My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 198 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Batman. The man. Is. A superhero. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A superhero. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a superhero and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
97-124 (L)
This name that's buzzing Anthony Edwards gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Jaylen Brown misfires facing the rim! This up-and-coming baller searching for answers!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with a wild pass that sails out! This solid pro giving it away!
Batman, this swiss-army-knife type, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this league veteran, drills another off-balance shot in transition! Automatic!
Halftime whistle! Anthony Edwards grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Little secret: Anthony Edwards listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Anthony Edwards mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Superman misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
Batman makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a superhero behind the game!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is gassed! This player making noise bent over at half court! Heavy feet catching up!
Batman leaves the floor quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
Superman refuses the coach's embrace. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander accepts it but his body is stiff. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
120-94 (W)
Batman bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Superman fires away with the precision of a superhero at work. And it's a buzzer beater!
Anthony Edwards rejects the layup! A double team by this oversized freak! Get that out!
Jaylen Brown, this tree of a man, finds the trailer! A deep three off the assist, easy money!
Superman directs traffic on the gymnasium! Traffic control by a superhero with the game!
Both teams head to the locker room. Anthony Edwards wipes his forehead with his jersey. I've been told Anthony Edwards once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Superman knocks down a fadeaway jumper in the paint! Ice in the veins!
Jaylen Brown, this giant, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dunks the damn ball into the right hands! This league veteran quarterback!
The legend of Batman grows! This household name adding another chapter from downtown!
Superman celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!
Superman dumps his Gatorade on Jaylen Brown who screams because it was cold. Anthony Edwards piles on. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
122-92 (W)
Anthony Edwards, this long boy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This dude putting the league on notice is in the building!
Jaylen Brown goes to work the ball with pure God-given talent. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
This first-ballot legend Superman comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Anthony Edwards, this next-level player, sets the table in transition! Assist master!
Superman finds the angle! The angle superhero uses for the game!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Jaylen Brown walks head down toward the tunnel. Little secret: Jaylen Brown watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander strings together a fadeaway jumper in transition. A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
This player on the come-up Jaylen Brown has the arena rocking! A roaring arena off the charts!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander puts ego aside! The team comes first for this seasoned vet!
Batman has found another gear! This once-in-a-lifetime player shifting into overdrive!
Batman puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a superhero wrapping up the job!
Jaylen Brown takes a bow for the crowd. Superman bows to Jaylen Brown. The nobility of basketball. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-92 (W)
This well-respected player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander means business! Fast start from downtown!
Jaylen Brown, this hooper's hooper, unleashes a buzzer-beater under the basket! Bang!
This player on the come-up Shai Gilgeous-Alexander holds ground on the low block! Immovable object!
Anthony Edwards, this legit talent, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Nerves of steel!
Anthony Edwards, this guy with a proven track record, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Night-in night-out consistency!
Halftime whistle! Batman slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: Batman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
A bank shot from Jaylen Brown! This player making noise is putting on a show tonight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Batman draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Batman, this certified GOAT candidate, rotates on defense! An unmatched feel for the game team commitment!
Anthony Edwards, this mammoth, evolves before our eyes! A highlight-reel play!
It's over! Jaylen Brown delivers the goods! This dude putting the league on notice walks off a winner!
Jaylen Brown and Anthony Edwards fake a wrestling match. Superman plays the referee and calls a timeout. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
130-84 (W)
Superman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Batman hits nothing but net! Pure as a superhero's work with their bare hands!
Anthony Edwards, this mountain of a man, hits the cutter perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ right on time!
Batman nails a tear drop from deep! Range like their bare hands reaching across the workshop!
Batman clamps down! Tighter than a superhero's grip on their bare hands!
Halftime! Anthony Edwards walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Anthony Edwards knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Phoenix No-Defense's colors. By accident, obviously. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A buzzer-beater from Superman! That's eyes in the back of the head at the highest level!
Superman, this versatile guy, makes it look like practice! Total domination!
Batman brought their bare hands to the huddle! The coach is confused!
Jaylen Brown points to the sky after a hook shot! This hooper's hooper in the zone!
This legit talent Anthony Edwards led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Batman takes Shai Gilgeous-Alexander by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
108-109 (L)
Superman steps onto the floor! From competing the game to this, game time!
Anthony Edwards scores at will! A catch-and-shoot triple from way beyond the arc! This hooper's hooper domination!
This well-respected player Jaylen Brown fouls reaching in! Occasional mental lapses on defense!
Jaylen Brown, this beanpole, wastes a golden chance with a wild two-handed slam!
Batman turns the tide! Turning the game around with their bare hands finesse!
Halftime whistle. Batman high-fives his teammates on the way out. Locker room intel: Batman has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Anthony Edwards, this mountain of a man, gets blocked in the clutch! A surgical steal denies this legit talent!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Batman slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Superman dunks with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander throws it away with the game on the line! Hot head!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander attacks to the tunnel in disappointment. This established player will learn from this.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander scratches the back of his neck nervously. Anthony Edwards has the look of someone who has seen things. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's name. Forgive me. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
94-108 (L)
And we're underway! Jaylen Brown touches the Wilson first! This up-and-coming baller looks eager!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this player making noise!
Anthony Edwards, this colossus, gets the ball poked away! Defense that's basically a suggestion when protecting the rock!
Batman gets crossed over! This undisputed superstar left frozen along the baseline!
Superman hooks it in! The arc of a superhero swinging their bare hands!
Break. Anthony Edwards collapses next to the vending machine. Fun fact: Anthony Edwards failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Superman kicks the air! The frustration of a superhero who knows they can do better!
A hook shot from Jaylen Brown sails wide! This seasoned vet needs to regroup!
This league veteran Jaylen Brown attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander lets fly but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to force bad shots emptying the tank!
Batman sits alone on the bench. This generational talent processing the defeat.
Anthony Edwards slams his fist on the bench. Batman places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
114-99 (W)
Superman, this franchise cornerstone, embraces the Finals-like atmosphere! Game on!
This established player Jaylen Brown erupts for a free throw! The floodgates are open!
Anthony Edwards shuts the door in the paint! That's how you play defense!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander reads the defense like a book! Assist under the basket! Scary good handles!
Anthony Edwards, this titan, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Break. Batman asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. True story: Batman walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Minnesota Ice-Wall. Awkward. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Batman hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a superhero lifting their bare hands!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tree of a man, basks in wild stands! This is home!
Jaylen Brown celebrates the team's success! This well-respected player knows together is better!
This league veteran Anthony Edwards with a performance for the ages! A flash of genius chapter!
Jaylen Brown, this dude putting the league on notice, embraces the teammates! A slide across the hardwood! Sweet victory!
Superman mimes popping a champagne bottle. Batman mimes chugging straight from it. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
111-91 (W)
This hooper's hooper Shai Gilgeous-Alexander comes out aggressive! Opens with a free throw in the paint!
Anthony Edwards penetrates the Spalding with purpose! A thunderous slam! This name that's buzzing means business!
Jaylen Brown plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this player making noise!
Batman delivers in transition! Fast delivery, like a superhero with their bare hands!
This player making noise Anthony Edwards adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Halftime. Jaylen Brown throws his towel on the floor walking in. Intel: Jaylen Brown once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
This name that's buzzing Jaylen Brown punishes the defense with a buzzer beater from the left corner!
This solid pro Shai Gilgeous-Alexander turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
This player making noise Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dives for the loose ball! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on every play!
The arc of this game bends toward Jaylen Brown! This dude putting the league on notice controlling destiny!
This league veteran Shai Gilgeous-Alexander secures the win with a gym-rat work ethic! Another one in the bag!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander does the floss while Anthony Edwards spins like a top. Jaylen Brown just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
109-82 (W)
This household name Superman in the starting lineup! Let's see what this household name brings!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tree of a man, showcases night-in night-out consistency with a gorgeous sky hook!
Anthony Edwards with the huge commanding rebound under the basket! This next-level player says no!
Batman creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
Superman, this global icon, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a fadeaway jumper!
Back to the locker room. Jaylen Brown's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Bus driver's confession: Jaylen Brown raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Anthony Edwards attacks along the baseline and finishes with a finger roll! Too good!
This well-respected player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gets the crowd into it! An electric crowd at fever pitch!
This respected competitor Anthony Edwards swings the rock around! Ridiculous creativity ball movement!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander goes to work with conviction! This well-respected player believes tonight is the night!
This first-ballot legend Batman raises the arms! The win is in the books! A fist pump toward the bench!
Jaylen Brown jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-93 (W)
This up-and-coming baller Shai Gilgeous-Alexander comes out firing! A floater in the first minute!
Superman answers back with an alley-oop! A killer instinct under pressure!
Superman with the textbook defense! Written by a superhero with their bare hands!
This league veteran Jaylen Brown with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Superman, this do-it-all player, exploits the mismatch from downtown! Smart play!
Heading in. Superman's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Fun fact: Superman failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jaylen Brown, this hooper's hooper, with the exclamation-point euro-step! Game changer!
Jaylen Brown soaks in wild stands! This hooper's hooper living for these moments!
This hooper's hooper Shai Gilgeous-Alexander unites the locker room! Nerves of steel captain's mentality!
Anthony Edwards, this name that's buzzing, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A standing ovation!
Jaylen Brown shoots into the tunnel with the W! This seasoned vet all smiles!
Batman, Jaylen Brown, and Anthony Edwards pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
105-104 (W)
Anthony Edwards, this legit talent, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Anthony Edwards deflects the pass and starts the break! This up-and-coming baller defense to offense!
Superman forces up a reverse layup over the defense! Occasional mental lapses! Bad decision!
This established player Anthony Edwards capitalizes facing the rim! A reverse layup with silky smooth technique!
This next-level player Jaylen Brown uses the floater over this tower coverage! Smart!
Break! Shai Gilgeous-Alexander grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Locker room intel: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Superman tips in the rebound for a euro-step! All hustle, all heart!
Batman times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A brilliant anticipation facing the rim!
The arena is electric! This basketball god Batman thriving in a boiling cauldron!
Batman hits nothing but net! A floater in the fourth quarter! An unmatched feel for the game!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander sits on the bench with a smile! This up-and-coming baller job well done!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Anthony Edwards stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
86-106 (L)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this long boy, takes the court! The packed arena is electric!
This name that's buzzing Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with a rare miss facing the rim! Even the best stumble!
Batman with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost superhero!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this absolute unit, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this mammoth, overpowers for a bucket! Size matters!
Both teams head to the locker room. Jaylen Brown wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know Jaylen Brown once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Jaylen Brown, this name that's buzzing, barks at the teammate! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander explodes the pill right into the defender's hands! Ego the size of Texas!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander explodes to the weak side! This league veteran exploiting the rotation!
Superman struggles in the third quarter! The superhero hitting the wall with the game!
Superman steps back past the media. This potential GOAT not in the mood to talk.
Superman walks toward the tunnel without a word. Batman stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
97-96 (W)
Superman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
This living legend Batman reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Batman can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Superman cuts and scores! Sharp as their bare hands, this superhero!
Anthony Edwards, this tree of a man, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! A gym-rat work ethic!
Break. Jaylen Brown asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know Jaylen Brown once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
This respected competitor Jaylen Brown with nerves of steel! A euro-step when it matters most!
Jaylen Brown with a textbook defensive stance! That's how you do it!
A roaring arena as Batman nails a bank shot! The superhero delivers!
Batman won't let them lose! Determination of a superhero protecting the game!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tower, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Jaylen Brown makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Anthony Edwards makes the 'call us' gesture. Did you know that Anthony Edwards practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-111 (L)
Batman dribbles into position! This living legend not wasting any time!
Jaylen Brown, this towering presence, gets the look off the pick and roll but the lid's on the rim!
This dude putting the league on notice Anthony Edwards commits the offensive foul! Turnover in the paint!
Jaylen Brown gets burned on the drive! Injury-prone body in lateral movement!
This solid pro Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with a picture-perfect sky hook! The crowd goes wild!
Finally a breather. Jaylen Brown has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Locker room intel: Jaylen Brown has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gets a technical for complaining! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
This basketball god Batman rattles it out! So close yet so far from way beyond the arc!
This guy with rings on every finger Superman adjusts the angle mid-drive! That dawg mentality body control!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander bends over during the dead ball! This guy with a proven track record gathering what's left!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander walks off in silence. This respected competitor gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Batman pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander.
Season journal
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