My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Victor Wembanyama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 224 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
93-130 (L)
Bronny James, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Freakish explosiveness from the jump!
A fadeaway jumper by Trent Williams under the basket is way off! Tough night for this dude out of nowhere!
This guy with a proven track record Bronny James gets pickpocketed in the paint! Sloppy handling!
Bronny James, this combo guard, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over hot head!
T. J. McConnell explodes and kicks the stanchion! This potential breakout star losing composure!
Into the tunnel. DK Metcalf grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote of the day: DK Metcalf forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
T. J. McConnell, this solid build, can't get a devastating dunk to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Bronny James posts up but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to force bad shots emptying the tank!
Victor Wembanyama with the errant pass! This name that's buzzing needs to settle down!
Bronny James, this combo guard, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to force bad shots written all over his face!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Trent Williams refuses the coach's embrace. Victor Wembanyama accepts it but his body is stiff. I learned tonight that Trent Williams used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
123-101 (W)
This player nobody saw coming T. J. McConnell means business! Fast start at the top of the key!
A deep three from Trent Williams! That's an off-the-charts basketball IQ at the highest level!
Bronny James, this all-around player, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
DK Metcalf with the lob pass from the right corner! This dude out of nowhere to the teammate! Boom!
Bronny James, this tweener, sets a brick-wall screen! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
Halftime. Trent Williams wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Locker room intel: Trent Williams has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Victor Wembanyama with another reverse layup! You can't stop this man!
DK Metcalf, this surprise package, feeds off every decibel! Immense pressure is fuel!
DK Metcalf, this total unknown, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
The stadium knows it! Victor Wembanyama is special! This well-respected player writing legacy!
DK Metcalf, this swiss-army-knife type, celebrates the win! A hug with the coach! What a game!
T. J. McConnell throws chalk powder like LeBron. Bronny James coughs for two minutes straight. Tonight I learned T. J. McConnell used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
134-88 (W)
This dark horse DK Metcalf in the starting lineup! Let's see what this dark horse brings!
Bronny James strings together a buzzer beater at the top of the key. A killer instinct on full display!
Trent Williams spins into the lane and kicks out! Next-level basketball IQ and great decision-making!
T. J. McConnell, this rising star, operates at the top of the key with a catch-and-shoot triple! Clinic!
Trent Williams, this beanpole, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by iron discipline!
Halftime whistle. Trent Williams high-fives his teammates on the way out. Did you know Trent Williams plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Victor Wembanyama scores from under the basket! A step-back three with an unmatched feel for the game! Brilliant!
Bronny James piles it on! A bank shot extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Bronny James calls a timeout team doesn't have! This name that's buzzing lost count!
Trent Williams fades away and celebrates! A fist pump toward the bench from way beyond the arc! The crowd erupts!
That's the game! T. J. McConnell finishes with a monster performance! This surprise package victorious!
Bronny James and Victor Wembanyama cradle the game ball like a baby. T. J. McConnell takes a photo. I learned that Bronny James's father was a volunteer firefighter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
124-92 (W)
And we're underway! Victor Wembanyama touches the leather first! This seasoned vet looks eager!
Bronny James, this hooper's hooper, unleashes an and-one along the baseline! Bang!
DK Metcalf, this who-is-this-guy player, walls up from downtown! Impenetrable defense!
DK Metcalf, this do-it-all player, runs the offense with nerves of steel! Beautiful passing!
This unknown gem T. J. McConnell uses the floater over this solid build coverage! Smart!
Break. T. J. McConnell asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Rumor has it T. J. McConnell has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Trent Williams scores with an unmatched feel for the game. A fadeaway jumper from mid-range! Too smooth!
You can feel a packed arena through the screen! Bronny James in the spotlight!
DK Metcalf, this solid build, repositions on defense! Eyes in the back of the head collective effort!
Trent Williams overcomes the early struggles! This guy nobody was talking about rising like a phoenix!
Trent Williams, this who-is-this-guy player, embraces the teammates! A team high-five! Sweet victory!
Trent Williams launches his shoe into the air. T. J. McConnell catches it. Standing ovation. I learned tonight that Trent Williams used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
106-114 (L)
Tip-off! Trent Williams gets us started! Let's go!
DK Metcalf with the off-balance and-one! This dark horse couldn't set the feet!
T. J. McConnell, this all-around player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
Trent Williams gets caught flat-footed! This hidden prospect beaten to the spot!
DK Metcalf, this combo guard, rises above and hammers a deep three!
Halftime. The doctor examines DK Metcalf's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Staff confession: DK Metcalf is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Victor Wembanyama glares at the scoreboard! This hooper's hooper not happy with the situation!
An and-one from Victor Wembanyama hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
Victor Wembanyama pulls up to the weak side! This dude putting the league on notice exploiting the rotation!
T. J. McConnell, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
T. J. McConnell, this combo guard, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Trent Williams sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. T. J. McConnell puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
102-105 (L)
DK Metcalf, this hungry young player, embraces the standing ovation! Game on!
Trent Williams launches the Spalding with pure God-given talent. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Trent Williams overcommits and gets beat! Ego the size of Texas when reading the play!
T. J. McConnell, this do-it-all player, gets the look but can't convert at the buzzer!
This diamond in the rough T. J. McConnell ignites the rally! The deficit is shrinking!
Time to breathe. Bronny James has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote: Bronny James slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Victor Wembanyama, this solid pro, air-balls in the final quarter! The crowd is stunned!
Bronny James mutters to himself walking back! This respected competitor fighting inner demons!
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama is living their best moment right now on the low block!
This unknown gem DK Metcalf can't deliver when it matters! Injury-prone body under pressure!
DK Metcalf walks off in silence. This total unknown gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Victor Wembanyama scratches the back of his neck nervously. Bronny James has the look of someone who has seen things. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
100-106 (L)
Trent Williams, this absolute unit, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
T. J. McConnell forces a bank shot at half court! This potential breakout star trying too hard!
DK Metcalf coughs up the Spalding! Heavy feet strikes again in the paint!
T. J. McConnell bites on the pump fake! This surprise package sent flying under the basket!
Bronny James, this do-it-all player, takes over on the low block. A finger roll! That's elite!
Back in the locker room, DK Metcalf sits down and stares at the ceiling. Small detail: DK Metcalf whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This surprise package T. J. McConnell hangs the head after the miss! Deflated on the low block!
T. J. McConnell goes to work but it's well off! Ego the size of Texas under fatigue!
Bronny James spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Victor Wembanyama is gassed! This league veteran bent over at half court! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
DK Metcalf, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
Victor Wembanyama leaves the court at a jog. Trent Williams stays there, planted at center court, motionless. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
98-112 (L)
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama opens the scoring! An alley-oop! Early advantage!
T. J. McConnell rushes a devastating dunk along the baseline! Defense that's basically a suggestion creeping in!
T. J. McConnell, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the Spalding! Mental lapse!
This unknown gem T. J. McConnell can't recover! Scored on driving to the hoop! Heavy feet!
This solid pro Bronny James erupts for a half-court heave! The floodgates are open!
Halftime whistle. Victor Wembanyama spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote of the day: Victor Wembanyama forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Bronny James slams the basketball in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
T. J. McConnell, this do-it-all player, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this total unknown!
Victor Wembanyama uses the hesitation dribble! Natural-born leadership creating separation!
Bronny James steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Hot head catching up!
T. J. McConnell, this newcomer, takes the loss hard. Defense that's basically a suggestion at the wrong moments.
DK Metcalf bites the inside of his cheek. Trent Williams pinches the bridge of his nose. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-107 (L)
This up-and-coming baller Bronny James catches the orange early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, can't finish from the left corner! That one stings!
Victor Wembanyama charges right into the defender! Turnover! Heavy feet when controlling pace!
DK Metcalf, this solid build, gets exploited in the switch! Limited stamina exposed in the mismatch!
Bronny James with the smooth sky hook! This legit talent making it look easy!
Break! DK Metcalf heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know DK Metcalf knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Houston Blast-Off's colors. By accident, obviously. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
DK Metcalf mouths off and picks up a T! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
DK Metcalf crosses over but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
This league veteran Bronny James recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
DK Metcalf asks for the ball to slow the pace! This newcomer needs air!
Trent Williams goes to work past the media. This rising star not in the mood to talk.
T. J. McConnell collapses into the first available chair. Bronny James stays standing, eyes glazed over. Behind the scenes, I learned Bronny James was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
107-104 (W)
T. J. McConnell rises up with energy from the opening whistle! This newcomer locked in!
Trent Williams sprints to close out! A brilliant anticipation driving to the hoop! Great effort!
Victor Wembanyama can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this hooper's hooper!
Victor Wembanyama drives and scores! A free throw! This walking skyscraper is a problem!
This player nobody saw coming Trent Williams attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
That's a wrap for now. T. J. McConnell dives into the tunnel. Anecdote of the day: T. J. McConnell forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This hungry young player Trent Williams converts the and-one at the last second! Three-point play!
Trent Williams with the suffocating defense! This potential breakout star is a wall out there!
Trent Williams in wild stands! This guy nobody was talking about has been waiting for this stage!
T. J. McConnell delivers in the clutch! A half-court heave at the buzzer! This dark horse is ice cold!
This guy nobody was talking about DK Metcalf wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
T. J. McConnell throws chalk powder like LeBron. Bronny James coughs for two minutes straight. I learned that T. J. McConnell's father was a volunteer firefighter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
108-105 (W)
DK Metcalf fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this rising star!
Trent Williams, this titan, locks down the attacker! Pure God-given talent on the defensive end!
Victor Wembanyama misfires at the top of the key! Even this hooper's hooper has off nights!
A fadeaway jumper from Trent Williams under the basket! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Victor Wembanyama, this up-and-coming baller, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime. Trent Williams's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Little scoop: Trent Williams logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
DK Metcalf, this potential breakout star, with the clutch rebound in traffic! Late in the quarter stop!
Bronny James a charge taken and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
The building is buzzing! Victor Wembanyama and a cathedral silence creating magic!
DK Metcalf comes alive in the fourth quarter! A euro-step from downtown! Clutch!
T. J. McConnell, this combo guard, takes the final bow! A raised fist! Dominant display!
Bronny James and T. J. McConnell play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Bronny James loses. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-122 (L)
T. J. McConnell, this hungry young player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Trent Williams takes a tough thunderous slam and it doesn't go! Tendency to force bad shots in shot selection!
DK Metcalf loses the basketball in traffic! This diamond in the rough can't afford that!
DK Metcalf, this do-it-all player, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
T. J. McConnell, this hungry young player, exploits the mismatch for a half-court heave! Too easy!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, T. J. McConnell picks up the pace. Juicy intel: T. J. McConnell turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, throws the hands up! Exasperated from mid-range!
Victor Wembanyama, this player making noise, comes up empty! A buzzer-beater off target under the basket!
This guy with a proven track record Bronny James sets the back screen! Iron discipline off-ball contribution!
This who-is-this-guy player T. J. McConnell calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Ego the size of Texas taking its toll!
This potential breakout star Trent Williams leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
T. J. McConnell clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Bronny James fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
105-92 (W)
T. J. McConnell, this do-it-all player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This total unknown is in the building!
This raw talent DK Metcalf does it again! A layup with effortless precision!
This hidden prospect T. J. McConnell comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
T. J. McConnell reads the defense like a book! Assist under the basket! Ridiculous creativity!
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama switches defensive assignments on the fly! Eyes in the back of the head!
Halftime. Trent Williams is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Trent Williams threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We're back! The players look fired up.
Trent Williams dribbles and converts! A buzzer beater from the left corner! Money!
The arena is electric! This potential breakout star T. J. McConnell thriving in wild stands!
This dude out of nowhere T. J. McConnell celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
DK Metcalf lets fly into the record books! This newcomer making memories!
Victor Wembanyama spins to the crowd! A bench mob celebration! This guy with a proven track record gave everything!
DK Metcalf grabs T. J. McConnell and hoists him onto his shoulders. Victor Wembanyama tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
83-123 (L)
Game time! Victor Wembanyama and this league veteran ready to put on a show at the den!
Victor Wembanyama air-mails a double-clutch layup off the pick and roll! Way off for this league veteran!
T. J. McConnell tries to be too fancy and loses the leather! Occasional mental lapses in the decision-making!
DK Metcalf reacts too late to rotate! Limited stamina on the help side!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Back in the locker room, Victor Wembanyama sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Victor Wembanyama with a wild attempt! This solid pro not finding the range tonight!
Trent Williams, this dude out of nowhere, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This who-is-this-guy player DK Metcalf dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This newcomer Trent Williams shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Victor Wembanyama sits alone on the bench. This seasoned vet processing the defeat.
T. J. McConnell refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Bronny James watches it and immediately regrets it. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
102-117 (L)
DK Metcalf opens with a reverse layup! This unknown gem making an early statement!
T. J. McConnell blows past the orange but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Bronny James, this smooth operator, fumbles the entry pass from downtown!
DK Metcalf turns the head and loses the man! This guy nobody was talking about napping defensively!
T. J. McConnell, this swiss-army-knife type, muscles in for a finger roll! Pure power!
End of the second quarter. T. J. McConnell is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Physio's confession: T. J. McConnell purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Bronny James storms to the bench! This seasoned vet is visibly upset!
DK Metcalf can't buy a bucket! Another miss facing the rim! Frustrating!
T. J. McConnell slows the pace when the team needs it! This hidden prospect tempo control!
This next-level player Bronny James can barely jump! The springs are gone facing the rim!
DK Metcalf reflects on what could have been. Shaky emotions under pressure the difference tonight.
T. J. McConnell and Bronny James walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
My Team finishes #11 (6W-9L). Better luck next season! MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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