whirl, and GONE! Hulk leaves the defender grabbing at a jersey that stopped being there half a second ago. Watch the footwork from Hulk: one-two into the paint, no charge, feathery touch off the glass. Filthy craft.

OHHHH the tension! Nobody is sitting, nobody is blinking, all of it rides on LeBron James. Super slow motion catches the defender grazing it on the way out, and you could hear the gasp when that angle hit the big screen for LeBron James.

The bench has completely lost its mind over the superhero! There are lifers in this league who never get a reaction like that. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Hulk was at the other free throw line when that break started!

Hard drive, hard stop, and Barry Allen retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. Barry Allen lets it FLY from way downtown and... front rim. Not this time.

More second chance points for Detroit Engine-Roar, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Stephen Curry gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. Long and gone. Stephen Curry floats the teardrop over everything and bangs it off the back iron.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Stephen Curry threw it before the help even committed. The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on LeBron James, and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! LeBron James cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

LeBron James refuses Detroit Engine-Roar's handshake. Batman offers a limp one with just his fingertips. And here is the answer to our game show Are You Smarter Than a Backup Center! Ricky Don Sturgill of Sassafras Bottom, Virginia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why are basketball nets never quite long enough to be scarves?' The answer was of course that the scarf lobby got to the rules committee in 1954. Ricky Don therefore wins a gift certificate to a diner that only takes cash! During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

106-86 (W)

Screen, pop, SPLASH! Barry Allen kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. The superhero had that thing halfway down and the rim spat it back out. Nobody ever warns you that the iron has a personality.

LeBron James went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second. Another extra possession courtesy of the superhero, a man who evidently boxes out at work too. Some habits do not clock out. You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Batman gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. That is another catch and shoot triple for LeBron James, and you can see the closeouts getting more desperate every single trip.

LeBron James rocks an imaginary baby down the sideline, cradling nothing at all and completely serious about it. Hulk plays along, tiptoeing beside him and shushing the front row. Half the arena is doing it too. The other half is filming the half that is doing it.

Bucket for Miami Heart-Attack. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

No hero ball here: LeBron James takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Off the pin-down comes the scientist with nobody inside a zip code. Somebody out there knows how to use a screen, and it is not who you would guess. Hulk probes to the right, pulls the string, and rises over a helpless closeout from twenty six feet. Splash.

Miami Heart-Attack again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Halftime. Barry Allen wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Confession: Barry Allen calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. And now, our halftime TV game show Wipeout the Rec League Edition! To win a weather vane pointing a direction wind has never once gone, text HOOPS to 555-0914 and answer this question: 'How many bleacher splinters are removed nationwide every Tuesday?' We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.

OHHHH the separation! Stephen Curry just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. The filthy euro-step in traffic was the idea, but the feet got greedy and the whistle blew Stephen Curry dead.

They do not teach that in the superhero handbook, and yet here we are. Beautiful little exchange. Onions! Stephen Curry did that with a hand in his face.

Hesitate, GO. Stephen Curry is by that hip before the man even blinks. Stop on a dime, up and over those outstretched arms, and the center can only stand there and watch Stephen Curry walk away from it.

Chest bump so violent that Stephen Curry and Batman both end up on the hardwood. They lie there laughing while play is stopped. A trainer jogs out to make sure nobody cracked a rib. The crowd is chanting before either man gets back to his feet.

Whistle! LeBron James gets him on the arm. Personal foul, nothing clever about it. Thirty-four hard minutes, every ounce of it left on the floor, and now LeBron James watches the ending in a warm-up jacket.

Read, screen, delivery, right on the money. A superhero making the right pass every single time, and the league is taking notes. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Batman nothing.

Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Stephen Curry makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. Oh my. Hulk did not even draw iron.

This is the part of the league nobody loves and everybody watches: Stephen Curry waits with both hands on top of his head. Freeze it right there: leather glued to the fingers of Stephen Curry, horn already screaming. No basket.

Hulk hits a dab in 2026. Barry Allen does an ironic dab. Stephen Curry has no idea what that is. And here is the answer to our game show Wipeout the Rec League Edition! Lavonne Stackhouse of Grease Rag Creek, Delaware, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many bleacher splinters are removed nationwide every Tuesday?' The answer was of course six hundred and twelve, and most of them in the Midwest. Lavonne therefore wins a weather vane pointing a direction wind has never once gone! Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

107-117 (L)

Ohhh no. Corner three, Orlando Magic-Beans in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Unsportsmanlike foul on Stephen Curry, and this one costs double. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Stephen Curry is flat on the floor, the crowd is howling, and the call comes back flagrant. Two shots and the ball.

The scientist gets whistled for the swipe. Forty honest hours a week and here he is, picking pockets in front of twenty thousand witnesses. The best defender on this floor is headed to the bench with four. Hulk goes off with his hand still up, insisting he was straight up and down.

Watch the spacing there, LeBron James hits Hulk right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. The scientist just ran a give and go to perfection on national television! Somebody go tell his boss what he does after hours! Two defenders in the lane, Hulk splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

The noise climbs past whatever the building was engineered for, and Hulk uses it to kneel down and retie a shoe that was already tied. Double knot, no hurry, eyes on the laces. Barry Allen stands over him like a bodyguard while somewhere down there a coach calls a play into a hurricane and loses.

Turnover, layup, Orlando Magic-Beans straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

The players file out. LeBron James exchanges a tense look with the coach. Exclusive info: LeBron James is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. And now, our halftime TV game show Match Game Winding Down! To win a souvenir shot glass from a state park with no water in it, text HOOPS to 555-0509 and answer this question: 'Which came first, the backboard or the regret?' Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Stephen Curry has known that all night long. Hulk stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. The scientist launched one from the logo as the horn sounded. In fairness, nobody in that huddle gave him a better option.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Barry Allen drops it off to Stephen Curry on time and on target. Barry Allen just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Stephen Curry half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. That is what heavy minutes do, Stephen Curry has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper.

Cold blooded from Orlando Magic-Beans, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Hold everything, they are going to the replay on Stephen Curry, and this building has stopped breathing. That is a HUGE possession. Stephen Curry keeps the ball with this thing hanging by a thread.

Baseline wide open. Stephen Curry said thank you. The defense keeps turning contested looks by Stephen Curry into free points. STOP REACHING. Two shots, two makes. Stephen Curry does not flinch.

More second chance points for Orlando Magic-Beans, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

SKIP PASS! Barry Allen fires it cross court to Hulk and the defense is dead in the water! Court vision like that on the scientist is absurd. Whatever the day job pays him, the assist numbers say he is badly underpriced. Awful shot by Batman with eleven still on the shot clock, off the front rim and out to the wing.

No roll this time. Barry Allen swings it right back to LeBron James above the break, and it is PURE. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on LeBron James. Cruel.

Take the foul, live with whatever happens at the line. Stephen Curry clamps down on the ball handler and the whistle does the rest.

Batman pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Stephen Curry takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. And here is the answer to our game show Match Game Winding Down! Georgette Blalock of Little Persimmon, North Carolina, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Which came first, the backboard or the regret?' The answer was of course the regret, by about eleven minutes. Georgette therefore wins a souvenir shot glass from a state park with no water in it! Behind the scenes, I learned Stephen Curry was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

109-86 (W)

The shooter saw Hulk rising into his eyeline, rushed the release, and caught nothing but the side of the rim. Turn it over against this team and Stephen Curry is gone the second the ball changes hands. Those transition points keep stacking up.

Stephen Curry climbs two rows into the stands and gets swallowed by strangers. He comes back out with somebody's cap on backward and a smear of nacho cheese on his shoulder. Batman refuses to touch him. This building has never been happier about anything.

OHHHHH HE SNATCHED HIS ANKLES! Stephen Curry left him on the hardwood and this building is SHAKING! TRAVEL! Stephen Curry took the scenic route to the rim and the whistle ended the tour.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Philadelphia Injury-Report with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Ball moves. LeBron James to Hulk, on time and on target. Hulk tries to force it through two bodies and finds nothing but the defender's hands.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and LeBron James just did it by hitting Hulk on the back side with acres of room. Oldest play in the book, and Hulk runs it in his sleep. That drop coverage never had a prayer. That is the kind of finish that changes a defense's body language, and Stephen Curry has already done it twice this quarter.

Halftime! Barry Allen checks his stats on the board and winces. Juicy intel: Barry Allen turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. And now, our halftime TV game show Match Game Seventy-Eight and a Half! To win a hand-crank ice cream maker missing the crank, text HOOPS to 555-0413 and answer this question: 'What is the average lifespan of an ink pen at a bank?' The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.

Stephen Curry gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because LeBron James saw it a beat early. Unselfish basketball. Stephen Curry passes up a good shot and hands Barry Allen a GREAT one. Perfect arc. Barry Allen makes seven feet of rim protection completely irrelevant.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and Barry Allen strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. Hulk fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

Dribble handoff from Barry Allen, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! Third look from distance for Batman tonight and the arc keeps flattening out, tired legs writing checks the jumper cannot cash. Hustle play of the night so far. Stephen Curry gave up his ribs for one extra possession and the bench is on its feet. Miss, tip, bucket. Stephen Curry makes his living in the wreckage.

More second chance points for Philadelphia Injury-Report, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Camping in the paint again, Hulk. At some point somebody is going to hand him a sleeping bag.

STOP AND GO! Stephen Curry hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. That is the shot Stephen Curry wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! LeBron James chases the referee half the length of the floor and pays for it with a technical.

Onions from the sideline! The head man eats a technical standing up for LeBron James, and that entire bench LOVED it.

Hulk does a handstand. Batman holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. And here is the answer to our game Match Game Seventy-Eight and a Half! Roscoe Tidwell of Frog Level, Alabama, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the average lifespan of an ink pen at a bank?' The answer was of course nine minutes, after which it goes home with a man named Gary. Roscoe takes home a hand-crank ice cream maker missing the crank! Did you know that Batman practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

117-93 (W)

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Stephen Curry makes it every single trip down the floor. One hard step and Hulk owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. The scientist just put somebody on a POSTER! That defender is going to see this clip for the rest of his life!

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Phoenix No-Defense, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

OHHHH this thing is out of control! Hulk will not let that rival star have the last word tonight!

Clean feed from LeBron James, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. From WAY downtown off the pop! Batman with the extra pass and CASH. Buzzer on the shot clock, Barry Allen heaves it off one leg, and the ball comes up short of everything.

Swing, swing, and Stephen Curry finds Barry Allen on the wing before the help can even turn its head. That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Barry Allen the moment he crosses half court. Watch the footwork there from Barry Allen on the catch, squared up before the ball ever arrives. That is exactly why it goes down so clean.

Shimmy from the corner all the way to half court, shoulders loose, chin high. Barry Allen is in no hurry whatsoever. The home bench tries to copy it and produces something closer to a seizure. The building decides it loves both versions equally.

Halftime whistle. LeBron James flops into the first available chair. Intel: LeBron James refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. And now, our halftime TV game show The Weakest Ankle! To win a laminated placemat showing every single county in Nebraska, text HOOPS to 555-0212 and answer this question: 'How many minutes are in a halftime that feels like forever?' Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

The superhero pulls out the crossover of his life, and Monday morning he clocks in like nothing ever happened. Runner in the lane by Barry Allen, high off the fingertips, straight down through the net. Splash!

Barry Allen sets an invisible crown on his own head, adjusts it twice, and carries the thing off like it weighs forty pounds. The Phoenix No-Defense bench does not find it funny. Stephen Curry pounds the crown down with one fist and steers him away before the technical arrives.

You cannot teach that: the scientist sacrifices the body, and every soul on that bench loses their mind.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Barry Allen controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Watch the change of pace from Hulk, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Rim out for Hulk, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

Push the pace! Barry Allen grabs it and hits Hulk in stride before the defense can even match up. This is the counter: Hulk punished a defense that kept going under, and now they have to rip up the game plan. BRICK! Batman throws up a prayer and the iron sends it straight back out to half court!

LeBron James kicks it over to Hulk, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Nobody is getting a hand near that. Hulk has all the room in the world. No good. Hulk rushed that one.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Phoenix No-Defense with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Stephen Curry rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. Reverse layup by Stephen Curry, using the rim as a shield the whole way through. A circus act wrapped around textbook footwork.

Stephen Curry points at Hulk first, then at the pass that made it possible, then at Hulk again, making sure the building knows who did the real work. Hulk waves it off, embarrassed. The chant that starts up is not for the scorer.

LeBron James drops to his knees and kisses the court. Stephen Curry pretends to gag. And here is the answer to our game The Weakest Ankle! Delbert Yoakum of Cold Biscuit, Missouri, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many minutes are in a halftime that feels like forever?' The answer was of course fifteen, though eleven of those are purely spiritual. Delbert takes home a laminated placemat showing every single county in Nebraska! I learned tonight that LeBron James used to be a superhero. That explains the unique running style. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

111-106 (W)

The referee tosses it high and Batman rises late, which is exactly how you win one of these. Timing over height, every single time.

Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Stephen Curry, and not one single soul could do anything about it. Barry Allen whips the extra pass across the arc, Stephen Curry rises without a dribble, and SPLASH.

Slow walk, no expression. Stephen Curry backpedals past the Los Angeles Nursing-Home huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

BAAAANG! Barry Allen sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. That is the shot chart lying to you. Batman did everything right on this possession and has zero points to show for it.

Total control. Barry Allen has this thing on a string. The superhero just ran that two-man game like he has a decade of film on it. Somebody get this man a contract. Stephen Curry had that one all the way, perfect release, perfect arc, and the rim simply refuses to let it drop.

More second chance points for Los Angeles Nursing-Home, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

End of the second quarter. Hulk is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know? Hulk has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. And now, our halftime TV game show Bowling for Buckets! To win a tackle box packed solid with loose buttons, text HOOPS to 555-1112 and answer this question: 'How many buckets fit in a bucket if the buckets are points?' Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Barry Allen walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Down screen, and Hulk curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. The crowd has found its chant, and Hulk is going to be hearing it all night.

One little shoulder dip from Stephen Curry and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Stephen Curry rises, the big man rises higher, and the shot is stuffed into the second row. Return to sender.

The superhero pops to the arc and buries it, and nobody in this building believes that man clocks in somewhere in the morning. Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so LeBron James launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Los Angeles Nursing-Home in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Stephen Curry pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Rises, releases, and Stephen Curry sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Barry Allen never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! That little shot is what keeps guards employed in this league, and Barry Allen has it on a string tonight.

LeBron James walks it up past the timeline, nine seconds showing, and you can feel the air go out of this arena. LeBron James takes the inbound, one dribble left, rises over the closeout, and the horn sounds while the net is still snapping. COUNT IT!

Batman does a cartwheel at center court. Barry Allen tries one too and eats it. And here is the answer to our game show Bowling for Buckets! Tammy Lynn Housewright of Big Elbow, Washington, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many buckets fit in a bucket if the buckets are points?' The answer was of course two per bucket, three from way out, and one if somebody fouls you. Tammy Lynn therefore wins a tackle box packed solid with loose buttons! Evening confession: I'm wearing Batman's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

112-83 (W)

Won it clean! Hulk got up and over him with room to spare.

Rebounding is pure want-to, and on that one Hulk just got out-wanted by a stronger, meaner man.

Barry Allen drives, draws two bodies, and swings it one more time to the corner. That is the pass nobody is required to make. Not close, not warm, not anywhere for LeBron James, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

No hero ball here: LeBron James takes what the defense gives and moves it along. That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Batman does. Rising up out of the corner, Batman sends it LONG, clanging off the far side and out to the wing.

Bucket for Toronto Border-Patrol. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

The players disappear. Stephen Curry has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Little scoop: Stephen Curry logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. And now, our halftime TV game show Minute to Win It Back! To win a lawn ornament goose with exactly one seasonal outfit, text HOOPS to 555-0319 and answer this question: 'What is the halftime score of a game that nobody is watching?' Back on the floor, faces full of determination.

Stephen Curry sets it and slides out instead of rolling, Barry Allen finds him late, and the defense pays for cheating under the screen. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Stephen Curry, and spits straight back out. That is theft. The shot is short, and Barry Allen is the only man moving. He rips it out of the crowd and the possession lives. Rebounding is effort, and effort is apparently what the superhero does for a living. Second chance points, all guts.

Down by the baseline, Barry Allen points at the arena DJ, who obliges with the loudest thing in the catalog. The whole lower bowl is up. Batman is dancing badly and fully aware of it. The Toronto Border-Patrol coach signals for time and gets ignored by his own players.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Toronto Border-Patrol in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Laser from Barry Allen, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. A single dribble is all Hulk needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. Drop step, jump hook, bucket! Hulk is doing it the old way.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and Hulk strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. LeBron James fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

Feet set, chest low, hands high. The scientist will not give up that block, and the building has decided he is their guy. Hulk grabs it, turns, and slings a one-hander three quarters of the floor. Filthy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Stephen Curry rose up over the help and hammered it down on somebody's head!

The too-small gesture, aimed straight at the Toronto Border-Patrol bench, both hands measuring an inch of air. Their coach is out of his chair and onto the officials. Stephen Curry keeps the pose, unblinking, backpedaling all the way. The arena hits a decibel level that clips the broadcast mics.

Bench energy is real currency over a long season, and LeBron James just handed his teammates a full bank account. Two on one the other way and that is a free deuce all day long... except Stephen Curry says absolutely not.

Feet were down. Barry Allen drove through a brick wall, and the officials agree with the brick wall.

LeBron James launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Hulk and LeBron James just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Heat check for Hulk and it is GOOD. He is COOKING, and this building knows exactly what it is watching.

Hulk cups a hand to his ear and turns a slow full circle, milking every section. The upper deck answers louder than the lower bowl, so he points up there and nods. Batman joins the spin. Forty seconds of noise before anybody inbounds the ball.

Hulk pretends to faint from happiness. LeBron James pretends to call 911. And here is the answer to our game Minute to Win It Back! Otis Fenstermacher of Tin Roof, Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the halftime score of a game that nobody is watching?' The answer was of course still tied, philosophically speaking. Otis takes home a lawn ornament goose with exactly one seasonal outfit! I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

109-89 (W)

Screen, roll, DELIVERY from Barry Allen! Nothing but runway to the rim! Whistle! LeBron James got hacked on the way up. Two shots coming. This is exactly why the coach wants the ball in his hands late. LeBron James has been money at that line all season long.

LeBron James runs the baseline high-fiving every hand hanging over the rail, all the way to the corner and back. It takes forever. Play is waiting on him. Nobody in the building wants it to stop, including, visibly, the officials.

The beauty of it is that Barry Allen never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Perfect drop-off from Batman, and LeBron James answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

Over the top of everybody. LeBron James to Hulk in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. The scientist reads the screen perfectly, comes off shoulder to shoulder, and buys himself an open look. Veteran movement, rookie resume. Give and go! Hulk gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! OHHHH that is SILKY! Hulk with the teardrop, and it kisses through.

Somewhere out there a scientist is learning that the day job never included defensive slides. Rough little moment. Goaltending on Stephen Curry. Great athleticism, terrible timing.

Cold blooded from Minnesota Ice-Wall, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Halftime. The doctor examines Hulk's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Fun fact: Hulk tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. And now, our halftime TV game show Storage Wars of the Half-Empty Unit! To win a bag of nine hundred rubber bands from a post office, text HOOPS to 555-0278 and answer this question: 'How many folding tables does a county fair actually own?' Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.

You can read it in the body language. Barry Allen has ice in his veins right now, the shot clock does not scare him, nothing does tonight. The superhero hit three straight and immediately decided he was allowed to shoot from the tunnel. He was not.

Turnover, layup, Minnesota Ice-Wall straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

The extra pass! LeBron James had the look, gave it up anyway, and Stephen Curry buries it. BANG! That is a shot selection problem, plain and simple. Stephen Curry drove into three bodies and the help defender was waiting the whole way.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Barry Allen has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Stephen Curry precisely where the play wanted it. Stephen Curry comes off the screen and the big man drops WAY back. LeBron James just fades to the arc for the cleanest look of the night. OFF THE IRON and halfway to the bench! LeBron James missed that one with real conviction.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Stephen Curry has known that all night long. Day job, then this: the superhero reads a rolling big like a coach with twenty years on the bench. Soft touch from Hulk, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Chest bump so violent that Hulk and Batman both end up on the hardwood. They lie there laughing while play is stopped. A trainer jogs out to make sure nobody cracked a rib. The crowd is chanting before either man gets back to his feet.

Somebody explain how the superhero reads a defense faster than half this league. Whatever he does all day, it clearly involves thinking three steps ahead. Hulk eats the contact so LeBron James can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. OHHHHH POSTERIZED! LeBron James just ENDED that defender at the rim!

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when LeBron James lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. Barry Allen drags LeBron James away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

The superhero is out there dribbling out a professional shot clock with the poise of a fifteen year veteran, and nobody taught him that at work.

Barry Allen pretends to plant a flag at center court. Hulk stands at attention. And here is the answer to our game Storage Wars of the Half-Empty Unit! Verna Lou Cottongim of Flat Tire, Arizona, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many folding tables does a county fair actually own?' The answer was of course nobody knows, because they multiply in the off-season. Verna Lou takes home a bag of nine hundred rubber bands from a post office! Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

77-117 (L)

Batman times the leap perfectly, taps it back to the wing, and the first possession of the night belongs to us.

Cold blooded from Houston Blast-Off, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

SKIP PASS! Stephen Curry fires it cross court to Hulk and the defense is dead in the water! Read, screen, delivery, right on the money. A scientist making the right pass every single time, and the league is taking notes. Fifth possession this half where Barry Allen has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

Dagger from Houston Blast-Off. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Barry Allen rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Two points in every gym in America except this one, and Barry Allen is walking back with both hands on his head.

Halftime whistle. Barry Allen has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. They say Barry Allen has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. And now, our halftime TV game show Cash Cab of the Parking Lot! To win a plug-in air freshener permanently stuck on the high setting, text HOOPS to 555-0975 and answer this question: 'Why is there always exactly one balloon stuck in the rafters?' We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.

Stephen Curry gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Barry Allen saw it a beat early. Kick out to Stephen Curry, one more to LeBron James, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. AIRBALL! LeBron James missed the rim, the backboard and everything in between!

Ice in his veins for a guy who answers to superhero the rest of the week. Professional shot, amateur resume. Textbook footwork, textbook release from LeBron James, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Houston Blast-Off with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Up goes the shot from Stephen Curry and that is nothing but AIR, and every soul in this building saw it happen. Nobody put a body on Stephen Curry and he made them pay, tipping it to himself and coming down with two hands in the trees. Second pass beats the rotation, Stephen Curry to Hulk, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. Catch, rise, splash. The scientist owns the cleanest jumper on this floor and still has a shift to work in the morning.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Houston Blast-Off with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

OHHHH, what a read by Stephen Curry! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. Catching it right at the cup with nobody within eight feet, Barry Allen goes up too strong and the ball rides high off the backboard.

A chair knocked flat, an assistant coach holding somebody back by the jersey, that whole row completely unhinged. That is the LeBron James effect. That is ninety-four feet of pure effort from Stephen Curry, and that is the play a locker room remembers in April.

Bucket for Houston Blast-Off. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

No hero ball here: LeBron James takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Screened, toasted, done. Batman is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. Batman rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Two decoy screens, a flare to the weak side, then LeBron James coming off the second one. That is the whole thing. Out of the timeout, Stephen Curry hits Barry Allen right on schedule and it drops! Drawn up, run, done.

Right hand to the mouthguard, out, pointed at the rafters, back in. Barry Allen does not break stride once. Two rows of fans are hugging total strangers. Complete loss of composure in the entire lower bowl, and the game is nowhere near over.

Barry Allen closes his eyes walking out. Hulk keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. And here is the answer to our game show Cash Cab of the Parking Lot! Leonard Skidmore of Tumbleweed Alley, Arizona, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why is there always exactly one balloon stuck in the rafters?' The answer was of course that nobody knows, and the janitors have agreed to stop asking. Leonard therefore wins a plug-in air freshener permanently stuck on the high setting! Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

83-110 (L)

Cold blooded from Denver Horse-Track, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Clean feed from Barry Allen, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Ball into Hulk at the elbow, Batman plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. Twenty-four seconds of standing around, and Batman has to eat the last two of them. Possession wasted long before the shot went up.

Reach-in on the superhero. He tried to take the ball the way he takes everything else on the job, politely and with both hands. Hands off, feet moving, no reaching. That is the entire instruction sheet for Batman the rest of the way.

Watch LeBron James plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Stephen Curry out of that corner in a blink. REJECTED! Stephen Curry takes it in and gets it sent straight back into his own chest.

More second chance points for Denver Horse-Track, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

First half is done. Barry Allen is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Staff confession: Barry Allen is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. And now, our halftime TV game show Cash Cab of the Parking Lot! To win a plug-in air freshener permanently stuck on the high setting, text HOOPS to 555-0975 and answer this question: 'Why is there always exactly one balloon stuck in the rafters?' Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Barry Allen already has the defense a full step behind. Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Batman. Batman gets to his spot in the lane, lifts the runner over the big man, and leaves it a foot short. No dice.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Denver Horse-Track with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Somebody explain how the superhero reads a defense faster than half this league. Whatever he does all day, it clearly involves thinking three steps ahead. Nobody is getting a hand near that. Batman has all the room in the world. The defender fronted him, so Batman sealed, waited for the entry and went to work. Patient, mean, effective.

Hulk got the ball, but he got it on the way down, and they are awarded the two anyway.

The big rolls, the defense collapses, and LeBron James punishes it with a read most guys never even see. Oh, that is rough. Batman killed his own dribble and then started a brand new one.

Look how low LeBron James keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. Off the back iron for LeBron James, that one had all the distance and none of the accuracy, and the board goes the other way.

Bucket for Denver Horse-Track. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, LeBron James makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. Every highlight show in the country runs that clip tonight, and unfortunately for Barry Allen he is on the wrong end of it.

Timeout. Tablet out. And every line the coach draws starts with Barry Allen. Sixty seconds in the huddle and Barry Allen cashes it without a single wasted dribble. Textbook.

Bent double with his hands on his knees, Barry Allen takes one breath, straightens up and points at the coach who drew the play in the huddle. The coach nods once, no smile. Batman pounds the man's shoulder anyway. Respect, delivered at maximum volume.

Barry Allen's eyes are red, jaw tight. Stephen Curry apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. And here is the answer to our game show Cash Cab of the Parking Lot! Leonard Skidmore of Tumbleweed Alley, Arizona, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why is there always exactly one balloon stuck in the rafters?' The answer was of course that nobody knows, and the janitors have agreed to stop asking. Leonard therefore wins a plug-in air freshener permanently stuck on the high setting! My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

77-121 (L)

New York Over-Timers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Arm across the body, whistle, dead ball. Reach on Barry Allen. He stays out there with five, which tells you how much this coach trusts Barry Allen and how little he trusts anybody else.

Bucket for New York Over-Timers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

OHHHH the hesi! Barry Allen froze him solid and he is already gone! The superhero spots up in the corner and drills it like it is nothing. Somewhere a shooting coach is crying tears of joy.

Barry Allen throws both arms up and holds them there, letting the arena pull the sound out of him. Twenty thousand people on their feet at once. Batman grabs his shoulders from behind and shakes him like a snow globe. The floor is genuinely vibrating.

Left, right, gone. Stephen Curry put that defender on skates and never even looked back. From WAY downtown! Stephen Curry launched that one from the parking lot!

Halftime. Batman wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Rumor has it Batman has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. And now, our halftime TV game show Pawn Stars of the Neighborhood! To win a corn dog the size of a mailbox, already gone cold, text HOOPS to 555-0433 and answer this question: 'What is the average airspeed of a paper airplane thrown from the upper deck?' There they are. The coach must have found the right words.

TIMEOUT! The other bench has seen enough of Barry Allen and they are burning one to stop the bleeding.

This is the counter: Barry Allen punished a defense that kept going under, and now they have to rip up the game plan. AIRBALL! Stephen Curry missed the rim, the backboard and everything in between!

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Barry Allen drops it off to Batman on time and on target. Ice in his veins for a guy who answers to superhero the rest of the week. Professional shot, amateur resume. Rises, releases, and LeBron James sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. New York Over-Timers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Swing, swing, and LeBron James finds Barry Allen on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Second pass beats the rotation, Barry Allen to LeBron James, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. In, around, and gone. The iron gives LeBron James nothing.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, New York Over-Timers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Look at that bench! LeBron James just lit the fuse! The scientist just ran the length of the floor to erase a layup off the backboard. Frame that one for the break room!

More second chance points for New York Over-Timers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Clean feed from LeBron James, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. The superhero reads the screen perfectly, comes off shoulder to shoulder, and buys himself an open look. Veteran movement, rookie resume. The superhero misses absolutely everything, and honestly, the nerve to even attempt that shot deserves something. Not points. But something.

The scientist commits the ugliest foul of the night entirely on purpose, and honestly that is the smartest thing anyone has done all quarter.

Hulk's eyes are red, jaw tight. Barry Allen apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. And here is the answer to our game Pawn Stars of the Neighborhood! Bud Applewhite of Cornbread Hill, Oregon, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the average airspeed of a paper airplane thrown from the upper deck?' The answer was of course roughly one usher per second. Bud takes home a corn dog the size of a mailbox, already gone cold! Evening confession: I'm wearing Hulk's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

113-111 (W)

The superhero just out-jumped a guy half a foot taller for the opening tip. Somebody check the day job again.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Barry Allen controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. The scientist reads the screen perfectly, comes off shoulder to shoulder, and buys himself an open look. Veteran movement, rookie resume. Third one of these from Hulk this quarter, third time the arc is wrong. The lane is not open real estate anymore.

Stephen Curry lowers the shoulder, the defender was planted, and that is an offensive foul. Hand the ball back.

Batman wraps him up with nobody between the ball and the rim, and the officials do not hesitate for a second.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Cleveland Twin-Towers with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Back to the locker room. Stephen Curry's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little secret: Stephen Curry listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. And now, our halftime TV game show Fear Factor Free Throws! To win a truck bed liner for a truck nobody in the family owns, text HOOPS to 555-0952 and answer this question: 'How many miles does a coach pace during a close game?' The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Barry Allen drops it off to LeBron James on time and on target. OHHHH the pin-down! LeBron James pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Barry Allen. Brutal. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on LeBron James. Cruel.

The superhero makes the simple read look automatic. Clock out of work, clock in for clean basketball decisions. LeBron James holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Batman flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. The superhero just made the extra pass with a clean look of his own! You do not run into that kind of selflessness at the office! Hulk gets into the paint, sees the shot blocker rising, and simply lifts it over the top of him. Never had a prayer.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Cleveland Twin-Towers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Barry Allen already has the defense a full step behind. Oldest play in the book and it still works: LeBron James passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on LeBron James, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Peacemaker duty for Stephen Curry, hands on his coach, steering him back toward the huddle before this gets more expensive.

A full spin move through traffic from the superhero! Whatever they teach in that trade, footwork is apparently part of it. Barry Allen takes two dribbles past halfcourt, rises from thirty five feet, and the net barely moves. Filthy.

Somebody's towel goes up, then thirty of them, and the bench turns into a laundry emergency. Barry Allen stands in the middle of it with his arms out, letting them rain down on his head. An assistant coach is spinning one like a helicopter. Institutional collapse.

Six on the clock. Hulk takes one hard dribble right, pulls it back out, and waits. He is playing the clock, not the man. From WAY downtown! Hulk walks into it from 27 feet and the red light is on before the ball comes down. DAGGER!

Hulk hugs the mascot. LeBron James hugs the referee. Awkward. And here is the answer to our game show Fear Factor Free Throws! Charlene Bumgarner of Hushpuppy Ridge, New Hampshire, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many miles does a coach pace during a close game?' The answer was of course two point six miles, all of it inside a nine foot box. Charlene therefore wins a truck bed liner for a truck nobody in the family owns! Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

77-121 (L)

Screen, pop, SPLASH! Barry Allen kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. Down, up, and gone for Hulk. The rim is just toying with him now.

Closeout from Batman like a man chasing a bus. Late, out of control, and right into the shooter's landing space. OHHHH the whistle! Number five on Batman, and this bench cannot believe what it just saw.

Laser from LeBron James, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. The superhero runs a dribble handoff with the timing of a fifteen-year vet. Not bad for somebody who does this on weekends. Two defenders, one gap, and Hulk finds it. Onions on that pass. Batman gets into the paint, sees the shot blocker rising, and simply lifts it over the top of him. Never had a prayer.

Batman does the bit whole team practiced in the hotel: a slow-motion handshake with LeBron James that goes on far too long, sound effects included. Six full seconds. The referee stands there holding the ball. Neither man breaks character.

Boston Ring-Chasers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Second pass beats the rotation, LeBron James to Batman, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. Rim, backboard, none of the above from the superhero! Ladies and gentlemen, that is a person with a real job, and we have all just been reminded of it.

Off to the locker room. LeBron James has already drained two water bottles. Fun fact: LeBron James blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. And now, our halftime TV game show Fifty Fifty or Nothing! To win a decorative barometer that has read STORMY since 1998, text HOOPS to 555-0290 and answer this question: 'How many free throws could a horse make in one hour with no thumbs?' Break's over, the players take their positions.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Boston Ring-Chasers with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Barry Allen kicks it over to Batman, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. That is vision. Batman sees the pocket open for a tenth of a second and puts the ball in it. Hulk beat the clock by a tenth of a second and missed by about four feet. Technically legal, competitively pointless.

Over the top of everybody. Barry Allen to Hulk in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. OHHHH, what a read by Hulk! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. You can hear that rim ringing from up here, Stephen Curry has forced three in a row now and the whole offense has stopped moving.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Boston Ring-Chasers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

The defender crowded the middle, and Stephen Curry punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. That is the shot chart lying to you. Stephen Curry did everything right on this possession and has zero points to show for it.

LeBron James beats him to the spot, absorbs the hit, and the official is already pointing the other way.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Boston Ring-Chasers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Watch the arms on Hulk, straight up, no arm bar, nothing for the officials to blow. That is coaching and discipline. Rebound to fast break in one motion, courtesy of the superhero. That is not a hobby, that is a skill set. Somewhere a defender is explaining to his family why the superhero is going to be on the front page tomorrow morning.

Bucket for Boston Ring-Chasers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Batman pushes it in transition, pulls up from the elbow, cash. That is a 10-0 run and the visitors have not scored in three minutes.

LeBron James stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Stephen Curry exhales. Again. And again. And here is the answer to our game show Fifty Fifty or Nothing! Merle Bodkin of Dry Fork Holler, West Virginia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many free throws could a horse make in one hour with no thumbs?' The answer was of course two, and both of them were technically goaltending. Merle therefore wins a decorative barometer that has read STORMY since 1998! On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

86-127 (L)

This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Stephen Curry gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Stephen Curry. Cruel.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, San Antonio Skyscrapers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

OHHHH here we go! Shoving under the rim, and Stephen Curry is right in the middle of it!

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Stephen Curry threw it before the help even committed. Watch the spacing, Barry Allen drags two bodies toward the ball and Stephen Curry is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. Screen, hesitation, delivery, Stephen Curry drops it off perfectly for Batman diving to the rim. Batman attacks the baseline, the big man steps up to meet him, and it does not matter one bit. FILTHY.

Batman sets an invisible crown on his own head, adjusts it twice, and carries the thing off like it weighs forty pounds. The San Antonio Skyscrapers bench does not find it funny. LeBron James pounds the crown down with one fist and steers him away before the technical arrives.

More second chance points for San Antonio Skyscrapers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Fun fact: Stephen Curry tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. And now, our halftime TV game show Supermarket Sweep the Series! To win a jackalope postcard rack with no postcards in it, text HOOPS to 555-0398 and answer this question: 'What percentage of halftime shows are secretly the same guy?' Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.

Watch the sell from Stephen Curry here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. Rim out for Stephen Curry, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

Turnover, layup, San Antonio Skyscrapers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Laser from LeBron James, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. A superhero breaking down a professional defender in front of a sold out house! Remember that day job, folks! Nobody drew up that arc. The superhero floated one halfway to the rafters, and the rim never even got a say.

Dagger from San Antonio Skyscrapers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Barry Allen has known that all night long. The defender planted his feet, and Stephen Curry said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. Not a hand on him. Stephen Curry flat missed the bunny.

The superhero pops to the arc and buries it, and nobody in this building believes that man clocks in somewhere in the morning. The block is clean, the ball is gone, and Stephen Curry is left staring at his empty hands like a man who lost his keys.

SKIP PASS! Stephen Curry fires it cross court to Batman and the defense is dead in the water! OHHHH the separation! Batman just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Two on the shot clock and the ball ends up with the superhero, which is how you get a twenty-eight footer off the wrong foot.

Clean feed from Stephen Curry, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Down screen, and LeBron James curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. The ball skips around the perimeter, Barry Allen finds the open man on the weak side, and LeBron James buries it.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. San Antonio Skyscrapers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Batman gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Stephen Curry saw it a beat early. Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! Batman did all the dirty work on that one. So close. Stephen Curry can only stare at the iron.

Barry Allen mutters while walking out. Stephen Curry watches from the corner of his eye, worried. And here is the answer to our game show Supermarket Sweep the Series! Cletus Ogletree of Hominy Corners, Oklahoma, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What percentage of halftime shows are secretly the same guy?' The answer was of course eighty six percent, and his name is Gary. Cletus therefore wins a jackalope postcard rack with no postcards in it! Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

106-95 (W)

Over the top of everybody. Barry Allen to LeBron James in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Unselfish basketball. LeBron James passes up a good shot and hands Hulk a GREAT one. From eight feet Hulk puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Somebody explain how the superhero reads a defense faster than half this league. Whatever he does all day, it clearly involves thinking three steps ahead. Hulk comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Range like that bends a defense completely out of shape, and Hulk keeps proving the arc is only a suggestion.

The whole second unit is on the floor before the ball is out of the net. Hulk disappears underneath them. Somewhere in the pile shoe comes off. Stephen Curry is on the outside of it screaming straight up at the ceiling.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Barry Allen threw it before the help even committed. Screened, toasted, done. Batman is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. Two points left on the floor by Batman, and those are exactly the ones that come back to bite you in the fourth.

More second chance points for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Kick out to LeBron James, one more to Hulk, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. Stonewalled at the top of the square! The big man meets Hulk up there and returns it with interest.

Off to the locker room. LeBron James has already drained two water bottles. Fun fact: LeBron James tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. And now, our halftime TV game show Supermarket Sweep the Leg! To win a fifty-five gallon drum of ranch dressing, text HOOPS to 555-0088 and answer this question: 'How many stripes are on a basketball if you also count the ones inside?' We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.

Dagger from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

SKIP PASS! LeBron James fires it cross court to Barry Allen and the defense is dead in the water! Two defenders collide on the handoff and LeBron James is gone, so Barry Allen earned that one even if the box score disagrees. Catch on the block, shoulder into the chest, one dribble, and LeBron James finishes over the top. Textbook.

Ball moves. Stephen Curry to LeBron James, on time and on target. The extra pass! LeBron James had the look, gave it up anyway, and Hulk buries it. BANG! That is what heavy minutes do, Hulk has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper.

Active hands, quiet stat sheet. Stephen Curry has been poking at everything that moves for two straight quarters. One hand, full court, Stephen Curry hits Barry Allen in stride and the crowd is already up. That is body control you simply cannot coach: Barry Allen stays up a full beat longer than everybody else and finishes clean.

Straight to the logo at center court, Barry Allen plants both feet and flexes until the veins show. The bench is a pile of bodies and airborne headbands. An assistant coach has to be physically restrained by a trainer who is also celebrating.

Oversold by a mile. Stephen Curry is still lying on the hardwood while the play runs the other way.

Two on the shot clock and the ball ends up with the superhero, which is how you get a twenty-eight footer off the wrong foot. You want to know why this team keeps winning the possession battle? Batman treats every miss like it belongs to him. Court vision like that on the superhero is absurd. Whatever the day job pays him, the assist numbers say he is badly underpriced. There is no finesse in that, and there does not need to be. Hulk simply decided the paint belonged to him.

Hulk deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Barry Allen arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

No panic, no hero ball, just a dead clock and a lead still standing. The superhero understands the assignment better than half of this league does.

Barry Allen and Batman slap each other's butts. Stephen Curry declines the invitation. And here is the answer to our game Supermarket Sweep the Leg! Junior Pennywhistle of Slab Town, Kentucky, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many stripes are on a basketball if you also count the ones inside?' The answer was of course eight, and the ninth is a private matter. Junior takes home a fifty-five gallon drum of ranch dressing! My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.