My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Michael Jordan on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 198 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
Penny Hardaway forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Michael Jordan throws it into the stands! What was that from this undisputed superstar!
Hakeem Olajuwon reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Hakeem Olajuwon mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Michael Jordan grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Michael Jordan started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Rajon Rondo misfires from the left corner! This name that's buzzing searching for answers!
This jersey-selling name Hakeem Olajuwon has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This jersey-selling name Hakeem Olajuwon with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Rajon Rondo storms to the bench! This player on the come-up is visibly upset!
Hakeem Olajuwon reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Michael Jordan's gaze is cold, distant. Penny Hardaway's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
126-98 (W)
Penny Hardaway, this league veteran, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Rajon Rondo goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This solid pro is relentless!
Michael Jordan with the help-side brilliant anticipation! This absolute legend always in position!
Hakeem Olajuwon with the transition assist! This max-contract guy pushing the pace with pure God-given talent!
This big-name player Hakeem Olajuwon switches defensive assignments on the fly! Next-level basketball IQ!
First half is done. Hakeem Olajuwon is chugging Gatorade like it's water. The staff told me Hakeem Olajuwon sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This name that's buzzing Rajon Rondo is automatic along the baseline! A free throw drops again!
You can feel a hostile crowd through the screen! Michael Jordan in the spotlight!
Rajon Rondo attacks the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Robbie Avila dribbles like a player possessed! Silky smooth technique unleashed!
Robbie Avila, this player nobody saw coming, with the post-game interview smile! An off-the-charts basketball IQ all night!
Hakeem Olajuwon blows a kiss to the camera. Rajon Rondo blows twelve. Penny Hardaway blocks the lens. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
89-103 (L)
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila comes out aggressive! Opens with a fadeaway jumper from the left corner!
This raw talent Robbie Avila with a rare miss from downtown! Even the best stumble!
This player making noise Rajon Rondo with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This league veteran Rajon Rondo gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
Penny Hardaway knocks down a fadeaway jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Break. Penny Hardaway asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. They say Penny Hardaway eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Hakeem Olajuwon goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This jersey-selling name losing composure!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from the left corner!
Robbie Avila reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Robbie Avila is gassed! This potential breakout star bent over at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Michael Jordan had the chances but couldn't convert. This basketball god left wanting.
Rajon Rondo clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Penny Hardaway fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
113-96 (W)
Penny Hardaway steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude putting the league on notice!
This who-is-this-guy player Robbie Avila does it again! A bucket with effortless precision!
This all-time great Michael Jordan with the weak-side rebound in traffic! Incredible help!
Rajon Rondo, this tweener, runs the offense with next-level basketball IQ! Beautiful passing!
Penny Hardaway spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
End of the second quarter. Rajon Rondo is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little secret: Rajon Rondo listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Robbie Avila, this surprise package, drops a half-court heave facing the rim! Pure artistry!
Robbie Avila, this smooth operator, gets the standing ovation! A crowd fully behind them!
Rajon Rondo puts ego aside! The team comes first for this well-respected player!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this certified bucket, answers every challenge! That dawg mentality never fading!
Robbie Avila, this smooth operator, takes the final bow! A hug with the coach! Dominant display!
Robbie Avila cries tears of joy in Hakeem Olajuwon's arms. Penny Hardaway is also crying but nobody knows why. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
119-96 (W)
Hakeem Olajuwon, this giant, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this tower, uses every inch to deliver a floater!
Penny Hardaway, this giant, contests everything in the paint! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Robbie Avila with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! That dawg mentality on that one!
Penny Hardaway, this player making noise, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime! Penny Hardaway looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know Penny Hardaway keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, knifes through for a buzzer beater from mid-range! Wow!
Deafening noise! Rajon Rondo dribbles and the building shakes!
This dude putting the league on notice Penny Hardaway unites the locker room! Silky smooth technique captain's mentality!
Penny Hardaway, this absolute unit, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this player on the come-up right now!
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
Michael Jordan pretends to faint from happiness. Robbie Avila pretends to call 911. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
115-101 (W)
Penny Hardaway, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Michael Jordan pulls up the ball with purpose! A deep three! This potential GOAT means business!
Rajon Rondo digs in defensively! Nerves of steel when the team needs stops!
This certified bucket Hakeem Olajuwon creates for others! Unselfish play with a killer instinct!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this 7-footer, exploits the mismatch at the buzzer! Smart play!
Halftime! Michael Jordan walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Michael Jordan started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Robbie Avila dribbles and fires a tear drop! This smooth operator lighting it up!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Robbie Avila sacrifices the body taking the charge! This player nobody saw coming ultimate teammate!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this titan, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Michael Jordan pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This guy with rings on every finger savors the win!
Hakeem Olajuwon jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
116-89 (W)
This league veteran Penny Hardaway in the starting lineup! Let's see what this league veteran brings!
Robbie Avila explodes the Spalding with flair and hits a layup! Sensational!
Hakeem Olajuwon with the suffocating defense! This established star is a wall out there!
Robbie Avila dribbles and dishes! Gorgeous feed at the buzzer! Natural-born leadership!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, sets a brick-wall screen! Insane court vision on full display!
Halftime! Michael Jordan has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Quick anecdote about Michael Jordan: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Robbie Avila strings together a tear drop under the basket. Natural-born leadership on full display!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A Playoff atmosphere as Michael Jordan steps up!
This household name Michael Jordan claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this household name!
This world-class player Hakeem Olajuwon is the heartbeat of this team! A moment of truth leadership!
This name that's buzzing Rajon Rondo wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Robbie Avila does a handstand. Hakeem Olajuwon holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-105 (L)
This legit talent Rajon Rondo opens the scoring! A pull-up jumper! Early advantage!
An off-balance shot attempt by Penny Hardaway falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Penny Hardaway with a wild pass that sails out! This player on the come-up giving it away!
This established player Penny Hardaway misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
This reliable star Hakeem Olajuwon converts facing the rim! A bank shot right on cue!
The players disappear. Michael Jordan has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Bus driver's confession: Michael Jordan raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Robbie Avila, this hungry young player, barks at the teammate! Heavy feet taking over!
Michael Jordan launches but it's well off! Hot head under fatigue!
This potential breakout star Robbie Avila sets the back screen! Pure God-given talent off-ball contribution!
Penny Hardaway is cramping up! This player making noise trying to shake it off! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This rising star Robbie Avila congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this rising star.
Rajon Rondo takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Hakeem Olajuwon doesn't drink. Throat too tight. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Hakeem Olajuwon. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-100 (L)
Penny Hardaway opens with a pull-up jumper! This legit talent making an early statement!
Penny Hardaway, this dude putting the league on notice, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
Robbie Avila throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure from the left corner!
Robbie Avila gets caught flat-footed! This unknown gem beaten to the spot!
Michael Jordan dishes through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Halftime whistle. Robbie Avila has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Confession: Robbie Avila tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Michael Jordan dunks the towel! This absolute legend showing heavy feet!
Robbie Avila penetrates and fires but misses everything! Hot head tonight!
Michael Jordan dunks into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
Penny Hardaway, this well-respected player, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
Robbie Avila walks off in silence. This guy nobody was talking about gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Rajon Rondo chews his nails on the bench. Penny Hardaway stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-91 (W)
This total unknown Robbie Avila means business! Fast start in transition!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, with a silky and-one driving to the hoop! Smooth operator!
Hakeem Olajuwon plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this big-name player!
Rajon Rondo, this well-respected player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
This player on the come-up Penny Hardaway calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
The locker room. Robbie Avila sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Robbie Avila was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Hakeem Olajuwon buries a catch-and-shoot triple off the pick and roll! This franchise guy is on fire tonight!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this guy everybody knows, waves the crowd up! A hostile crowd rising!
Rajon Rondo celebrates the team's success! This name that's buzzing knows together is better!
Hakeem Olajuwon has found another gear! This multi-time All-Star shifting into overdrive!
Hakeem Olajuwon tosses the basketball in the air! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This headliner mission accomplished!
Michael Jordan and Hakeem Olajuwon share a 30-second hug. Robbie Avila wants in. Gets pushed away. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
93-117 (L)
Hakeem Olajuwon takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Hakeem Olajuwon fires a sky hook at the top of the key but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Hakeem Olajuwon gives up the back door! Injury-prone body when overplaying!
Rajon Rondo, this solid pro, threads the needle for a thunderous slam from the right corner!
Finally a breather. Robbie Avila has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Rumor has it Robbie Avila has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Rajon Rondo drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Penny Hardaway, this well-respected player, with the shot-clock heave! No good back to the basket!
This player on the come-up Penny Hardaway uses the floater over this oversized freak coverage! Smart!
Penny Hardaway, this next-level player, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Rajon Rondo takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Hakeem Olajuwon follows the same path. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
107-111 (L)
Hakeem Olajuwon fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This world-class player locked in!
A buzzer beater from Rajon Rondo on the low block! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this mountain of a man, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Robbie Avila can't buy a bucket! Another miss from the right corner! Frustrating!
Penny Hardaway takes the lead! A bucket! The comeback is complete! Unbelievable!
Cut! Halftime. Hakeem Olajuwon's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Confession: Hakeem Olajuwon tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Michael Jordan with the ill-advised pass in the extra period! Intercepted!
Rajon Rondo, this player making noise, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
This seasoned vet Rajon Rondo proves the critics wrong! A signature move vindication!
Michael Jordan forces the hero ball and misses! This all-time great with lack of consistency!
Rajon Rondo steps back past the media. This league veteran not in the mood to talk.
Rajon Rondo walks toward the tunnel without a word. Michael Jordan stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Michael Jordan. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-117 (L)
Rajon Rondo spins into position! This up-and-coming baller not wasting any time!
Penny Hardaway, this established player, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Robbie Avila blows past the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this surprise package!
Michael Jordan gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
A bucket by Penny Hardaway! The building is rocking! This name that's buzzing takeover!
Rest. Rajon Rondo buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Juicy anecdote: Rajon Rondo was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Robbie Avila gets a technical for complaining! Heavy feet on full display!
A step-back three from Penny Hardaway catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Michael Jordan fades away to the weak side! This undisputed superstar exploiting the rotation!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This total unknown Robbie Avila stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this total unknown wanted.
Hakeem Olajuwon pulls his cap down over his eyes. Michael Jordan doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-119 (L)
The game begins and Rajon Rondo is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Penny Hardaway, this mountain of a man, gets stuffed trying a free throw! Denied!
Penny Hardaway, this beanpole, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted in the paint!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan picks up the cheap foul! Heavy feet showing!
Robbie Avila, this player nobody saw coming, with the exclamation-point sky hook! Game changer!
Halftime. Hakeem Olajuwon wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Small detail: Hakeem Olajuwon wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Michael Jordan launches angrily after the turnover! This basketball god spiraling!
Rajon Rondo misfires from the left corner! Even this dude putting the league on notice has off nights!
Robbie Avila, this guy nobody was talking about, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Freakish explosiveness!
Robbie Avila blows past sluggishly! Hot head catching up with this raw talent!
This guy with a proven track record Rajon Rondo shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Rajon Rondo stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Penny Hardaway exhales. Again. And again. I learned backstage that Penny Hardaway also does volunteer firefighter on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-118 (L)
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila catches the basketball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this guy with rings on every finger!
Michael Jordan coughs up the leather! Lack of consistency strikes again from the right corner!
Penny Hardaway overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, elevates for a monster finger roll!
End of the first act. Michael Jordan is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Michael Jordan once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Robbie Avila picks up the second technical! This surprise package ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Rajon Rondo clanks another one off the rim! This established player needs to find rhythm!
This raw talent Robbie Avila recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Robbie Avila, this hidden prospect, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Robbie Avila, this guy nobody was talking about, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Michael Jordan takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Hakeem Olajuwon follows the same path. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season journal
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