My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jaylen Brown. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 201 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Hulk. A scientist in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their lab notebook better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Hulk has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the hidden truth and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
93-98 (L)
Jaylen Brown takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Joel Embiid launches a thunderous slam and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
Jaylen Brown throws it away! Occasional mental lapses under pressure at the top of the key!
Jaylen Brown, this big fella, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to rush!
Hulk with a finger-roll two-handed slam! Dexterity you only get from years as a scientist!
The players head in. Hulk slips on the wet tunnel floor. True story: Hulk walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Detroit Engine-Roar. Awkward. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Joel Embiid, this legit talent, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
This dude putting the league on notice Jaylen Brown rattles it out! So close yet so far from the right corner!
This solid pro Jaylen Brown recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Hulk is clearly fatigued! The four quarters of this plus the four quarters of discoverring the hidden truth!
This seasoned vet Tyrese Maxey congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this seasoned vet.
Joel Embiid takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Tyrese Maxey follows the same path. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
135-90 (W)
Tyrese Maxey, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Joel Embiid pulls up and drills a pull-up jumper! Can't teach that!
This player on the come-up Joel Embiid zips the pass through! Another dime from this tree of a man!
Hulk with a hook shot on the break! Running like they're late for work!
V. J. Edgecombe slides to the passing lane and steals it! Unreal swagger!
Halftime whistle! Joel Embiid slides down against the hallway wall. Staff confession: Joel Embiid is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This guy with a proven track record Jaylen Brown finishes with authority! A two-handed slam at the buzzer!
Joel Embiid, this guy with a proven track record, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
Joel Embiid, this legit talent, waves off the screen and runs into it anyway! Classic!
Joel Embiid attacks and moonwalks back! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! It's showtime, baby!
Jaylen Brown explodes to the crowd! A hug with the coach! This name that's buzzing gave everything!
V. J. Edgecombe and Tyrese Maxey slap each other's butts. Jaylen Brown declines the invitation. I got a text from V. J. Edgecombe after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
117-102 (W)
Hulk steps onto the den! From discoverring the hidden truth to this, game time!
Tyrese Maxey, this seasoned vet, absolutely nails a hook shot in transition! Take a bow!
Tyrese Maxey, this tweener, swats it into the third row! A monster swat!
Joel Embiid, this next-level player, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a pull-up jumper!
Joel Embiid lets fly the ball out of the trap! Nerves of steel under pressure!
Halftime. Hulk wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. True story: Hulk had his parking spot stolen by Orlando Magic-Beans's mascot. Still talks about it. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
This dude putting the league on notice Tyrese Maxey with a picture-perfect pull-up jumper! The crowd goes wild!
A cathedral silence is electric when Hulk has the leather! A scientist charging the room!
Hulk tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this scientist!
The story of Hulk: a scientist by morning, a baller by night. The hidden truth would be proud!
Jaylen Brown fades away into the tunnel with the W! This guy with a proven track record all smiles!
Hulk points both hands at the sky. Tyrese Maxey points at Hulk. V. J. Edgecombe points at the exit. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
126-95 (W)
Tip-off! V. J. Edgecombe gets us started! Let's go!
Hulk catches fire! And it's a buzzer beater! A gym-rat work ethic taking over!
Tyrese Maxey times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A sky-high block on the low block!
Hulk sees the floor! The awareness of a scientist scanning the hidden truth!
Tyrese Maxey, this combo guard, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Next-level basketball IQ!
Time to breathe. Joel Embiid has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Small detail: Joel Embiid wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Jaylen Brown with the highlight-reel scoop layup! This player making noise owning the moment!
The building is buzzing! Joel Embiid and a Playoff atmosphere creating magic!
V. J. Edgecombe, this walking skyscraper, sets the perfect screen! Eyes in the back of the head for the team!
This next-level player Jaylen Brown flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
It's over! Tyrese Maxey delivers the goods! This well-respected player walks off a winner!
Hulk does a handstand. Tyrese Maxey holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
103-108 (L)
V. J. Edgecombe fires up the crowd to open the game! This dude out of nowhere starting strong!
A half-court heave from Jaylen Brown! That's next-level basketball IQ at the highest level!
Jaylen Brown reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to force bad shots on the help side!
Jaylen Brown with a wild attempt! This guy with a proven track record not finding the range tonight!
V. J. Edgecombe hits another! This dark horse on a personal run back to the basket!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Hulk picks up the pace. Did you know? Hulk tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Hulk gets called for the foul! Clumsy as a scientist with the hidden truth at closing time!
Tyrese Maxey drives the towel! This up-and-coming baller showing occasional mental lapses!
This is the Hulk game! This franchise cornerstone taking over in the closing moments!
Joel Embiid forces the hero ball and misses! This up-and-coming baller with hot head!
V. J. Edgecombe had the chances but couldn't convert. This diamond in the rough left wanting.
Joel Embiid takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Tyrese Maxey follows the same path. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Joel Embiid's name. Forgive me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
121-87 (W)
Jaylen Brown opens with an and-one! This hooper's hooper making an early statement!
A scoop layup! Jaylen Brown cannot be stopped tonight! This well-respected player is locked in!
This established player Jaylen Brown finds the open man! Assist and a hook shot!
Joel Embiid penetrates the leather with purpose! A thunderous slam! This name that's buzzing means business!
Tyrese Maxey, this player on the come-up, clamps down on the star player! An unmatched feel for the game on the assignment!
The locker room. Jaylen Brown sprawls out full-length on the bench. Anecdote: Jaylen Brown once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A euro-step by Jaylen Brown! The building is rocking! This hooper's hooper takeover!
This seasoned vet Tyrese Maxey adds another! This is a demolition job!
Hulk tries the behind-the-back and loses it! This generational talent too fancy!
Tyrese Maxey blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, an ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
This global icon Hulk secures the win with night-in night-out consistency! Another one in the bag!
Hulk and Tyrese Maxey form a tunnel for V. J. Edgecombe to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
103-93 (W)
Tyrese Maxey, this dude putting the league on notice, draws first blood! A catch-and-shoot triple to start!
Hulk, this tweener, elevates for a monster pull-up jumper!
Joel Embiid with the huge surgical steal under the basket! This dude putting the league on notice says no!
This solid pro Jaylen Brown orchestrates the offense facing the rim! Maestro!
Hulk, this solid build, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Finally a breather. Tyrese Maxey has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Anecdote of the day: Tyrese Maxey forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
What a play by Jaylen Brown! A pull-up jumper along the baseline! This next-level player is cooking!
A crowd fully behind them fills the arena! This first-ballot legend Hulk feeds off the energy!
Hulk launches the outlet to the young player! This basketball god building the future!
This will be talked about for years! Joel Embiid with a bucket! Iconic!
This guy with a proven track record Tyrese Maxey walks off to a standing ovation! A hostile crowd! Incredible!
Joel Embiid and Hulk run circles around Jaylen Brown who doesn't move. Zen. Did you know that Hulk practices scientist on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
115-101 (W)
Opening possession for Hulk! First touch, like first touch of their lab notebook!
A reverse layup from Joel Embiid along the baseline! That's a statement right there!
Tyrese Maxey, this versatile guy, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by scary good handles!
Jaylen Brown with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Pure God-given talent on that one!
Hulk uses the hesitation dribble! A gym-rat work ethic creating separation!
The locker room. V. J. Edgecombe sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: V. J. Edgecombe tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Hulk hits the mid-range! The sweet spot, just like their lab notebook placement!
The crowd waves their lab notebook replicas! Hulk has started a movement!
V. J. Edgecombe, this guy nobody was talking about, communicates the switch! Scary good handles and vocal leadership!
The legend of Jaylen Brown grows! This name that's buzzing adding another chapter under the basket!
V. J. Edgecombe, this beanpole, takes the final bow! A salute to the fans! Dominant display!
Joel Embiid and Jaylen Brown act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
96-98 (L)
Jaylen Brown fades away into position! This legit talent not wasting any time!
Hulk with a floater! The finesse of their lab notebook right there on the palace of hoops!
This guy nobody was talking about V. J. Edgecombe picks up the cheap foul! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
V. J. Edgecombe takes a tough layup and it doesn't go! Injury-prone body in shot selection!
V. J. Edgecombe, this rising star, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Jaylen Brown picks up the pace. Locker room anecdote: Jaylen Brown talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Tyrese Maxey, this versatile guy, chokes on the big stage! Right from the tip-off miss!
Joel Embiid glares at the scoreboard! This hooper's hooper not happy with the situation!
Hulk plays like they have something to prove to every scientist watching!
Jaylen Brown, this hooper's hooper, commits the late turnover! Hot head with the ball!
V. J. Edgecombe sits alone on the bench. This dude out of nowhere processing the defeat.
Jaylen Brown walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Hulk speeds up. Wants it to be over. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
115-84 (W)
Hulk huddles with the team! Huddling up, the scientist strategizes!
Jaylen Brown knocks down a free throw from the left corner! Ice in the veins!
Joel Embiid dribbles the basketball through traffic! What a pass by this established player!
Jaylen Brown blows past the leather into a catch-and-shoot triple! Natural-born leadership shining through!
Hulk with the defensive rebound! Secured like only a scientist can!
Halftime! V. J. Edgecombe is limping slightly heading off the court. Anecdote: V. J. Edgecombe once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Joel Embiid, this league veteran, exploits the mismatch for a reverse layup! Too easy!
Tyrese Maxey, this versatile guy, caps off a dominant performance! Freakish explosiveness from start to finish!
Tyrese Maxey dribbles off the foot and into the front row! This dude putting the league on notice oops!
V. J. Edgecombe lets out a roar! The emotion is real! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Jaylen Brown walks off the floor victorious! This well-respected player owns this moment!
Joel Embiid runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. I learned backstage that Hulk also does scientist on weekends. That explains those reflexes. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
91-110 (L)
This player making noise Jaylen Brown in the starting lineup! Let's see what this player making noise brings!
This absolute legend Hulk short-arms a buzzer beater from downtown! Not enough lift!
V. J. Edgecombe coughs up the leather! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again on the low block!
Joel Embiid gets caught flat-footed! This up-and-coming baller beaten to the spot!
Joel Embiid, this big fella, dominates from the right corner and puts up a thunderous slam! Unstoppable!
Halftime whistle. Joel Embiid has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Quick anecdote about Joel Embiid: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Jaylen Brown steps back and fires but misses everything! Tendency to force bad shots tonight!
Joel Embiid, this 7-footer, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
This established player Tyrese Maxey has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This next-level player Joel Embiid stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this next-level player wanted.
Tyrese Maxey slams his fist on the bench. Joel Embiid places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
97-98 (L)
Joel Embiid, this oversized freak, announced to huge cheers! A packed arena!
Tyrese Maxey, this league veteran, threads the needle for a hook shot in transition!
Jaylen Brown, this mountain of a man, fouls unnecessarily driving to the hoop! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Jaylen Brown rushes a two-handed slam from downtown! Limited stamina creeping in!
Joel Embiid, this titan, refuses to die! A pull-up jumper keeps the dream alive!
Cut! Halftime. Joel Embiid's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know? Joel Embiid tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
V. J. Edgecombe, this dude out of nowhere, misses the potential game-winner! Sometimes predictable game!
Hulk glares at the Spalding! Like it personally betrayed this scientist!
The stadium knows it! Tyrese Maxey is special! This well-respected player writing legacy!
This hooper's hooper Tyrese Maxey with the clutch-time breakdown! Injury-prone body on full display!
Joel Embiid blows past to the tunnel in disappointment. This player making noise will learn from this.
Jaylen Brown stares at the floor while Hulk mutters something inaudible under his breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
107-112 (L)
Tyrese Maxey looks dialed in from the start! Natural-born leadership preparation showing!
V. J. Edgecombe with the tough scoop layup through contact! This guy nobody was talking about won't be denied!
This dark horse V. J. Edgecombe caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Jaylen Brown dunks the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this league veteran!
V. J. Edgecombe blows past with renewed energy! This total unknown smells blood!
Break. Jaylen Brown collapses next to the vending machine. Little secret: Jaylen Brown listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Tyrese Maxey turns it over on the inbound pass! This up-and-coming baller crumbles under pressure!
V. J. Edgecombe slams the orange in frustration! Limited stamina on full display!
V. J. Edgecombe is inevitable tonight! This guy nobody was talking about can't be stopped!
Hulk loses the handle on a clutch free throw! The scientist grip vanished!
Jaylen Brown, this beanpole, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
Tyrese Maxey clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. V. J. Edgecombe fidgets with his wristband nervously. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-113 (L)
This seasoned vet Tyrese Maxey comes out aggressive! Opens with a euro-step back to the basket!
Joel Embiid can't buy a bucket! Another miss at half court! Frustrating!
Jaylen Brown steps back the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this name that's buzzing!
Hulk loses the screen battle! Sometimes predictable game around the picks!
This player making noise Tyrese Maxey gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Halftime! Jaylen Brown checks his stats on the board and winces. Staff confession: Jaylen Brown is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Joel Embiid, this towering presence, can't get a euro-step to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Tyrese Maxey short-arms the shot from fatigue! This player making noise has nothing left!
Joel Embiid, this beanpole, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
Tyrese Maxey, this do-it-all player, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to rush written all over his face!
Jaylen Brown walks off in silence. This up-and-coming baller gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Joel Embiid refuses the coach's embrace. Hulk accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Hulk. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-119 (L)
The temple of basketball welcomes Hulk! The scientist with the hidden truth has arrived!
Joel Embiid, this beanpole, can't finish along the baseline! That one stings!
Jaylen Brown, this walking skyscraper, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted driving to the hoop!
Hulk, this solid build, gets exploited in the switch! Sometimes predictable game exposed in the mismatch!
V. J. Edgecombe, this player nobody saw coming, barks at the teammate! Lack of consistency taking over!
The locker room. V. J. Edgecombe sprawls out full-length on the bench. Little scoop: V. J. Edgecombe collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Hulk misses the open look! This franchise cornerstone can't believe it! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This raw talent V. J. Edgecombe can't close out! The legs are shot in the paint!
Joel Embiid, this long boy, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
This next-level player Joel Embiid shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Hulk consoles teammates! The heart of a scientist in that moment!
Joel Embiid claps his hands in frustration. Hulk clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Did you know that Hulk practices scientist on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
My Team ends the season #8 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Jaylen Brown.
Season journal
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