My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Hakeem Olajuwon on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 213 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
Tip-off! Kawhi Leonard gets us started! Let's go!
Penny Hardaway forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Kawhi Leonard throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
Hakeem Olajuwon reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Hakeem Olajuwon mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Kawhi Leonard grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Kawhi Leonard started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Rajon Rondo misfires from the left corner! This name that's buzzing searching for answers!
This jersey-selling name Hakeem Olajuwon has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This jersey-selling name Hakeem Olajuwon with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Rajon Rondo storms to the bench! This player on the come-up is visibly upset!
Hakeem Olajuwon reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Kawhi Leonard's gaze is cold, distant. Penny Hardaway's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
124-100 (W)
Penny Hardaway, this league veteran, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Rajon Rondo goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This solid pro is relentless!
Kawhi Leonard with the help-side brilliant anticipation! This name that's buzzing always in position!
Hakeem Olajuwon with the transition assist! This max-contract guy pushing the pace with pure God-given talent!
This big-name player Hakeem Olajuwon switches defensive assignments on the fly! Next-level basketball IQ!
First half is done. Hakeem Olajuwon is chugging Gatorade like it's water. The staff told me Hakeem Olajuwon sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This name that's buzzing Rajon Rondo is automatic along the baseline! A free throw drops again!
You can feel a hostile crowd through the screen! Kawhi Leonard in the spotlight!
Rajon Rondo attacks the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Robbie Avila dribbles like a player possessed! Silky smooth technique unleashed!
Robbie Avila, this player nobody saw coming, with the post-game interview smile! An off-the-charts basketball IQ all night!
Hakeem Olajuwon blows a kiss to the camera. Rajon Rondo blows twelve. Penny Hardaway blocks the lens. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
88-104 (L)
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila comes out aggressive! Opens with a fadeaway jumper from the left corner!
This raw talent Robbie Avila with a rare miss from downtown! Even the best stumble!
This player making noise Rajon Rondo with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This league veteran Rajon Rondo gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
Penny Hardaway knocks down a fadeaway jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Break. Penny Hardaway asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. They say Penny Hardaway eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Hakeem Olajuwon goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This jersey-selling name losing composure!
This up-and-coming baller Kawhi Leonard misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from the left corner!
Robbie Avila reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Robbie Avila is gassed! This potential breakout star bent over at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Kawhi Leonard had the chances but couldn't convert. This league veteran left wanting.
Rajon Rondo clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Penny Hardaway fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-97 (W)
Penny Hardaway steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude putting the league on notice!
This who-is-this-guy player Robbie Avila does it again! A bucket with effortless precision!
This solid pro Kawhi Leonard with the weak-side rebound in traffic! Incredible help!
Rajon Rondo, this tweener, runs the offense with next-level basketball IQ! Beautiful passing!
Penny Hardaway spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
End of the second quarter. Rajon Rondo is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little secret: Rajon Rondo listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Robbie Avila, this surprise package, drops a half-court heave facing the rim! Pure artistry!
Robbie Avila, this smooth operator, gets the standing ovation! A crowd fully behind them!
Rajon Rondo puts ego aside! The team comes first for this well-respected player!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this certified bucket, answers every challenge! That dawg mentality never fading!
Robbie Avila, this smooth operator, takes the final bow! A hug with the coach! Dominant display!
Robbie Avila cries tears of joy in Hakeem Olajuwon's arms. Penny Hardaway is also crying but nobody knows why. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
118-97 (W)
Hakeem Olajuwon, this giant, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this tower, uses every inch to deliver a floater!
Penny Hardaway, this giant, contests everything in the paint! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Robbie Avila with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! That dawg mentality on that one!
Penny Hardaway, this player making noise, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime! Penny Hardaway looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know Penny Hardaway keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Kawhi Leonard, this player making noise, knifes through for a buzzer beater from mid-range! Wow!
Deafening noise! Rajon Rondo dribbles and the building shakes!
This dude putting the league on notice Penny Hardaway unites the locker room! Silky smooth technique captain's mentality!
Penny Hardaway, this absolute unit, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this player on the come-up right now!
Kawhi Leonard, this legit talent, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
Kawhi Leonard pretends to faint from happiness. Robbie Avila pretends to call 911. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
114-102 (W)
Penny Hardaway, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Kawhi Leonard pulls up the ball with purpose! A deep three! This next-level player means business!
Rajon Rondo digs in defensively! Nerves of steel when the team needs stops!
This certified bucket Hakeem Olajuwon creates for others! Unselfish play with a killer instinct!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this 7-footer, exploits the mismatch at the buzzer! Smart play!
Halftime! Kawhi Leonard walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Kawhi Leonard started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Robbie Avila dribbles and fires a tear drop! This smooth operator lighting it up!
Kawhi Leonard, this mountain of a man, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Robbie Avila sacrifices the body taking the charge! This player nobody saw coming ultimate teammate!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this titan, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Kawhi Leonard pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This player making noise savors the win!
Hakeem Olajuwon jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
115-90 (W)
This league veteran Penny Hardaway in the starting lineup! Let's see what this league veteran brings!
Robbie Avila explodes the Spalding with flair and hits a layup! Sensational!
Hakeem Olajuwon with the suffocating defense! This established star is a wall out there!
Robbie Avila dribbles and dishes! Gorgeous feed at the buzzer! Natural-born leadership!
Kawhi Leonard, this beanpole, sets a brick-wall screen! Insane court vision on full display!
Halftime! Kawhi Leonard has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Quick anecdote about Kawhi Leonard: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Robbie Avila strings together a tear drop under the basket. Natural-born leadership on full display!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A Playoff atmosphere as Kawhi Leonard steps up!
This dude putting the league on notice Kawhi Leonard claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this dude putting the league on notice!
This world-class player Hakeem Olajuwon is the heartbeat of this team! A moment of truth leadership!
This name that's buzzing Rajon Rondo wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Robbie Avila does a handstand. Hakeem Olajuwon holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
87-106 (L)
This legit talent Rajon Rondo opens the scoring! A pull-up jumper! Early advantage!
An off-balance shot attempt by Penny Hardaway falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Penny Hardaway with a wild pass that sails out! This player on the come-up giving it away!
This established player Penny Hardaway misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
This reliable star Hakeem Olajuwon converts facing the rim! A bank shot right on cue!
The players disappear. Kawhi Leonard has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Bus driver's confession: Kawhi Leonard raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Robbie Avila, this hungry young player, barks at the teammate! Heavy feet taking over!
Kawhi Leonard launches but it's well off! Hot head under fatigue!
This potential breakout star Robbie Avila sets the back screen! Pure God-given talent off-ball contribution!
Penny Hardaway is cramping up! This player making noise trying to shake it off! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This rising star Robbie Avila congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this rising star.
Rajon Rondo takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Hakeem Olajuwon doesn't drink. Throat too tight. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Hakeem Olajuwon. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-101 (L)
Penny Hardaway opens with a pull-up jumper! This legit talent making an early statement!
Penny Hardaway, this dude putting the league on notice, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
Robbie Avila throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure from the left corner!
Robbie Avila gets caught flat-footed! This unknown gem beaten to the spot!
Kawhi Leonard dishes through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Halftime whistle. Robbie Avila has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Confession: Robbie Avila tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Kawhi Leonard dunks the towel! This name that's buzzing showing heavy feet!
Robbie Avila penetrates and fires but misses everything! Hot head tonight!
Kawhi Leonard dunks into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
Penny Hardaway, this well-respected player, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
Robbie Avila walks off in silence. This guy nobody was talking about gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Rajon Rondo chews his nails on the bench. Penny Hardaway stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-92 (W)
This total unknown Robbie Avila means business! Fast start in transition!
Kawhi Leonard, this tree of a man, with a silky and-one driving to the hoop! Smooth operator!
Hakeem Olajuwon plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this big-name player!
Rajon Rondo, this well-respected player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
This player on the come-up Penny Hardaway calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
The locker room. Robbie Avila sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Robbie Avila was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Hakeem Olajuwon buries a catch-and-shoot triple off the pick and roll! This franchise guy is on fire tonight!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this guy everybody knows, waves the crowd up! A hostile crowd rising!
Rajon Rondo celebrates the team's success! This name that's buzzing knows together is better!
Hakeem Olajuwon has found another gear! This multi-time All-Star shifting into overdrive!
Hakeem Olajuwon tosses the basketball in the air! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This headliner mission accomplished!
Kawhi Leonard and Hakeem Olajuwon share a 30-second hug. Robbie Avila wants in. Gets pushed away. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-118 (L)
Hakeem Olajuwon takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Hakeem Olajuwon fires a sky hook at the top of the key but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
This seasoned vet Kawhi Leonard dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Hakeem Olajuwon gives up the back door! Injury-prone body when overplaying!
Rajon Rondo, this solid pro, threads the needle for a thunderous slam from the right corner!
Finally a breather. Robbie Avila has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Rumor has it Robbie Avila has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Rajon Rondo drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Penny Hardaway, this well-respected player, with the shot-clock heave! No good back to the basket!
This player on the come-up Penny Hardaway uses the floater over this oversized freak coverage! Smart!
Penny Hardaway, this next-level player, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Kawhi Leonard, this mammoth, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Rajon Rondo takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Hakeem Olajuwon follows the same path. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
106-112 (L)
Hakeem Olajuwon fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This world-class player locked in!
A pull-up jumper from Rajon Rondo catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This world-class player Hakeem Olajuwon gets pickpocketed off the pick and roll! Sloppy handling!
This player nobody saw coming Robbie Avila caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Rajon Rondo answers back with a bank shot! Pure God-given talent under pressure!
Halftime whistle. Penny Hardaway spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Penny Hardaway lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
Kawhi Leonard dunks the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this name that's buzzing!
This league veteran Rajon Rondo recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Penny Hardaway grabs the shorts! This player making noise is running on fumes!
Robbie Avila, this dude out of nowhere, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Kawhi Leonard turns back to look at the court one last time. Hakeem Olajuwon doesn't turn around. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
115-110 (W)
This diamond in the rough Robbie Avila gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Rajon Rondo, this respected competitor, shuts down the play in the paint! Lockdown defender!
Rajon Rondo misfires facing the rim! Even this dude putting the league on notice has off nights!
Rajon Rondo with another bank shot! You can't stop this man!
Kawhi Leonard, this tower, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Halftime. Robbie Avila wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: Robbie Avila was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
This player nobody saw coming Robbie Avila with the heroic surgical steal! Preserves the lead!
Rajon Rondo a drawn charge with authority! This tweener protecting the paint!
Listen to that roar! Kawhi Leonard lets fly and the place explodes!
Rajon Rondo, this all-around player, battles through contact for a double-clutch layup! Will not be denied!
Penny Hardaway, this giant, salutes the faithful! A salute to the fans! What a night!
Kawhi Leonard pretends to plant a flag at center court. Penny Hardaway stands at attention. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Penny Hardaway. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-116 (L)
And we're underway! Kawhi Leonard touches the orange first! This dude putting the league on notice looks eager!
This up-and-coming baller Penny Hardaway rattles it out! So close yet so far under the basket!
Robbie Avila tries to be too fancy and loses the leather! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
Robbie Avila scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Lack of consistency!
Rajon Rondo, this respected competitor, operates from way beyond the arc with a bucket! Clinic!
Halftime whistle. Kawhi Leonard spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know? Kawhi Leonard launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Kawhi Leonard glares at the scoreboard! This respected competitor not happy with the situation!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this mammoth, bobbles the basketball and the chance evaporates at the buzzer!
Kawhi Leonard, this solid pro, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a catch-and-shoot triple!
Penny Hardaway is visibly tired! This player making noise needs a timeout badly!
This player making noise Kawhi Leonard stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this player making noise wanted.
Hakeem Olajuwon watches the crowd file out in silence. Rajon Rondo prefers not to look. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-120 (L)
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! A crowd fully behind them!
Robbie Avila dunks the ball right into the defender's hands! Heavy feet!
Kawhi Leonard takes off into a trap! Lack of consistency when reading the defense!
Hakeem Olajuwon overcommits and gets beat! Ego the size of Texas when reading the play!
Rajon Rondo, this hooper's hooper, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
Players head to the locker room. Rajon Rondo has tape on three fingers. Confession: Rajon Rondo tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Hakeem Olajuwon forces a bad bank shot! This certified bucket needs to trust teammates!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this tower, laboring up and down! Ego the size of Texas draining the energy!
This legit talent Kawhi Leonard commits the offensive foul! Turnover at half court!
Hakeem Olajuwon, this headliner, yells at the coaching staff! Tendency to force bad shots causing friction!
This guy nobody was talking about Robbie Avila tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Robbie Avila refuses the coach's embrace. Hakeem Olajuwon accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Hakeem Olajuwon.
Season journal
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
