My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | My Team | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's LeBron James. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 206 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Robert Wadlow. Profession? Circus performer. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-118 (L)
This bonafide star Chris Paul means business! Fast start from downtown!
Chris Paul, this swiss-army-knife type, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this headliner!
Chris Paul with the backcourt violation! This top-tier talent under too much pressure!
This certified bucket Robert Wadlow fouls reaching in! Limited stamina on defense!
LeBron James, this generational talent, operates facing the rim with a bucket! Clinic!
The locker room fills up. LeBron James has already eaten three oranges. Little secret: LeBron James listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Robert Wadlow short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their bare hands!
Robert Wadlow spaces the floor! Making room out there like a circus performer clears the workspace!
Stephen Curry dishes sluggishly! Hot head catching up with this headliner!
Robert Wadlow tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Chris Paul claps his hands in frustration. Stephen Curry clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Tonight I learned Chris Paul used to be a circus performer before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
100-95 (W)
This seasoned vet Kawhi Leonard opens the scoring! A buzzer-beater! Early advantage!
Robert Wadlow banks it in from mid-range! A circus performer's steady hand at work!
Kawhi Leonard, this absolute unit, contests everything from way beyond the arc! An unmatched feel for the game on full display!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, finds the trailer! A buzzer-beater off the assist, easy money!
Kawhi Leonard, this mammoth, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Chris Paul walks head down toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Chris Paul logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Robert Wadlow with the smooth devastating dunk! This big-name player making it look easy!
Standing room only! A standing ovation as LeBron James takes over in the paint!
LeBron James dishes the Wilson with patience! This first-ballot legend trusting the system!
Chris Paul is writing the story tonight! This All-Star caliber talent with a double-clutch layup back to the basket!
LeBron James tosses the ball in the air! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! This household name mission accomplished!
Robert Wadlow and Kawhi Leonard cradle the game ball like a baby. LeBron James takes a photo. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
107-93 (W)
Chris Paul takes off into position! This world-class player not wasting any time!
Robert Wadlow drains an and-one driving to the hoop! Textbook a killer instinct!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by nerves of steel!
Chris Paul, this guy everybody knows, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a bucket!
This player on the come-up Kawhi Leonard adjusts the angle mid-drive! Night-in night-out consistency body control!
That's a wrap for now. Stephen Curry dives into the tunnel. Confession: Stephen Curry tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Chris Paul, this elite player, exploits the mismatch for a catch-and-shoot triple! Too easy!
Chris Paul steps back and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Robert Wadlow sprints back on defense! This guy everybody knows leading by example!
What a journey for Stephen Curry! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
This absolute legend LeBron James thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Chris Paul and Stephen Curry attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Kawhi Leonard films the whole thing. Behind the scenes, I learned Stephen Curry was also a circus performer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
118-105 (W)
Robert Wadlow, this tower, is introduced and the arena explodes! This established star is in the building!
Kawhi Leonard scores at will! A floater at the buzzer! This dude putting the league on notice domination!
Stephen Curry with the huge monster swat at half court! This franchise guy says no!
LeBron James spins into the lane and kicks out! Iron discipline and great decision-making!
This franchise guy Robert Wadlow with the savvy veteran play! Scary good handles experience showing!
The players head in. Stephen Curry slips on the wet tunnel floor. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Robert Wadlow, this long boy, uses every inch to deliver a free throw!
You can feel a packed arena through the screen! Chris Paul in the spotlight!
This seasoned vet Kawhi Leonard defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
This is the Stephen Curry game! This reliable star taking over in overtime!
Robert Wadlow waves goodbye to the court! See you next time, from their bare hands to the Wilson!
Kawhi Leonard takes Stephen Curry by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. I got a text from Kawhi Leonard after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
105-90 (W)
Tip-off! Chris Paul gets us started! Let's go!
Robert Wadlow steps back and it's a euro-step! This jersey-selling name proving the doubters wrong!
Robert Wadlow denies the entry pass! No the game gets past this circus performer!
LeBron James pulls up the rock through traffic! What a pass by this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Chris Paul pushes the pace in transition! That dawg mentality showing in every play!
Well-deserved break. Robert Wadlow looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know Robert Wadlow knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Phoenix No-Defense's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Kawhi Leonard with the tough tear drop through contact! This name that's buzzing won't be denied!
Listen to that roar! Kawhi Leonard fires away and the place explodes!
Kawhi Leonard finds the open teammate! This legit talent making everyone better!
Chris Paul is inevitable tonight! This top-tier talent can't be stopped!
This world-class player Robert Wadlow seals the deal! Victory with eyes in the back of the head!
Stephen Curry hugs the mascot. LeBron James hugs the referee. Awkward. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
109-89 (W)
Chris Paul, this elite player, draws first blood! A bucket to start!
Robert Wadlow dishes and scores! Those circus performer hands work wonders with the Wilson!
Robert Wadlow swats it away! A sky-high block with that circus performer strength!
This big-name player Stephen Curry with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
LeBron James spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Little secret: Stephen Curry watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
A pull-up jumper from Stephen Curry! That's freakish explosiveness at the highest level!
The building is buzzing! Stephen Curry and a cathedral silence creating magic!
This all-time great LeBron James dives for the loose ball! Scary good handles on every play!
The legend of Chris Paul grows! This certified bucket adding another chapter at the top of the key!
Kawhi Leonard, this giant, acknowledges the fans! A boiling cauldron! A team high-five!
Kawhi Leonard performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. LeBron James imitates it. It's worse. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
113-98 (W)
LeBron James fires up the crowd to open the game! This living legend starting strong!
LeBron James with that dawg mentality finds the angle for a tear drop!
This big-name player Chris Paul with a defensive stop at the top of the key! Intimidating!
Kawhi Leonard with the no-look pass! This established player has eyes in the back of the head!
Robert Wadlow schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true circus performer!
Break! Kawhi Leonard heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Kawhi Leonard plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
LeBron James knocks down a hook shot on the low block! Ice in the veins!
The crowd is on its feet! A crowd fully behind them as Stephen Curry takes the court!
Robert Wadlow, this giant, anchors the second unit! This guy everybody knows versatile contributor!
This hooper's hooper Kawhi Leonard channels the inner champion! Iron discipline at its peak!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
LeBron James runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Stephen Curry follows doing the wave alone. Evening confession: I'm wearing LeBron James's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
96-121 (L)
Kawhi Leonard rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this next-level player!
LeBron James can't buy a bucket! Another miss facing the rim! Frustrating!
LeBron James throws it away! Hot head under pressure at the top of the key!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
A buzzer-beater by Robert Wadlow! The crowd erupts! An off-the-charts basketball IQ personified!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Kawhi Leonard picks up the pace. Anecdote: Kawhi Leonard lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Chris Paul, this smooth operator, pounds the scorer's table! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
This franchise guy Chris Paul shanks a sky hook from downtown! That's uncharacteristic!
Chris Paul spins the ball out of the trap! Next-level basketball IQ under pressure!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, with tired legs in the paint! Hot head slowing this bonafide star down!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James shakes hands and moves on. In the end, heavy feet proved costly.
Kawhi Leonard leaves the court at a jog. Robert Wadlow stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
113-109 (W)
Robert Wadlow opens with a bank shot! This bonafide star making an early statement!
Robert Wadlow, this franchise guy, clamps down on the star player! Ridiculous creativity on the assignment!
Kawhi Leonard, this established player, sends the Spalding wide! The touch is off tonight!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow erupts for a tear drop! The floodgates are open!
Kawhi Leonard reads the defense perfectly! An unmatched feel for the game and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Back to the locker room. Robert Wadlow punches his locker. Little secret: Robert Wadlow watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Robert Wadlow, this titan, hits the big shot! With seconds left on the clock! That's a closer!
LeBron James, this all-time great, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Robert Wadlow salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the circus performer signs off in style!
Chris Paul wants the ball and delivers! A layup in the third quarter! Clutch gene!
Chris Paul, this headliner, soaks in the moment! Victory back to the basket! A victory dance!
Chris Paul rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Stephen Curry does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. I got a text from Chris Paul after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
112-86 (W)
This max-contract guy Chris Paul comes out firing! A thunderous slam in the first minute!
A bucket from LeBron James driving to the hoop! That's a certified bucket-getter!
This certified bucket Robert Wadlow with the weak-side rebound in traffic! Incredible help!
This big-name player Stephen Curry orchestrates the offense from mid-range! Maestro!
Chris Paul, this swiss-army-knife type, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Stephen Curry to massage his thighs. They say Stephen Curry has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Robert Wadlow scores again! When you're a circus performer by trade, the ball is child's play!
Chris Paul, this combo guard, commands wild stands! The arena belongs to this jersey-selling name!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, rotates on defense! Insane court vision team commitment!
This guy everybody knows Chris Paul is living their best moment right now at the buzzer!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
LeBron James hugs the mascot. Chris Paul hugs the referee. Awkward. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
115-103 (W)
Chris Paul, this solid build, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Robert Wadlow rises and fires! Competing the game never felt this athletic!
LeBron James with the chase-down left-handed block! What athleticism!
Stephen Curry dunks and finds the trailer for a buzzer beater! Great awareness!
Chris Paul crosses over into the right spacing! A killer instinct and elite court awareness!
Halftime! Stephen Curry checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Stephen Curry threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
LeBron James, this tower, elevates for a monster deep three!
Kawhi Leonard fires away in front of the home faithful! A crowd fully behind them! Beautiful!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, holds the team together with pure God-given talent! Captain!
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, has the intangibles! Nerves of steel beyond the stats!
LeBron James sits on the bench with a smile! This once-in-a-lifetime player job well done!
Stephen Curry slides across the court in his socks while LeBron James splashes water on everyone. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
111-108 (W)
Chris Paul, this versatile guy, takes the court! The hostile crowd is electric!
Robert Wadlow disrupts the play! Maximum disruption, the circus performer is wreaking havoc!
Chris Paul shoots but the shot rims out! Hot head rears its ugly head!
What a play by Chris Paul! A euro-step from mid-range! This franchise guy is cooking!
This hooper's hooper Kawhi Leonard calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime! Stephen Curry checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Stephen Curry fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
This hooper's hooper Kawhi Leonard hits the biggest shot of the season! At the jump ball!
Chris Paul, this jersey-selling name, walls up facing the rim! Impenetrable defense!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, gets the standing ovation! A Finals-like atmosphere!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry converts the and-one on the inbound pass! Three-point play!
Kawhi Leonard pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This solid pro savors the win!
Kawhi Leonard and Stephen Curry run circles around Robert Wadlow who doesn't move. Zen. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-100 (L)
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, embraces the crowd fully behind them! Game on!
LeBron James misfires on the low block! Even this certified GOAT candidate has off nights!
LeBron James, this big fella, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
Kawhi Leonard turns the head and loses the man! This up-and-coming baller napping defensively!
Robert Wadlow with the decisive two-handed slam! An off-the-charts basketball IQ when it matters most!
Back to the locker room. Stephen Curry punches his locker. Little scoop: Stephen Curry logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Robert Wadlow, this tower, throws the hands up! Exasperated on the low block!
Kawhi Leonard, this oversized freak, can't finish from the left corner! That one stings!
This reliable star Chris Paul uses the floater over this combo guard coverage! Smart!
Chris Paul explodes but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to force bad shots emptying the tank!
Robert Wadlow walks off in defeat! Even a circus performer's skills couldn't save tonight!
LeBron James takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Kawhi Leonard doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
103-93 (W)
Chris Paul, this reliable star, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Chris Paul! This guy everybody knows is putting on a show tonight!
Chris Paul deflects the pass and starts the break! This top-tier talent defense to offense!
Chris Paul, this world-class player, sets the table from mid-range! Assist master!
This bonafide star Robert Wadlow adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
First half is done. LeBron James is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Exclusive: LeBron James was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We're back! The players look fired up.
A step-back three from Stephen Curry at the buzzer! That's a statement right there!
The PA announcer can't pronounce Robert Wadlow's their bare hands! Comedy at the hardwood!
LeBron James spins the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
This world-class player Chris Paul has that look in the eyes! Watch out! An unmatched feel for the game!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, salutes the faithful! A victory dance! What a night!
Chris Paul and Stephen Curry pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-112 (L)
Game time! LeBron James and this hall-of-fame lock ready to put on a show at the court!
This next-level player Kawhi Leonard muscles up a sky hook but can't get it to fall!
Robert Wadlow double-dribbles! Competing the game doesn't have that rule!
This elite player Chris Paul commits the and-one foul! Limited stamina in positioning!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, absolutely nails a devastating dunk under the basket! Take a bow!
Halftime whistle! Chris Paul grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Little secret: Chris Paul listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
LeBron James storms to the bench! This household name is visibly upset!
Brick! Robert Wadlow misfires driving to the hoop! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
Robert Wadlow reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this circus performer!
Kawhi Leonard short-arms the shot from fatigue! This name that's buzzing has nothing left!
LeBron James drives to the tunnel in disappointment. This first-ballot legend will learn from this.
Chris Paul leaves the court at a jog. LeBron James stays there, planted at center court, motionless. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
My Team ends the season #5 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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