My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

90-127 (L)

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar times the leap perfectly, taps it back to the wing, and the first possession of the night belongs to us.

Yang Hansen reads it two passes early, steps into the gap and takes away the entire lane before anybody gets there.

John Stockton comes off the screen and the big man drops WAY back. Nate Robinson just fades to the arc for the cleanest look of the night. Down, up, and gone for Nate Robinson. The rim is just toying with him now.

More second chance points for Detroit Engine-Roar, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

A timeout is coming, it has to be, but Yuki Kawamura has already turned this into a personal shooting drill with an audience. From WAY downtown! Yuki Kawamura launched that one from the parking lot!

End of the second quarter. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And now, our halftime TV game show Family Feud But Nobody Is Related! To win a gently used trampoline with no springs and one very stern warning label, text HOOPS to 555-0231 and answer this question: 'How long does it take a hot dog to cool down in the upper deck in February?' Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.

Cold blooded from Detroit Engine-Roar, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Bodies everywhere in the paint and it does not matter one bit to Yuki Kawamura, one spin and the ball never leaves the string. Twenty-four seconds of standing around, and Yuki Kawamura has to eat the last two of them. Possession wasted long before the shot went up.

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

This is the counter: John Stockton punished a defense that kept going under, and now they have to rip up the game plan. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Two points in every gym in America except this one, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is walking back with both hands on his head.

Detroit Engine-Roar again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Nate Robinson never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! Rim out for Nate Robinson, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

SKIP PASS! Yuki Kawamura fires it cross court to John Stockton and the defense is dead in the water! Watch Nate Robinson plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring John Stockton out of that corner in a blink. Getting to his spot and elevating, John Stockton puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Turnover, layup, Detroit Engine-Roar straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

This is the stretch of the night where you just feed him and get out of the way. Nate Robinson has found that place where the rim looks the size of a hula hoop. Isolation on the wing, shot clock draining, and Nate Robinson rocks the defender to sleep before dropping it through.

Whistles. Monitor. And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar standing frozen at midcourt. OHHHH the cruelty! Two tenths, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets absolutely nothing.

Nate Robinson stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Yuki Kawamura comes back to get him. And here is the answer to our game show Family Feud But Nobody Is Related! Delbert Cranfill of Bitter Creek Junction, Wyoming, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How long does it take a hot dog to cool down in the upper deck in February?' The answer was of course eleven minutes, unless somebody nearby is breathing on it. Delbert therefore wins a gently used trampoline with no springs and one very stern warning label! Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

127-91 (W)

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar controls the tip, and the offense gets to run its first set on schedule. Little edges like that stack up over forty-eight minutes.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Miami Heart-Attack, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

The zone is set with Yuki Kawamura anchoring the middle of it and there is NOWHERE to go! Tipped away by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! Loose ball, scramble, bodies everywhere, and it ends up in our hands.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and John Stockton threw it before the help even committed. Two defenders, one gap, and Nate Robinson finds it. Onions on that pass. Runner in the lane by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, high off the fingertips, straight down through the net. Splash!

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. John Stockton mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

Fingertips! John Stockton gets just enough on it and the ball squirts loose. OUTLET! Yuki Kawamura rips the board and fires it ahead to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar before anybody gets back! HAMMER! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar goes right through the trees and throws it DOWN with the foul!

End of the second quarter. Yuki Kawamura is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little scoop: Yuki Kawamura logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. And now, our halftime TV game show The Great American Trivia Barn! To win a plastic owl that is supposed to scare pigeons but does not, text HOOPS to 555-1183 and answer this question: 'Which knee does a former player mention first at a class reunion?' We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.

John Stockton holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Nate Robinson flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. Nate Robinson probes to the right, pulls the string, and rises over a helpless closeout from twenty six feet. Splash.

Over the top of everybody. Yuki Kawamura to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. No roll this time. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar swings it right back to Nate Robinson above the break, and it is PURE. Kick out to Nate Robinson, one more to John Stockton, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. That is body control you simply cannot coach: John Stockton stays up a full beat longer than everybody else and finishes clean.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, John Stockton roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Horn goes, ball still in the hands of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Shot clock violation, and that possession never existed.

The confidence is sky high, the shot selection has left the building, and John Stockton just threw a brick from twenty-nine feet.

Set called, Yang Hansen waved out to the corner, and John Stockton watches the spacing open up like a front door. Screen, hesitation, delivery, Yang Hansen drops it off perfectly for John Stockton diving to the rim. OFF THE IRON and halfway to the bench! John Stockton missed that one with real conviction.

BAAAANG! John Stockton sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Yang Hansen builds the whole thing from nothing. No screen, no help, three points.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Yang Hansen roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Nate Robinson slap each other's butts. Yang Hansen declines the invitation. And here is the answer to our game show The Great American Trivia Barn! Garland Shoemaker of Rickety Bridge, New York, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Which knee does a former player mention first at a class reunion?' The answer was of course the left one, always, in every county we surveyed. Garland therefore wins a plastic owl that is supposed to scare pigeons but does not! During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

133-88 (W)

Small thing, a jump ball, but Yang Hansen winning that tip means we set the tone. Coaches script that first play for a reason.

Clean feed from Nate Robinson, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Watch the sell from Yang Hansen here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. No good. Yang Hansen rushed that one.

Ball into Nate Robinson at the elbow, Yuki Kawamura plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. That is another catch and shoot triple for Yuki Kawamura, and you can see the closeouts getting more desperate every single trip.

Yuki Kawamura rocks an imaginary baby down the sideline, cradling nothing at all and completely serious about it. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar plays along, tiptoeing beside him and shushing the front row. Half the arena is doing it too. The other half is filming the half that is doing it.

Bucket for Orlando Magic-Beans. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Hand check on John Stockton. That is a foul in this league every single time.

Halftime! Yuki Kawamura checks his stats on the board and winces. Rumor has it Yuki Kawamura tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show High Rollers Low Ceilings! To win a beach towel printed with a map of a landlocked county, text HOOPS to 555-1024 and answer this question: 'How many timeouts can a coach call before the crowd revolts?' On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.

A single dribble is all Yuki Kawamura needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. Baby hook by Yuki Kawamura, right over that outstretched hand, high off the board, count it.

Backing all the way to half court with three fingers held over each eye, Yuki Kawamura keeps the goggles on for the entire trip. The bench mob copies it in unison. The broadcast cuts to twelve grown men wearing invisible glasses. Peak television, honestly.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and John Stockton already has the defense a full step behind. That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Yuki Kawamura does. Soft touch from Yuki Kawamura, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Nate Robinson launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Screened, toasted, done. John Stockton is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. OHHHH what a FINISH from John Stockton! Hanging, hanging, and laying it high off the glass on the way down!

John Stockton points at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar first, then at the pass that made it possible, then at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar again, making sure the building knows who did the real work. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar waves it off, embarrassed. The chant that starts up is not for the scorer.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar flies at a jump shooter thirty feet from the rim and lands on his hip. Three shots coming. Brutal timing on that whistle. This team loses its rim protection the moment Kareem Abdul-Jabbar takes a seat, and the paint is wide open now.

Watch the spacing, John Stockton drags two bodies toward the ball and Nate Robinson is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. This building is SHAKING. Nate Robinson just stepped into a logo three like it was a warmup rep.

Yang Hansen just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Yuki Kawamura half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. Yuki Kawamura rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Yang Hansen and John Stockton freestyle a victory rap. Yuki Kawamura does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. And here is the answer to our game show High Rollers Low Ceilings! Marlene Trickett of Cornsilk Junction, South Dakota, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many timeouts can a coach call before the crowd revolts?' The answer was of course three, and the fourth one starts a conversation nobody enjoys. Marlene therefore wins a beach towel printed with a map of a landlocked county! As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

129-85 (W)

The beauty of it is that John Stockton never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Textbook footwork, textbook release from Nate Robinson, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and John Stockton makes it every single trip down the floor. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar attacks the baseline and the ENTIRE defense has to rotate behind him! Two points left on the floor by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and those are exactly the ones that come back to bite you in the fourth.

Push the pace! John Stockton grabs it and hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in stride before the defense can even match up. That is vision. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sees the pocket open for a tenth of a second and puts the ball in it. Contested, off balance, fading away from the wrong shoulder, that is a shot Nate Robinson should never take with three teammates standing wide open.

One little shoulder dip from Yuki Kawamura and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Yuki Kawamura backs his man down, feels the contact, spins middle and drops it in over both hands. Fundamentals!

Right hand to the mouthguard, out, pointed at the rafters, back in. Yuki Kawamura does not break stride once. Two rows of fans are hugging total strangers. Complete loss of composure in the entire lower bowl, and the game is nowhere near over.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Philadelphia Injury-Report in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Players head to the locker room. Nate Robinson has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Nate Robinson tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. And now, our halftime TV game show The Price is Wrong, Bob! To win a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo, text HOOPS to 555-0187 and answer this question: 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

John Stockton stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. Count it AND the foul! John Stockton refused to be denied at the rim.

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when John Stockton lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. Nate Robinson drags John Stockton away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: John Stockton controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. OHHHH the cut from Yang Hansen! Two hard steps, one wide open rim, and the defense is still standing out at the arc. A timeout is coming, because no defense recovers from watching Yang Hansen do that to one of their own.

Yang Hansen mimes putting a whole section to sleep, hands folded against his cheek, eyes shut. He is facing the Philadelphia Injury-Report fans who paid for the good seats. They boo. He nods along with the boos, which somehow makes the home crowd louder.

Arm across the body, whistle, dead ball. Reach on John Stockton.

Nate Robinson kicks it over to Yang Hansen, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Give and go! Yang Hansen gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! Deep. Deeper. GONE. Yang Hansen drops it in from a spot the scouting report never even listed.

Yang Hansen throws both arms up and holds them there, letting the arena pull the sound out of him. Twenty thousand people on their feet at once. Yuki Kawamura grabs his shoulders from behind and shakes him like a snow globe. The floor is genuinely vibrating.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and John Stockton has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Yang Hansen precisely where the play wanted it. Oldest play in the book, and Yang Hansen runs it in his sleep. That drop coverage never had a prayer. Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Yuki Kawamura makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! John Stockton scooped that in from underneath the rim!

Slow walk, no expression. John Stockton backpedals past the Philadelphia Injury-Report huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

Hold everything, they are going to the replay on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this building has stopped breathing. The building went up, the building came right back down, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is staring at a scoreboard that never moved.

John Stockton dumps his Gatorade on Yuki Kawamura who screams because it was cold. Nate Robinson piles on. And here is the answer to our game The Price is Wrong, Bob! Wendell Frobisher of Gravy Fork, West Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' The answer was of course Delbert, and the man himself never once sat down. Wendell takes home a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo! Tonight I had a revelation: Yuki Kawamura runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

107-85 (W)

Both guys crouch, both guys go, and it is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar who wins the little argument at center court.

Here comes Yuki Kawamura sprinting off the elbow. John Stockton slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. Gift wrapped by John Stockton, and Yuki Kawamura cannot finish the two footer. That one is going to sting. Muscled away at the second jump by Nate Robinson, and this offense resets with a fresh shot clock. Nate Robinson crashes the glass, snatches that miss out of the air and hammers it home. Onions!

Snatched! Yuki Kawamura came out of NOWHERE for that one. Off the glass and out of the gym, Yuki Kawamura launches it and the break is ON! The help defender had position, leverage, everything but a chance. Nate Robinson rose straight over the top of him, and one.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Phoenix No-Defense with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Yuki Kawamura the moment he crosses half court. Stuck out on the perimeter with no outlet, Yuki Kawamura panics, re-dribbles, and hands the possession over on a silver platter.

The players head in. Nate Robinson slips on the wet tunnel floor. Rumor has it Nate Robinson has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. And now, our halftime TV game show The Chase to the Dollar Store! To win a boxed set of instructional VHS tapes about gutter care, text HOOPS to 555-0225 and answer this question: 'How long is a minute on a stopwatch held by somebody in a hurry?' Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Phoenix No-Defense with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! John Stockton did all the dirty work on that one. That is the kind of finish that changes a defense's body language, and Nate Robinson has already done it twice this quarter.

Dribble handoff from John Stockton, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! Zero hesitation, zero conscience. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar made that closeout look completely pointless.

Pointing up at the family section, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar taps his chest twice and holds up a fist. A kid in a replica jersey is crying, and so is his mother. A camera crew finds them in nine seconds flat. Sixty seconds of pure decency on national television.

Nate Robinson comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Nate Robinson!

Watch the spacing there, John Stockton hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Here comes the slip from John Stockton, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar reads it a half second before anybody else in the building. Pull-up from the elbow by John Stockton, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out.

Nate Robinson hands it off to John Stockton, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. REJECTED! Nate Robinson takes it in and gets it sent straight back into his own chest.

Filthy. Absolutely filthy from John Stockton, and the defender knows exactly what just happened to him. Ohhh no. John Stockton just walked. In front of everybody.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hits a dab in 2026. Yang Hansen does an ironic dab. Nate Robinson has no idea what that is. And here is the answer to our game The Chase to the Dollar Store! Lurlene Dobbins of Rusty Spoon, New Mexico, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How long is a minute on a stopwatch held by somebody in a hurry?' The answer was of course fifty-one seconds, give or take a conscience. Lurlene takes home a boxed set of instructional VHS tapes about gutter care! My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

113-82 (W)

OHHHH he SNATCHED that tip! Yang Hansen rips it out of the air and we are off.

No hero ball here: Yuki Kawamura takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Yang Hansen eats the contact so John Stockton can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. John Stockton gathers on the baseline, absorbs contact from two bodies, and slams it home. That rim is still shaking.

Look how low Nate Robinson keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. Not a hand on him. Nate Robinson flat missed the bunny.

Dagger from Los Angeles Nursing-Home. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

The opposing coach is off his seat waving both arms before the ball is even inbounded. John Stockton forced that.

Both teams head to the locker room. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wipes his forehead with his jersey. Quick anecdote about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. And now, our halftime TV game show Cash Cab of a Pickup Truck! To win a bag of forty-two mismatched socks, all for the left foot, text HOOPS to 555-0173 and answer this question: 'What do you call a free throw that goes in after hitting the ceiling?' Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.

Laser from Nate Robinson, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. OHHHH the hesi! Yuki Kawamura froze him solid and he is already gone! Heat check for Yuki Kawamura and it is GOOD. He is COOKING, and this building knows exactly what it is watching.

Yuki Kawamura crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. Nate Robinson mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

Ball moves. John Stockton to Nate Robinson, on time and on target. OHHHH that is filthy! Nate Robinson on the handoff and the man guarding it is still fighting over the top. Yuki Kawamura loses his angle on the baseline and still finds a way to flip it home with the off hand. Bucket!

Wiping imaginary dust off both shoulders, Yuki Kawamura strolls back on defense at the speed of a man walking his dog. Yang Hansen carries the bit further and mimes brushing off his shoes. The bench is on the floor. The head coach is not laughing, but only barely.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Yuki Kawamura has known that all night long. Hard drive, hard stop, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. Prayer from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Not answered.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and John Stockton drops it off to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on time and on target. Whirl, and GONE! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar leaves the defender grabbing at a jersey that stopped being there half a second ago. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second.

Swing, swing, and Yuki Kawamura finds Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Hesitate, GO. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is by that hip before the man even blinks. The ball skips around the perimeter, Nate Robinson finds the open man on the weak side, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar buries it.

The assistant points at the far corner, the head coach points at John Stockton, and the other three get told exactly where to stand. John Stockton delivers on the second option, Yuki Kawamura buries it, and the coach is already walking back to the bench like he knew. He did know.

Yang Hansen takes a bow for the crowd. Nate Robinson bows to Yang Hansen. The nobility of basketball. And here is the answer to our game Cash Cab of a Pickup Truck! Harlan Spivey of Bent Fender, Montana, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What do you call a free throw that goes in after hitting the ceiling?' The answer was of course a blessing, and the whole gym has to be re-blessed. Harlan takes home a bag of forty-two mismatched socks, all for the left foot! Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

113-99 (W)

John Stockton rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. The block is clean, the ball is gone, and John Stockton is left staring at his empty hands like a man who lost his keys.

Watch the change of pace from Yuki Kawamura, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Yuki Kawamura attacks the paint, absorbs the bump, twists his body all the way around the defender and reverses it in. FILTHY.

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when Yuki Kawamura lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. Nate Robinson drags Yuki Kawamura away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Toronto Border-Patrol with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Yuki Kawamura gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Nate Robinson saw it a beat early. Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Yuki Kawamura, and not one single soul could do anything about it. That is the shot Yuki Kawamura wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

John Stockton gives it up to Yuki Kawamura on the move, the built-in screen erases the chase, and there is a clean runway to the rim. You are about to see a coach put his entire face in both hands, and Yuki Kawamura has earned every second of that reaction.

Both teams head to the locker room. Yuki Kawamura wipes his forehead with his jersey. Juicy anecdote: Yuki Kawamura was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And now, our halftime TV game show Last Call Bingo! To win a lifetime pass to a museum of regional soil, text HOOPS to 555-0150 and answer this question: 'How many people does it take to change a light bulb in a scoreboard?' Back at it! The players jog toward center court.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Yuki Kawamura just did it by hitting Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the back side with acres of room. The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets to his spot in the lane, lifts the runner over the big man, and leaves it a foot short. No dice.

Turnover, layup, Toronto Border-Patrol straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Down screen, and Yuki Kawamura curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. Perfect drop-off from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Yuki Kawamura answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Yuki Kawamura breaks a shell down. That crossover was not about getting a shot up. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pulled it out to tell everybody in the gym whose possession this is. They do not teach that footwork anymore, and yet here is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar running a full masterclass on the low block.

Shimmy from the corner all the way to half court, shoulders loose, chin high. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is in no hurry whatsoever. The home bench tries to copy it and produces something closer to a seizure. The building decides it loves both versions equally.

Baseline wide open. Yuki Kawamura said thank you. Yuki Kawamura pump fakes, gets the defender airborne, and walks right into his chest. Free throws. Two shots, two makes. Yuki Kawamura does not flinch.

Yuki Kawamura plants himself in front of the Toronto Border-Patrol bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Clean feed from Yuki Kawamura, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. BAAAANG! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar catches it and lets it FLY, nothing but net from the corner!

The whole second unit is on the floor before the ball is out of the net. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar disappears underneath them. Somewhere in the pile shoe comes off. Nate Robinson is on the outside of it screaming straight up at the ceiling.

Killing off a basketball game is a skill, and John Stockton has it. Protect the rock, protect the lead, make them foul.

Yang Hansen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Yang Hansen loses. And here is the answer to our game Last Call Bingo! Leon Poteet of Fence Post, Hawaii, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many people does it take to change a light bulb in a scoreboard?' The answer was of course four, plus one man who insists he could have done it alone. Leon takes home a lifetime pass to a museum of regional soil! I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

112-81 (W)

John Stockton feels the contact, spins off that shoulder, and the defender is left hugging a whole lot of nothing. That is a dime from Yuki Kawamura that deserved so much better, and John Stockton knows it, head down, jogging back before the ball even lands.

Left, right, gone. John Stockton put that defender on skates and never even looked back. That is a shot selection problem, plain and simple. John Stockton drove into three bodies and the help defender was waiting the whole way.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Nate Robinson just did it by hitting Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the back side with acres of room. Textbook two-man game: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar keeps the dribble alive, forces the big man to commit, and Yang Hansen rolls into an open runway. Oldest play in the book and it still works: Yang Hansen passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Perfect arc. Yang Hansen makes seven feet of rim protection completely irrelevant.

Slow walk, no expression. Yang Hansen backpedals past the Minnesota Ice-Wall huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

No hero ball here: John Stockton takes what the defense gives and moves it along. The defender crowded the middle, and Nate Robinson punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Watch the footwork there from Nate Robinson on the catch, squared up before the ball ever arrives. That is exactly why it goes down so clean.

Wiping imaginary dust off both shoulders, Nate Robinson strolls back on defense at the speed of a man walking his dog. John Stockton carries the bit further and mimes brushing off his shoes. The bench is on the floor. The head coach is not laughing, but only barely.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Minnesota Ice-Wall, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Halftime whistle. Yuki Kawamura has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Staff confession: Yuki Kawamura is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. And now, our halftime TV game show Countdown to Nothing in Particular! To win a jigsaw puzzle with all four corner pieces missing, text HOOPS to 555-1207 and answer this question: 'How many hot dogs does a mascot eat before he stops enjoying it?' There they are. The coach must have found the right words.

Ball moves. Nate Robinson to John Stockton, on time and on target. Two defenders collide on the handoff and Nate Robinson is gone, so John Stockton earned that one even if the box score disagrees. So close. Nate Robinson can only stare at the iron.

Total control. John Stockton has this thing on a string. Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and John Stockton just played basketball and the defense got shredded. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Kareem Abdul-Jabbar nothing.

John Stockton walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Nobody is getting a hand near that. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has all the room in the world. That is a throwback bucket: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with his back to the basket, and the defense has absolutely no answer for it.

One finger to the sky, held there, eyes closed in the middle of all that noise, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does not move. The arena figures it out and quiets for a beat. Yang Hansen puts a hand on his back and says nothing, then the sound comes back like a wave.

Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! John Stockton did all the dirty work on that one. OHHHH that is SILKY! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with the teardrop, and it kisses through.

Push the pace! John Stockton grabs it and hits Yang Hansen in stride before the defense can even match up. OHHHH the pin-down! Yang Hansen pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Brutal. That is the shot chart lying to you. Yang Hansen did everything right on this possession and has zero points to show for it.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Yuki Kawamura makes it every single trip down the floor. Not an inch to spare on the endline, but Nate Robinson keeps both feet in bounds and the help gets there a beat too late. That stepback is unguardable once the drive gets sold, and Nate Robinson has had that defender guessing wrong all night long.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does the floss while Yang Hansen spins like a top. Nate Robinson just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. And here is the answer to our game show Countdown to Nothing in Particular! Norma Jean Sprinkle of Butterbean Flats, Alaska, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many hot dogs does a mascot eat before he stops enjoying it?' The answer was of course nine, and the tenth one is purely professional. Norma Jean therefore wins a jigsaw puzzle with all four corner pieces missing! I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

116-90 (W)

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Houston Blast-Off, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

You will never find it in a box score, but John Stockton just flipped that entire trip down the floor with one hand. One hand, full court, Yuki Kawamura hits Yang Hansen in stride and the crowd is already up. Turn it over against this team and Yang Hansen is gone the second the ball changes hands. Those transition points keep stacking up.

Yang Hansen deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

No hero ball here: Yuki Kawamura takes what the defense gives and moves it along. OHHHH the separation! John Stockton just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Up goes the shot from John Stockton and that is nothing but AIR, and every soul in this building saw it happen.

You do not put the other team in the bonus this early. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has to be smarter than contact that never had a chance at the ball. FOUR on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! Grab a towel, that is the bench for a while.

STOP AND GO! Yuki Kawamura hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. Getting to his spot and elevating, Yuki Kawamura puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Into the tunnel. Yang Hansen grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Locker room intel: Yang Hansen has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. And now, our halftime TV game show Name That Smell! To win a barbecue apron that reads KISS THE FORKLIFT OPERATOR, text HOOPS to 555-0357 and answer this question: 'Which is heavier, a pound of orange slices or a pound of team spirit?' Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.

The defender planted his feet, and John Stockton said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. You can live with most mistakes, but fouling John Stockton behind the arc gets you a seat next to the coach.

More second chance points for Houston Blast-Off, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Four on five while John Stockton lies there waiting on a whistle that is never coming. That is the real cost of the flop.

Swing, swing, and Yuki Kawamura finds Nate Robinson on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Nate Robinson turns the corner off the screen from Yuki Kawamura, the help never rotates, and the lane is WIDE open! The extra pass! Yuki Kawamura had the look, gave it up anyway, and Nate Robinson buries it. BANG! Onions! Nate Robinson did that with a hand in his face.

Watch the spacing there, Yuki Kawamura hits Yang Hansen right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Second pass beats the rotation, Yang Hansen to Yuki Kawamura, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. There is no finesse in that, and there does not need to be. Yuki Kawamura simply decided the paint belonged to him.

Somebody's towel goes up, then thirty of them, and the bench turns into a laundry emergency. Yuki Kawamura stands in the middle of it with his arms out, letting them rain down on his head. An assistant coach is spinning one like a helicopter. Institutional collapse.

That was a deliberate technical. The coach hated what happened to Nate Robinson, he wanted it on the record, and one point is his price.

Huddle is tight, marker squeaking on the board, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is already nodding before the coach finishes the sentence. Look at the spacing here, two shooters lifting to drag the help, and that leaves Nate Robinson an easy read to Yuki Kawamura in the pocket. Chess.

Yuki Kawamura finds the courtside camera lens, leans all the way in and says absolutely nothing. Just breathes on it. Eight seconds of national television filled by one enormous face. Nate Robinson photobombs with crossed eyes, and the clip runs on every highlight show by midnight.

Yang Hansen jumps into Nate Robinson's arms without warning. They both go down. And here is the answer to our game Name That Smell! Odell Trippett of Broke Axle, Alaska, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'Which is heavier, a pound of orange slices or a pound of team spirit?' The answer was of course the orange slices, and it is not close. Odell takes home a barbecue apron that reads KISS THE FORKLIFT OPERATOR! Behind the scenes, I learned Nate Robinson was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

107-91 (W)

Won it clean! Yang Hansen got up and over him with room to spare.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and John Stockton has known that all night long. OHHHH, what a read by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. Feet already set, hands already ready. Yang Hansen takes the feed from John Stockton and cashes it.

Yang Hansen crosses his arms into an X, plants his feet at the top of the key and dares somebody to say something. Nobody does. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar mirrors the pose beside him. Two statues, twenty thousand people screaming, and every camera in the gym pointed at them.

Here comes Nate Robinson sprinting off the elbow. John Stockton slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. Nate Robinson gets into the paint, sees the shot blocker rising, and simply lifts it over the top of him. Never had a prayer.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Denver Horse-Track in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

John Stockton crosses, crosses back, the defender slides half a step the wrong way and the whole arena lets out the same OHHHH. John Stockton takes two dribbles past halfcourt, rises from thirty five feet, and the net barely moves. Filthy.

John Stockton freezes in his follow-through, wrist still hanging, and holds it while the Denver Horse-Track coach burns a timeout out of pure desperation. He holds it through the whistle. He holds it into the huddle. The cameras eat every single second of it.

Break! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Bus driver's confession: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. And now, our halftime TV game show Truth or Consequences of Turnovers! To win a doorbell that plays eleven seconds of a song nobody requested, text HOOPS to 555-0644 and answer this question: 'How many turnovers does it take to fill a standard laundry hamper?' Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.

Working him at the top of the key, low dribble, low dribble, then John Stockton rips it across and his man lunges at a ghost. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for John Stockton!

Turnover, layup, Denver Horse-Track straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Over the top of everybody. Yuki Kawamura to John Stockton in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. OHHHHH HE SNATCHED HIS ANKLES! John Stockton left him on the hardwood and this building is SHAKING! Textbook footwork, textbook release from John Stockton, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

OHHHH the bench is GONE! Towels over heads, bodies off the chairs, all because of Yuki Kawamura! GET THAT OUTTA HERE! Yuki Kawamura meets that jumper at the top of its flight and spikes it into the sideline.

SKIP PASS! Nate Robinson fires it cross court to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and the defense is dead in the water! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how John Stockton breaks a shell down. OHHHH that is filthy! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the handoff and the man guarding it is still fighting over the top. That little shot is what keeps guards employed in this league, and John Stockton has it on a string tonight.

That is not stalling, that is surgery. John Stockton up top, ice in his veins, zero panic.

Nate Robinson and Yuki Kawamura leap onto each other like kids. Yang Hansen comes sprinting in and crushes them both. And here is the answer to our game show Truth or Consequences of Turnovers! Lorene Kirkpatrick of Broken Hoop, New Mexico, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many turnovers does it take to fill a standard laundry hamper?' The answer was of course nineteen, or four if they are the really big ones. Lorene therefore wins a doorbell that plays eleven seconds of a song nobody requested! During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

103-91 (W)

Wrapped up the arm on the gather, plain as day. Yang Hansen gets two, and the bench is already standing. Nothing but AIR. Yang Hansen shot that one like the rim owed him money and skipped town.

Cold blooded from New York Over-Timers, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Yang Hansen goes fishing at the point of attack, the ball handler feels the hand on his elbow, and the arm goes straight up. Nothing but trouble ahead for Yang Hansen. Third foul, and this crew is calling it tight on both ends of the floor.

Yuki Kawamura launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. The defender planted his feet, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar beat the clock by a tenth of a second and missed by about four feet. Technically legal, competitively pointless.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sets the pick and DIVES to the cup. John Stockton lays it right on his hands in traffic! The defender fronted him, so Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sealed, waited for the entry and went to work. Patient, mean, effective.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pretends to check a watch that is not on his wrist, taps it, then shows it to the arena. Time is up. Nate Robinson mimes an enormous yawn. The visiting coach is shouting at officials who have no jurisdiction over sarcasm.

Both teams head in. Nate Robinson has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. They say Nate Robinson eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. And now, our halftime TV game show Foul Line Confessions! To win a hood ornament from a truck that was never built, text HOOPS to 555-1098 and answer this question: 'Why does every gym in the country smell exactly the same?' Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.

Total control. John Stockton has this thing on a string. One hard step and Yang Hansen owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. Range like that bends a defense completely out of shape, and Yang Hansen keeps proving the arc is only a suggestion.

Yang Hansen steps over the defender who ended up on the floor and keeps walking, never looks down. Cold as a meat locker. The building erupts twice, once for the bucket and once for the disrespect. The replay gets its own dedicated camera angle.

That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at John Stockton the moment he crosses half court. You can hear that rim ringing from up here, John Stockton has forced three in a row now and the whole offense has stopped moving.

Bucket for New York Over-Timers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

OHHHH NO. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pinned it against the glass a half second late and that is goaltending all day.

John Stockton holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Yang Hansen flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. Watch the footwork from Yang Hansen: one-two into the paint, no charge, feathery touch off the glass. Filthy craft.

Ball moves. Nate Robinson to Yang Hansen, on time and on target. Yang Hansen comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Two guys on the exact same page, Yang Hansen and Nate Robinson, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. OHHHHH POSTERIZED! Yang Hansen just ENDED that defender at the rim!

Pointing up at the family section, Yang Hansen taps his chest twice and holds up a fist. A kid in a replica jersey is crying, and so is his mother. A camera crew finds them in nine seconds flat. Sixty seconds of pure decency on national television.

The crew chief has the headset on, three angles on the screen, everybody in here staring at Yang Hansen. No good! The ball is STILL sitting in the hand of Yang Hansen when that light comes on. Waved off.

Yang Hansen jumps into Yuki Kawamura's arms without warning. They both go down. And here is the answer to our game show Foul Line Confessions! Wendell Crabtree of Lost Mitten, Colorado, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why does every gym in the country smell exactly the same?' The answer was of course floor wax, popcorn, and forty years of accumulated nervousness. Wendell therefore wins a hood ornament from a truck that was never built! I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

103-112 (L)

Yuki Kawamura launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. OHHHH the pocket pass! Nate Robinson splits the coverage and the roll man is loose under the basket! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blows the wide open layup!

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Cleveland Twin-Towers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Nothing. Again. Yuki Kawamura is staring at that rim like it owes him money. Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Kareem Abdul-Jabbar launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Nate Robinson. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Nate Robinson cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Cleveland Twin-Towers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

End of the second quarter. Yuki Kawamura is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Rumor has it Yuki Kawamura tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show Are You Smarter Than a Mailbox! To win a paint-by-numbers kit of a barn, already painted wrong, text HOOPS to 555-0066 and answer this question: 'How many keys are on a high school janitor keyring?' Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: John Stockton controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Oldest play in the book and it still works: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. The big man never even contested it, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar still could not get the runner to drop. That one is on him.

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and John Stockton pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Blocked into the floor. John Stockton will be seeing that one in his sleep.

Ejection. John Stockton is gone for his part in that scrum while the officials sort out who did what to whom.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! John Stockton put that man in a blender and the third row felt it! Ambition, ten out of ten. Footwork, two out of ten. John Stockton beat himself before the defender ever showed up.

Cleveland Twin-Towers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Total control. John Stockton has this thing on a string. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. OHHHH the POWER! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar took the hit and finished it anyway!

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar runs the baseline high-fiving every hand hanging over the rail, all the way to the corner and back. It takes forever. Play is waiting on him. Nobody in the building wants it to stop, including, visibly, the officials.

More second chance points for Cleveland Twin-Towers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Here comes Yuki Kawamura sprinting off the elbow. John Stockton slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. Oh, that is rough. Yuki Kawamura killed his own dribble and then started a brand new one.

Nate Robinson hands it off to John Stockton, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. The defense keeps turning contested looks by Nate Robinson into free points. STOP REACHING. Spin, one dribble, up and in. Then Nate Robinson does the whole thing again. Zero drama, two points.

Nate Robinson plants himself in front of the Cleveland Twin-Towers bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Yang Hansen pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. John Stockton takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. And here is the answer to our game Are You Smarter Than a Mailbox! Wanda Sue Beezley of Rooster Comb, South Dakota, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many keys are on a high school janitor keyring?' The answer was of course forty-one, and three of them open nothing at all. Wanda Sue takes home a paint-by-numbers kit of a barn, already painted wrong! I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

111-95 (W)

Hesitate, GO. Yuki Kawamura is by that hip before the man even blinks. Rising into two defenders, Yuki Kawamura launches a jumper that finds nothing but backboard and bad decisions.

Dagger from Boston Ring-Chasers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Push the pace! John Stockton grabs it and hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in stride before the defense can even match up. Screen, roll, DELIVERY from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! Nothing but runway to the rim! You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Nate Robinson gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Reverse layup by Yuki Kawamura, using the rim as a shield the whole way through. A circus act wrapped around textbook footwork.

Yuki Kawamura sets an invisible crown on his own head, adjusts it twice, and carries the thing off like it weighs forty pounds. The Boston Ring-Chasers bench does not find it funny. Yang Hansen pounds the crown down with one fist and steers him away before the technical arrives.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Nate Robinson just did it by hitting John Stockton on the back side with acres of room. Yuki Kawamura eats the contact so John Stockton can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from John Stockton. Two defenders in the lane, John Stockton splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

John Stockton plants himself in front of the Boston Ring-Chasers bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

SPIN and GO! Yuki Kawamura pirouettes right through the traffic and comes out the other side clean! Yuki Kawamura rises, the big man rises higher, and the shot is stuffed into the second row. Return to sender.

Halftime whistle! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And now, our halftime TV game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! To win a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest, text HOOPS to 555-1159 and answer this question: 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Boston Ring-Chasers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and John Stockton pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Stop on a dime, up and over those outstretched arms, and the center can only stand there and watch John Stockton walk away from it.

John Stockton hangs on the rim one extra beat, letting the whole arena wait on him, then drops down into a dead-eyed mean mug. Yuki Kawamura shoves him in the chest just to get a reaction. Nothing. Stone face on a man who just changed the game.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and John Stockton already has the defense a full step behind. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Yuki Kawamura spun out of a double team like it was a revolving door! Yang Hansen threads a BEAUTY to Yuki Kawamura under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! John Stockton whips that pass one-handed on the move and the roll man gathers it through contact. Filthy. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Set called, Yuki Kawamura waved out to the corner, and John Stockton watches the spacing open up like a front door. OHHHH the pin-down! Yuki Kawamura pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Nate Robinson. Brutal. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Yuki Kawamura rose up over the help and hammered it down on somebody's head!

STOP AND GO! Yuki Kawamura hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. Down, up, and gone for Yuki Kawamura. The rim is just toying with him now.

John Stockton takes it out beyond the arc and just stands there, dribbling, watching the clock melt.

John Stockton slides across the court in his socks while Yuki Kawamura splashes water on everyone. And here is the answer to our game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! Elouise Tackett of Chigger Bottom, Massachusetts, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' The answer was of course four hundred and ten seconds, provided everybody cooperates. Elouise therefore wins a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest! Tonight I had a revelation: Yuki Kawamura runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

99-97 (W)

REJECTED! Yang Hansen gets ALL of that jumper and the building erupts!

Bucket for San Antonio Skyscrapers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Nobody touched him. John Stockton beat himself right there.

Screen, pop, SPLASH! John Stockton kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. BANG! Yang Hansen steps back, creates the daylight, and buries it right in the defender's eye.

Yang Hansen rocks an imaginary baby down the sideline, cradling nothing at all and completely serious about it. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar plays along, tiptoeing beside him and shushing the front row. Half the arena is doing it too. The other half is filming the half that is doing it.

Winning basketball right there: Yuki Kawamura knocks the swing pass off course and that offense has to run it back from the top. Everything starts with that release, John Stockton hitting Yang Hansen in full flight before the defense has even turned around. The whistle blows, the crowd erupts, and Yang Hansen hangs on the iron just long enough to make his point.

Shimmy from the corner all the way to half court, shoulders loose, chin high. Yang Hansen is in no hurry whatsoever. The home bench tries to copy it and produces something closer to a seizure. The building decides it loves both versions equally.

Time to breathe. Yuki Kawamura has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Exclusive info: Yuki Kawamura is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. And now, our halftime TV game show Shop Til You Flop! To win a lifetime membership in a book club that owns one book, text HOOPS to 555-0983 and answer this question: 'How many gallons of orange drink are sold at a fairground gym?' Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.

Textbook two-man game: John Stockton keeps the dribble alive, forces the big man to commit, and Yang Hansen rolls into an open runway. Catching it right at the cup with nobody within eight feet, Yang Hansen goes up too strong and the ball rides high off the backboard.

Turnover, layup, San Antonio Skyscrapers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Watch the change of pace from Yuki Kawamura, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. OHHHH the FADEAWAY! Yuki Kawamura rises over the defender and it falls through.

Yang Hansen gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because John Stockton saw it a beat early. Dribble handoff from Yang Hansen, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!

Watch the sell from John Stockton here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. BANG is what John Stockton was hearing in his head. Clang is what this building actually got.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar eats the contact so Nate Robinson can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Textbook footwork, textbook release from Nate Robinson, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Yuki Kawamura pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Count them with me: one step, two steps, and a third one nobody asked for. The official has seen enough of Yuki Kawamura.

Yang Hansen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fake a wrestling match. Nate Robinson plays the referee and calls a timeout. And here is the answer to our game show Shop Til You Flop! Roberta Yoakum of Cedar Stump, Vermont, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many gallons of orange drink are sold at a fairground gym?' The answer was of course eighty gallons, and only nine people will admit to buying any. Roberta therefore wins a lifetime membership in a book club that owns one book! Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

83-113 (L)

A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and John Stockton pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. Rises, releases, and John Stockton sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

GONE down the baseline! Yuki Kawamura beat him on the first step and the paint is collapsing. Yuki Kawamura blows the wide open layup!

Push the pace! John Stockton grabs it and hits Nate Robinson in stride before the defense can even match up. OHHHH the pin-down! Nate Robinson pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with John Stockton. Brutal. Nate Robinson attacks the baseline, the big man steps up to meet him, and it does not matter one bit. FILTHY.

Nate Robinson deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Yang Hansen arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

The players head to the locker room. Nate Robinson is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know Nate Robinson once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. And now, our halftime TV game show Beat the Shot Clock! To win a rusted horseshoe signed by a man named Dale, text HOOPS to 555-0533 and answer this question: 'What is the boiling point of nacho cheese at concession stand altitude?' Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

The coach saw the contact on John Stockton and absolutely LOST it. One whistle later, that is a T on the sideline.

The beauty of it is that John Stockton never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. OHHHH the POWER! Yuki Kawamura took the hit and finished it anyway!

Yuki Kawamura deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Yang Hansen arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Ooof. Yang Hansen got put on SKATES right there. Body to body all the way to the rim and the arm goes up. That is on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this crew is not letting anything go tonight.

More second chance points for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Over the top of everybody. Yuki Kawamura to John Stockton in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Unselfish basketball. John Stockton passes up a good shot and hands Nate Robinson a GREAT one. Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Nate Robinson, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

Cheap. Nothing about that shot was going down, and Nate Robinson handed over three freebies anyway.

Dagger from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: John Stockton controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Ball into Nate Robinson at the elbow, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. From eight feet Kareem Abdul-Jabbar puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Both coaches are up off the bench pleading while the officials walk the John Stockton sequence back frame by frame. Waved off. John Stockton got the entire celebration in before the officials even reached the monitor.

Nate Robinson pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Yuki Kawamura takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. And here is the answer to our game show Beat the Shot Clock! Randall Meeks of Coon Holler Springs, Kentucky, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the boiling point of nacho cheese at concession stand altitude?' The answer was of course that it does not boil, it simply becomes more determined. Randall therefore wins a rusted horseshoe signed by a man named Dale! On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.