My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

81-125 (L)

Both guys crouch, both guys go, and it is Wilt Chamberlain who wins the little argument at center court.

Watch the spacing there, Cristiano Ronaldo hits Stephen Curry right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Second pass beats the rotation, Stephen Curry to Klay Thompson, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. Klay Thompson rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. A association football player breaking down a professional defender in front of a sold out house! Remember that day job, folks! Nasty finish. Cristiano Ronaldo hangs, adjusts in midair, and drops it through.

Cristiano Ronaldo deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Stephen Curry arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

Turnover, layup, Detroit Engine-Roar straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. OHHHH the pin-down! Wilt Chamberlain pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Stephen Curry. Brutal. Textbook footwork, textbook release from Wilt Chamberlain, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

Break! Klay Thompson grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Rumor has it Klay Thompson does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. And now, our halftime TV game show Beat the Clock Radio! To win a coupon book for a car wash that closed in 2011, text HOOPS to 555-0022 and answer this question: 'Why is the mascot always slightly damp?' We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

OHHHH NO. Wilt Chamberlain pinned it against the glass a half second late and that is goaltending all day.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Klay Thompson makes it every single trip down the floor. OHHHH that is filthy! Wilt Chamberlain on the handoff and the man guarding it is still fighting over the top. Off the back iron for Klay Thompson, that one had all the distance and none of the accuracy, and the board goes the other way.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Detroit Engine-Roar with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Ball moves. Stephen Curry to Wilt Chamberlain, on time and on target. Down screen, and Wilt Chamberlain curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. That is what heavy minutes do, Wilt Chamberlain has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Klay Thompson on time and on target. Ball into Cristiano Ronaldo at the elbow, Klay Thompson plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. Two defenders in the lane, Klay Thompson splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

Klay Thompson slides on his knees down the free throw lane, arms wide, and ends up flat on his back watching his own replay on the video board. He points at himself on the screen. The officials have stopped pretending to have any control here.

Detroit Engine-Roar again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

That is the third live-ball giveaway of the half, and each one has been the same read: Klay Thompson deciding late and throwing early.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Detroit Engine-Roar in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Laser from Klay Thompson, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. A single dribble is all Wilt Chamberlain needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. Way short from Wilt Chamberlain off the bounce, the ball dies on the front of the rim and drops into traffic.

Klay Thompson hurls his water bottle at the wall. Stephen Curry flinches but doesn't react. And here is the answer to our game Beat the Clock Radio! Buford Wamsley of Cement City, Michigan, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'Why is the mascot always slightly damp?' The answer was of course that is strictly between the mascot and the mascot. Buford takes home a coupon book for a car wash that closed in 2011! I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

98-110 (L)

The referee tosses it high and Wilt Chamberlain rises late, which is exactly how you win one of these. Timing over height, every single time.

Bucket for Miami Heart-Attack. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Stephen Curry comes off the screen and the big man drops WAY back. Klay Thompson just fades to the arc for the cleanest look of the night. Oh my. Klay Thompson did not even draw iron.

Cold blooded from Miami Heart-Attack, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Cristiano Ronaldo eats the contact so Stephen Curry can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Long and gone. Stephen Curry floats the teardrop over everything and bangs it off the back iron.

Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. I've been told Stephen Curry always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. And now, our halftime TV game show The Chase to the Dollar Store! To win a boxed set of instructional VHS tapes about gutter care, text HOOPS to 555-0225 and answer this question: 'How long is a minute on a stopwatch held by somebody in a hurry?' We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.

Nothing. Again. Klay Thompson is staring at that rim like it owes him money. Nobody cut, nobody screened, and Cristiano Ronaldo was still surveying the floor when the clock hit zero. That is a giveaway, plain and simple.

Watch Wilt Chamberlain plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Stephen Curry out of that corner in a blink. Catching it right at the cup with nobody within eight feet, Stephen Curry goes up too strong and the ball rides high off the backboard.

More second chance points for Miami Heart-Attack, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

REJECTED! Wilt Chamberlain gets ALL of that jumper and the building erupts!

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Wilt Chamberlain precisely where the play wanted it. Two defenders collide on the handoff and Stephen Curry is gone, so Wilt Chamberlain earned that one even if the box score disagrees. Soft touch from Stephen Curry, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and Stephen Curry strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. Wilt Chamberlain fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Miami Heart-Attack, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Klay Thompson in stride before the defense can even match up. Stephen Curry just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Klay Thompson half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. Two points left on the floor by Klay Thompson, and those are exactly the ones that come back to bite you in the fourth.

The association football player just moved an entire defense with one flick of the wrist. Somebody check that resume again. Stephen Curry turns the corner off the screen from Cristiano Ronaldo, the help never rotates, and the lane is WIDE open! Missed layup for the association football player and the whole arena groans as one. Great hands in the day job, apparently they do not travel.

DENIED! Wilt Chamberlain pins it flush on the backboard and screams NOT HERE, NOT TODAY. One hand, full court, Wilt Chamberlain hits Stephen Curry in stride and the crowd is already up. Stephen Curry attacks the paint, absorbs the bump, twists his body all the way around the defender and reverses it in. FILTHY.

Straight to the logo at center court, Stephen Curry plants both feet and flexes until the veins show. The bench is a pile of bodies and airborne headbands. An assistant coach has to be physically restrained by a trainer who is also celebrating.

Stephen Curry looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Klay Thompson looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. And here is the answer to our game The Chase to the Dollar Store! Lurlene Dobbins of Rusty Spoon, New Mexico, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How long is a minute on a stopwatch held by somebody in a hurry?' The answer was of course fifty-one seconds, give or take a conscience. Lurlene takes home a boxed set of instructional VHS tapes about gutter care! I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

87-104 (L)

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Orlando Magic-Beans with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Stephen Curry threw it before the help even committed. The association football player just froze a grown professional with a hesitation dribble. This man punches a clock and he is out here doing THAT. That is a dime from Klay Thompson that deserved so much better, and Cristiano Ronaldo knows it, head down, jogging back before the ball even lands.

This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Klay Thompson gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. Perfect drop-off from Stephen Curry, and Klay Thompson answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

Orlando Magic-Beans again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Textbook two three with Cristiano Ronaldo manning the back line, and they have not seen a clean look in three trips. Tipped away by Stephen Curry! Loose ball, scramble, bodies everywhere, and it ends up in our hands.

Halftime. The physio pounces on Cristiano Ronaldo to massage his thighs. Small detail: Cristiano Ronaldo whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. And now, our halftime TV game show The Newlywed Timeout! To win a family size bag of off brand cheese puffs, text HOOPS to 555-0472 and answer this question: 'How far away can a scoreboard buzzer be heard by a dog?' Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. Rough look for the association football player there. In his line of work you get to take that one back, out here it is two points going the other way.

Two guys on the exact same page, Stephen Curry and Wilt Chamberlain, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. Watch the footwork from Stephen Curry: one-two into the paint, no charge, feathery touch off the glass. Filthy craft.

Stephen Curry deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Wilt Chamberlain arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

Klay Thompson rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. No good. Klay Thompson rushed that one.

More second chance points for Orlando Magic-Beans, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

GONE down the baseline! Klay Thompson beat him on the first step and the paint is collapsing. Klay Thompson probes the lane, cups the ball with two hands, then bounces it again. That is the violation they fix in third grade.

No roll this time. Stephen Curry swings it right back to Klay Thompson above the break, and it is PURE. The crowd has found its chant, and Klay Thompson is going to be hearing it all night.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Orlando Magic-Beans, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Stephen Curry comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Watch the feet on Stephen Curry there, still drifting sideways at the release, and that is exactly why the floater sails wide left of everything.

Two on one the other way and that is a free deuce all day long... except Cristiano Ronaldo says absolutely not. Off the glass and out of the gym, Cristiano Ronaldo launches it and the break is ON! You can hear this arena react a half second before the ball even goes through, and that tells you everything about Stephen Curry.

Straight to the logo at center court, Stephen Curry plants both feet and flexes until the veins show. The bench is a pile of bodies and airborne headbands. An assistant coach has to be physically restrained by a trainer who is also celebrating.

Wilt Chamberlain's eyes are red, jaw tight. Cristiano Ronaldo apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. And here is the answer to our game show The Newlywed Timeout! Dewey Spillman of Frostbite Flats, Minnesota, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How far away can a scoreboard buzzer be heard by a dog?' The answer was of course three and a half miles, and the dog does not care for it. Dewey therefore wins a family size bag of off brand cheese puffs! Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

119-104 (W)

Klay Thompson launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. One hard step and Stephen Curry owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. OHHHH, Stephen Curry from WAY downtown off the catch! The defense rotated a half second late and paid full price.

Nobody on the bench is sitting. Not the coaches, not the trainers, not the guy in the suit who never plays. Stephen Curry points at all of them at once with both hands. Towels come down like weather and the officials wait it out with the patience of the doomed.

Kick out to Cristiano Ronaldo, one more to Wilt Chamberlain, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. That is a throwback bucket: Wilt Chamberlain with his back to the basket, and the defense has absolutely no answer for it.

OHHHH the hesi! Stephen Curry froze him solid and he is already gone! Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Stephen Curry, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Stephen Curry breaks a shell down. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Wilt Chamberlain put that man in a blender and the third row felt it! That little shot is what keeps guards employed in this league, and Wilt Chamberlain has it on a string tonight.

No hero ball here: Klay Thompson takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Cristiano Ronaldo attacks the baseline and the ENTIRE defense has to rotate behind him! Watch the footwork there from Cristiano Ronaldo on the catch, squared up before the ball ever arrives. That is exactly why it goes down so clean.

The noise climbs past whatever the building was engineered for, and Cristiano Ronaldo uses it to kneel down and retie a shoe that was already tied. Double knot, no hurry, eyes on the laces. Klay Thompson stands over him like a bodyguard while somewhere down there a coach calls a play into a hurricane and loses.

Halftime. Wilt Chamberlain throws his towel on the floor walking in. Rumor has it Wilt Chamberlain tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show Hollywood Squares of Cheese! To win a taxidermy squirrel holding a tiny fishing rod, text HOOPS to 555-0134 and answer this question: 'What is the correct number of ice cubes in a gas station soda?' The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.

The press did exactly what it was drawn up to do. Klay Thompson panicked, the timeline did the rest, and the defense gets a turnover without stealing a thing.

Set called, Cristiano Ronaldo waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. Hard drive, hard stop, and Cristiano Ronaldo retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. Third one of these from Cristiano Ronaldo this quarter, third time the arc is wrong. The lane is not open real estate anymore.

Philadelphia Injury-Report again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Klay Thompson stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. DOUBLE DRIBBLE! Klay Thompson picked it up, put it back down, and the whistle went off like a smoke alarm.

More second chance points for Philadelphia Injury-Report, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Cristiano Ronaldo kicks it over to Wilt Chamberlain, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! Wilt Chamberlain did all the dirty work on that one. From eight feet Cristiano Ronaldo puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Court vision like that on the association football player is absurd. Whatever the day job pays him, the assist numbers say he is badly underpriced. Cristiano Ronaldo threads a BEAUTY to Stephen Curry under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

Klay Thompson pretends to plant a flag at center court. Stephen Curry stands at attention. And here is the answer to our game Hollywood Squares of Cheese! Dwayne Pickle of Beaver Hollow, Pennsylvania, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the correct number of ice cubes in a gas station soda?' The answer was of course all of them, that is the entire business model. Dwayne takes home a taxidermy squirrel holding a tiny fishing rod! I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

122-101 (W)

Wilt Chamberlain reads it two passes early, steps into the gap and takes away the entire lane before anybody gets there. Watch the arms on Wilt Chamberlain, straight up, no arm bar, nothing for the officials to blow. That is coaching and discipline.

That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Stephen Curry does. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Two points in every gym in America except this one, and Stephen Curry is walking back with both hands on his head.

Give the man credit for the effort, because Klay Thompson contested that from three feet behind, which is technically a contest.

Cold blooded from Phoenix No-Defense, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

One little shoulder dip from Stephen Curry and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Three shots for Stephen Curry. Worst foul in the sport.

End of the second quarter. Klay Thompson is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: Klay Thompson got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. And now, our halftime TV game show Dancing with the Substitutes! To win a deep fryer with a note taped to it reading DO NOT USE INDOORS, text HOOPS to 555-0421 and answer this question: 'Who decides which sock goes missing in the dryer?' The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Stephen Curry has known that all night long. Filthy. Absolutely filthy from Klay Thompson, and the defender knows exactly what just happened to him. OHHHH, that one died in the air! Klay Thompson put nothing into it and the front rim eats the floater.

Clean feed from Klay Thompson, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. The beauty of it is that Cristiano Ronaldo never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Klay Thompson and Cristiano Ronaldo just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Baby hook by Klay Thompson, right over that outstretched hand, high off the board, count it.

Klay Thompson climbs two rows into the stands and gets swallowed by strangers. He comes back out with somebody's cap on backward and a smear of nacho cheese on his shoulder. Wilt Chamberlain refuses to touch him. This building has never been happier about anything.

Screen, pop, SPLASH! Stephen Curry kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. Range like that bends a defense completely out of shape, and Cristiano Ronaldo keeps proving the arc is only a suggestion.

Cristiano Ronaldo finds the courtside camera lens, leans all the way in and says absolutely nothing. Just breathes on it. Eight seconds of national television filled by one enormous face. Stephen Curry photobombs with crossed eyes, and the clip runs on every highlight show by midnight.

Turnover, layup, Phoenix No-Defense straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

The big man never even contested it, and Stephen Curry still could not get the runner to drop. That one is on him. Second-chance points are how you steal games on the road, and Klay Thompson has now cleaned up four misses tonight. Up over the box out, and Klay Thompson catches it clean and finishes strong through the contact. Somebody just got posterized.

Swing, swing, and Cristiano Ronaldo finds Klay Thompson on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Textbook two-man game: Klay Thompson keeps the dribble alive, forces the big man to commit, and Wilt Chamberlain rolls into an open runway. Unselfish basketball. Wilt Chamberlain passes up a good shot and hands Klay Thompson a GREAT one. Klay Thompson probes to the right, pulls the string, and rises over a helpless closeout from twenty six feet. Splash.

The defender wants to reach and does not dare. Stephen Curry keeps the ball on the back hip, chin up, counting down.

Klay Thompson and Wilt Chamberlain share a 30-second hug. Cristiano Ronaldo wants in. Gets pushed away. And here is the answer to our game Dancing with the Substitutes! Ethelene Chumley of Cracker Barrel Bottom, Maryland, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'Who decides which sock goes missing in the dryer?' The answer was of course a committee, and they meet on Tuesdays. Ethelene takes home a deep fryer with a note taped to it reading DO NOT USE INDOORS! During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

97-124 (L)

Stephen Curry tries to force it through two bodies and finds nothing but the defender's hands.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Los Angeles Nursing-Home, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Cristiano Ronaldo guesses left, the ball handler goes right, and suddenly this is a two-on-one before anybody can rotate. Third reach charged to Stephen Curry. At some point the officials stop giving you the benefit of the doubt, and that point was two whistles ago.

Watch the spacing there, Stephen Curry hits Cristiano Ronaldo right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. The association football player just made the extra pass with a clean look of his own! You do not run into that kind of selflessness at the office! AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Klay Thompson cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Screened, toasted, done. Klay Thompson is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. Klay Thompson gets to his spot in the lane, lifts the runner over the big man, and leaves it a foot short. No dice.

Rest. Wilt Chamberlain buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Rumor has it Wilt Chamberlain tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And now, our halftime TV game show The Sticker Shock Hour! To win a hand-tooled leather wall hanging of an eagle crying, text HOOPS to 555-1305 and answer this question: 'What is the exact weight of a basketball that has been dribbled while sad?' Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Stephen Curry breaks a shell down. Cristiano Ronaldo hands it off to Wilt Chamberlain, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. Fifth possession this half where Cristiano Ronaldo has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

More second chance points for Los Angeles Nursing-Home, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

No hero ball here: Cristiano Ronaldo takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Working him at the top of the key, low dribble, low dribble, then Klay Thompson rips it across and his man lunges at a ghost. Wide open at the top of the key and Klay Thompson cannot make it count, the defense secures the board and takes off in transition.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Stephen Curry already has the defense a full step behind. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Cristiano Ronaldo whips that pass one-handed on the move and the roll man gathers it through contact. Filthy. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Wilt Chamberlain nothing.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Los Angeles Nursing-Home with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

GET THAT OUTTA HERE! Wilt Chamberlain meets that jumper at the top of its flight and spikes it into the sideline. That outlet from Wilt Chamberlain is a weapon, it turns a defensive stop into two points in about three seconds. The help defender had position, leverage, everything but a chance. Stephen Curry rose straight over the top of him, and one.

Los Angeles Nursing-Home again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. Baseline spin from Wilt Chamberlain at full speed, and his man never even gets a hand into the picture. Filthy stuff. Rises, releases, and Wilt Chamberlain sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Timeout. Tablet out. And every line the coach draws starts with Cristiano Ronaldo. Cristiano Ronaldo delivers on the second option, Wilt Chamberlain buries it, and the coach is already walking back to the bench like he knew. He did know.

Wilt Chamberlain stares at the floor while Klay Thompson mutters something inaudible under his breath. And here is the answer to our game show The Sticker Shock Hour! Roy Dean Hollifield of Turkey Scratch, Arkansas, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the exact weight of a basketball that has been dribbled while sad?' The answer was of course four ounces heavier than normal, because sorrow has mass. Roy Dean therefore wins a hand-tooled leather wall hanging of an eagle crying! While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

90-102 (L)

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Oldest play in the book and it still works: Wilt Chamberlain passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. No touch. Wilt Chamberlain left the soft hands in the locker room tonight.

Cold blooded from Toronto Border-Patrol, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Watch the sell from Stephen Curry here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. OHHHH what a FINISH from Stephen Curry! Hanging, hanging, and laying it high off the glass on the way down!

Three fingers up, walking backward the length of the floor, Stephen Curry never once looks at the basket he just drained. The bench mob is off the seats, towels overhead, security waving them back down. Nobody sits. Nobody in here is going to sit again tonight.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Stephen Curry just did it by hitting Cristiano Ronaldo on the back side with acres of room. The extra pass! Cristiano Ronaldo had the look, gave it up anyway, and Stephen Curry buries it. BANG! Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Stephen Curry, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

Watch the spacing there, Cristiano Ronaldo hits Klay Thompson right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Hesitate, GO. Klay Thompson is by that hip before the man even blinks. That is the shot Klay Thompson wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Finally a breather. Klay Thompson has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Anecdote: Klay Thompson threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. And now, our halftime TV game show Church Picnic Wipeout! To win an above-ground pool ladder with no pool attached, text HOOPS to 555-0158 and answer this question: 'How much popcorn is in a large at the concession stand, honestly?' Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Toronto Border-Patrol, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Wilt Chamberlain on time and on target. Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Wilt Chamberlain, and not one single soul could do anything about it. Getting to his spot and elevating, Wilt Chamberlain puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Dagger from Toronto Border-Patrol. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Nobody is getting a hand near that. Stephen Curry has all the room in the world. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Stephen Curry. Cruel.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Toronto Border-Patrol with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Give and go! Cristiano Ronaldo gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! That is twice tonight Cristiano Ronaldo has tried to create with the dribble already dead, and this league does not reward that.

Filthy defense from Wilt Chamberlain. He never touched a thing and he still won the possession. Rebound, look, gone. Wilt Chamberlain to Klay Thompson and this is a footrace now. That is body control you simply cannot coach: Klay Thompson stays up a full beat longer than everybody else and finishes clean.

Klay Thompson does the bit whole team practiced in the hotel: a slow-motion handshake with Wilt Chamberlain that goes on far too long, sound effects included. Six full seconds. The referee stands there holding the ball. Neither man breaks character.

The big rolls, the defense collapses, and Stephen Curry punishes it with a read most guys never even see. Ohhh no. Wilt Chamberlain just walked. In front of everybody.

SPIN and GO! Stephen Curry pirouettes right through the traffic and comes out the other side clean! Gift wrapped by Klay Thompson, and Stephen Curry cannot finish the two footer. That one is going to sting.

Stephen Curry bites his lip, fists clenched. Klay Thompson shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. And here is the answer to our game Church Picnic Wipeout! Charlene Pigg of Hatchet Handle, North Carolina, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How much popcorn is in a large at the concession stand, honestly?' The answer was of course a medium and a rumor. Charlene takes home an above-ground pool ladder with no pool attached! During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

86-105 (L)

Won it clean! Wilt Chamberlain got up and over him with room to spare.

That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Stephen Curry the moment he crosses half court. Stephen Curry fires that thing at the backboard like it owes him money. No chance from the moment it left his hand.

Stephen Curry kicks it over to Klay Thompson, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. OHHHH no, Klay Thompson floats it crosscourt and it gets picked off clean. That thing is going the other way.

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. Whirl, and GONE! Cristiano Ronaldo leaves the defender grabbing at a jersey that stopped being there half a second ago. BAAAANG! Cristiano Ronaldo from the logo, and the entire bench is on its feet losing its mind!

More second chance points for Minnesota Ice-Wall, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Break. Klay Thompson asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. I've been told Klay Thompson once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. And now, our halftime TV game show Password Please Try Again! To win an exercise machine holding the same folded laundry since 2009, text HOOPS to 555-0891 and answer this question: 'What do you call the fifth quarter if nobody agrees it happened?' Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.

The confidence is sky high, the shot selection has left the building, and Cristiano Ronaldo just threw a brick from twenty-nine feet.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Minnesota Ice-Wall with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Watch the change of pace from Klay Thompson, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Klay Thompson blows the wide open layup!

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Minnesota Ice-Wall, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Cristiano Ronaldo never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! Somewhere a defender is explaining to his family why the association football player is going to be on the front page tomorrow morning.

That is a clean blow-by on Wilt Chamberlain, and the help defense was nowhere in the same area code.

Offensive foul, Wilt Chamberlain. Feet were still churning. Give it back.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Minnesota Ice-Wall in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Klay Thompson splits the trap, then gives it all back by drifting over the line. A turnover with extra steps.

Stephen Curry rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Wilt Chamberlain picks up his own and folds it carefully. And here is the answer to our game show Password Please Try Again! Curtis Pruitt of Bent Spoon, Utah, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What do you call the fifth quarter if nobody agrees it happened?' The answer was of course the honor quarter, and the score from it is kept exclusively by uncles. Curtis therefore wins an exercise machine holding the same folded laundry since 2009! I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

94-114 (L)

Wilt Chamberlain controls the tip, and the offense gets to run its first set on schedule. Little edges like that stack up over forty-eight minutes.

That timeline has not moved all night, but Stephen Curry keeps forgetting where they painted it. Second one of the quarter.

Turnover, layup, Houston Blast-Off straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Stephen Curry already has the defense a full step behind. Klay Thompson comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Klay Thompson had that one all the way, perfect release, perfect arc, and the rim simply refuses to let it drop.

More second chance points for Houston Blast-Off, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Coach calls everyone back. Cristiano Ronaldo drags his feet toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Cristiano Ronaldo collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. And now, our halftime TV game show Three in a Row Probably! To win a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot, text HOOPS to 555-0607 and answer this question: 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.

Over the top of everybody. Klay Thompson to Cristiano Ronaldo in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Here comes Wilt Chamberlain sprinting off the elbow. Cristiano Ronaldo slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. The bench has cleared, the crowd is screaming, and somewhere a photographer just got the shot of the season thanks to Wilt Chamberlain.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and Wilt Chamberlain strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. Klay Thompson fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

Bucket for Houston Blast-Off. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Klay Thompson gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Stephen Curry saw it a beat early. Not an inch to spare on the endline, but Klay Thompson keeps both feet in bounds and the help gets there a beat too late. BANG is what Klay Thompson was hearing in his head. Clang is what this building actually got.

Cross court, on a rope, from the association football player. In this league that pass earns a contract, and he does it on his night off. Baseline wide open. Stephen Curry said thank you. Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Stephen Curry launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Klay Thompson makes it every single trip down the floor. Watch the timing here: Stephen Curry lifts it early and Wilt Chamberlain climbs to meet the ball right on schedule. That is chemistry you cannot teach in a walkthrough.

Right hand to the mouthguard, out, pointed at the rafters, back in. Wilt Chamberlain does not break stride once. Two rows of fans are hugging total strangers. Complete loss of composure in the entire lower bowl, and the game is nowhere near over.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Houston Blast-Off with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Watch the spacing, Stephen Curry drags two bodies toward the ball and Klay Thompson is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. That is the shot chart lying to you. Klay Thompson did everything right on this possession and has zero points to show for it.

Stephen Curry crosses, crosses back, the defender slides half a step the wrong way and the whole arena lets out the same OHHHH. Stephen Curry catches on the wing, jab step, spin move, and that pivot foot comes clean off the hardwood. Traveling.

Under review. Stephen Curry does not know yet whether he is the hero or the footnote. Late by a blink. Stephen Curry is going to see that frame in his sleep tonight.

Cristiano Ronaldo avoids the cameras like the plague. Wilt Chamberlain gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. And here is the answer to our game show Three in a Row Probably! Colleen Hackenberg of Rusty Nail, Pennsylvania, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' The answer was of course it becomes a slightly smaller basketball, and everybody in the gym agrees to say nothing about it. Colleen therefore wins a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot! I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

105-109 (L)

OHHHH he SNATCHED that tip! Wilt Chamberlain rips it out of the air and we are off.

Swing, swing, and Klay Thompson finds Stephen Curry on the wing before the help can even turn its head. The help defender committed way too early, and Stephen Curry made him pay for it with a spin they will be replaying all week. Stuck holding it as the clock bleeds out, Stephen Curry fades away from twenty-six feet, and it is not close.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Denver Horse-Track in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Ball moves. Cristiano Ronaldo to Wilt Chamberlain, on time and on target. OHHHH the pin-down! Wilt Chamberlain pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Stephen Curry. Brutal. POCKET PASS! Wilt Chamberlain threads it to Klay Thompson between two bodies and the rim is wide open! OHHHH that is SILKY! Klay Thompson with the teardrop, and it kisses through.

Straight to the logo at center court, Klay Thompson plants both feet and flexes until the veins show. The bench is a pile of bodies and airborne headbands. An assistant coach has to be physically restrained by a trainer who is also celebrating.

More second chance points for Denver Horse-Track, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

That's a wrap for now. Cristiano Ronaldo dives into the tunnel. Rumor has it Cristiano Ronaldo talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. And now, our halftime TV game show Foul Line Confessions! To win a hood ornament from a truck that was never built, text HOOPS to 555-1098 and answer this question: 'Why does every gym in the country smell exactly the same?' The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.

Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Cristiano Ronaldo. OHHHH, the cylinder rejects the association football player! Somewhere a whole workplace just yelled at a television.

Klay Thompson hands it off to Stephen Curry, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. You are about to see a coach put his entire face in both hands, and Klay Thompson has earned every second of that reaction.

Bucket for Denver Horse-Track. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

SKIP PASS! Stephen Curry fires it cross court to Cristiano Ronaldo and the defense is dead in the water! Off the pin-down comes the association football player with nobody inside a zip code. Somebody out there knows how to use a screen, and it is not who you would guess. You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Cristiano Ronaldo gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. This building is SHAKING. Klay Thompson just stepped into a logo three like it was a warmup rep.

Shimmy from the corner all the way to half court, shoulders loose, chin high. Klay Thompson is in no hurry whatsoever. The home bench tries to copy it and produces something closer to a seizure. The building decides it loves both versions equally.

Klay Thompson gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Cristiano Ronaldo saw it a beat early. Look how low Klay Thompson keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. Catch on the block, shoulder into the chest, one dribble, and Klay Thompson finishes over the top. Textbook.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Cristiano Ronaldo has known that all night long. Two guys on the exact same page, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. Not a hand on him. Stephen Curry flat missed the bunny.

Stephen Curry kicks it over to Cristiano Ronaldo, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Full stop, full sprint, and the association football player is in the paint! Nobody back at the workplace is going to believe this one. The association football player had that thing halfway down and the rim spat it back out. Nobody ever warns you that the iron has a personality.

Stephen Curry walks it up past the timeline, nine seconds showing, and you can feel the air go out of this arena. The horn goes off while the ball is still spinning on the iron, and Stephen Curry watches it drop away. Brutal, absolutely brutal.

Wilt Chamberlain sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Cristiano Ronaldo winces. And here is the answer to our game show Foul Line Confessions! Wendell Crabtree of Lost Mitten, Colorado, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why does every gym in the country smell exactly the same?' The answer was of course floor wax, popcorn, and forty years of accumulated nervousness. Wendell therefore wins a hood ornament from a truck that was never built! Did you know that Cristiano Ronaldo practices association football player on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

91-121 (L)

Wilt Chamberlain times the leap perfectly, taps it back to the wing, and the first possession of the night belongs to us.

From WAY downtown off the pop! Stephen Curry with the extra pass and CASH. Rim out for Klay Thompson, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena. You want to know why this team keeps winning the possession battle? Stephen Curry treats every miss like it belongs to him. The whole possession dies right there without Stephen Curry on the offensive glass, and instead it becomes the two easiest points of the quarter.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Stephen Curry roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

More second chance points for New York Over-Timers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

The association football player fouled a shooter behind the arc. Three free throws, and a timeout that is going to be extremely unpleasant. No argument at all. Cristiano Ronaldo claps once, hands the ball to the official and heads for the chair. Four fouls, night on pause.

Cold blooded from New York Over-Timers, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Break time. Klay Thompson bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know Klay Thompson keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. And now, our halftime TV game show The Swap Meet Half Hour! To win a car dealership balloon man with no fan, text HOOPS to 555-1318 and answer this question: 'What is the top speed of a mascot running in oversized shoes?' Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Two defenders, one gap, and Cristiano Ronaldo finds it. Onions on that pass. BRICK! Klay Thompson throws up a prayer and the iron sends it straight back out to half court!

Dagger from New York Over-Timers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Over the top of everybody. Klay Thompson to Stephen Curry in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. OHHHH, what a read by Stephen Curry! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. AIRBALL! Wilt Chamberlain missed the rim, the backboard and everything in between!

Klay Thompson feels the contact, spins off that shoulder, and the defender is left hugging a whole lot of nothing. They do not teach that footwork anymore, and yet here is Klay Thompson running a full masterclass on the low block.

Set called, Cristiano Ronaldo waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. OHHHH the separation! Cristiano Ronaldo just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Nobody drew up that arc. The association football player floated one halfway to the rafters, and the rim never even got a say.

Ohhh no. Corner three, New York Over-Timers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Wilt Chamberlain in stride before the defense can even match up. The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on Wilt Chamberlain, and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. Wilt Chamberlain beat the clock by a tenth of a second and missed by about four feet. Technically legal, competitively pointless.

NOT A CHANCE! Wilt Chamberlain came flying at that pull-up and DELETED it!

The defender crowded the middle, and Cristiano Ronaldo punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Look at Cristiano Ronaldo mouthing an apology toward his own bench before the call is even announced. He knew instantly.

Cristiano Ronaldo lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Wilt Chamberlain decides not to comment. And here is the answer to our game show The Swap Meet Half Hour! Lurleen Ratliff of Sopchoppy Flats, Florida, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the top speed of a mascot running in oversized shoes?' The answer was of course nine miles an hour downhill, four uphill, and zero once the head falls off. Lurleen therefore wins a car dealership balloon man with no fan! Did you know that Wilt Chamberlain practices association football player on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

97-111 (L)

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Klay Thompson breaks a shell down. STOP AND GO! Cristiano Ronaldo hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. A cruel spin-out for the association football player, and whatever that day job is, tonight it came with a brand new way to break your heart.

The defender planted his feet, and Stephen Curry said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. The defense keeps turning contested looks by Stephen Curry into free points. STOP REACHING. This is exactly why the coach wants the ball in his hands late. Stephen Curry has been money at that line all season long.

Straight to the logo at center court, Stephen Curry plants both feet and flexes until the veins show. The bench is a pile of bodies and airborne headbands. An assistant coach has to be physically restrained by a trainer who is also celebrating.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Cleveland Twin-Towers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. Stephen Curry sets it and slides out instead of rolling, Klay Thompson finds him late, and the defense pays for cheating under the screen. Contested, off balance, fading away from the wrong shoulder, that is a shot Stephen Curry should never take with three teammates standing wide open.

Turnover, layup, Cleveland Twin-Towers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Well-deserved break. Cristiano Ronaldo looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little scoop: Cristiano Ronaldo tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. And now, our halftime TV game show The Bachelor of Science! To win a ceramic frog wearing tiny sunglasses and nothing else, text HOOPS to 555-0264 and answer this question: 'How tall would a stack of every whistle ever blown be?' Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.

Klay Thompson drives, draws two bodies, and swings it one more time to the corner. That is the pass nobody is required to make. OHHHH! Cristiano Ronaldo went up looking for a poster and came back down as the punchline.

More second chance points for Cleveland Twin-Towers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Beautiful footwork on that one from Stephen Curry, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. There is nothing accidental about that one. Stephen Curry hunted the contact, sold it, and bought himself a trip to the stripe. No wasted motion at all from Stephen Curry. Both free throws split the net and the scoreboard ticks over twice.

Salute: sharp, military, held. Stephen Curry delivers it toward the loudest corner of the building and does not drop his hand until the noise starts to hurt. Wilt Chamberlain snaps to attention beside him and the bench follows. Twelve saluting maniacs and a coach with his head in his hands.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Cristiano Ronaldo makes it every single trip down the floor. Dribble alive, patient, patient, and then Klay Thompson slips it to Stephen Curry right in the pocket. Surgical. So close. Stephen Curry can only stare at the iron.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Cleveland Twin-Towers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

The defender crowded the middle, and Klay Thompson punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Third look from distance for Klay Thompson tonight and the arc keeps flattening out, tired legs writing checks the jumper cannot cash.

Hands up, one stomp, a short speech, and the whistle answers. Technical foul on Klay Thompson, and the bench is stunned. There it is! Second technical on Klay Thompson, automatic ejection, his night is OVER.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Screen, roll, DELIVERY from Klay Thompson! Nothing but runway to the rim! The association football player had two points in the bank and the iron took them right back out. You do not get heartbreak like that in the day job.

The association football player commits the ugliest foul of the night entirely on purpose, and honestly that is the smartest thing anyone has done all quarter.

Cristiano Ronaldo kicks his towel across the floor. Klay Thompson has already left for the locker room, alone. And here is the answer to our game The Bachelor of Science! Bonnie Faye Gulick of Windy Gap, Wyoming, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How tall would a stack of every whistle ever blown be?' The answer was of course tall enough to be a problem for airplanes. Bonnie Faye takes home a ceramic frog wearing tiny sunglasses and nothing else! I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

81-125 (L)

Small thing, a jump ball, but Wilt Chamberlain winning that tip means we set the tone. Coaches script that first play for a reason.

Two guys on the exact same page, Klay Thompson and Stephen Curry, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. Nobody touched him, nobody trapped him, and Klay Thompson still coughed it up. Easiest whistle these officials will blow all night.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Cristiano Ronaldo precisely where the play wanted it. Klay Thompson eats the contact so Cristiano Ronaldo can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. The association football player tried the teardrop and never got it to the rim. Turns out soft touch does not come standard with that day job.

Give and go! Cristiano Ronaldo gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! No touch. Cristiano Ronaldo left the soft hands in the locker room tonight. Stephen Curry SKIES for it! Extra life for this offense. OHHHH he went and GOT that! Stephen Curry with the putback jam over two bodies.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Boston Ring-Chasers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Halftime. Wilt Chamberlain throws his towel on the floor walking in. Small detail: Wilt Chamberlain wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. And now, our halftime TV game show Wipeout the Rec League Edition! To win a weather vane pointing a direction wind has never once gone, text HOOPS to 555-0914 and answer this question: 'How many bleacher splinters are removed nationwide every Tuesday?' Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. BAAAANG! Cristiano Ronaldo sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Stephen Curry!

Dagger from Boston Ring-Chasers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Wilt Chamberlain on time and on target. Klay Thompson sets the pick and DIVES to the cup. Wilt Chamberlain lays it right on his hands in traffic! Rim out for Klay Thompson, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

More second chance points for Boston Ring-Chasers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Watch the spacing there, Stephen Curry hits Cristiano Ronaldo right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Screen, hesitation, delivery, Cristiano Ronaldo drops it off perfectly for Wilt Chamberlain diving to the rim. Buzzer on the shot clock, Wilt Chamberlain heaves it off one leg, and the ball comes up short of everything.

Cold blooded from Boston Ring-Chasers, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Wilt Chamberlain again, and the visiting coach is SPRINTING at the official for a timeout!

One little shoulder dip from Stephen Curry and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Stephen Curry drives the lane, wears a forearm across the chest, and still finishes it with the off hand. Count it AND the foul!

Boston Ring-Chasers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Cristiano Ronaldo makes it every single trip down the floor. Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Stephen Curry makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Klay Thompson cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Cristiano Ronaldo lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Stephen Curry decides not to comment. And here is the answer to our game show Wipeout the Rec League Edition! Lavonne Stackhouse of Grease Rag Creek, Delaware, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many bleacher splinters are removed nationwide every Tuesday?' The answer was of course six hundred and twelve, and most of them in the Midwest. Lavonne therefore wins a weather vane pointing a direction wind has never once gone! My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

92-129 (L)

Down screen, and Klay Thompson curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. Up goes the shot from Klay Thompson and that is nothing but AIR, and every soul in this building saw it happen. Muscled away at the second jump by Klay Thompson, and this offense resets with a fresh shot clock. That is pure want-to: Klay Thompson was the only man on the floor who decided that rebound belonged to him.

Klay Thompson plants himself in front of the San Antonio Skyscrapers bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Baseline wide open. Cristiano Ronaldo said thank you. Rising up out of the corner, Cristiano Ronaldo sends it LONG, clanging off the far side and out to the wing.

Klay Thompson times the leap perfectly and swallows that layup whole. Put it on the front page, that is the play of the night. The pass is the play here. Klay Thompson never even puts the ball on the floor, he just throws it and lets the runners eat. Touch pass from Cristiano Ronaldo, and Stephen Curry glides in for the finger roll. Filthy.

Cold blooded from San Antonio Skyscrapers, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Over the top of everybody. Cristiano Ronaldo to Klay Thompson in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Klay Thompson pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. OHHHH, that one died in the air! Klay Thompson put nothing into it and the front rim eats the floater.

The players disappear into the tunnel. Stephen Curry asks for an ice pack. Intel: Stephen Curry asked San Antonio Skyscrapers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. And now, our halftime TV game show Beat the Shot Clock! To win a rusted horseshoe signed by a man named Dale, text HOOPS to 555-0533 and answer this question: 'What is the boiling point of nacho cheese at concession stand altitude?' Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.

San Antonio Skyscrapers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

The association football player just moved an entire defense with one flick of the wrist. Somebody check that resume again. Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Wilt Chamberlain makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. From eight feet Stephen Curry puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Turnover, layup, San Antonio Skyscrapers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Stephen Curry already has the defense a full step behind. Watch Stephen Curry plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Cristiano Ronaldo out of that corner in a blink. A cruel spin-out for the association football player, and whatever that day job is, tonight it came with a brand new way to break your heart.

Ohhh no. Corner three, San Antonio Skyscrapers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Klay Thompson eats the contact so Stephen Curry can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Not a hand on him. Stephen Curry flat missed the bunny.

STOP AND GO! Stephen Curry hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. The gather was clean, the decision after it was not. Stephen Curry had a live pivot foot and threw it away for a bounce he did not need.

They have to shoot over the top of this thing, and the top of it is a long way up. Filthy work from Wilt Chamberlain.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for San Antonio Skyscrapers with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

This is the counter: Stephen Curry punished a defense that kept going under, and now they have to rip up the game plan. Klay Thompson went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second.

Stephen Curry's eyes are glassy. Wilt Chamberlain mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. And here is the answer to our game show Beat the Shot Clock! Randall Meeks of Coon Holler Springs, Kentucky, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the boiling point of nacho cheese at concession stand altitude?' The answer was of course that it does not boil, it simply becomes more determined. Randall therefore wins a rusted horseshoe signed by a man named Dale! During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

78-122 (L)

The zone is set with Stephen Curry anchoring the middle of it and there is NOWHERE to go! Wilt Chamberlain reads the eyes the whole way, gets a mitt on it, and that is OUR basketball now.

Dagger from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

No hero ball here: Klay Thompson takes what the defense gives and moves it along. OHHHH the pocket pass! Cristiano Ronaldo splits the coverage and the roll man is loose under the basket! Pull-up from the elbow by Wilt Chamberlain, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out.

Here comes the slip from Cristiano Ronaldo, and Stephen Curry reads it a half second before anybody else in the building. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Cristiano Ronaldo nothing.

More second chance points for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Both teams head in. Cristiano Ronaldo has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Confession: Cristiano Ronaldo tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. And now, our halftime TV game show Church Picnic Wipeout! To win an above-ground pool ladder with no pool attached, text HOOPS to 555-0158 and answer this question: 'How much popcorn is in a large at the concession stand, honestly?' Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.

Oldest play in the book, and Stephen Curry runs it in his sleep. That drop coverage never had a prayer. Stephen Curry threads a BEAUTY to Klay Thompson under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

This is the work that never shows up in a box score, and Wilt Chamberlain just took two points off the board without a single stat. Everything starts with that release, Klay Thompson hitting Cristiano Ronaldo in full flight before the defense has even turned around. OHHHHH POSTERIZED! Cristiano Ronaldo just ENDED that defender at the rim!

This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Stephen Curry gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. REJECTED! Stephen Curry takes it in and gets it sent straight back into his own chest.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Stephen Curry has known that all night long. That crossover was not about getting a shot up. Cristiano Ronaldo pulled it out to tell everybody in the gym whose possession this is. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Cristiano Ronaldo cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Turnover, layup, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Cristiano Ronaldo launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Kick out to Wilt Chamberlain, one more to Cristiano Ronaldo, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. Clang. Cristiano Ronaldo wants that one back.

Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

The association football player makes the simple read look automatic. Clock out of work, clock in for clean basketball decisions. Stephen Curry attacks the baseline and the ENTIRE defense has to rotate behind him! Stephen Curry attacks the baseline, the big man steps up to meet him, and it does not matter one bit. FILTHY.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Cristiano Ronaldo on time and on target. Lazy one-hander from Cristiano Ronaldo through the middle of the floor, and the defender did not even have to leave his feet to take it.

Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. And here is the answer to our game Church Picnic Wipeout! Charlene Pigg of Hatchet Handle, North Carolina, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How much popcorn is in a large at the concession stand, honestly?' The answer was of course a medium and a rumor. Charlene takes home an above-ground pool ladder with no pool attached! Did you know that Klay Thompson practices association football player on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.