My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

110-107 (W)

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Stephen Curry gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Kevin Durant saw it a beat early. Stephen Curry rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. Stephen Curry gets to his spot in the lane, lifts the runner over the big man, and leaves it a foot short. No dice.

Second pass beats the rotation, Klay Thompson to Draymond Green, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. AIRBALL! Draymond Green missed the rim, the backboard and everything in between!

Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Klay Thompson, and not one single soul could do anything about it. TRAVEL! Klay Thompson took the scenic route to the rim and the whistle ended the tour.

Nothing. Again. Stephen Curry is staring at that rim like it owes him money. Prayer from Stephen Curry. Not answered.

End of the second quarter. Draymond Green is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little secret: Draymond Green listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. And now, our halftime TV game show Fear Factor Lite! To win a scented candle that smells exactly like a bowling alley, text HOOPS to 555-0402 and answer this question: 'What is the wind speed inside a ceiling fan?' Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Kevin Durant makes it every single trip down the floor. Draymond Green feels the contact, spins off that shoulder, and the defender is left hugging a whole lot of nothing. Shot clock at one, and Draymond Green just has to throw something at the rim. Nothing doing.

Watch the sell from Klay Thompson here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. Count it AND the foul! Klay Thompson refused to be denied at the rim.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Stephen Curry breaks a shell down. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Kevin Durant spun out of a double team like it was a revolving door! The help defender had position, leverage, everything but a chance. Kevin Durant rose straight over the top of him, and one.

Detroit Engine-Roar again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Over the top of everybody. Kevin Durant to Klay Thompson in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Filthy. Absolutely filthy from Klay Thompson, and the defender knows exactly what just happened to him. Long and gone. Klay Thompson floats the teardrop over everything and bangs it off the back iron.

Deflection at midcourt, out and running, Draymond Green finishes through the contact and the run keeps rolling. TIMEOUT! The other bench has seen enough of Draymond Green and they are burning one to stop the bleeding.

HERE WE GO! Klay Thompson with the rock and everything riding on whatever happens next! Ice in his veins. Klay Thompson has taken that shot ten thousand times in an empty gym, and it looked exactly the same right there.

Stephen Curry slides across the court in his socks while Klay Thompson splashes water on everyone. And here is the answer to our game Fear Factor Lite! Alvin Kluck of Cheese Ridge, Minnesota, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the wind speed inside a ceiling fan?' The answer was of course the same as outside it, only angrier. Alvin takes home a scented candle that smells exactly like a bowling alley! Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

110-80 (W)

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Kevin Durant just did it by hitting Stephen Curry on the back side with acres of room. Baseline spin from Stephen Curry at full speed, and his man never even gets a hand into the picture. Filthy stuff. Stephen Curry went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second.

Oldest play in the book and it still works: Kevin Durant passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Heat check for Kevin Durant and it is GOOD. He is COOKING, and this building knows exactly what it is watching.

Shoving match at the scorer's table, except it is between Klay Thompson and an assistant coach who both want to hug Kevin Durant first. Kevin Durant lets them sort it out. The trainer has given up on protecting anybody. Somebody's clipboard is already on the floor.

Kevin Durant launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Stephen Curry never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! Stephen Curry probes to the right, pulls the string, and rises over a helpless closeout from twenty six feet. Splash.

Feet were down. Hulk drove through a brick wall, and the officials agree with the brick wall.

Clear path on Draymond Green. Two shots AND the ball. That is the expensive one.

Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know Stephen Curry once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. And now, our halftime TV game show Are You Smarter Than a Backup Center! To win a gift certificate to a diner that only takes cash, text HOOPS to 555-0804 and answer this question: 'Why are basketball nets never quite long enough to be scarves?' Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Draymond Green pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. You can hear this arena react a half second before the ball even goes through, and that tells you everything about Draymond Green.

Off comes the headband, launched into the crowd like a rock star, and the fight for it delays the inbound. Draymond Green watches two adults wrestle in row four. Half the arena is filming that instead of the game. Everybody in here has lost the plot.

OHHHH Klay Thompson is UNCONSCIOUS right now! Four straight possessions, four straight buckets! BANG! Klay Thompson steps back, creates the daylight, and buries it right in the defender's eye.

Slow walk, no expression. Klay Thompson backpedals past the Miami Heart-Attack huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Miami Heart-Attack, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Screen, hesitation, delivery, Klay Thompson drops it off perfectly for Hulk diving to the rim. Ohhh no. Hulk just walked. In front of everybody.

Swing, swing, and Stephen Curry finds Kevin Durant on the wing before the help can even turn its head. BAAAANG! Kevin Durant sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. Range like that bends a defense completely out of shape, and Draymond Green keeps proving the arc is only a suggestion.

Slow walk, no expression. Draymond Green backpedals past the Miami Heart-Attack huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

OHHHH the tension! Nobody is sitting, nobody is blinking, all of it rides on Klay Thompson. The officials come back out, cross their arms, and Klay Thompson goes from hero to spectator on one signal.

Draymond Green performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Kevin Durant imitates it. It's worse. And here is the answer to our game show Are You Smarter Than a Backup Center! Ricky Don Sturgill of Sassafras Bottom, Virginia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why are basketball nets never quite long enough to be scarves?' The answer was of course that the scarf lobby got to the rules committee in 1954. Ricky Don therefore wins a gift certificate to a diner that only takes cash! I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

111-96 (W)

Left, right, gone. Stephen Curry put that defender on skates and never even looked back. Get that one framed. Stephen Curry took off from the block and the defender is still lying on the floor.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Orlando Magic-Beans in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Klay Thompson waves his teammates to the weak side. One on one. No help, no excuses, no hiding. Pump fake, the defender bites, Klay Thompson leans into him from beyond the arc and it is good, and one. Absolutely filthy.

Somebody get the scientist a rim protection bonus! Clocks out at five, guarding the paint by seven. This league is a wonderful place.

Laser from Klay Thompson, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. Dribble alive, patient, patient, and then Stephen Curry slips it to Kevin Durant right in the pocket. Surgical. Kevin Durant had that one all the way, perfect release, perfect arc, and the rim simply refuses to let it drop.

Break! Draymond Green rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Fun fact: Draymond Green was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. And now, our halftime TV game show Wipeout the Rec League Edition! To win a weather vane pointing a direction wind has never once gone, text HOOPS to 555-0914 and answer this question: 'How many bleacher splinters are removed nationwide every Tuesday?' Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.

Contested! Draymond Green makes him change it in midair. Draymond Green grabs it, turns, and slings a one-hander three quarters of the floor. Filthy. OHHHH the speed of Stephen Curry! Nobody in this building was catching him.

Set called, Draymond Green waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. Look how low Draymond Green keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. Deep. Deeper. GONE. Draymond Green drops it in from a spot the scouting report never even listed.

Nothing but a nod. Draymond Green jogs back on defense with his eyes half closed, like the shot was a formality he had penciled in. The entire arena is levitating and he could not look less involved. The Orlando Magic-Beans bench looks personally insulted.

Clean feed from Stephen Curry, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. No roll this time. Draymond Green swings it right back to Stephen Curry above the break, and it is PURE. Twenty-four seconds of standing around, and Stephen Curry has to eat the last two of them. Possession wasted long before the shot went up.

Two defenders, one gap, and Kevin Durant finds it. Onions on that pass. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Draymond Green. Cruel.

Cold blooded from Orlando Magic-Beans, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Watch the change of pace from Stephen Curry, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Stephen Curry fires that thing at the backboard like it owes him money. No chance from the moment it left his hand.

The defender wants to reach and does not dare. Stephen Curry keeps the ball on the back hip, chin up, counting down.

Draymond Green blows a kiss to the camera. Hulk blows twelve. Kevin Durant blocks the lens. And here is the answer to our game show Wipeout the Rec League Edition! Lavonne Stackhouse of Grease Rag Creek, Delaware, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many bleacher splinters are removed nationwide every Tuesday?' The answer was of course six hundred and twelve, and most of them in the Midwest. Lavonne therefore wins a weather vane pointing a direction wind has never once gone! Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

122-98 (W)

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Hulk precisely where the play wanted it. The scientist reads the screen perfectly, comes off shoulder to shoulder, and buys himself an open look. Veteran movement, rookie resume. Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Hulk, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

OHHHH the hesi! Klay Thompson froze him solid and he is already gone! Stop on a dime, up and over those outstretched arms, and the center can only stand there and watch Klay Thompson walk away from it.

The defender planted his feet, and Klay Thompson said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. That is a shot selection problem, plain and simple. Klay Thompson drove into three bodies and the help defender was waiting the whole way.

OHHHH THE CHASEDOWN! Klay Thompson comes from nowhere and pins it on the glass! Touch pass from Stephen Curry, and Klay Thompson glides in for the finger roll. Filthy.

The too-small gesture, aimed straight at the Philadelphia Injury-Report bench, both hands measuring an inch of air. Their coach is out of his chair and onto the officials. Klay Thompson keeps the pose, unblinking, backpedaling all the way. The arena hits a decibel level that clips the broadcast mics.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Klay Thompson threw it before the help even committed. Draymond Green attacks the baseline and the ENTIRE defense has to rotate behind him! Baby hook by Draymond Green, right over that outstretched hand, high off the board, count it.

Hands out, palms up, Draymond Green shrugs at the officials like he cannot explain what he just did either. Dry as a bone. Klay Thompson is doubled over at half court and the broadcast crew is howling. It goes viral before the next possession even starts.

Both teams head to the locker room. Klay Thompson wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Klay Thompson watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. And now, our halftime TV game show Cash Cab of the Parking Lot! To win a plug-in air freshener permanently stuck on the high setting, text HOOPS to 555-0975 and answer this question: 'Why is there always exactly one balloon stuck in the rafters?' The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Hulk on time and on target. A single dribble is all Hulk needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. Nobody expects touch like that from the scientist, but that floater had more feel than half the starting guards in the league.

Chest bump so violent that Hulk and Stephen Curry both end up on the hardwood. They lie there laughing while play is stopped. A trainer jogs out to make sure nobody cracked a rib. The crowd is chanting before either man gets back to his feet.

Stephen Curry crosses, crosses back, the defender slides half a step the wrong way and the whole arena lets out the same OHHHH. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Stephen Curry nothing.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Philadelphia Injury-Report with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

No hero ball here: Klay Thompson takes what the defense gives and moves it along. The scientist just threaded a pocket pass through two defenders. Where exactly did that vision come from? That is the shot Klay Thompson wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Bucket for Philadelphia Injury-Report. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

GONE down the baseline! Kevin Durant beat him on the first step and the paint is collapsing. Look at Kevin Durant mouthing an apology toward his own bench before the call is even announced. He knew instantly.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. The scientist pops to the arc and buries it, and nobody in this building believes that man clocks in somewhere in the morning. Rising into two defenders, Draymond Green launches a jumper that finds nothing but backboard and bad decisions.

Draymond Green points both hands at the sky. Kevin Durant points at Draymond Green. Klay Thompson points at the exit. And here is the answer to our game show Cash Cab of the Parking Lot! Leonard Skidmore of Tumbleweed Alley, Arizona, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'Why is there always exactly one balloon stuck in the rafters?' The answer was of course that nobody knows, and the janitors have agreed to stop asking. Leonard therefore wins a plug-in air freshener permanently stuck on the high setting! On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

103-115 (L)

That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Stephen Curry the moment he crosses half court. Stephen Curry rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

More second chance points for Phoenix No-Defense, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Klay Thompson stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. The crowd has found its chant, and Klay Thompson is going to be hearing it all night.

Ball into Stephen Curry at the elbow, Klay Thompson plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. No touch. Klay Thompson left the soft hands in the locker room tonight. You want to know why this team keeps winning the possession battle? Hulk treats every miss like it belongs to him. The whole possession dies right there without Hulk on the offensive glass, and instead it becomes the two easiest points of the quarter.

SKIP PASS! Klay Thompson fires it cross court to Draymond Green and the defense is dead in the water! Draymond Green comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! So close. Draymond Green can only stare at the iron.

End of the second quarter. Kevin Durant is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know? Kevin Durant launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. And now, our halftime TV game show The Newlywed Regret Game! To win a genuine imitation leather fanny pack, text HOOPS to 555-0155 and answer this question: 'How many potato chips are in a family size bag before the air gets involved?' We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.

Turnover, layup, Phoenix No-Defense straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Klay Thompson makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. Stuck out on the perimeter with no outlet, Hulk panics, re-dribbles, and hands the possession over on a silver platter.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Phoenix No-Defense with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Hard drive, hard stop, and Stephen Curry retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. Wide open at the top of the key and Stephen Curry cannot make it count, the defense secures the board and takes off in transition.

Hesitate, GO. Klay Thompson is by that hip before the man even blinks. Klay Thompson draws the foul on a THREE-POINT attempt. The building groans, the coach turns around, and nobody wants to make eye contact.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Klay Thompson has known that all night long. Two defenders collide on the handoff and Kevin Durant is gone, so Stephen Curry earned that one even if the box score disagrees. Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Kevin Durant. Kevin Durant backs his man down, feels the contact, spins middle and drops it in over both hands. Fundamentals!

Cold blooded from Phoenix No-Defense, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Klay Thompson in stride before the defense can even match up. That is vision. Klay Thompson sees the pocket open for a tenth of a second and puts the ball in it. Contested, off balance, fading away from the wrong shoulder, that is a shot Kevin Durant should never take with three teammates standing wide open.

Foul to give, and Stephen Curry gives it. Clock stops.

Hulk claps his hands in frustration. Draymond Green clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. And here is the answer to our game The Newlywed Regret Game! Loretta Bagwell of Turkey Foot, Georgia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many potato chips are in a family size bag before the air gets involved?' The answer was of course eleven, and the remainder is atmosphere. Loretta takes home a genuine imitation leather fanny pack! I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

110-90 (W)

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Draymond Green put that man in a blender and the third row felt it! Perfect drop-off from Hulk, and Draymond Green answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

No good. Stephen Curry rushed that one. Stephen Curry SKIES for it! Extra life for this offense. OHHHH, what a read by Stephen Curry! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. Soft touch from Kevin Durant, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Kevin Durant plants himself in front of the Los Angeles Nursing-Home bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Stephen Curry launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. One hard step and Kevin Durant owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. Kevin Durant beat the clock by a tenth of a second and missed by about four feet. Technically legal, competitively pointless.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Stephen Curry just did it by hitting Hulk on the back side with acres of room. Working him at the top of the key, low dribble, low dribble, then Hulk rips it across and his man lunges at a ghost. Third one of these from Hulk this quarter, third time the arc is wrong. The lane is not open real estate anymore.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Stephen Curry already has the defense a full step behind. The help defender committed way too early, and Kevin Durant made him pay for it with a spin they will be replaying all week. Not a hand on him. Kevin Durant flat missed the bunny.

Halftime whistle. Hulk high-fives his teammates on the way out. Rumor has it Hulk has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. And now, our halftime TV game show Card Sharks and Minnows! To win a case of off-brand soda called Mister Fizz, text HOOPS to 555-0209 and answer this question: 'How deep is the deep end of a kiddie pool?' Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.

Los Angeles Nursing-Home again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

The confidence is sky high, the shot selection has left the building, and Klay Thompson just threw a brick from twenty-nine feet.

Over the top of everybody. Klay Thompson to Stephen Curry in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on Stephen Curry, and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. Put him on skates, then put him on a POSTER. Stephen Curry owns the highlight reel tonight.

Stephen Curry hangs on the rim one extra beat, letting the whole arena wait on him, then drops down into a dead-eyed mean mug. Klay Thompson shoves him in the chest just to get a reaction. Nothing. Stone face on a man who just changed the game.

Cold blooded from Los Angeles Nursing-Home, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Get the ball up the floor! Klay Thompson has turned a routine inbound pass into a full-blown crisis. Lazy crosscourt pass, and Hulk makes them pay. Clean pick, no whistle, two easy ones before that coach can sit back down. Steal, sprint, slam. Hulk takes the Klay Thompson feed and puts it down before anyone gets back.

Watch the spacing there, Stephen Curry hits Kevin Durant right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. The defender crowded the middle, and Kevin Durant punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Kevin Durant attacks the baseline, the big man steps up to meet him, and it does not matter one bit. FILTHY.

Right hand to the mouthguard, out, pointed at the rafters, back in. Kevin Durant does not break stride once. Two rows of fans are hugging total strangers. Complete loss of composure in the entire lower bowl, and the game is nowhere near over.

Pounding the dribble up top, body wedged between the ball and the defender, shoulders wide, Stephen Curry is giving away absolutely nothing.

Kevin Durant does a belly slide on the court. Hulk does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. And here is the answer to our game Card Sharks and Minnows! Norma Jean Slaughterbeck of Grease Rack, Indiana, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How deep is the deep end of a kiddie pool?' The answer was of course approximately one confident toddler. Norma Jean takes home a case of off-brand soda called Mister Fizz! Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

106-109 (L)

One little shoulder dip from Stephen Curry and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Contact, body control, feather touch. Stephen Curry makes that look routine and it is anything but.

Down by the baseline, Stephen Curry points at the arena DJ, who obliges with the loudest thing in the catalog. The whole lower bowl is up. Klay Thompson is dancing badly and fully aware of it. The Toronto Border-Patrol coach signals for time and gets ignored by his own players.

The extra pass! Stephen Curry had the look, gave it up anyway, and Klay Thompson buries it. BANG! Watch the feet on Klay Thompson there, still drifting sideways at the release, and that is exactly why the floater sails wide left of everything.

More second chance points for Toronto Border-Patrol, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Five straight misses now for Hulk, and every voice in that huddle has gone quiet. Stuck holding it as the clock bleeds out, Kevin Durant fades away from twenty-six feet, and it is not close.

Bucket for Toronto Border-Patrol. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Halftime. The physio pounces on Draymond Green to massage his thighs. Did you know? Draymond Green has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. And now, our halftime TV game show The Bonus Round of Regret! To win a set of curtains printed with enormous cartoon sheep, text HOOPS to 555-1224 and answer this question: 'What is the distance from the free throw line to a lifetime of regret?' Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.

Hulk is on the floor pointing at his own forearm, the coach is halfway to midcourt, and the officials have heard plenty.

Stephen Curry walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Oldest play in the book, and Draymond Green runs it in his sleep. That drop coverage never had a prayer. That is a dime from Stephen Curry that deserved so much better, and Kevin Durant knows it, head down, jogging back before the ball even lands.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Kevin Durant threw it before the help even committed. Screen, pop, SPLASH! Stephen Curry kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. BAAAANG! Draymond Green from the logo, and the entire bench is on its feet losing its mind!

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Draymond Green roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Klay Thompson kicks it over to Kevin Durant, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. OHHHH the pin-down! Kevin Durant pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Klay Thompson. Brutal. Two guys on the exact same page, Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. OHHHHH POSTERIZED! Kevin Durant just ENDED that defender at the rim!

Kevin Durant throws both arms up and holds them there, letting the arena pull the sound out of him. Twenty thousand people on their feet at once. Klay Thompson grabs his shoulders from behind and shakes him like a snow globe. The floor is genuinely vibrating.

OHHHH the separation! Stephen Curry just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. OFF THE IRON and halfway to the bench! Stephen Curry missed that one with real conviction.

Turnover, layup, Toronto Border-Patrol straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Stephen Curry launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Draymond Green and Stephen Curry just played basketball and the defense got shredded. The big man never even contested it, and Draymond Green still could not get the runner to drop. That one is on him.

The scientist is holding the final possession of a professional basketball game, and this morning he was clocking in like it was any other Tuesday. You will not draw up a better look. Hulk got his switch, got his feet set, got it clean off. The basketball gods said no.

Kevin Durant presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Hulk walks right past without noticing. And here is the answer to our game show The Bonus Round of Regret! Homer Fussell of Poke Salad Crossing, Rhode Island, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the distance from the free throw line to a lifetime of regret?' The answer was of course fifteen feet, same as it has always been, which is the cruel part. Homer therefore wins a set of curtains printed with enormous cartoon sheep! I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

99-92 (W)

Total control. Stephen Curry has this thing on a string. Whirl, and GONE! Kevin Durant leaves the defender grabbing at a jersey that stopped being there half a second ago. Nasty finish. Kevin Durant hangs, adjusts in midair, and drops it through.

One finger to the sky, held there, eyes closed in the middle of all that noise, and Kevin Durant does not move. The arena figures it out and quiets for a beat. Draymond Green puts a hand on his back and says nothing, then the sound comes back like a wave.

SPIN and GO! Klay Thompson pirouettes right through the traffic and comes out the other side clean! That is the play that breaks a defense. Klay Thompson has turned three straight drives into points and the help is starting to hesitate.

Minnesota Ice-Wall again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Kevin Durant just did it by hitting Stephen Curry on the back side with acres of room. Give and go! Stephen Curry gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! Gift wrapped by Hulk, and Stephen Curry cannot finish the two footer. That one is going to sting.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Minnesota Ice-Wall with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

The players disappear into the tunnel. Klay Thompson asks for an ice pack. Did you know Klay Thompson keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. And now, our halftime TV game show Name That Casserole! To win a folding chair with one leg noticeably shorter than the others, text HOOPS to 555-0177 and answer this question: 'What is the official state bird of a parking lot?' The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.

Third reach charged to Draymond Green. At some point the officials stop giving you the benefit of the doubt, and that point was two whistles ago. He stays out there with five, which tells you how much this coach trusts Draymond Green and how little he trusts anybody else.

Baseline wide open. Kevin Durant said thank you. Oh, that is rough. Kevin Durant killed his own dribble and then started a brand new one.

STOP AND GO! Klay Thompson hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. The gather was clean, the decision after it was not. Klay Thompson had a live pivot foot and threw it away for a bounce he did not need.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Stephen Curry has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Kevin Durant precisely where the play wanted it. Beautiful footwork on that one from Kevin Durant, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. That is what heavy minutes do, Kevin Durant has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper.

STONEWALLED! Draymond Green holds his ground and the big man gives it right back up. One hand, full court, Draymond Green hits Kevin Durant in stride and the crowd is already up. OHHHH what a FINISH from Kevin Durant! Hanging, hanging, and laying it high off the glass on the way down!

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Klay Thompson has known that all night long. Hulk drives, draws two bodies, and swings it one more time to the corner. That is the pass nobody is required to make. From eight feet Kevin Durant puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Kevin Durant hands it off to Klay Thompson, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. OHHHH, that one died in the air! Kevin Durant put nothing into it and the front rim eats the floater. Second-chance points are how you steal games on the road, and Hulk has now cleaned up four misses tonight. Hulk crashes the glass, snatches that miss out of the air and hammers it home. Onions!

Chest bump so violent that Hulk and Draymond Green both end up on the hardwood. They lie there laughing while play is stopped. A trainer jogs out to make sure nobody cracked a rib. The crowd is chanting before either man gets back to his feet.

Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. And here is the answer to our game Name That Casserole! Bobbie Jo Tatum of Mule Shoe Flats, Texas, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the official state bird of a parking lot?' The answer was of course the seagull, even nine hundred miles inland. Bobbie Jo takes home a folding chair with one leg noticeably shorter than the others! I learned tonight that Kevin Durant used to be a scientist. That explains the unique running style. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

99-98 (W)

Small thing, a jump ball, but Draymond Green winning that tip means we set the tone. Coaches script that first play for a reason.

Bodies everywhere in the paint and it does not matter one bit to Klay Thompson, one spin and the ball never leaves the string. Draymond Green threads a BEAUTY to Klay Thompson under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

Ball moves. Stephen Curry to Draymond Green, on time and on target. That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Draymond Green does. Rising up out of the corner, Draymond Green sends it LONG, clanging off the far side and out to the wing.

Not an inch to spare on the endline, but Klay Thompson keeps both feet in bounds and the help gets there a beat too late. Third look from distance for Klay Thompson tonight and the arc keeps flattening out, tired legs writing checks the jumper cannot cash.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Draymond Green just moved a man forty pounds heavier off his own spot! Rebound, look, gone. Draymond Green to Stephen Curry and this is a footrace now. A timeout is coming, because no defense recovers from watching Stephen Curry do that to one of their own.

The too-small gesture, aimed straight at the Houston Blast-Off bench, both hands measuring an inch of air. Their coach is out of his chair and onto the officials. Stephen Curry keeps the pose, unblinking, backpedaling all the way. The arena hits a decibel level that clips the broadcast mics.

The locker room. Draymond Green sprawls out full-length on the bench. Physio's confession: Draymond Green purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. And now, our halftime TV game show The Weakest Ankle! To win a laminated placemat showing every single county in Nebraska, text HOOPS to 555-0212 and answer this question: 'How many minutes are in a halftime that feels like forever?' Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.

Turnover, layup, Houston Blast-Off straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

OHHHHH HE SNATCHED HIS ANKLES! Stephen Curry left him on the hardwood and this building is SHAKING! Watch the footwork from Stephen Curry: one-two into the paint, no charge, feathery touch off the glass. Filthy craft.

The whole second unit is on the floor before the ball is out of the net. Stephen Curry disappears underneath them. Somewhere in the pile shoe comes off. Hulk is on the outside of it screaming straight up at the ceiling.

Dagger from Houston Blast-Off. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Worst possession of the night for the other team, and Klay Thompson just turned it into three points at the stripe. Free of charge. That is number THREE on Klay Thompson, and we have not even reached the half.

Oldest play in the book and it still works: Klay Thompson passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Bless him, Klay Thompson tried a move he has clearly only ever pulled off in an empty gym at midnight. Walk.

Snatched his ankles, and Hulk is still checking whether they are attached. You cannot touch it inside the cylinder, and Hulk touched it inside the cylinder. Handed over, no receipt.

HERE IT COMES! Every soul in this gym knows the ball is going to Klay Thompson, and it may not matter one bit. Understand what you just watched: an entire year turns on one possession, and Draymond Green stepped into it without a single flicker of doubt.

Draymond Green freezes in his follow-through, wrist still hanging, and holds it while the Houston Blast-Off coach burns a timeout out of pure desperation. He holds it through the whistle. He holds it into the huddle. The cameras eat every single second of it.

Hulk and Kevin Durant form a tunnel for Draymond Green to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. And here is the answer to our game The Weakest Ankle! Delbert Yoakum of Cold Biscuit, Missouri, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many minutes are in a halftime that feels like forever?' The answer was of course fifteen, though eleven of those are purely spiritual. Delbert takes home a laminated placemat showing every single county in Nebraska! On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

109-100 (W)

The defender crowded the middle, and Klay Thompson punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Off the back iron for Klay Thompson, that one had all the distance and none of the accuracy, and the board goes the other way.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Denver Horse-Track in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

No hero ball here: Stephen Curry takes what the defense gives and moves it along. The beauty of it is that Hulk never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Klay Thompson lets it FLY from way downtown and... front rim. Not this time.

Right through the window. Klay Thompson to Draymond Green on the roll, and the help was a half step late. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Draymond Green rose up over the help and hammered it down on somebody's head!

Draymond Green slides on his knees down the free throw lane, arms wide, and ends up flat on his back watching his own replay on the video board. He points at himself on the screen. The officials have stopped pretending to have any control here.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Klay Thompson has known that all night long. Give and go! Draymond Green gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! Catch on the block, shoulder into the chest, one dribble, and Draymond Green finishes over the top. Textbook.

Somebody's towel goes up, then thirty of them, and the bench turns into a laundry emergency. Draymond Green stands in the middle of it with his arms out, letting them rain down on his head. An assistant coach is spinning one like a helicopter. Institutional collapse.

Time to breathe. Draymond Green has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Rumor has it Draymond Green has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. And now, our halftime TV game show Briefcase Roulette! To win a portable radio that only picks up farm reports, text HOOPS to 555-0561 and answer this question: 'How many towels does a bench player go through during a blowout?' Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.

SPIN and GO! Klay Thompson pirouettes right through the traffic and comes out the other side clean! Buzzer on the shot clock, Klay Thompson heaves it off one leg, and the ball comes up short of everything.

Perfect timing, no contact, no whistle from Hulk, just a clean swat and a stance that dares anybody else to try it. The scientist just threw an outlet that traveled farther than most people commute. Absurd. The bench has cleared, the crowd is screaming, and somewhere a photographer just got the shot of the season thanks to Stephen Curry.

That crossover was not about getting a shot up. Klay Thompson pulled it out to tell everybody in the gym whose possession this is. Count them with me: one step, two steps, and a third one nobody asked for. The official has seen enough of Klay Thompson.

Klay Thompson is locked in on the other bench's best player and he has not backed up one single inch. This is what you buy the ticket for.

Cold blooded from Denver Horse-Track, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Nobody touched him. Stephen Curry beat himself right there.

The assistant points at the far corner, the head coach points at Klay Thompson, and the other three get told exactly where to stand. Hulk delivers on the second option, Draymond Green buries it, and the coach is already walking back to the bench like he knew. He did know.

Draymond Green grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Hulk's name. The announcer chases him. And here is the answer to our game show Briefcase Roulette! Ardith Sprague of Chicken Wing, Illinois, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many towels does a bench player go through during a blowout?' The answer was of course nine, and one of them is purely decorative. Ardith therefore wins a portable radio that only picks up farm reports! Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

118-103 (W)

Pull-up from the elbow by Kevin Durant, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out. OFFENSIVE GLASS! Hulk beats three men to the spot! Court vision like that on the scientist is absurd. Whatever the day job pays him, the assist numbers say he is badly underpriced. Kevin Durant takes two dribbles past halfcourt, rises from thirty five feet, and the net barely moves. Filthy.

Body to body all the way to the rim and the arm goes up. That is on Stephen Curry, and this crew is not letting anything go tonight.

Beautiful footwork on that one from Stephen Curry, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. Watch the footwork there from Stephen Curry on the catch, squared up before the ball ever arrives. That is exactly why it goes down so clean.

Dagger from New York Over-Timers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

NO! Draymond Green fouls a shooter behind the arc. Three free throws. That is malpractice. You can watch the math happen on that sideline: Draymond Green has four, there are big minutes left, and somebody has to hold the fort.

The locker room. Kevin Durant sprawls out full-length on the bench. Intel: Kevin Durant once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. And now, our halftime TV game show Pawn Stars of the Neighborhood! To win a corn dog the size of a mailbox, already gone cold, text HOOPS to 555-0433 and answer this question: 'What is the average airspeed of a paper airplane thrown from the upper deck?' Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.

Fingertips! Stephen Curry gets just enough on it and the ball squirts loose. Draymond Green converts on the break again, and that defense has now been beaten down the floor three straight trips. Somebody better call timeout.

Swing, swing, and Klay Thompson finds Draymond Green on the wing before the help can even turn its head. The help defender committed way too early, and Draymond Green made him pay for it with a spin they will be replaying all week. Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Draymond Green launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

Draymond Green eats the contact so Klay Thompson can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Klay Thompson rises, the big man rises higher, and the shot is stuffed into the second row. Return to sender.

More second chance points for New York Over-Timers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Klay Thompson makes it every single trip down the floor. One little shoulder dip from Kevin Durant and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. Down, up, and gone for Kevin Durant. The rim is just toying with him now.

SKIP PASS! Stephen Curry fires it cross court to Hulk and the defense is dead in the water! Watch the change of pace from Hulk, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Two on the shot clock and the ball ends up with the scientist, which is how you get a twenty-eight footer off the wrong foot.

Ball moves. Stephen Curry to Kevin Durant, on time and on target. Kevin Durant holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Draymond Green flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. That little shot is what keeps guards employed in this league, and Draymond Green has it on a string tonight.

Ice in the veins: Draymond Green taps two fingers on his wrist, slow and cold, while the horn is still fading. Courtside is standing on the chairs. The visiting bench does not move an inch. Somebody in the second row has already turned it into a T-shirt.

Draymond Green launches his shoe into the air. Klay Thompson catches it. Standing ovation. And here is the answer to our game Pawn Stars of the Neighborhood! Bud Applewhite of Cornbread Hill, Oregon, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the average airspeed of a paper airplane thrown from the upper deck?' The answer was of course roughly one usher per second. Bud takes home a corn dog the size of a mailbox, already gone cold! Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

107-91 (W)

OHHHH he SNATCHED that tip! Draymond Green rips it out of the air and we are off.

Bucket for Cleveland Twin-Towers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Nobody on earth enjoys taking a charge, which is exactly why Kevin Durant keeps doing it and keeps swinging games.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Kevin Durant threw it before the help even committed. Klay Thompson just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Stephen Curry half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. POCKET PASS! Stephen Curry threads it to Klay Thompson between two bodies and the rim is wide open! Two defenders in the lane, Klay Thompson splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

Stone silence for one second, then Klay Thompson lets out something that is not really a word, more a sound from the basement of a human being. Stephen Curry answers with the same noise. The arena joins in. There is no language left in this building.

Dagger from Cleveland Twin-Towers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

The players leave the court. Hulk clings to the tunnel railing. Intel: Hulk asked Cleveland Twin-Towers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. And now, our halftime TV game show American Idle! To win a two-year subscription to a newsletter about gravel, text HOOPS to 555-0059 and answer this question: 'What is the recommended number of nacho cheese pumps per tray?' Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Kevin Durant makes it every single trip down the floor. STOP AND GO! Klay Thompson hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Klay Thompson builds the whole thing from nothing. No screen, no help, three points.

Klay Thompson pulls the jersey away from his chest and points at the crest, twice, hard, then taps his heart. No smile, no theater. The arena horn keeps going long after it should stop. Somebody up in the rafters is holding a sign about this exact city.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Klay Thompson breaks a shell down. OHHHHH HE SNATCHED HIS ANKLES! Stephen Curry left him on the hardwood and this building is SHAKING! They do not teach that footwork anymore, and yet here is Stephen Curry running a full masterclass on the low block.

Ice in the veins: Stephen Curry taps two fingers on his wrist, slow and cold, while the horn is still fading. Courtside is standing on the chairs. The visiting bench does not move an inch. Somebody in the second row has already turned it into a T-shirt.

Bodies everywhere in the paint and it does not matter one bit to Klay Thompson, one spin and the ball never leaves the string. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Klay Thompson, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Nobody is getting a hand near that. Stephen Curry has all the room in the world. REJECTED! Stephen Curry takes it in and gets it sent straight back into his own chest.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Kevin Durant in stride before the defense can even match up. This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Kevin Durant gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. Getting to his spot and elevating, Kevin Durant puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Kevin Durant reads it two passes early, steps into the gap and takes away the entire lane before anybody gets there.

Set called, Hulk waved out to the corner, and Stephen Curry watches the spacing open up like a front door. Hulk crosses, crosses back, the defender slides half a step the wrong way and the whole arena lets out the same OHHHH. Catch, rise, splash. The scientist owns the cleanest jumper on this floor and still has a shift to work in the morning.

Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. And here is the answer to our game American Idle! Lamar Twitty of Little Sandy Corner, Delaware, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the recommended number of nacho cheese pumps per tray?' The answer was of course three, and anything past three is a lifestyle. Lamar takes home a two-year subscription to a newsletter about gravel! During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

89-114 (L)

Dagger from Boston Ring-Chasers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Closeout from Stephen Curry like a man chasing a bus. Late, out of control, and right into the shooter's landing space. Fourth personal on Stephen Curry. The arena groans, the bench goes silent, and the other team just spotted daylight.

You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Klay Thompson gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Rises, releases, and Draymond Green sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Stephen Curry drops it off to Hulk on time and on target. OHHHH the separation! Hulk just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Straight through the traffic, straight through the contact. The scientist finishes with a free throw coming and the paint suddenly feels very small.

Hulk hangs on the rim one extra beat, letting the whole arena wait on him, then drops down into a dead-eyed mean mug. Klay Thompson shoves him in the chest just to get a reaction. Nothing. Stone face on a man who just changed the game.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Klay Thompson breaks a shell down. Hulk rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. OHHHH that is SILKY! Hulk with the teardrop, and it kisses through.

End of the first act. Draymond Green is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Little secret: Draymond Green watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. And now, our halftime TV game show Match Game Seventy-Eight and a Half! To win a hand-crank ice cream maker missing the crank, text HOOPS to 555-0413 and answer this question: 'What is the average lifespan of an ink pen at a bank?' Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Boston Ring-Chasers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

The defense keeps turning contested looks by Kevin Durant into free points. STOP REACHING. Wide left and nowhere near it, Kevin Durant delivers the ball straight to the baseline photographer. Uncontested.

Over the top of everybody. Klay Thompson to Hulk in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. The scientist takes the baseline and bends an entire defense out of shape. Absolutely absurd stuff in this building tonight. The scientist had two points in the bank and the iron took them right back out. You do not get heartbreak like that in the day job.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Boston Ring-Chasers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Watch the change of pace from Klay Thompson, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Up goes the shot from Klay Thompson and that is nothing but AIR, and every soul in this building saw it happen.

Boston Ring-Chasers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Wasted possession from Klay Thompson. Charge, dead ball, and the other team walks its offense right back up the floor with a free one.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Stephen Curry has known that all night long. Dribble handoff from Kevin Durant, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! Textbook footwork, textbook release from Draymond Green, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

Whistles. Monitor. And Stephen Curry standing frozen at midcourt. Freeze it right there: leather glued to the fingers of Stephen Curry, horn already screaming. No basket.

Stephen Curry isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Klay Thompson tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. And here is the answer to our game Match Game Seventy-Eight and a Half! Roscoe Tidwell of Frog Level, Alabama, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the average lifespan of an ink pen at a bank?' The answer was of course nine minutes, after which it goes home with a man named Gary. Roscoe takes home a hand-crank ice cream maker missing the crank! Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

97-121 (L)

Turnover, layup, San Antonio Skyscrapers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Klay Thompson in stride before the defense can even match up. Klay Thompson tries to force it through two bodies and finds nothing but the defender's hands.

Klay Thompson splits the coverage with a bounce pass you need slow motion to appreciate. Dimes. The filthy euro-step in traffic was the idea, but the feet got greedy and the whistle blew Stephen Curry dead.

More second chance points for San Antonio Skyscrapers, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Laser from Klay Thompson, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. Here comes the slip from Kevin Durant, and Draymond Green reads it a half second before anybody else in the building. Fifth possession this half where Kevin Durant has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

Break. Kevin Durant collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Did you know? Kevin Durant tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. And now, our halftime TV game show Countdown to Nothing in Particular! To win a jigsaw puzzle with all four corner pieces missing, text HOOPS to 555-1207 and answer this question: 'How many hot dogs does a mascot eat before he stops enjoying it?' Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Stephen Curry controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. Draymond Green hands it off to Klay Thompson, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. From eight feet Draymond Green puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Bucket for San Antonio Skyscrapers. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Unselfish basketball. Stephen Curry passes up a good shot and hands Klay Thompson a GREAT one. Klay Thompson attacks the paint, absorbs the bump, twists his body all the way around the defender and reverses it in. FILTHY.

Klay Thompson pulls the jersey away from his chest and points at the crest, twice, hard, then taps his heart. No smile, no theater. The arena horn keeps going long after it should stop. Somebody up in the rafters is holding a sign about this exact city.

Kick out to Stephen Curry, one more to Draymond Green, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Draymond Green!

Oh my. Draymond Green did not even draw iron. The shot is short, and Stephen Curry is the only man moving. He rips it out of the crowd and the possession lives. Second pass beats the rotation, Stephen Curry to Draymond Green, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. The ball skips around the perimeter, Stephen Curry finds the open man on the weak side, and Draymond Green buries it.

San Antonio Skyscrapers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Take fouls are a coaching decision, but never that one. Draymond Green fouled in the open floor with nothing to protect, and the scoreboard is about to punish him for it. Not one hand went for the basketball, just a forearm through the chest of Draymond Green. That is the textbook definition of unnecessary contact.

Hulk gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Klay Thompson saw it a beat early. Beautiful footwork on that one from Hulk, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. Hulk went for the deep heat check and produced the loudest silence of the night, roar to OHHHH in half a second.

Not pretty, but this is arithmetic now. Stephen Curry trades one foul for one more possession, and down five with a minute left, that math works.

Kevin Durant's complexion is grey. Draymond Green's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. And here is the answer to our game show Countdown to Nothing in Particular! Norma Jean Sprinkle of Butterbean Flats, Alaska, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many hot dogs does a mascot eat before he stops enjoying it?' The answer was of course nine, and the tenth one is purely professional. Norma Jean therefore wins a jigsaw puzzle with all four corner pieces missing! On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

95-103 (L)

Cold blooded from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Klay Thompson makes it every single trip down the floor. OHHHH that is filthy! Draymond Green on the handoff and the man guarding it is still fighting over the top. OHHHH, that one died in the air! Kevin Durant put nothing into it and the front rim eats the floater.

Push the pace! Stephen Curry grabs it and hits Draymond Green in stride before the defense can even match up. Baseline wide open. Draymond Green said thank you. Nobody bothered to contest it, because nobody believed Draymond Green would shoot from there. Lesson learned the hard way.

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Kevin Durant threw it before the help even committed. A single dribble is all Klay Thompson needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Klay Thompson launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

Pass, skip, reversal, pass again. Draymond Green shifts with every single one of them and the possession ends in a contested fadeaway. Tipped away by Stephen Curry! Loose ball, scramble, bodies everywhere, and it ends up in our hands.

Finally a breather. Klay Thompson has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Little secret: Klay Thompson watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. And now, our halftime TV game show Three in a Row Probably! To win a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot, text HOOPS to 555-0607 and answer this question: 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Draymond Green gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Klay Thompson saw it a beat early. Watch the change of pace from Draymond Green, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. OHHHH the POWER! Draymond Green took the hit and finished it anyway!

Draymond Green does the bit whole team practiced in the hotel: a slow-motion handshake with Kevin Durant that goes on far too long, sound effects included. Six full seconds. The referee stands there holding the ball. Neither man breaks character.

Bucket for Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Late rotation from Draymond Green, he arrives half a beat behind the drive and the contact is obvious to everybody in the building.

Here is the danger of a hot night: Stephen Curry stops taking the shots that got him going and starts taking the ones that cool him off.

Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Kevin Durant and Draymond Green just played basketball and the defense got shredded. OHHHH! Kevin Durant went up looking for a poster and came back down as the punchline.

Dagger from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Ball moves. Kevin Durant to Stephen Curry, on time and on target. Watch the spacing, Stephen Curry drags two bodies toward the ball and Klay Thompson is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. Shot clock at one, and Klay Thompson just has to throw something at the rim. Nothing doing.

Chased down from behind and wrapped up before he can get into his dribble, all courtesy of Kevin Durant. Here comes the free throw parade.

Draymond Green sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Kevin Durant puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. And here is the answer to our game show Three in a Row Probably! Colleen Hackenberg of Rusty Nail, Pennsylvania, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What happens to the air inside a basketball left in a truck overnight?' The answer was of course it becomes a slightly smaller basketball, and everybody in the gym agrees to say nothing about it. Colleen therefore wins a crock pot with the lid from a completely different crock pot! Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.